Guilt knifed through him. What if, because of him, she was now homeless?
God, please help me find her. And please, Lord, let her forgive me when I do.
His phone rang, and he saw Candace’s number displayed on the screen. Frowning, Ethan answered. “Hey, Candace. Any news?”
“I’m sorry, Ethan. I’ve tried to find out, but we have no idea where Lindy is. I even tried to send a message through her attorney that you want to talk to her, but he said he won’t divulge information about his former client.”
“I have to find her.”
“I agree you should,” Candace said, “but I’m not sure how to go about it.”
Jerry exited the store and took a seat at the same wrought iron table where Ethan had watched Lindy enjoy that apple puff pastry.
Ethan stepped to the other end of the deck and lowered his voice. “I’ve got to go, Candace. I’ll keep you posted on whether I find her.”
“Okay, and, Ethan?”
“Yeah?”
“I know it’s bittersweet now, with everything that ended up happening, but I realized that I never congratulated you on your adoption. Jerry is yours now—whether you find Lindy or not, you do have your son.”
He glanced at the little boy he loved, thinking about how sad he’d been since Lindy had left town. “I’ve wanted that for so long...” He let the word hang, and Candace knew where his mind had gone.
“But you want her to be a part of his life, too.”
“Yeah,” he admitted. And mine.
A car horn sounded, and Jerry glanced to the parking lot. “There’s Miss Savvy and Dylan. Is it time for the devo?”
“Must be,” Ethan said. He hadn’t realized it was that late in the afternoon.
Savvy got out of the car and waved. “You want me to bring him to the B and B after the devo is over?” Since Ethan worked at the fishing hole until five o’clock, Savvy had offered to take Jerry to and from the afternoon devotions at Willow’s Haven each day, not only so he could have time learning about God each day, but also so the transition of leaving the new friends he’d made at the children’s home would be a little smoother. Candace thought that was important, and Ethan agreed.
“That’d be great,” he said while Jerry tossed his Popsicle stick in a trash can and then moved toward Ethan.
“Love you, Daddy,” he said, reaching for Ethan.
Ethan leaned toward his son and wrapped his arms around him to receive the much-needed hug. He loved this kid so much. “I love you, too.”
Jerry gave him a little smile before starting to run toward Savvy’s car, but paused a short distance away. “Daddy?” he called.
“Yeah, Jerry?” Ethan answered.
“Will you try and find Mommy? I really do miss her.”
“I will,” he said, unsure how he would keep that promise. Then he silently added, I miss her, too.
He watched Jerry climb in the car and waved until Savvy backed up to drive away, while Mrs. Bowers’s car came into view in the distance.
Ethan waited on the deck while she parked and held up a hand as she got out of the car and walked directly toward him.
“Catch anything?” she asked, her tone much less friendly toward him than it’d been a month ago. And Mrs. Tingle had actually served him cold cereal every day for the past two weeks. And cold bagels the two weeks before. Clearly the two were not happy with him, and he didn’t blame them.
He wasn’t very happy with himself.
“We didn’t catch a thing,” he admitted, spying a used quilt in one of the rocking chairs and moving it to the bin for used ones.
“Pity,” she said, “for Jerry.” She picked up the watering can and wasted no time filling it with water, then started on the plants, eyeing him as though he should have already done the chore.
No doubt she was still mad. Ethan hadn’t attempted to explain his behavior, because nothing warranted the way he’d treated Lindy, and he didn’t try now. However, he did tell her the truth. “I’ve done my best to try to find her and apologize, but she isn’t answering her phone, and no one seems to know where she went.”
She stopped watering the current plant, propped a hand on her hip and asked, “You keep telling me that you’re trying to find her, but you haven’t once told me why. Why are you trying to find her, Ethan?”
“Like I said, to apologize.”
“Mmm-hmm.” One side of her mouth tilted down, and she gave him one of those slow nods that implied skepticism.
“I’m telling the truth, Mrs. Bowers.”
She huffed out a breath and then placed the watering can on the nearest table. “And is that the only reason you need to find her? To apologize?”
What did she want him to say?
And then he knew.
“No. No, ma’am, it isn’t.”
Her eyebrows lifted. “Okay then, why else do you need to find her?”
“To tell her how I feel.”
“Which is?”
“I...think I’d rather say it to her first,” he answered.
Mrs. Bowers clapped her hands together. “Well, all right then. I suppose I might be able to help you out, if that’s the case.”
Ethan moved toward her. “You can help me out? Do you know where she went? All this time, the past four weeks, I’ve been asking, and you—Do you know where she is?”
“See, that’s the thing. You haven’t asked the correct question, and I promised I wouldn’t tell you anything on my own. But if you asked the correct question, I might be able to give you the correct answer.” She lifted a shoulder. “That’s the way life is at times. You can’t find the answers you need if you aren’t asking the right questions.”
But she’d lost Ethan. “What? Mrs. Bowers, I’ve asked you several times over the past week if you knew where she went, and you said you didn’t know.”
