by Janet Dailey
“You can make your lives miserable, that’s what you’ll do,” her brother insisted.
“Gary, it is our lives and our decision,” she reminded him.
“Yes, and I don’t like the idea of standing silently on the sidelines while you ruin it,” he stated grimly. “You are rushing into something you aren’t ready for, Charley. You’re doing it because you’ve been hurt. Stop and think.”
“I have. I’ve thought it all through very carefully. I know what I’m doing even if you don’t think I do.”
A car drove into the yard as Charley finished. She steadied the foolish leap of her heart. “Chuck’s here,” she said and walked over to kiss her brother on the cheek. “I’ll be home tonight sometime.”
A grim resignation kept him silent until she reached the door. “I only want you to be happy, Charley,” her brother said to explain his opposition to her plans.
“I know.” Her mouth twisted in a rueful smile before she pushed open the door and stepped outside to meet Chuck coming up the walk.
“Hi!” She adopted a bright lighthearted air as she paused at the top of the steps. Slipping into her coat, she breathed in the crisp autumn air. “It’s going to be a beautiful day,” Charley declared on a determinedly optimistic note.
The serrated peaks of the mountain range were cloaked with snow, standing out sharply against a turquoise blue sky. On the slopes the dark green of the pine forests ringed the white mountain crests. Stands of aspen groves shimmered gold in the bright sun.
“We’d better enjoy it,” Chuck replied. “Winter won’t be long in coming.”
Charley pulled her gaze away from the mountains that had called to Shad and insisted he come see what was on the other side. As she looked at Chuck his freshly scrubbed appearance reminded her of a little boy all slicked up in his Sunday best. It was strange how Shad seemed so much more a man in her eyes when Chuck was the older of the two. Yet Chuck looked at the mountains and resisted their beauty. His outlook was more practical. Winter was coming and Charley wanted in out of the cold.
“Are you ready?” He paused at the bottom of the steps and studied her closely when she continued to stand on the porch.
After a second’s hesitation she started down the steps. “Yes, I’m ready.” She reached out to take his hand. For a slim second she allowed herself to wonder if she wasn’t selfishly reaching out for the comfort and warmth he offered without considering that she was depriving him of something he needed in return.
It was easy to relax in Chuck’s company even though she made it a point to enjoy herself and act happier than she truly was. They had many mutual friends and mutual interests, incidents to recall and a background they shared in common. With Chuck she was comfortable. He was an old family friend, solid and reliable, someone she could respect and trust. He was also staid and unexciting, able to arouse her affection, but not her passion. But Charley refused to consider any of those things.
Chuck treated her to a big Sunday dinner, a full-course meal complete with soup, salad and entree. When Charley attempted to beg off the dessert, declaring she couldn’t eat another bite, he became insistent.
“Have some ice cream,” he said. “There’s always room for that.” When she shook her head to refuse, he glanced at the waitress. “Bring her a chocolate sundae.”
“Chuck,” she protested, “I’m stuffed, honestly. Besides, do you know how many calories there are in a chocolate sundae? Are you trying to fatten me up for market?”
“That is exactly what I’m doing,” he admitted. He smiled at her, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You’ve lost weight lately. You could do with some extra pounds.”
What he didn’t mention was why she had lost weight, but it didn’t need to be said. Both of them knew the cause—Shad. Even that veiled reference was enough to make Charley end her protest. The weight loss was one of the reasons she had bought the new dress. Most of her clothes didn’t fit her properly anymore.
“All right, you’ve twisted my arm.” She forced out a laugh and glanced at the waitress. “A chocolate sundae,” she affirmed his order.
As the girl left, Chuck eyed Charley with approval. “You’re finally showing some sense.”
“I don’t know about that,” she returned. “I probably won’t be able to move after eating that.”
After dinner their plans to attend one of the movie matinees fell by the wayside. There was nothing playing at any of the theaters that particularly caught their interest. When Charley suggested that they walk off some of their dinner, Chuck agreed.
