by Jodie Bailey
If someone was picking off the members of her squad or attacking their families...
Imagining their horror twisted her stomach. Jason’s friends had returned from a combat tour that sounded as though it had been brutal. Now they faced this? How any of them stood under the pressure was hard to fathom.
Lord, help them.
It was the only prayer she had. There weren’t enough words to cover a situation like this.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket and nearly shot her through the roof into the attic. It took a second to focus on the screen.
Jason.
Erin swallowed, tested her voice to make sure it wouldn’t crack, then answered. “You doing okay?”
He didn’t say anything for so long Erin glanced at the screen to make sure the call had connected. “Jase?”
“I’m fine.” The tightness in his voice said he was lying, but she knew how he operated. He wouldn’t talk about it until he was ready. “I’m about to pull into the driveway, and I didn’t want to scare you.”
“Pull into the driveway?” Erin jogged across the kitchen into the living room and peeked through the blinds. Sure enough, headlights swung against the trees as he turned off the road. “Why?”
“All of us are going to Lisa’s? I told you I’d be here around seven. I mean, if you still want to go.”
He still wanted to see her? After all that had happened this morning before he’d been slapped with more horrific news? “I... Sure. I have to change into something nicer than a sweatshirt.”
“You’ll be fine. I think since it’s not as cold tonight, we’ll be outside anyway.”
“Y’all are still planning to get together, even with all that’s happening?”
There it was again, a hesitation, as though he wanted to measure his words before he spoke them. His car eased to a stop behind her Bronco and the headlights were off before he said anything. “We all kind of want to be in one place. What’s left of us, anyway.” There it was. The nonverbal confession this was harder on him than he’d ever admit.
“I’ll unlock the door and grab my shoes.” She killed the call, twisted the dead bolt, then grabbed her running shoes from beside the door and sat on the couch to slip them on.
Jason opened the door, then hesitated on the threshold, one foot on the porch and the other on the hardwood in the entryway. He scanned the room before his eyes came to rest on her. “Is it okay to come in?”
With one shoe on and the other off, Erin sat back on the couch and stared at him. His wounds ran so deep, he still hesitated at the doorway of the house he hadn’t set foot in since the week after their wedding. She’d been sitting on this very spot, her leg in a cast, trying to breathe through the pain of broken ribs, watching helplessly as her father cursed and railed and screamed at the boy he didn’t know was his son-in-law.
Do you have any idea how much money I sank into the Camaro? How much time? What that car meant to me?
But no mention of his daughter. No concern for her pain. She’d never noticed it before. That day, he’d been furious with Jason for destroying the thing he loved.
And it wasn’t her.
Real fathers don’t treat their daughters this way. What if Jenna was right?
“Hey. You okay?” Jason’s voice shook the thought away. Jenna was wrong. She had to be wrong. Because if she was right, then Erin had formed her entire life, had given up the man she loved most, for a lie.
“I’m okay.” It was too much to think about with everything else swirling around her. She slipped on her other shoe and stood, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her sweatshirt. “You don’t have to take me. If you want to go alone, I understand.”
“No.” Finally, Jason stepped into the house and shut the door behind him, his expression a faint echo of the boy who’d once had his whole world obliterated where he now stood. “It’s easier to keep an eye on you if you’re right beside me, and easier for us to protect each other when we’re all in a group.”
“Really.” He didn’t want her to tag along; he needed her to. Big difference. Big, life-altering difference. “I’ve got the Ruger, and Wyatt is—”
“No, it’s not...” Jason stared at the coffee table, then at the blank television screen before he swung his gaze back to hers with the kind of certainty that wouldn’t let her argue. “I already called Wyatt and told him to take off because, well... I need you there.”
The muscles in her face slackened until she was pretty sure her mouth would hang open if she didn’t think fast. He needed her. He wanted her.
Nothing computed. She was a job to him. A guilt trip he had to see through to its destination so he could move on with his life.
Right?
He took two more steps into the room and stopped a few feet away. His expression was open, earnest, more vulnerable than she’d ever seen. “We may not be what we once were, but I’m stationed here for the foreseeable future. Unless we go out of our way to avoid it, we’re going to run into each other. And I’d rather not go out of my way to avoid you. Because, truth is, even though we can’t go back to what we had, I’d like to think we can be something different. We started out as friends, then you were a constant in my life, and, Erin, I need you right now.”
His confession nearly kicked through the last wall of her defenses. There was no telling him no. Since he’d walked into her fire station five nights ago, she’d been keenly aware of the hole he’d left when he walked out of her life eight years earlier. She’d managed to fill the space with so many things, but nothing had worked. Only Jason made her complete.
Erin nodded once, balling her fists inside her sweatshirt pockets, digging her fingernails into her palms to keep her emotions in line. “I’d like to be friends. I’ve missed you.” It was one step farther than she’d wanted to go, but these were words she needed to say.
For a long time, they stared at each other, the space between them too close and too far away. She wasn’t sure how to act. Hug him, or would that be too much? Wave him out the door ahead of her, or would that be too little?