“Well, it wasn’t exactly that I didn’t know. It was that she didn’t go.” She leaned against the deck rail and waited for him to put the pieces together.
And it finally clicked. “She didn’t go? You mean she never left? Is she still staying above the sporting goods store?”
“That child came here with hardly any money, no job and no place to live. Where was she going to go? I told her that just because you had ended up being foolish and dim-witted, she didn’t need to leave. She should stay with people who cared about her and who wanted to help her. She needed a place to live, and we gave her one. She still has her job, too, as far as I’m concerned, even if she won’t come here because she doesn’t want to watch you bonding with her little boy. So she’s been working the back room of the store, keeping things stocked, placing orders and all of that. And, I guess, waiting for you to leave town before she comes out in public again.”
“Lindy has been here? This whole time?”
A single nod gave him the answer he wanted.
“Well?” she asked.
“Well, what?” he said, thinking of everything he needed to say to the woman who held his heart.
“Well, what are you waiting for?”
* * *
Lindy prayed that Mr. and Mrs. Bowers would understand when they found her note. She simply couldn’t stay in Claremont. Every time she’d go to the fishing hole, she’d remember her time with Jerry and Ethan. She’d think about hearing her son call her Mommy and Ethan Daddy. Ethan would hear that again, often, but she’d never hear her boy say anything again, much less the name she loved.
Mommy.
Ethan was right. She hadn’t protected him. She didn’t deserve him and couldn’t give him the kind of life he needed, the way Ethan could.
Ethan.
She’d hurt him, lied to him, deceived him. She hadn’t closed her eyes a single night since that last day without seeing his fac
e, so angry, and hearing his voice, filled with rage.
You’ll never have him.
And he was right. She wouldn’t. She was glad that Mr. and Mrs. Bowers had offered to let her stay, but it was torturing her very soul to stay where she’d finally made new memories with Jerry. And with Ethan. Staying here only reminded her of the pain. And the loss.
God, I have no idea where I’m going or what I’ll do when I get there. Guide me, please. And heal my heart, Lord. Heal me from the pain of losing Jerry. And heal me from the pain of losing Ethan.
She knew God had led her to Claremont to find Jerry. Now she needed Him to lead her to whatever her life should be without her son—though she couldn’t imagine her life without her two guys... Jerry and Ethan.
Cotton fields lined both sides of the road between Claremont and Stockville, white tufts as bright as snow. So very white, and so very void of color. Except for one bunch of brilliant yellow up ahead, and as she neared, she recognized the stunning daffodils...just like the one Jerry had picked for her their last day together at the fishing hole.
She slammed on the brakes. Turned the car around. She’d taped the flower together after it had broken and had been drying it. She’d placed it between the pages of the Bible Jolaine had loaned her, and it was still in her room. That Bible held her last gift, last memory, of her son.
She had to go back.
It took twenty minutes to return to the store. She’d left without Mr. Bowers, who was working up front, noticing. Hopefully she could enter and leave again without him seeing and asking her questions that she didn’t want to answer.
Where was she going? She didn’t know.
Why was she leaving? Because it hurt too much to stay.
Why wasn’t she fighting for her son? Because the battle was over, and she’d lost.
But thankfully, Mr. and Mrs. Bowers were nowhere to be seen when she returned. She quietly headed up the stairs, found the Bible and gently removed the precious flower from inside. She cradled it in her palm as she went back down the stairs, turned toward the back door...and saw the man she loved standing in the doorway.
Her heart flipped over in her chest. He looked as beautiful as she remembered—dark hair drawing attention to even darker eyes, a strong jaw, full lips, and a muscled build that said he could protect everyone he cared about. And she knew he would. He would take care of Jerry...forever.
It took a moment to push words past the thick, heavy lump in her throat. “Ethan. I’m...leaving.” She struggled to think through why he could be here. “Were you here to see Mr. Bowers? I think he’s in the front.”
“I thought you’d already left,” he said.
“I...did.” She lifted her palm, where the tender golden petals rested against her skin. “But I forgot Jerry’s flower and—” she swallowed “—I couldn’t stand the thought of not having it.”
“Lindy, I’m sure he’ll pick you more flowers. Lots of them.” He spoke the words softly as he moved toward her.
“He’ll...” Her hand quivered, and she feared she would drop the precious flower. “How—how would he pick me more?”
Dare she hope? Would Ethan actually let her see her son every now and then?
Please, God.
“I would have come and found you sooner, but I didn’t know you were here,” he said, still moving closer. Until she could barely breathe. He looked so intent on...something.
What was he going to do? He wasn’t like Gil. She was certain of that. Ethan Green would never hit her. He’d never hurt anyone.
But what was he here for now?
“Ethan?”
“I tried to make it a prison,” he said, so close now that she could feel his warmth nearing, “but it should be a classroom. It is a classroom.”
Her mind tripped over his words, but she wasn’t following. “I...don’t understand.”