Hand in hand they strolled along the business district and gazed into shop windows at the merchandise displayed. They stopped now and then to look and admire and wander on.
Charley pointed at a window. “Would you look at that? Christmas decorations!” she exclaimed in disapproval. “Halloween isn’t even here yet. Christmas is starting earlier every year.”
“Do you mean you haven’t started your Christmas shopping yet?” Chuck teased as they continued on to the next shop.
“No. I’m one of those who waits until the last week, then runs around trying to buy everything at once.” She smiled at herself. “To me, that’s the Christmas spirit.”
The next shop was a jewelry store. In its front window there was a display of wedding rings. Unwillingly Charley paused to look. The thought of exchanging vows with anyone but Shad gave her a chilling attack of cold feet. But she had made her decision earlier, and she wouldn’t retreat from it. The smile on her lips felt brittle when she glanced at Chuck.
“If you are interested in buying something to stuff in my Christmas stocking, one of those rings would be nice,” she prompted him.
He eyed her warily, not certain whether she was serious or merely joking. In his uncertainty, he chose the latter. “I suppose that would be an example of good things coming in small packages.”
“Yes, it would,” she said, then realized he wasn’t going to take the hint. He wasn’t a man who appreciated subtleties. She had rejected him too many times in the past. This time she would have to speak plainer. Hesitating, she gathered her resolve. “You once asked me to marry you, Chuck, and I turned you down. I’d like you to ask me again.”
There was a long, silent moment when she thought he was going to refuse. When he looked away, avoiding her gaze, Charley was certain of it.
“You’re still in love with him, aren’t you?” He stared into the jewelry-store window.
The question hurt as much as her answer. “Yes.” She saw him close his eyes and knew it was painful for him to hear, too. “But that doesn’t necessarily mean I can’t grow to care for another man.” Charley didn’t try to pretend to Chuck that she loved him.
“I’ve never stopped loving you, Charlotte.” He continued to stare into the window. “And I’ve never stopped hoping that you’d get over him and turn to me. But you’re not over him.”
There wasn’t any way she could argue with that so she didn’t try. “The tables have reversed, haven’t they? Always before, you were the one who wanted to marry. Now it’s me.” She smiled at the irony of the situation and Chuck finally turned to look at her. Her smile faded into a serious expression. “I would be proud to be your wife, Chuck. And I’ll be a good one, too. I’ll make sure that you are never sorry you married me.”
After considering her words for a minute, he reached inside his coat pocket and took out a jeweler’s ring box. He held it in his hand, studying it. “I bought this for you three years ago and I’ve been waiting all this time to give it to you, wondering if the day would ever come when you’d accept it.”
“Chuck,” she whispered and felt empathy for all he’d gone through.
“Every time I’ve seen you, it’s been in my pocket . . . just in case,” he added with a quirking smile, then paused to nervously clear his throat. “Will you marry me, Charley?” he proposed formally.
“Yes.” Her voice wavered on the answer and she tried to pretend it wasn’t caused by reluctance. I
t had been her decision.
His hand trembled as he opened the box and removed the ring. Her left hand felt as cold as ice when she offered it to him so he could place the ring on her finger. She flinched inwardly at the touch of the gold ring, a ring that wasn’t given by Shad.
“I had to guess at the size,” Chuck explained as he slipped it on. “It’s loose.” His glance held a silent apology.
“That’s all right,” Charley assured him. “It can be made smaller.” As a dutiful bride-to-be she was obliged to admire the engagement ring. A cluster of small diamonds surrounded a center stone. It was a more elaborate ring than she would have chosen for herself, but she wouldn’t hurt his feelings by saying so. “It’s beautiful, Chuck.”
“I hoped you would like it.”
