He winced. There was no getting around this. Cassidy didn’t even know what ‘it’ was—but the implication was there. If this was something important, he should have told her before he’d taken this relationship to the next level.
‘I have a daughter.’ The words were blurted out before he had a chance to think about it any longer.
‘What?’ The shocked expression on her face was very real. This was the last thing she’d expected to hear.
Brad took a deep breath. ‘I have a daughter, Melody. She’s nearly four.’ His heart was beating against his chest, the words clambering to his mouth—he just couldn’t speak quickly enough right now. ‘I haven’t seen in her over two years. Her mother, Alison, disappeared with her. We had a...’ he flung his hands in the air ‘...sort of informal custody arrangement. Alison was a doctor as well, and we looked after Melody between us.’
Cassidy’s face looked set in stone. ‘She was your wife? Your girlfriend? The one you told me you didn’t have?’ Her tone said it all.
Brad spoke firmly. ‘She wasn’t my wife and she wasn’t my girlfriend, well, not after a few months. We had a very short-lived fling that resulted in Melody. We’d broken up by the time Alison discovered she was pregnant, and neither of us were interested in getting back together.’
He leaned back in the chair, wishing he could tell the whole story in the blink of an eye. Everything about this was painful to him. Every time he spoke about things, he thought about the mistakes he had made and what he could have done differently.
Anything that could have affected the eventual outcome.
Cassidy hadn’t moved. Her face was expressionless and her breakfast lay untouched in front of her.
‘I don’t really know what happened, Cass. I went to pick up Melody as arranged one day, and they were gone.’ He flicked his hand in the air. ‘Just like that. Vanished. I was frantic. I went to Alison’s work and found out she’d resigned and no one knew where she’d gone. Some of her colleagues said she’d met a doctor from the US and been head over heels in love. They thought she might have gone to the US with him.’ He shook his head as a wave of desperation swept over him. It was the same every time he spoke about this.
‘I hired a lawyer and two private investigators and tried to track her down. I’ve been trying to track her down for the last two years—with no success. I haven’t seen or heard from her in two years. Right now, I have no idea how my little girl is, where she is or if she even remembers me.’ His eyes were fixed on the window, staring out into space.
Cassidy felt numb. ‘You have a daughter,’ she said.
He nodded, it appeared, almost unconsciously.
‘You have a daughter you “forgot” to tell me about?’ She couldn’t help it—she raised her hands in the air and made the sign of quotation marks.
She could feel rage and anger bubbling beneath the surface, ready to erupt at any moment. She hadn’t imagined anything the other night. It hadn’t been all in her head. It had been right before her eyes—or it should have been.
Brad looked in pain. He may have been gazing outside, but the look in his eyes was haunted. A father who had lost his child. She couldn’t begin to imagine the pain that would cause. But right now she couldn’t contain her anger.
‘Why didn’t you mention this before?’
He sighed. A huge sigh, as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. His gaze went to his hands that were clenched in his lap. ‘I know, I know, I should have. But it just never felt like the right time.’
‘How about as soon as you met me?’
His brow wrinkled. ‘Oh, yeah. Right. Pleased to meet you, I’m Brad Donovan. I’ve got a missing daughter, Melody, that I’ve been searching for the last two years. And before you ask—no—I’ve no idea why her mother disappeared with her. No—I didn’t do anything wrong or mistreat my child. Yes—I’ve spent an absolute fortune trying to find her and I’ve been on two wild-goose chases to the US.’ He waved his hand in frustration. ‘Is that how you wanted me to tell you?’
Cassidy took a deep breath. She wanted to yell. She wanted to scream. She could see how damaged he was by all this. But she couldn’t see past how hurt she felt. Hadn’t he trusted her enough to tell her? He trusted her enough to sleep with her—but not to tell her about his daughter? It seemed unreal.
She looked around, her eyes scanning the walls. ‘So where are they?’
His brow furrowed. ‘Where are what?’
She threw her hands up in frustration. ‘The photos of your daughter. I’ve never seen a single one. Where do you keep them?’
He grimaced and stood up. She could hear him walking through to the living room and opening a drawer. He walked through and sat a wooden framed photograph down on the table.
Cassidy felt her heart jump into her mouth as she stared at the image in front of her. The gorgeous toddler with blonde ringlets and Brad’s eyes was as pretty as a picture. She felt her lip tremble and she lifted her eyes to meet his. ‘You put these away when you knew I would be here?’
He nodded. ‘I planned to tell you.’ He hesitated, having the good grace to look shamefaced. ‘I just hadn’t got around to it.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me when I first asked you about your family? When I asked you if you had a wife or a girlfriend? When I told you about my ex-fiancé and his new Miss Spain wife? How about telling me then? Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t that your ideal opportunity?’
She folded her arms across her chest. It didn’t matter that she’d tried to play down how hurt she’d been over her breakup with her fiancé. The fact was she’d told him about it—albeit in sparing detail. There was no way he was getting away with this. She didn’t care about the wonderful night before. She didn’t care how many times he’d taken her to heaven and back.
