Shivering as he stepped from the shower, he wrapped himself in a huge white bath sheet. Rosalie had left clean grey sweatpants and a new black t-shirt, but Michael blanched at the item on top. He picked it up, turning it this way and that. “Seriously?”
“I know what you’re thinking.” Rosalie had returned to check on him. “But it’s not a diaper. It’s disposable underwear. See, you pull them on the regular way. And that way, accidents are no problem at all.”
Michael sighed. “Can we not tell Maggie about this?”
Rosalie chuckled. “Honey, what kind of drawers you wear is none of Maggie’s business.”
***
“You know, Maggie, you need to get out once in a while.”
Maggie glanced across the kitchen counter to see Rosalie smiling at her kindly. Michael was napping. Bobby had just left for work, and she had an hour before she needed to get Savannah from school. The two women were chatting over coffee.
The nurse had been with them every weekday since Michael had come home from the hospital, and Maggie found her presence comforting. She looked into Rosalie’s warm brown eyes that seemed to smile, her broad brown face framed by tight shoulder-length braids held back by a pink headband that coordinated with her scrubs.
Maggie shook her head. “I don’t know, Rosalie. I mean, I take Savannah to school every morning and pick her up every afternoon. Other than that, I don’t know where I’d go. It’s nice to be off work for a while and not have to be anywhere.”
Rosalie’s gaze didn’t waver. “You and Bobby need to go out together. When he’s at work, you and Savannah could go and get your nails done or something.” She smiled reassuringly. “I’ve got Michael all under control.”
Maggie sighed. She’d been doing for Michael for so long it almost felt as though Rosalie and the others were encroaching on her territory or something. Which is ridiculous, she realized. It didn’t change the feeling, though.
“You know, you’ve been caring for Michael for so long, you’re going to have a big empty place in your life when he’s gone.” Maggie’s head snapped up and she looked at the woman sharply. “Honey, no amount of positive mental attitude is going to change the outcome here.”
Maggie shook her head slowly. “I can’t just...give up. I can’t. It’s unthinkable.”
“Take some time for yourself, and for that man who worships the ground you walk on, you know what I’m talking about,” Rosalie chuckled. Maggie reluctantly laughed, too.
Rosalie placed a warm hand over Maggie’s. “I know you care about Michael, he knows you care about him. But on the other side of this thing, you have to keep moving forward.”
Maggie nodded. “I know you’re right,” she said softly.
They sipped their coffee in silence for a while. Maggie swallowed hard and looked back to Rosalie. “How do you do this?” Her voice was quiet.
“Do what?”
“How do you...” Maggie searched for the words. “How do you take care of patients you know are going to...” She couldn’t finish the sentence.
Rosalie smiled kindly. “I love what I do, baby. I help nice people like you and Michael in the hardest moments of their lives. If I can make that time just a little bit easier, it’s a great feeling.” She reached across the table to pat Maggie’s hand, and Maggie grasped her desperately, blinking back tears.
The following afternoon, Maggie met Savannah in front of the school. “How about you and I going for a girls’ afternoon out?”
“Yeah!” Savannah agreed enthusiastically.
Maggie took the little girl to her favorite nail salon where they both had manicures and pedicures. As they left the salon, Savannah couldn’t stop looking at her pale pink nails. “I want to show Daddy and Mr. Michael.”
When Maggie unlocked the door to Michael’s apartment to let herself and Savannah inside, she could feel a change in the air. Savannah trotted to the living room. “Where’s Mr. Michael?” she asked.
Rosalie came down the hallway. “He’s taking a nap right now, sweetness. Let’s go into the kitchen and have a little snack before supper.” The nurse locked eyes meaningfully with Maggie.
While Savannah and Rosalie went to the kitchen, Maggie made a beeline for Michael’s room. It was dark, the drapes drawn, and a flat-screened monitor cast a greenish glow against the gloom. Michael was propped up in a hospital bed.
What the...? It must have been delivered while we were out. He had been having trouble getting around the past few days. Was that why Rosalie had insisted that I get out of the apartment for a while?