When she saw the way he was looking at her, she realized he expected something more in the way of a reaction than just words. She made the initial move to kiss him and sensed his disappointment at her lukewarm response to the pressure of his mouth. It was something she was going to have to work on, but she was confident that in time she would find some pleasure in his embrace.
Drawing back, he smiled at her. “You don’t pick the best places to ask a man to propose to you,” he chided. “This happens to be a public street, in case you haven’t noticed.”
If it had been Shad kissing her, she would have been oblivious to the passing traffic. With Chuck, she was conscious of it—as he was. She tucked her hand inside the crook of his arm so they would start walking again.
When she glimpsed their reflections in the glass panes of a storefront, she thought they made an incongruous pair. But perhaps they didn’t. They were both in love with someone who didn’t love them.
“I was thinking that maybe we could get married after the first of the year,” Chuck suggested. “Things are slower on the ranch during the winter. It would be easier for me to be away. We could go somewhere warm for our honeymoon. Acapulco, maybe.”
For a minute she almost panicked, feeling that she was being rushed. She steadied her nerves and smiled a tremulous agreement. “Yes, that would be a good time.”
“I’m glad you agree. I know there’s probably a lot you have to do—” he began.
Charley quickly interrupted him. “I’d rather not have a big wedding. Just the family and a few close friends.” She couldn’t take the hypocrisy of a large church wedding with hundreds of guests. “Do you mind?”
“I don’t mind,” he assured her. “As a matter of fact, I wasn’t looking forward to the idea of wearing a tuxedo. But I know women like all that fanciness.”
“Not this woman,” she corrected. “I just want a simple ceremony.”
The car was parked just ahead of them. Chuck paused. “I was just thinking.”
“About what?” She cast him a sideways glance.
“I know it’s probably old-fashioned, but I was just thinking that maybe I should take you home so I can speak to your brother.”
“I think I’m old enough that I don’t need his permission,” Charley smiled. “But we can go if you want.”
There was a vague reluctance about facing her brother. She was having enough second thoughts of her own without learning of his misgivings. Now that the ring was on her finger and the engagement was an accomplished fact, Charley was frightened by what she had done. Her only consolation was that the alternative of being alone was more frightening.
When they returned to the ranch, they found Gary in the machine shed fixing the spare tire for his truck. He showed surprise at seeing Charley home so early.
“I didn’t expect you until tonight,” he commented.
“There weren’t any movies playing that we wanted to see,” Charley replied.
“Actually—” Chuck cleared his throat, his normally ruddy complexion turning redder “—we came back because . . . I asked Charley to marry me and she accepted. We wanted you to be the first to know.”
His expression darkened with a thunderous frown as Gary turned his accusing glance on her. “I didn’t really think you’d do it.” Feeling the full weight of his disapproval, she inwardly flinched.
Chuck missed his meaning and laughed. “Neither did I. I’ve been asking her for so long that I couldn’t believe it when she indicated she would accept.” He sobered under Gary’s cold glance. “Since you are the man of the family, so to speak, I thought it was only proper if I—”
“I suppose you’ve come to ask my permission,” her brother growled.
“Yes,” Chuck hesitated at Gary’s attitude of angry disgust.
“Damn it, man!” Gary swore. “I knew Charley wasn’t responsible for her actions, but I credited you with having more sense then to make such a fool move, Chuck.”
“Stop it, Gary,” Charley protested in a furious underbreath.
“I’d love to stop this ridiculous marriage before it can take place!” he snapped. “Unfortunately you don’t need my permission. You’re both stupid enough to go through with this thing without it!”
“I’m sorry that you disapprove,” Chuck murmured.
“For God’s sake, Chuck, open your eyes!” her brother insisted. “She’s still in love with him. Can’t you see that?”
“Yes, I know,” he admitted grudgingly. “We discussed it.”
“Are you prepared to live with a woman who is in love with someone else?” Gary challenged. “To sleep with her, knowing that she’s imagining another man in your place.”
“That is enough!” Her temper flared.
