by M. H. Soars
While he sings his part, I dance, feeling a little bit exposed without my guitar. But once the mic is front of my lips and I start to sing, the discomfort vanishes. I sing the first two lines looking at Oreo before turning to connect with the crowd. That’s when I see him, Oliver, standing back with his arms crossed in front of his chest. What is he doing here? He’s too far away and the room is dark, so I can’t read his facial expression. It’s not until I finish the song and jump off of the stage that I notice that Sebastian and Owen are also there.
Kimmy and Liv give their men shit for crashing our night out, but I stay back, having an intense staring contest with Oliver, who has not said a word either, not even ‘Hi’.
It doesn’t take long for his presence in the pub to be noticed and soon some eager fans approach him and Sebastian, asking for selfies and autographs. Oliver has no choice but to peel his gaze off of mine and I take the opportunity to escape. I can’t be in the same room as him, it’s suffocating, especially when I don’t know what to do with the contradictory feelings hammering in my chest and in my head.
I take the side door that leads to a narrow alley and find Oreo there smoking a cigarette. I hadn’t even noticed that the band took a break. I ask Oreo if I can bum a cig from him. I don’t usually smoke, but with the combination of alcohol and the sudden tension, I need to feel the hot smoke filling my lungs. Oreo heads back inside before I’m done smoking and I welcome the solitude. It’s a beautiful night out, the air is cool and the soft ocean breeze washes away the rancid smell that usually lingers in such alleys.
I’m taking the final drag when the door behind me opens and with that, the sound of music escapes into the alley. I ignore the newcomer and keep on staring into nothing.
“Are you hiding from me?”
I whip my face in Oliver’s direction. He is standing in front of the door with his hands tucked into his jeans.
“No.”
“I didn’t know you smoked.”
I didn’t realize my hand was still poised high, close to my lips. I lower it, keeping the cigarette loose between my fingers.
“I don’t.”
He narrows his eyes and moves until he’s standing next to me.
“You looked good out there.”
The compliment brings warmth to my chest, even if I wish my body would stop betraying me like that.
“Thanks.” I throw the cigarette butt on the ground and take a step in the door’s direction.
“Wait.” Oliver puts a hand on my arm and with that single touch, he ignites a fire deep in my core.
I search his face as I try to control my breathing, but nothing works right when I’m near this man. He can sense it in the way my lips part, in how my eyes are begging for a kiss. His gaze dips to my cleavage and he swallows hard. At least the feeling is not one-sided, I’m not imagining the crackling in the air surrounding us.
“How is everything with you?” he asks.
“Great. Never been better.”
My clipped answer makes him drop his hand and take a step back. “Good. That’s good to hear. And the band, have you found a new drummer yet?”
“No.”
“My offer to make some calls still stands.”
“I, well, thank you. We’ll figure it out ourselves.”
I’m being rude as fuck, which doesn’t deter Oliver from staring at me with an intensity only he can muster. He’s not only undressing me with his eyes, he’s peeling off all of my layers until my soul is bared to him to shatter, to consume. I can’t bear to stay here for another second. I spin where I stand, ready to head back inside, when Oliver curls his arm around my waist and pulls me back, flush against his body. He brings his mouth close to my ear, making my skin break into goose bumps.
“I’ve missed you, Saylor. Say you’ve missed me too.” He kisses my neck and a shiver runs down my spine. I close my eyes, fighting the urge to turn around and kiss the man who is unraveling me completely right now. But self preservation wins against lust, and I manage to break free from that dangerous embrace.
“No,” I say without glancing at him and run back inside before he calls me on my lie.
Twenty-One
SAYLOR
“So how have you been, Blue? It feels like we haven’t talked in ages.” Liv sits next to me on the couch, curling her legs under her, and placing the freshly made popcorn between us.
She invited me to spend the night at her place because she put Sebastian in the dog house for crashing our party. He’s going to stay at Oliver’s.
I shrug and grab a handful of popcorn. Liv always made the best batches. “Working a lot, trying to save money to get my own place, looking for a new drummer. You know, the usual.”
“I can’t believe Damien pulled that stunt. What a douche bag. I never liked him.”
“You and everyone else, it seems.”
“But other than that, is everything fine? You seemed out of sorts before we left Closing Time.”
Liv watches my face closely and I fight not to squirm where I sit. I’ve been meaning to tell her the truth about Oliver since I stopped seeing him, but I’ve been putting it off. I know she will have questions and I’m not ready to admit out loud the emotional clusterfuck that Oliver has left behind. There is also a chance she will get upset that I didn’t tell her from the beginning. But I can’t keep this secret anymore, not when I have a bigger one eating me alive.
“I want to tell you something, but you have to promise not to get mad.”
“Okay?” She narrows her eyes.
I take a deep breath and prepare to just blurt out the truth when a loud knock on the door makes us both jump on the couch.
“Liv, open up.”
“Is that…”
“Oliver.” I finish her sentence. What is he doing here, or better yet, why?
Liv jumps off of the couch and runs to the front door. I stand up in time to see Oliver and Sebastian on the other side of the door, using each other for support.
“What happened to you?” Liv asks.
