by Indiana Wake
Mary nodded.
“I’m afraid so. And so is Sean.”
“What?”
That had Melissa sitting up. She hadn’t been expecting that.
Mary nodded, giving her a small smile.
“We’ve seen the way he looks at you. It’s been like that since you first arrived here. But the last time I broached the subject of marriage to you, he nearly bit my head off.”
Now that had Melissa deflating. She slumped in her chair, kicking at one of the table legs.
“That says it all,” she grunted. “He doesn’t want to marry me.”
“I think he does,” Amy said with a grin.
“No, he doesn’t.”
“He does.” Amy sat forward. “But it sounds like something he wants and he’s too scared to go after it.”
Mary giggled.
“For someone who’s all about loving your fellow man, he’s very reluctant to let his own feelings show.”
Melissa didn’t like being laughed at. She glared at Mary as the expectant mother tried to hide her giggles.
“This is not funny, Mary. I just want to know, once and for all, if the feelings I have for him are reciprocated. I don’t know how to do it, so that’s why I’m coming to you.” Melissa threw her hands up in the air. “If I know for sure that he does feel the same, good. I’ll approach him and not fear about being turned away.”
“And if he doesn’t?”
“Then I’m going back to Philadelphia.” Melissa swallowed. “It’s the only thing I can do.”
Even though there was nothing there for her anymore. Absolutely nothing. Melissa wouldn’t be able to go back to how things were. That was just not possible. And both Mary and Amy knew it. They knew enough of her story to put together that Melissa was going back to nothing.
“Maybe not.”
“You’ve got an idea?”
Mary looked thoughtful. A light was coming into her eye.
“I think I do.” She sat forward, pointing at Melissa. “But you’re going to need to help me on this, Melissa.”
“Of course.” Melissa leaned her arms on the table. “What’s this idea you might have?”
3
Gareth laughed and threw down his cards.
Sean groaned and lowered his own.
“That’s not fair! I can’t beat that.”
“I know. That’s another win for me.” Gareth beckoned with both hands. “Come on, you sore loser, hand over the prize.”
Grumbling, Sean picked up his matchsticks and dropped them on Gareth’s pile, which had been steadily growing. Their weekly ritual of playing cards was being dominated tonight by Gareth. Sean couldn’t get his head in the game. Things weren’t working for him. Normally, he was winning almost every hand, but not today.
“You’re just being lucky tonight.” He scowled, pouring himself another shot of black coffee.
“For once. You win all the hands. Did you not have enough time to mark the cards today?”
“I don’t cheat!”
“There are times when I think otherwise.” Gareth raised his eyebrows at Sean as the pastor swallowed back another swig of the red-hot brew without even wincing. “You’re clearly not with it today.”
Sean didn’t want to talk about it. It was too embarrassing.
“It’s just been a long day.”
“Oh, really? Because I’ve never seen you this distracted before. And you look tired and worn.”
Sean knew where this was going. It was going back around to Melissa. Again. Gareth tried to talk about her every other week, but Sean always shut it down. Even though Melissa was the reason he was unable to concentrate. His confidence seemed to completely leave him when she was around.
Having someone else mention it was not helping.
“Don’t start this again, Gareth.”
“Start what?”
“I know who you’re talking about. Melissa. Your wife tried to do it at Bryony’s wedding. Now you’re back for another go.”
Gareth sighed and rubbed at her eyes.
“Come on, Sean. Melissa is at the church every day helping you with something or other. She wasn’t on very good terms with God before she got here, and she made no secret about it. Now she’s the most devoted, even more so than myself and my family. That’s impressive, to say the least.” Gareth gave a cheeky grin.
Sean ignored him and looked down at his hands.
“There are lots of things going on that you don’t know about.”
“Try me.”
Sean knew he should. He was meant to have a clean soul, after all. But confessing it to a missionary, a close friend, at that, didn’t sound right. He shook his head and rubbed his hands over his face.
“I can’t believe I’m discussing my emotions with another man,” he mumbled. “I’m supposed to be the one with a sympathetic ear, not the other way around.”
“It’s an odd feeling, isn’t it?” Gareth chuckled. He tapped his hand on the table. “Come on, talk.”
“What is there to say?”
“That you’re in love with Melissa.” Gareth grinned. “And that you’re scared.”
“I’m not scared!”
Even then, Sean could feel his face getting red.
“You are,” Gareth accused. “If you weren’t, you would have proposed to her months ago.”
If things hadn’t happened, Sean certainly would have. But circumstances had changed.
“How do you think that feels, Gareth? Looking at someone you’re in love with, but knowing nothing can ever happen between you?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Melissa started coming to me to talk. Not to confess, but for someone to listen to her and not judge her for her past." Sean found himself pouring another drink, even though he knew the coffee would keep him up. “She’s told me a lot of things that I’m sure Melissa has never told anyone else. Practically all of the skeletons in her closet came falling out. She virtually handed me the key.” He rubbed at his eyes. They felt very sore. “How can she marry someone she’s talked to about her innermost secrets?”