Kiss him? Okay, so she really wanted to, and it was taking everything in her not to let her eyes go to his lips, because then he’d know.
The slightest smile tipped the corners of his mouth, one belying the seriousness of their situation. He held out his hand and she took it, slipping her fingers between his as though it was the most natural thing in the world. He squeezed her hand and opened the door. “Then let’s go.”
* * *
Erin sat in a weathered Adirondack chair and stared at the flames in the brick fire pit in Lisa Fitzgerald’s backyard. The group around the fire had started with dinner in the house and now sat outside, silent except for the occasional story from the past that elicited a few chuckles or quiet sniffs calculated to cover tears, then dropped the group into silent memories again.
Even though she knew no one in this circle, to Erin the empty gaps around the small fire pit were obvious. This was a group in mourning, decimated by an anonymous killer.
There was really no other way this evening could go. A group like this one fought black thoughts and emotions with stories of camaraderie and a dark humor calculated to help them survive experiences civilians would never understand.
The fire department was no different. It was the stories that kept loved ones alive, that made it seem they had only stepped away from the family for a moment and would be back as quickly as they’d vanished.
She studied the small group around the circle, as the fire cast flickering shadows on tired faces, and tried to remember names. Lisa Fitzgerald sat on the other side of Jason, leaning forward to listen to a story a red-haired guy with a beard was telling about Angie Daniels. Lisa had hosted the evening with grace and a delicate understanding of the balance between hope and despair, but her expression held a constant subdued grief. She clearly missed her husband.
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Although the way she occasionally leaned over to touch Jason’s shoulder or lay a hand on his arm made Erin wonder if the woman was ready to give love another chance.
Not that she wanted to think about Jason with another woman. It made the burger she’d nibbled earlier roll in her stomach.
The storyteller, Webster, was the single guy in the bunch. To his right, a dark-haired man Jason had called Caesar fidgeted, alternately reaching for his wife’s hand and staring into his empty cup.
Webster leaned forward, his hands clasped between his knees, eyes on the fire. “Sometimes, I think guys like me were pretty jealous of what Angie and Seth had. She had a way about her where she just kind of took care of everybody around her, always seemed to know what to say in her letters or to put into his care package when Seth needed it. Or when we did.”
Erin forced a smile, but all of the memories she’d heard tonight lacked something. As the lone stranger around the fire, she wasn’t able to picture Fitz or anyone else whose name had been mentioned over the course of the evening. And her only image of Angie Daniels was one that would haunt her forever.
Erin was the odd man out. These people had a history with Jason, had experienced things with him she could never share. It was disconcerting to picture the man she’d once planned on sharing a life with moving through life without her. Sitting here, listening to stories from their time apart, was like listening to tall tales about a movie character...or a total stranger.
Jason sat forward. “Remember the time Seth told her about the kids we saw in that village who didn’t have shoes? Next thing we knew, she’d coordinated a shoe drive and we’re all getting boxes and boxes of shoes.”
Erin studied Jason’s profile in the firelight. The shifting light and shadow seemed to highlight all of the ways this Jason was no longer a boy but a man. A man who had seen things most men never would, who’d braved the worst of humanity and survived. Even the way he’d kissed her had been different.
It was unnerving, almost as though he looked like someone she once knew.
“Know what?” Lisa wiped her eyes and laid her hand on Jason’s forearm where it rested on his chair. “I had some pictures of you guys put into one of those photo books for my husband. He had pictures of those kids and the shoes.”
“No way.” Jason’s eyes shone in the firelight. “I didn’t know photo evidence existed. I always wished we’d had pictures. It was a bright spot in a terrible place.”
Lisa held his gaze for a moment too long before she stood. “I’ll get the book.” She crooked a finger at Caesar’s wife, Caroline. “Come with me, Caro, and we’ll bring out some coffee.”
As Caroline rose, Erin moved to follow. It would feel good to contribute. She’d sat like a lump most of the night. “I’ll help.”
Linking her arm with Caroline’s, Lisa waved Erin away. “It’s fine. Stay here.” The two women turned and walked away.
Erin’s eyes widened. She knew a brush-off when she saw one, even when it was couched in niceness.
No doubt about it, Lisa had eyes for Jason and she viewed Erin as competition.
She was still processing, wondering if Jason returned the feelings, when Caesar reached for his phone and stood. “I’ve got to take this.” He disappeared around the corner of the house.
“His phone didn’t ring.” Webster turned to watch him leave. “I’ve been watching him. His anxiety’s off the charts. He’s probably got an energy shot hidden in his car and he’s been waiting for Caroline to be distracted.”
“Cut him some slack, Web. This thing is hard on all of us,” Jason said.
“Yeah, but Caesar’s been twitchy enough lately. Last thing he needs is to shoot his blood pressure to the moon or have a panic attack.” He turned to Jason. “I used to be jealous of the married guys like Seth, but not now. You and I did it right, staying single. Less to worry about now. Although, no offense, Erin, now’s a crazy time to be bringing a girlfriend around.” He shoved out of his chair. “I’m going to see if I can save Caesar from himself.”