She crossed the room to the bed. Michael was asleep and his breathing was ragged. Maggie took his hand. “Don’t you dare check out on me,” she whispered hotly. “Don’t you dare. You can’t go anywhere. I need you to be at my wedding in June.”
Michael’s eyes fluttered briefly but he didn’t wake. Maggie quickly pulled her phone from her pocket and dialed Bobby. “He’s worse,” she said plaintively.
Chapter 28
Maggie clasped and unclasped her hands as she sat anxiously beside the hospital bed in Michael’s bedroom. Michael lay propped up against a mountain of pillows, his grey t-shirt showing above the crisp white cotton blanket that covered the rest of him. He’d insisted that the bed be placed beside the window and the drapes be left open so he could look out over the city. He drifted off now and again, but he seemed determined to be awake.
It had been a rough night. Maggie and Bobby, along with the overnight nurse, had tag-teamed sitting up with Michael, who had alternated between sleeping fitfully and waking to spells of deep coughing and ragged wheezing.
Bobby went to shower and get Savannah ready for school while Maggie and Michael watched the sun come up over the city. The colors were extraordinary, washing the sky in shades of pink, orange, purple, and blue. Maggie couldn’t recall the last time she’d watched the sunrise. Michael watched the scene appreciatively, a contented smile playing on his lips.
After Bobby and Savannah left, Maggie brought a cup of coffee along with her Kindle and settled in once again beside Michael. She read as he dozed until Rosalie came in to check on him.
“Hi, baby, how are you feeling? Do you need some more happy medicine?” she asked as she took his vitals.
Michael shook his head. “No,” he croaked. “I don’t want to sleep so much.”
Rosalie smiled warmly. “Well, you just let me know. No sense in laying around hurting when you don’t have to.” She winked at Maggie and left them alone.
Michael sighed deeply and closed his eyes. Maggie watched him for a moment before returning to her book.
“I used to steal money out of her purse.” Michael’s voice was so quiet she thought she’d imagined it.
“What?”
“I used to steal money out of my mother’s purse.” His eyes were open now, his gaze fixed on some far off point out the window.
Maggie closed the cover of her reader. “Why did you do that?”
“She’d forget sometimes. To buy food, I mean. Booze? Oh yeah, we always had that. God forbid we should run out of gin.” Michael’s mouth was a grim line and his difficulty breathing caused him to speak in short bursts. “She’d drink until she passed out. I remember being hungry and looking for something to eat. I’d check through all the cabinets and we’d have shit like olives and oyster crackers. It occurred to me one day to take some money while she was passed out. I started a little stash I could use to buy myself some food when I needed to.”
Maggie shook her head. “My God, Michael, how old were you?”
He shrugged slightly. “I don’t know. Ten, maybe.”
Maggie heard the wheeze as Michael inhaled as deeply as he could. “Not surprisingly, she had a hard time keeping a job. She had many over the years. But for a while she worked as a secretary for a lawyer.”
Maggie smiled. “Oh, yeah?”
He smiled wanly. “Yeah. He had a huge Christmas party for his employees and their families. We pulled up to this hous
e, and I mean it was huge. When you live in a trailer, every big house looks like a mansion.” Maggie watched as he remembered. “Some things still stick out to me like it was yesterday. I can remember his custom-tailored suit and his shoes and his watch. First time I ever saw a Rolex. I knew this guy never worried about what he was going to eat. And with the house and everything, I thought, ‘This is what I want.’ ” He turned his head toward Maggie. “That’s when I knew I wanted to be a lawyer.”
“You’re a great lawyer. You know that.” Maggie was firm.
He leaned back and closed his eyes, worn out from the effort of speaking. “I did alright.”
Maggie stood and adjusted the blanket. “Michael, are you sure you don’t want meds?” He shook his head again. She sighed deeply. “Is there something I can do? Please let me help you. Please let me do something.”
Michael wheezed as he drew a breath. “You should go out, take it easy. You know, do something girly like shopping or some shit.”
“Oh, no, no way,” she waggled her head. “You can’t get rid of me. I’m here to stay.”