“You think after all that, if you propose to her that she will turn you down because she’ll think you’re doing it for a charity case,” Gareth asked.
“Exactly.” At least someone understood. “I should have turned her away before it got too personal, but that’s not how I am. I’m the pastor of this town. If I turn her away, Melissa would have no one and she really needed someone to talk to.”
Gareth sighed. He held out a hand.
“Pass me the bottle from behind you. I think I need something more than coffee.”
Sean passed the whiskey over gladly. Gareth poured himself a generous measure and took a sip, making a face.
“God, I hate whiskey.”
“Why do you drink it, then?”
“Mostly, it’s to forget that I’m losing badly.” Gareth grimaced as he took another sip. “Now I seem to be drinking in sympathy for you.”
Sean grunted.
“Listen, Sean, you need to talk to her at some point. I think you’ll be very surprised at what you hear.”
“I won’t be.”
“Really?” Gareth sat back. “So, how are you going to feel if she ends up at the altar getting married to another man? Do you think you’ll be able to manage that?”
The thought of Melissa getting married to another man boiled Sean’s blood. He knew he wouldn’t be able to manage seeing Melissa being with someone else. He scowled at the table.
“I’m going to have to.”
“No, you don’t.”
Sean didn’t want to discuss this anymore. He collected the cards and put them in front of Gareth.
“Your turn to deal. And hurry up about it.”
Then he picked up his coffee and added a shot of whiskey and downed it fast. Almost immediately, despite the burn in his throat and his head starting to feel like a fog was setting in, Sean reached for the bottle.
Gareth f
rowned.
“Steady, Sean. You need to be careful; you never drink.”
Sean put down the bottle untouched. “I want to get drunk, but you’re right, I won’t.”
Gareth chuckled as he began to deal.
“It’s a good thing we’re not gambling with money or you’d be out of pocket.”
4
Melissa looked up as she heard another cry and saw Bryony struggling with Liam as he tried to wriggle away. She put down her trowel and stood, dusting the soil off her hands.
“Do you want me to take him for a moment so you can have a breather?”
“Please.” Almost immediately, Bryony handed her son across. “Careful, he’s been getting cranky lately.”
“Oh, really?” Melissa settled the baby in her arms and began to bounce him.
Liam’s crying eased and started to stop. “Are you teething, sweetheart? I know, it’s painful. Not nice those little toothies making you all sore.”
She took Liam for a walk around the cemetery while Bryony got on with pulling up the weeds from around the graves. Sean wanted things kept neat and tidy, so every few weeks, Bryony and Melissa would maintain the cemetery and pull up the weeds. In the current weather, it was a perfect way to spend some quality time outdoors.
When Melissa came back to Bryony, who was now sitting on the grass with her legs stretched out, sweat beading her forehead, Liam was quiet. In fact, he had fallen asleep, his head resting on Melissa’s shoulder.
Bryony gave Melissa a look of wonder.
“You have a magic touch with children, Melissa. I don’t know how you do it.”
“Experience.”
“You’ve had children?”
“No, not that.” Melissa eased herself to sit down, still cuddling Liam.
“I have a lot of brothers and sisters. Mother seemed to be constantly pregnant while I was growing up. Father said he wanted to have a big family and refused to let Mother have a break.” She swallowed. “She was pregnant when we left, so I probably have another brother or sister by now.”
“Don’t you know?”
Melissa shook her head. It pained her to think about it, never mind talk about it. She had barely spoken about her family to her friends, although they knew that she had escaped an abusive situation. It had been too raw... just too much for her to share.
Except with Sean. Somehow, the pastor had helped her open up and she was forever grateful for it.
“I have no idea. Father told me that if I left to come here, I was dead to them. I wasn’t to contact them at all. And I miss all of my siblings. All eighteen of them.”
“Eighteen?” Bryony whistled. “Whoa. I’m surprised your mother hasn’t cracked yet.”
“I think she did a long time ago, if I’m honest. She barely cares for the younger ones at all now, leaving the older ones to do the work. She just wanders around with a strange look on her face.”
Melissa wasn’t even sure her mother knew her name by the time she had left the house. She had barely acknowledged that Melissa was going. That had hurt just as much as her father’s declaration.
Then the hairs rose up on the back of Melissa’s neck. She knew Sean was nearby. He was watching them. He always did. Melissa was always aware whenever Sean was close. Her palms got sweaty and she felt flustered. It took everything she had not to look at him.
“Oh, honey.” Bryony rubbed her back. “I’m so sorry. Maybe you can have a few children yourself. Start your own family.”
Melissa shook her head, her arms instinctively tightening around Liam.
“I don’t think so. Not when I haven’t found someone worthy of being their father.”
“You what? There are an abundance of men in San Francisco. How can you not find someone worthy in amongst them all?”
“I guess I have higher standards than anyone else.” Melissa paused. “Or maybe there’s no one who I can connect to. I don’t want a worthless, loveless marriage.”
Bryony rolled her eyes.
“Honestly, you sound like Andrea. Only worse.”