This was about trust. This was about honesty. This was about the things you should tell someone before you slept with them.
Brad shook his head. ‘You make it all sound so simple, Cass.’
She cringed. The exact thought she’d had when he’d asked her about Bobby. ‘It is.’
‘No. It’s not.’ His voice was determined. ‘Okay, so you may have asked me about a wife or girlfriend—and I didn’t have either, so I didn’t tell you any lies. And I’d only just met you then, Cass. I don’t want everyone to know my business, and this isn’t the easiest thing to talk about. People talk. People make judgements.’ He pressed his fingers against his temples.
‘When Alison and Melody vanished at first, people were suspicious about me in Australia. People, colleagues even, wondered if I’d done something to them. It was only after the Australian police confirmed they’d left on an international flight that people stopped assuming I’d done something awful.’
Cassidy felt her heart constrict. It was something she hadn’t even considered. It hadn’t even entered her mind that someone would think like that about Brad. How could friends or colleagues have done that?
Her head was instantly filled with stories in the media, and after only a few seconds she realised it was true. As soon as anyone went missing, suspicion was generally directed at those around them. What on earth would that feel like?
She could only imagine the worst. The frustration of not knowing where your child was. Continually shouting but not being heard. It must have been excruciating.
He leaned his elbows on the table. His fingers moved in small circles at the side of his head. ‘It didn’t stop there either.’ He lifted his head and stared at Cassidy. ‘Once people realised I hadn’t done something unmentionable to them, they started to say that Alison must have done a runner with Melody to get away from me. As if I’d done something to my child.’
The words hung in the air. Too hideous for thoughts even to form.
‘Oh, Brad,’ she breathed. Now she understood. Now she understood the pain in h
is eyes. ‘That’s awful.’
‘You bet it is.’
A lump stuck in her throat. She was angry. She was hurt. And she had no idea what this could mean for them. But right now she had to show some compassion. She stood up, the chair scraping along the kitchen floor, and walked around to the other side of the table.
Brad looked as if he was in shock. As if he was wondering what she might do next.
She might never have had a child stolen from her, but she knew what it was like to be left.
Her parents had done it. Bobby had done it.
But she was calm and lifted his hands from the table, sitting down on his knee and wrapping her hands around his neck, hugging him closely. She could feel his tense muscles beneath her fingers, and she rubbed her hand across his back, waiting for a few moments until he relaxed and the pent-up strain had started to abate.
After a few minutes she leaned back, watching him carefully.
‘I’m not happy, Brad. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me something as important as this.’
She felt him take a deep breath. Right now his blue eyes were almost a window into his soul. She could see his regret. She could see his pain. And although hers could only pale in comparison, she wondered if he could see hers.
‘I didn’t mean things to turn out like this. This wasn’t in my plans.’
In an instant she could almost feel his withdrawal. The hackles rose at the back of her neck. ‘What do you mean?’
His hands touched her waist. ‘This. Us. I didn’t realise things would get so serious.’
‘What did you expect? You’ve practically spent the last five weeks by my side. Every time I turn around, you’re right there next to me. If you didn’t want us to be more than friends, you should have stayed away.’ She hated how she sounded. She hated the tone of her voice, but she just couldn’t help it.
The muscles on his shoulders tensed again and he blew some hair from his forehead, obviously in exasperation. What on earth was he thinking? She had a hollow feeling in her stomach. After the wonderful night before, did he want to walk away?
Everything about this was confusing. She didn’t even know how she felt about the fact he had a daughter—she hadn’t had time to process those thoughts. Why was she even considering any of this? Her head had always told her this relationship was a bad idea. She wanted someone who would stay in Scotland with her, and the sinking feeling in her stomach told her Brad could obviously never do that.
But her body and soul told her something else entirely. Brad was the first man in a long time that she’d been attracted to—that she’d even been interested in. She loved spending time in his company. She loved his normally easygoing manner. She loved the fact she could depend on him at work—his clinical skills and judgement were excellent.
But most of all she loved the way she felt around him. Even yesterday, in her grandmother’s house, doing a task that should have made her feel sad and depressed, there had been so much comfort from having Brad around.
And as for how her body reacted to him...that was something else entirely.
Brad reached up and touched her hair, winding his fingers through one of her curls. Her head tilted instantly—an automatic response—towards the palm of his hand. His eyes were closed. ‘How could I stay away from this, Cass?’
He pulled her head down and touched a gentle kiss to her lips. ‘You’re like a drug to me, Cassidy Rae. Apart from Melody, you’re the first thing I think about when I get up in the morning and the last thing I think about when I fall asleep at night.’ His eyes opened and she could tell instantly he meant every word.
This was no gentle let-down. This was no attempt to look for an excuse to end their relationship. He was every bit as confused as she was.
She pulled back. This was too much. She was getting in too deep. She pushed herself upwards, her legs trembling as she walked around to the other side of the table and pushed her untouched plate of food away.
‘I can’t think when you do that. I can’t think straight when you touch me. It’s too distracting.’