Sebastian moves away from Oliver, or at least tries to. He takes a couple of steps forward, trips over nothing, and falls to floor. His companion braces against the doorframe and begins to laugh like an idiot. They got drunk out of their minds. That’s what happened.
Sebastian crawls in Liv’s direction, but she steps out of the way and crosses her arms in front of her chest.
Oliver stumbles in as well, bumping against a side table and knocking a picture frame down. The glass shatters.
“Oliver!” Liv says.
“Oops. Sorry. I’ll pay for it.”
“What did you guys do, drink all of the booze in Southern California?” I ask.
Oliver’s gaze turns to mine and I regret opening my mouth. He charges my way and I’m afraid of what his intentions are. He looks determined and hungry, a dangerous combination when it comes to him. He stops in front of me, grabs the back of my head, and crushes his lips to mine. He tries to pry my mouth open with his tongue and any other time, I would surrender without a fight, but not now. I shove him off of me with all of my strength, making him stumble back and fall on his ass.
“You birds are so fucking mean tonight.”
“Oliver, that was unacceptable. I don’t care how drunk you are. You don’t just assault my best friend.” Liv comes to my side.
“Assault? That wasn’t an assault. That was me trying to win your friend back.”
“Win Saylor back? What the hell are you talking about?” Liv glances at me and then back at Oliver.
I’m going to kill him.
“What? She didn’t tell you? We were hooking up.”
Liv turns to me and the accusation is clear in her eyes. “Is that true?”
“Yes. I was going to tell you.”
“How long has this been going on?”
“It’s not anymore. I swear.”
“But it did and you didn’t tell me? What the hell, Saylor.”
Liv steps away from m
e, and the hurt in her gaze is worse than a thousand words of accusation.
“I’m sorry, okay? I knew Oliver was a temporary thing. I didn’t want to put you and Bas in an uncomfortable situation over nothing.”
“Hey, I’m still here,” Oliver says from this prone position on the floor. I doubt he could get back up right now.
“Shut up, Oliver. You’ve done enough damage.”
“Duude. I told you to stay away from Saylor. If I wasn’t so fucking wasted, I would kick your ass,” Sebastian says. He too cannot stand up. Both of them are worthless. If it weren’t for Liv being mad at me, it would be easy to find humor in the situation.
I take a step in her direction, raising a hand in a sign of peace offering. “Please don’t be angry at me.”
Liv closes her eyes for a brief moment and exhales loudly, her shoulders slouching forward. “I’m not angry. I’m just disappointed.”
Motherfucker. That hurt. I think I’d prefer if she were mad as hell.
“It’s been a long night. We should all go to sleep,” she continues.
Sebastian makes an attempt to stand up but Liv is quick to tell him he’s banished from their bedroom.
“But there’s only one couch.”
“Not my problem.”
She disappears through the door and since she didn’t ban me, I follow her. I try to get her to talk to me, but she goes to bed without saying another word. I might not be sleeping on the floor with the guys, but I guess I’m in the dog house too.
OLIVER
I wake up in an unfamiliar place, on the floor, and with a mouth that tastes like ashes. What the fuck happened last night? I remember hitting several bars, maybe I even scored some Molly. Everything is fuzzy as hell but the splitting headache is here to stay. At least, the rug under me is soft.
I hear a groan nearby and when I lean on my elbows, I get the view of Sebastian sprawled on the couch with one arm crossed over his face. So, I ended up at his place last night and the lucky bastard must have beat me to the three-seater.
There’s a kink in my neck and every muscle in my body aches from sleeping on the floor. I roll my shoulders backwards and stretch my neck, trying in vain to get rid of the pain. I’ll need a massage when I get home.
Slowly, memories from last night begin to resurface. After Saylor shot me down at the pub, I was in a piss poor mood, so I convinced Sebastian to go bar hopping with me. We ended up drinking too much, reminiscing about our wild days, and somehow I convinced my mate to come back to his place. I didn’t know Saylor would be here, but I was hoping. I may or may not have attacked Saylor’s mouth in front of Bas and Liv. I don’t think it ended very well for me.
A beam of light comes through the window—the sun must have been hiding behind a cloud before—hitting me square on my face. The sudden light makes my head hurt like a mother. I close my eyes and massage my temple with the heel of my hand for all the good that it does.
I hear the toilet flush and I snap my eyes open. A few seconds later, Saylor emerges from the bathroom, still wearing the same sexy clothes from last night. My cock gets hard on the spot, headache and hangover be damned. Even after all these months without seeing her, the insatiable craving for Saylor has not gone away. The old Oliver would have slept with half of L.A. by now. Oliver post Saylor is a fucking nun. No other woman will do. I can’t explain the feeling, the yearning that leaves me out of breath when she’s near me, and broken when she’s away.
I sound like Sebastian. I need to be committed.
The apartment has an open floor plan, so if I can see Saylor from where I sit, she can see me. She chooses to ignore my presence and goes to the kitchen without sparing me a glance. Crazy beyond hope or not, I get up and follow her because that’s what happens when she is in the same room as me. I have to be near her.
“Good morning,” I say.