“No, it isn’t enough!” he countered, matching her fire. “It has to be said. Chuck has a right to know what the hell he’s letting himself in for. It’s something I don’t think either one of you have faced!”
“We have,” Chuck asserted.
Gary glanced from one to the other, then released a long, weary breath. “I guess there isn’t anything else I can say then, is there?”
“We haven’t set a date yet for the wedding,” Charley said. “But it will be sometime after the first of the year. I’d like you to give me away, Gary.”
“You know I will.” A look of resignation spread across his face. “But I still think you’re making a mistake. I’m sorry.”
“It’s going to be a simple wedding with only a few guests, nothing elaborate.” It seemed safest to discuss the wedding plans. There could be little argument about the details.
“That’s a blessing,” Gary murmured dryly.
“It’s really your blessing we want,” Charley said.
“You have my blessing,” he sighed heavily. “I wish you both all the happiness in the world. But that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t believe you’re going to find it together.”
“We thank you for your wishes,” Chuck put his arm around her to show that it came from both of them.
“Don’t thank me.” Gary shook his head. “I probably should be trying to pound some sense into your heads.”
“I’d like to have an informal get-together here next weekend and invite some of our friends so Chuck and I can announce our engagement,” Charley explained. “Is that all right with you? It is your house.”
“It’s your home, too,” Gary replied. “You can have all the parties you want. I doubt if I’ll feel like celebrating. Excuse me—” he brushed past them “—I’m going to the house and wash up.”
When he had gone, Charley murmured, “I’m sorry, Chuck.”
“He made it pretty plain what he thought of our chances, didn’t he?” he sighed.
“Don’t pay any attention to him,” she insisted.
“That isn’t easy.”
“Will you stay for supper?” she invited, not wanting him to leave in this mood.
“No, thanks; I’d better be getting back home.” He kissed her cheek before he removed his arm from around her shoulders. He took a step away, then paused. “Do you know that I always knew this would be the happiest day of my life? It’s strange because I don’t feel happy. Not at all.”
“It’ll be all right,” she whispered, trying to convince herself as much as him, but Chuck hadn’t heard her as he walked away.
Chapter Nine
ALTOGETHER EIGHT COUPLES attended the engagement party in addition to Gary, Chuck and herself. Charley had brought the chairs in from the kitchen so there would be a place for everyone to sit in the living room, but most of them were standing and talking. The kitchen table was being used as a buffet table, holding the refreshments—an assortment of chips, sandwiches and cheeses. A variety of soft drinks provided setups and Chuck had furnished a case of beer.
On the surface the party appeared to be a success, but it was proving to be more of an ordeal than Charley had expected. She and Chuck had been dating for years, yet everyone seemed amazed by their engagement. Every time she turned around, surprise was being voiced by one of their friends.
This time it was Betty Todd. “I just can’t get over it!” she declared in a voice that always seemed one degree too loud. “I never dreamed you two would actually become engaged.”
“As you can see, that’s exactly what we’ve done,” Charley assured her with a stiff smile.
“Let me look at your ring.” She grabbed Charley’s hand and turned and twisted it to watch the flash of light from the diamonds. “It must have cost Chuck a fortune. Did he say how much he had to pay for it?”
“No. And I didn’t ask him. I didn’t think it was any of my business.” And it certainly isn’t any of yours, she thought to add, but manners forbade it.
“You should get it insured, Charley,” Betty advised her. “It’s so loose. Why, what would happen if it slipped off and you lost it?”
“We are having it made smaller so that won’t happen,” she explained with waning patience. “Chuck is taking it into the jeweler’s next week.”
“You and Chuck.” Her friend returned to the same theme. “Isn’t it something after all this time?” she marveled.
“I don’t see why it’s such a surprise to everyone,” Charley declared at last.
“You’ve been going together for years and lately—” Betty paused to shrug “—there have been rumors flying around that you were having an affair with that hired man you had working here.”