Brad let out a short laugh, shaking his head.
‘What? What is it?’
‘That word, Cass—distraction. That’s what I thought about you at first.’
Cassidy frowned. A distraction. Hardly a flattering description. But he reached across the table and touched her hand again.
‘You have no idea how I was feeling when I got here. I’d just had the year from hell in Australia. I’d been to the US twice, chasing false leads trying to find Melody. None of them worked. I’d spent a fortune and still had no idea about my daughter. Last Christmas...’ He raised his eyes to the ceiling.
‘Let’s just say it was the worst ever. Then a few of my friends sat me down and had a conversation with me that was hard for all us. They told me I should never give up looking for Melody, but I had to accept I had a life of my own to live. And they came prepared—they had an armful of job ads for all over the world. I’d let my career slide. I’d been consumed by doing everything I could to find my daughter. The job I’d always loved had become a noose around my neck. I didn’t make any mistakes but I’d lost the enthusiasm and passion for the job.
‘My friends knew the career paths I’d been interested in before, and they convinced me it was the right time for a break—a change of scenery and a time for new horizons.’
He gave her a rueful smile. ‘I didn’t come to Scotland with the intention of meeting anyone. I came to Scotland to experience the infamous Scottish winter and the ream of medical admissions that always follow. I planned to just immerse myself in work. To try and give myself a break from constantly checking my emails and phoning the private investigator in the US.’
Cassidy didn’t know what to think. A distraction. That’s what he’d just called her. She couldn’t stop herself from fixating on it. And it gave her the strangest sensation—a feeling of panic.
Maybe this was it. Maybe she should grab her clothes—wherever they were—and get out of here. She needed time to think. She needed a chance to get her head around what he’d just told her. Right now she was suffering from information overload.
Her gaze drifted out the kitchen and onto the coffee table in the living room. She hated that word. It made her feel worthless. As if he didn’t value her. The way Bobby had made her feel when he’d left. He’d never used that word, but that’s the way she’d felt—as if he’d used her as a distraction, as if he hadn’t valued her enough to stay. The same way her parents had made her feel. As if she wasn’t worth coming home for.
The only person who hadn’t made her feel like that had been Gran. Solid. Dependable. Warm and loving. But even that had changed now. Her gran was a mere shadow of her former self. And what about those letters? She really needed to sit down and decide what she wanted to do with them.
‘Cass?’
She was startled. Brad’s forehead was wrinkled. He’d still been talking to her, and she’d been lost in her own thoughts. ‘What?’ she answered quickly.
‘You didn’t hear me, did you?’
She shook her head. ‘You’ve given me a lot to think about. Maybe I should leave? Maybe you don’t need any more distractions.’ Her mind could only focus on one thing and she stood up again, ready to leave.
But he was quicker than her, and it took him less than a second to have her in his arms. His face was just above hers. His stubbled jaw, tanned skin and blue eyes definitely distracted her.
‘I said it was nice to meet someone who enjoyed Christmas so much. Last year is something I don’t want to repeat. I was hoping you would help try to get me into the spirit.’
She blinked. He was using her weak spot. Her Christmas rush. And he was doing it with that lazy smile on his face and his fingers winding under her T-shirt.
She sighed. ‘This isn
’t all just going to be okay. I’m going to need some time—to see how I feel.’ Then the sticking point came to the forefront of her brain. ‘And are you still just using me as a distraction?’
His head moved slowly from side to side. ‘I’m not using you as anything. I just want to be around you, Cass. I have no idea where this is going to go. I have no idea what’s going to happen between us. But I’d like to find out. What do you say?’
There it was. That feeling. For five weeks he’d made her feel special. Made her feel wanted and important—as if she were the centre of his life. She wanted to say a hundred things. She wanted to sit him down and ask more questions. But his fingers were trailing up her side...
‘I need some time to think about all this, Brad. You certainly know how to spring something on a girl.’
He pulled back a little. ‘I know, and I’m sorry. I should have told you about Melody.’
Right now she didn’t know what to do. She’d learned more about Brad in the last fifteen minutes than she had in the last five weeks. He was hurt, he was damaged. She had seen that in his eyes. And for the last five weeks he’d come to work every day and been a conscientious and proficient doctor. Could she have done the same?
Who did he really have here as a friend? Who was there for him to talk to, to share with, apart from her?
More importantly, did she really want to walk away right now?
It would be the sensible thing to do. She was already feeling hurt, and walking away now could save her from any more heartache in the future. But she’d still need to work with him, she’d still see him at work every single day. How would she cope then? And how would she feel if she saw him with anyone else?
The thought sent a chill down her spine. She didn’t want to see him with anyone else. In her head he was already hers. And even if this didn’t go anywhere, why shouldn’t she enjoy what they had right now? She certainly wouldn’t mind a repeat of last night. The sooner, the better.
Her hands wound around his neck. ‘How about we try to create some new Christmas memories—some nice ones—ones that you could only experience here with me in Scotland?’
Her Christmas Eve Diamond Page 10