She doesn’t reply, but continues to take food out of the fridge. I can’t remember the last time a girl gave me the silent treatment and it bothered me. Thinking about it, it never happened. I mean, the bothering part never happened.
“I’m sorry.” I take a step forward.
I’m not sure if it’s the apology or the fact that I’m crowding her space now, but she stops in her tracks and slowly turns around. “What exactly are you sorry for? Sexually assaulting me or outing us to my best friend?”
“Both.” I run a hand through my hair, frustrated at myself for being so moronic. “I shouldn’t have done either.”
She narrows her eyes at me and her lips turn into a thin line. Looking at Saylor up close and with a clear mind, I notice that her face is a little ashen this morning and she has dark circles under her eyes. She has also lost a little bit of weight, but she still looks beautiful to me. I want to ask if she’s okay, but it seems out of place to do so right now. I don’t want to imply she looks like shit, even though I don’t think she does. But girls are weird like that.
“It’s fine. Let’s just try to forget about it and move on with our lives.”
I don’t like that answer. We’re not done, not by a long shot. I just don’t know how I can convince her of that. I did fuck up at the Battle of the Bands. I’m not going to deny that. I let my jealousy get the better of me and flirted with those fans in front of Saylor on purpose. If my sister ever finds out about this, she will tease me until the end of times. I’m acting like a fucking teenage imbecile. And the worst part? I never did this sort of shit when I was a teen.
Sebastian joins us in the kitchen, taking a seat on the high stool and leaning his elbows against the counter. His hair is sticking out in random directions and the grey color of his skin makes me think he’s about to hurl. I probably don’t look too hot myself.
“Fuck me. I’m never drinking again.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard that before.” Liv comes into the kitchen and my mate raises his head, looking at her with the most pitiful expression I’d seen. I bet I was sporting the same look not two minutes ago. Aren’t we a pair of whipped pussies?
“How bad did I mess up last night?”
“Not as bad as your friend there.” Liv points at me and Sebastian frowns in my direction.
“What did you do?”
Oy, if he doesn’t remember, I’m not going to be the one to clear things up for him. My eyes seek Saylor’s face and I don’t know what she reads in my gaze, but she shrugs and says, “Nothing worth remembering.”
I get it. I’m persona non-grata, so I take my ass home before Liv kicks me out.
I’m in the shower when my intercom starts buzzing non-stop. Looking at the monitor I had installed in the bathroom, I see Sebastian waiting outside my door. For fuck’s sake. What now?
I don’t bother putting clothes on before I answer the door. He looks at my naked figure, rolls his eyes, and pushes me out of the way so he can stride forward.
“Miss me already?”
My friend turns around and levels me with a glare. “Liv told me about you and Saylor.”
“Oh, so that’s what’s eating you.”
“I asked you to stay away from her, Oliver. Why did you go ahead and do the opposite?”
“You know you sound completely mental right now, right? Saylor and I are adults. This is not a soap opera.”
“Jesus, did you think I made that request out of spite? To cock block you?”
I shrug. “I have no bloody clue why you asked me such a ridiculous thing.”
Sebastian puts his hands on his hips and exhales loudly. “Do you know anything about Saylor, mate?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you know what happened to her during her junior year in high school?”
Sebastian ominous tone and somber expression makes something weird happen to my chest. A clench, a pressure that wasn’t there before. I shake my head.
“That doesn’t surprise me. Her name was never released to the press since she was a minor back then.”
“You are freaking me out right now. What the fuck happened
to her?”
I’m thinking the worst possible scenario and it starts with the R word. The thought alone makes me sick.
“Put some damn clothes on and I’ll tell you.”
I never dressed faster in my life. When I return to the living room, Sebastian is sitting on my couch, looking grimmer than ever. I take the seat opposite him and lean forward.
“When Saylor was in junior high, her mom started seeing someone, a lawyer from a neighboring town,” he begins.
Fuck, I already know where this is going, but I don’t say anything. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. There is a huge lump stuck in my throat.
“One day, Saylor was home alone and the boyfriend came by.” Sebastian’s face changes, his jaw clenches and his gaze turns murderous. “He tried to rape Saylor that day, bashed her head against the wall so many times, she was in a coma for weeks. But you must know Saylor by now. She doesn’t go down without a fight. She killed the motherfucker in self defense, stabbed his neck with a steak knife.”
My mate swallows hard and stares at me. I stand there, frozen and speechless while my mind is reeling. It’s worse, so much worse than I thought.
“Now you understand why I asked you to stay away? Saylor doesn’t need to get her heart trampled on by you. She’s been through enough.”
I drop my head into my hand and take one, two deep breaths. The ugly truth should be enough to send me packing. But it has the complete opposite effect.
“I’m not staying away.”
“What? Have you not heard a wor—“
I look up and stare my friend dead in the eye. “I’m not staying away, Bas.” I pause and let out a shaky breath. “I don’t know when or how it happened, but I can’t be without Saylor.”
Sebastian narrows his eyes at me. “Oliver, what are you saying? Are you in—“
“I don’t know.” I cut him off. I’m not ready to give a name to this feeling in my chest yet. “But you have my word that I don’t have any intention to mess things up with Saylor.”