Erin’s eyes slipped closed. Single. Jason had warned her he’d never told them he’d been married, but having it shoved in her face, especially with Lisa’s behavior... Standing, she kept her gaze on Webster. “Good thing I’m not his girlfriend.” The statement was catty, but she didn’t care.
She walked away and headed for the back of the yard, away from a place where she’d never fit in.
Footsteps crunched through the leaves behind her, and Erin pretended interest in a dormant rosebush. Maybe he’d go away.
He didn’t. Instead, Jason laid a hand on her shoulder, his touch warm through her sweatshirt. “Erin...”
Dipping her knee, she ducked from his grasp and stepped to the side. “It’s no big deal.” In a different universe, these people would have been her closest friends. She’d spent half the evening wondering what life would be like in this circle if she’d followed Jason on his military journey. Instead, she’d chosen a father who couldn’t appreciate the sacrifices he knew she’d made, let alone the ones he knew nothing about.
She wasn’t about to confess. “It’s hard to look around and think about the missing links.” Seth Daniels, Angie’s husband, hadn’t made the hour-long drive to the Fitzgerald home. Neither had Alex Richardson, who was with Amber’s parents. Other couples were at Camp McGee or out of town, playing hide-and-seek with their unseen enemy.
“It probably seems like all these stories are out of place, but—”
“It’s healing.” She faced him, though she held some distance. “Lisa’s fond of sharing stories with you.” Erin winced. Why had she said that? Her mouth was completely off the chain tonight.
Jason didn’t seem to think anything of it. Instead, he flicked a branch on the rosebush. “Lisa’s a touchy-feely person. Always has been. Since Fitz was our team leader, she sees herself as the mother figure. There’s nothing more to it.”
Yeah, Jason was a man. Only a woman would see the competition in Lisa Fitzgerald’s actions.
“Jealous?” He was looking sideways at her, one eyebrow arched, one corner of his mouth tipped in amusement.
She chuckled. “Not really, but if she touches you one more time, she might have to answer to me.” Whoa. Where had that come from?
This time, Jason didn’t miss her words. Everything about him changed, his expression expectant, warming her from the inside out.
She should put a stop to this, go home and call it a night before she said something really stupid. Something like Maybe we can start over.
That was something she definitely shouldn’t say. The same obstacles stood between them as before, and there was no way around it. Still, the idea of belonging to Jason, of being a part of his life, felt natural, right.
And he knew it. Closing the space between them, he stood over her, looking down into her eyes, letting his finger trail her cheek. “Give me one good reason not to—” He stiffened and raised his head, something behind her capturing his attention.
Erin whipped around to follow his gaze. The upstairs windows in the back of the Fitzgerald house flickered with flame. A window shattered and smoke rolled out.
She was running before she even processed the action. “Call 911!” She shouted the command at Jason. She had to get into the house and find Lisa and Caroline. Nobody was in the backyard, and the women hadn’t come out yet. Surely they knew the upstairs was burning.
Or had they already succumbed to the smoke?
A force jerked her backward as Jason grabbed the back of her sweatshirt and pulled her against his chest. “What are you doing?”
She jerked away. There wasn’t time to argue. “I’m going in.”
“No. I’ll grab Caesar and Web—”
“Are you trained for this?”
“Do you have gear? A buddy to go in with you?”
There wasn’t
time for debate. “I’m going in. Call 911. And don’t you dare follow me. I don’t need another person to rescue.” Without waiting for him to answer, she raced for the house and nearly collided with Webster as he ran around the corner. Erin sidestepped him, tugged her sweatshirt over her mouth and nose, and plunged through the back door.
Jason was right on her heels, shouting at Webster to call for help.
Smoke filled the darkened kitchen. The fire had already killed the electrical. Her head screamed this was foolish and she needed to wait for a truck to arrive with gear and backup, but her conscience knew she couldn’t leave. With this much smoke, Lisa and Caroline would be dead within minutes, if the ceiling didn’t collapse and kill them first.
Erin tried to process the layout, having walked through on the way outside when they’d arrived. There was an island in the middle, and an opening to the dining room straight across from the back door. Dropping to her knees, she found clearer air on the floor and crawled, the fire bringing an eerie twilight to the room.
There, to the left. Something on the floor.
Erin crept closer and her hands contacted something soft. A body.
She ran her hands along the neck, relief weakening her muscles when a thready beat throbbed against her fingers. “There’s a pulse.”
Jason ducked his head, drew a breath, then stood and hefted the body over his shoulder, leading the way to the backyard, where he laid the woman on the grass and Erin knelt beside her.
Caroline Augustus. And she wasn’t breathing.
Erin drew Jason to his knees. “Needs CPR.”
For a split second, she thought he was going to argue, but he leaned over Caroline instead.
Erin sprinted toward the house, desperate to find Lisa. Across the yard, Webster shouted into his phone as another figure disappeared into the kitchen.
Caesar probably thought Caroline was still inside. Now she had two people to pull out.
Gulping air, Erin dived through the back door. The heat had increased and the ceiling could go at any minute. She had to find Lisa fast, or they were both dead.