“Like a bad case of jock itch,” he croaked. They laughed together until Michael started coughing again.
“Here, let me get you some water.” Maggie lifted a large cup of ice water from the side table and held the straw to his lips. Michael drank gratefully, coughing a little before placing his head back on his pillow.
“Thanks, Mags.”
She smiled. “You’re welcome. It’s just water,” she laughed lightly.
He shook his head, fixing her with a desperate look. “I mean, thanks for everything you’ve done for me.” He looked at her imploringly. “Nobody else had the time of day for me. It was my own damn fault, I know that. But you never wavered.” He dropped his head back again, out of breath.
“Michael, just rest. There’s no need to wear yourself out,” she said softly.
“No time,” he mumbled. “Never enough time.” He looked at her again, struggling to focus. “My head is all foggy, but there are things I want to say.”
Maggie leaned forward and took his hand in hers. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.”
He gripped her hand, his fingers feeling cold and bony against her skin. “I do. There are things I want you to know.” Maggie scooted closer to the side of the bed and perched on the edge of her chair, continuing to hold his hand.
Michael looked almost sheepish. His voice was a whisper. “I always loved you, Mags.”
She closed her eyes against the tears there and smiled sadly. “I know.”
He lifted his chin, a sad glint in his eye. “I could never have been what you wanted.”
“I know that, too.” Maggie choked back the lump in her throat. “I think we were destined to be great friends.”
Michael leaned back again, appearing to ponder the idea. “Great friends.” He looked back at her. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”
Maggie tried unsuccessfully to blink back tears. “Then I’m honored.” Her voice broke.
His brow wrinkled and he leaned up, the effort causing his to wheeze more heavily. “Are you happy, Mags?” Michael’s eyes bored into her soul. “With Beau and Savannah, with everything?”
She smiled reassuringly. “You’ve asked me that about a million times. I’m very happy, Michael. I love them both very much. We’re going to have a great life together, a great family.”
He exhaled sharply as he leaned back. “I couldn’t leave not knowing whether or not you’ll be alright.”
Maggie felt a jolt, as if thousands of volts of electricity had just shot through her body. She jumped up and leaned over the bed, determination flashing in her green eyes. “You’re not going anywhere. You can just get that thought right out of your head. We have a deal, you and I. You have to be in the Keys in June.”
Michael’s eyes fluttered. “I’m so tired,” he murmured.
“Then rest up,” she said sharply. “Because you’re staying right here.”
Maggie stalked out of the room and stopped in the hallway, leaning against the wall and covering her mouth with her hand to stifle the scream that threatened to erupt.
“You’re going to have to tell him that it’s okay for him to go, baby.” Rosalie had come up beside Maggie.
Maggie shook her head. “I can’t do that.”
The nurse gave a sad smile. “It has to come from you.”
Maggie’s eyes were wild. She shook her head again. “I couldn’t possibly do that.” Her voice broke like shattered glass.
Both women heard the key in the front door. Bobby appeared at the end of the hallway. “Hey there,” he said, his brow wrinkled with concern. “What’s going on?”
Maggie could only shake her head. Bobby looked to Rosalie. “It’s close,” the nurse told him quietly.
Bobby crossed to Maggie and pulled her into his arms. She clung to him desperately. “I can’t do it,” she whispered through her tears.
“Do what, cher?” He held her close and looked again to Rosalie.
“When the time comes, Maggie needs to be the one to tell Michael that it’s alright for him to go. He’s struggling now because he’s worried about her. He needs to know that she’ll be okay.” She smiled gently at Maggie. “You have to give him that peace, baby.”
Bobby nodded grimly. “Makes sense,” he murmured.
Maggie leaned back and looked at him in horror. “I can’t! I can’t do it.” Her eyes pleaded with him.
He looked down into her distraught face and fixed her with stormy blue eyes. “You are the strongest person I know. You care about Michael, and you know this is the right thing to do.”
Maggie dissolved into tears. “Shh...I’ll be with you all the way. I promise.” He pulled her close again and pressed his lips to her forehead.