“It’s like you said. Fear says the past is a prison, but God says it’s a classroom.” He swallowed, the thick cords of his neck pulsing with the action. “When I learned who you were, I didn’t treat you the way God would’ve wanted you treated. I placed you in a prison because of your past, instead of realizing that it was your classroom.” He shook his head. “You’ve been through prison, literally, and every day that you were there was another day you missed out on the joy you deserved. Another day you missed out on being with your son. On being with Jerry.”
“Ethan? What are you saying?”
“I’m saying you should have never been away from Jerry. I know you tried to protect him. I believe you, and I should have believed you when you told me before.”
She shook her head. “Why should you have believed me? I’d been withholding the truth from you since the day we met. You should hate me. You shouldn’t even want to—”
“I love you.”
His words halted her midsentence, and she couldn’t remember what she’d planned to say. “I—You...love me?”
“I love you, and I’m pretty sure I have for quite some time. And I believe you should raise your son, but...”
“But?”
“But I am hoping—praying—that you’ll not only want to be a part of his life—” he placed a finger beneath her chin “—but also a part of mine.”
“You...” It was as if she’d forgotten how to communicate. The emotions were too overwhelming.
“I love you, Lindy.”
“I love you, too,” she whispered.
He smiled. “I was kind of hoping you did.” He tilted her chin, brought his mouth to hers and gave her a kiss she’d never forget.
“Mommy and Daddy are kissing!”
They broke the kiss and turned to see Jerry, his blue eyes wide and his hand slapping his mouth against a big grin. Savvy stood behind him shrugging.
“I took him to the B and B, and Mrs. Tingle told me to bring him here, so I did. I didn’t realize...”
“It’s fine,” Ethan said, laughing. Then he turned to Jerry. “Do you think you could get used to Mommy and Daddy kissing every now and then?”
Jerry ran across the room and hurled himself into Ethan’s arms, and then he reached for Lindy so that they formed a perfect little circle. He kissed his mommy’s cheek, and then his daddy’s. “Daddy loves Mommy,” he said.
“And Mommy loves Daddy,” Lindy confirmed. And then, just for good measure, she kissed him again, while their little boy giggled and while the world seemed absolutely right.
Epilogue
One year later
“Thank you so much for putting all of this together for us,” Lindy said to the two women smiling proudly on the back deck of the fishing hole’s cottage. “After my grandmother passed away, and since I never knew my parents, I didn’t think I would ever have a real wedding.”
Jolaine Bowers wrapped an arm around Annette Tingle. “Can’t imagine anything we’d have rather been doing. Besides, we’re the ones who set all of this in motion, so it was only fitting that we help y’all celebrate right. I always knew this place would make a beautiful wedding venue.”
“True, true,” Annette said, peering out over the wedding guests enjoying the reception, which included fishing and pedal boats.
Ethan had clearly overheard the conversation and was laughing as he climbed the deck steps. “Yeah, I don’t know what would’ve happened to us without you two.”
“Me either,” Jolaine said, and Lindy, giggling, suspected the lady actually believed that.
Ethan moved near Lindy and wrapped an arm around his wife, sending a wave of goose bumps up her arms.
“Think I’ll always have that effect on you?” he asked, running a finger over the sensitive flesh.
“I shouldn’t have told you about that,” she said, “and then you wouldn’t know to look for it.”
“I’d hav
e figured it out. And I think it’s adorable.” He lifted a shoulder. “And it makes me feel a little powerful.”
Annette chuckled, and then cleared her throat, probably to remind the newlyweds that they weren’t the only ones on the deck. “Look at all of the Willow’s Haven kids. They’re having so much fun!”
“They sure are, and it was a wonderful idea for you to invite them all,” Jolaine said. “And only fitting, since y’all are volunteering there for the summer.”
“We plan to do that every year,” Lindy said.
Ethan nodded. “I suspect it’ll be the highlight of our year.”
“Maybe one of them,” Annette said, “because I’m thinking you’ll have many highlights in your years now, thanks to that little guy. In fact, I’d say he’s probably making a moment to remember right now.”
Jerry, in drenched khaki shorts and a white dress shirt—his ring bearer uniform—ran toward the deck. “Daddy! Mommy! Everybody is swimming and splashing, even with their clothes on. Can I swim, too? Even in my clothes?”
Ethan grinned. “It looks like you already have been,” he pointed out.
“Nah, this is from splashing. They have lifejackets, and I’ll wear one.”
“What do you think?” Ethan asked Lindy.
“As long as you wear a life jacket,” she said.
“Awesome!” Jerry started to dash away, but then turned. “Maybe next time you can swim with me?”
“Maybe so,” Ethan said, smiling at the boy heading toward the pier.
They watched James Bowers help Jerry put on a red life jacket, and then they saw their son run to the end of the pier and jump in.
“He’s come so far,” Lindy said, emotion filling each word.
“Yes, he has,” Ethan marveled.
“A shame you can’t swim with him like he wanted,” Annette said softly.
Lindy overheard the comment and glanced at her husband, who had a mischievous twinkle in those chocolate eyes.
“What do you think?” she asked.
Child Wanted Page 18