“I know.” Melissa adjusted her hold on Liam, laying him in her arms. He stirred but didn’t wake up, settling back against her chest. “Maybe I should do something about it. There’s nothing for me here, and I can’t go home. Father would throw me out onto the streets. Maybe I should become a nun.”
She could feel the shock from beside her. Bryony was staring at her like she had gone mad.
“A nun. You need a vocation for that, don’t you?”
“Why not? I haven’t got anything else going for me. I could become a nun.” Melissa took a deep breath. “There’s a nunnery nearby, isn’t there? I thought I heard Mary and her mother-in-law talking about it.”
“If they say so,” Bryony grunted. “They would know. But don’t you think you’re being a little hasty?”
“Not really. I’ve been here almost a year now, and nothing’s happened.” Melissa stroked Liam’s head. “Maybe Mary’s magic simply won’t work on me.”
“Melissa, I think her magic can work on everyone.” Bryony shrugged. “You never know. It was a while before Lee and I finally decided we were right for each other. Maybe you’ll have the same thing happen to you.”
Melissa very much doubted it. If Mary’s plan didn’t work, then she would not be able to support herself... though she had said it in jest, maybe the idea of living in a nunnery would be a good choice. If it was that or starving then maybe she would have to choose.
5
Sean had heard everything that passed between Melissa and Bryony. And he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Melissa was planning to go to a nunnery? Surely not! She had so much more going for her, didn’t she?
Clearly, she didn’t think so. Melissa sounded resigned to her fate. Sean knew she couldn’t go back to Philadelphia – her father would throw her out onto the streets and forget about her – but she had a life here. In the months since coming to San Francisco, Melissa had made it her home. She was a likable girl and she was a ray of sunshine to everyone, especially Sean. He couldn’t imagine life without her.
Now his reluctance to approach her was forcing her away. Sean didn’t want her to go. But he couldn’t exactly go to her and beg her to stay; Melissa wouldn’t see it as an act of love. More like desperation.
For the first time, Sean was going to ask for help. He prided himself on being the one others could come to for help, he would always work things out for himself. Maybe he should stop being so proud and look for help himself.
As soon as he was able, Sean headed over to the mission station. Gareth let him in, giving Sean a knowing smirk as he headed through the house, heading toward Mary’s bedroom. As she got nearer to the time she was due to give birth, Mary rarely ventured out of her room. Gareth had a general idea of where he would find her.
And he was right. Mary was sitting in a chair by the window, reading the Bible. She lowered it and frowned at him as Sean entered.
“Sean? Are you all right?”
“No, I’m not.” Sean closed the door and approached her. “I didn’t think I’d be asking for this, but I do need your help.”
“Why?” Mary put her Bible aside. “What’s happened?”
Sean sagged into the other chair, running his hands through his hair.
“It’s Melissa. She says she’s going to a nunnery.”
“She is. She spoke to me about it, asking if there was one nearby. And there is.” Mary smiled. “Melissa would fit right in.”
Sean growled. This was not going well already.
“You need to talk some sense into her, Mary.”
“Why should I? She’s not my daughter, sister or mother. It’s her choice, and I can hardly change her mind.”
“You’ve managed it with others before.”
“I did nothing of the sort. They changed their minds themselves. I just gave them advice, that’s all.” Mary frowned. “Why are you so worked up about it, Sean? I would’ve thought you’d be glad to get anot
her sister of God.”
“Melissa?” Sean snorted. “I would be struck down by God if I had these feelings for someone wearing a nun’s habit.”
He felt his face going red as Mary peered at him. She didn’t look surprised. She sat back, rubbing her hand over her belly.
“I was wondering what you were going to tell me.”
“Tell you what?”
“That you’re in love with Melissa.”
Sean sat up.
“I didn’t say that.”
“You did, just in a different way.” Mary sighed. “Come on, Sean, if you love her, why don’t you tell her?”
“You think it’s that easy? Did you find it easy to tell Gareth that you loved him?”
“We were married by the time we confessed it to each other, so it was not quite the same thing.”
This was getting Sean nowhere. He stood and began to pace.
“I’m her confessor, Mary.”
“I didn’t realize you were Catholic.”
“Neither is Melissa. She just wanted someone to talk to.” Sean felt like he was tearing his hair out. “How can I marry her when she knows I know everything? She might see it as me taking pity on her.”
“No, she won’t. And knowing everything is a good thing.” Mary sat forward. “It means she doesn’t have anything else to hide. You were the one she was happy to confide in. She trusted you.”
Mary did have a point. Sean paused.
“Well, if you put it like that…”
“I do put it like that. I can’t get Melissa to change her mind, but I can help you. If you don’t mind doing something that you might not agree with.”
He turned sharply back to her. “That depends what you have in mind.”
“Nothing sordid, of course. Just an opportunity to get her alone, away from everyone else.” Mary grinned. “Know anywhere that’s secluded?”
Sean did know somewhere that was secluded. He knew the very place.
“I do. But give me one chance to try and get some courage to talk to her?”
“Of course.” Mary winked. “But then we do things my way, yes?”