Rosalie patted Maggie’s back. “I’ll go see about him while you pull yourself together. It won’t be long now.”
They watched as the nurse went into Michael’s room. Maggie looked up at Bobby. “I’m sorry I’m such a basket case. I just thought...” Her voice trailed off.
“You thought he’d get better. I guess I thought that, too.” Bobby sighed heavily. “You can do this, you know.”
Maggie breathed deeply and swiped her face with her hands. “I’ll go wash up.”
She met him in the hallway a few minutes later. “I’m glad Savannah is at school.”
Bobby smiled sadly. “Yeah. Me, too.” He laced his fingers through hers and tilted her chin, kissing her softly. “Come on.”
As they entered Michael’s room, Rosalie looked over her shoulder at them from beside the bed and she smiled encouragingly. “See, Michael, they didn’t go anywhere.”
“Where would we have gone?” Maggie asked.
Michael whispered an answer but they couldn’t make out what he said. Maggie and Bobby stood close to the bed, Bobby’s hand supporting the small of her back. “What did you say, Michael?” Maggie asked.
“I figured you’d cut and run.” His voice was a low whisper.
“Cut and run?” she asked indignantly. “Since when have I ever backed down from anything, that’s what I would like to know!”
Michael’s body shook and it took a minute for them to realize that he was laughing. “You are a shit, you know that?” Maggie said.
“Aw, Mags,” Michael wheezed, “I’m going to miss your smart ass.”
He looked past Maggie to Bobby. “Beau...thank you for everything you’ve done. And...” he gasped for breath, “I’m glad that you’re here for Maggie.”
Bobby tightly pressed his lips together and gazed down at Michael. “Becoming friends with you and hanging out has been my pleasure.” He looked to Maggie. “And I know that I have you to thank for making sure Maggie gave me a chance. I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to make her happy. That’s a promise.”
Michael visibly relaxed against the pillows. “That’s good. Good.” He nodded his head and closed his eyes, chest he
aving as he tried to catch his breath. “I’m tired. So...tired.”
Maggie sighed and stood over Michael, taking in his ashen pallor. He seemed thinner, too, as though he were shrinking before their eyes. He can’t keep doing this. I can’t make him, it’s just not fair.
She breathed deeply in an effort to settle her churning stomach and took his hand in hers. “Michael?” she said softly. “It’s okay. You don’t have to fight anymore.”
His eyes fluttered open and there was a panicked look on his face. “Are you happy, Mags?”
“Michael, you keep asking me that. Yes, I’m very happy. I love Bobby, I love Savannah, I love that we’re building a life together.” She leaned closer to him. “I’m going to be fine. You don’t have to worry about me.”
Michael relaxed again, sinking back against the pillows. “That’s good,” he sighed.
“It’s okay, Michael. You can let go when you’re ready.” A tear rolled down Maggie’s cheek. “And know this—you will be remembered. We won’t ever forget you. Not ever.”
He looked to her again. “Are you sure you’re okay?” His voice was a dry rasp.
She smiled reassuringly and nodded. “It’s okay. Just...let go.”
Michael closed his eyes and a slight smile played at his lips. “I’m so tired. Maybe I’ll just sleep a while.” Bobby pulled Maggie tighter to him as Michael’s body relaxed. His eyes fluttered open again. “It’s so beautiful,” he breathed. “So beautiful...”
Maggie felt Michael’s hand relax in hers. The lines on the monitor behind the bed transitioned from erratic to flat. She wondered vaguely why it was silent as tears rolled down her cheeks.
“Goodbye, Michael,” she sobbed, leaning forward to kiss his cheek.
She released his hand and Bobby pulled her to himself, wrapping her in his arms. “I’m so sorry, cher. I’m so, so sorry.”
Chapter 29
Sean Michael Rannigan was buried on a cold morning in late March. The frozen ground was bare of snow, but flurries swirled through the air on a biting breeze. Maggie found the grey day fitting for a funeral. As she watched the assortment of mourners gathered around the grave, her thoughts went back four days earlier to the day Michael had died.
Rannigan's Redemption: Complete Collection Page 53
