by Nashoda Rose
I huffed. “For how long? The rest of my life? You’re insane.” I turned, putting the key in the lock, his words roaring in my head. Fuck him. I left the key in the lock and spun around to face him. “You know, if I want to dance in the streets at three in the morning wearing a pink tutu, I’ll bloody well do it. Where the hell do you get off tell—”
He stepped forward so I was trapped between the door and his chest then grabbed my forearms. “Listen to me, damn it. Something isn’t right. I don’t know what it is, but it’s all around you.”
“Around me?” I snorted and raised my brows. “Like a halo? Or maybe an aura? You know, on the next block is a special hospital. I’m certain if you tell them about these auras, they’ll admit you without question.”
Okay, he looked pissed. But what did he expect when he said shit like that?
“Danni, just do what I tell you to.”
Oh, wrong thing to say, buddy. I didn’t give a flying crap if he was pissed or not, I was not being ordered around like a kid.
“Why do you have to be such a dick when you open your mouth?”
He sighed. “Little one, this is—”
“And stop calling me that.” I loved the endearment, which right now made me hate it.
“I was there.”
My heart skipped a beat. “Yeah, heard that already.”
I tried to act flippant, but with the bright lights from the street illuminating his face, I saw the truth in his expression. Shit, this was what I wanted, and yet it terrified me.
“I saw what that bastard did to you and I can’t get it out of my head.” He let go of my arms, leaned forward and caged me in by placing his palms against the door. “Every fuckin’ time I close my eyes, I hear your screams and it fuckin’ rips me apart. I stayed away, but . . . I just couldn’t do it any longer.”
I stood frozen, staring.
He grabbed my shoulders. “Are you listening to me? I’d sell my fuckin’ soul to the devil to take back what happened to you. Fuck, I did.” He moved closer so his chest pressed against mine. I swallowed as my nipples reacted and hardened. “I can’t let anyone hurt you again. I won’t. I need you safe and that means you have to listen to me. Promise me you’ll be more careful.”
The pull I had toward him was overwhelming. I was the negative side of the magnet and he was the positive, dragging me closer. My senses needed to touch, taste, and smell him. God, why? Why was this happening? All I wanted was peace from my past, and still it gripped me like a fish hook. I couldn’t explain the pull toward him. It didn’t make sense.
“Why were you there? Were you his accomplice?” As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew he wasn’t; he’d even said we’d both been in a cage. He’d suffered like I had. No, somehow I knew he’d suffered worse.
He cursed under his breath. “Fuck, no. I’d never hurt you.” He growled low in his throat and ran his hand through his hair. “I feel you all the fuckin’ time, Danni. I can’t get you out of me. But what I feel for you will destroy us both.”
Oh, God, why did he have to go and say shit like that?
“What’s between us . . . it’s not natural, but I need you so bad I feel as if my insides will dissolve into a thousand particles if I can’t have you. It’s not fuckin’ normal. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t stop it.”
I didn’t tell him that I felt it, too. Shit, I wanted him so much it hurt and that was crazy. Maybe, we were both insane.
His fingers curled around the back of my neck; then he tugged. I stumbled into his arms and he lowered his head until our lips were inches apart; his warm breath drifting over my skin. I never wanted to taste anything as badly as I did him.
“Balen.” I felt like I knew every inch of him, every pain and happiness. It was an irresistible draw toward him that I couldn’t explain, and right now, I didn’t want to.
“Jesus, Danni. What am I doing?” He abruptly pulled away. “I have to get out of here.”
“But . . .”
Balen’s eyes looked tormented, the green darkening and his brows lowering over them. “If you . . . Danni, follow your instinct. If something doesn’t feel right, go to your friends. They’ll protect you.”
I didn’t even contemplate his words; all I could think about was him leaving me again. “Are you coming back?”
His jaw clenched. “No. I can’t ever come back.”
It felt as if a lead weight dropped into my stomach. “No.” Shit. What the hell was I doing? But the words tumbled from my mouth and I couldn’t stop them. Truthfully, I didn’t want to. “Don’t leave.”
“Danni—”
I curled my fingers around the edges of his coat. “Stay.” Shit, five minutes ago I was ready to belt him one. Now, I wanted him to stay. I was all screwed up, not understanding what was happening, why I was so connected to him.
He stepped back. “No.”
“I need you to stay.”
His hands curled into fists at his sides. “No. Go inside.” He went to turn, but I held onto his coat.
“One night.” Whatever pull was between us, whatever past we shared, it had led to this moment and I wasn’t letting it go.
I’D BEEN READY TO walk away. I’d been prepared to leave her.
I wanted to punch something. Destroy. I was never fuckin’ coming back. There’d never be anything between us.
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re saying, Danni.” But all I thought about was holding her in my arms. Feeling her legs curl around me as I slipped my cock into her tight warmth. For years, as I fought the blood lust, I imagined fucking her, feeling her fingernails in my back, hearing her scream my name instead of the one I heard in my dreams.
“Don’t patronize me. I know exactly what I’m saying.”
I closed my eyes, willing myself to walk away, yet unable to.
“I want this. I need this. Don’t you dare walk away—again. You’re the first guy I’ve wanted to touch me since . . . whatever happened to us. I’m not asking for anything more than one night. I know you’re running from something¸ and I don’t do relationships, so it works. I just want—”
My cock pressed hard against my jeans, and my pulse raced like I was a fuckin’ sixteen-year-old thinking about getting laid for the first time. But I was a Scar and she had no idea what the fuck she was dealing with.
I grabbed her by the hips and jerked her hard up against me. Then I cupped her neck, fingers cruelly digging into her flesh. “Tell me, Danni. Can you fuck me when I’m like this?” My grip tightened and I saw her wince. “Because this is me.” I felt her panic begin to surface, but I couldn’t ease up. She had to know exactly what she was asking.
“Can you?” I demanded before my mouth came down on hers. It was meant to be bruising and harsh, forcing her lips apart and taking what I’d wanted—needed. This was to make her run from me, to make her fear me. Yet, as my fingers curled in her hair and I pulled her head back, I felt her body relax and succumb to my kiss.
She moaned beneath my assault and my cock jerked. Fuck, I wanted this woman. Whether it was something in my dark world that was driving us together or just what we’d been through together . . . it no longer mattered. I had to have her and there was no turning back.
I swept her up into my arms and kicked open the gallery door. My mouth left hers for one second to grab the keys then lock the door again.
“Fuck, baby.” I stared down at her in my arms, her face flushed, lips swollen and red from my bruising kiss. “I’m going to fuck you and then I’m going to leave. You good with that?”
She nodded, her fingers curling into the back of my neck.
“I want to hear you say it, Danni. I need to know you’re okay with this.”
“You going to fuck me or stand here and talk about it?”
I growled low in my throat then strode through the gallery, carried her upstairs and tossed her on the bed. I followed, hovering over top, my weight on my knees as I straddled her. I ran my finger across her brow, loving how
it curved slightly upward in the center. “I don’t do nice and sweet.”
Her eyes flickered away from mine for a second and I could see the artery in her throat throb faster. Yeah, she was scared of me and she should be. I needed possession of her and she needed submission from me, something I didn’t have in me to give.
My cock had never been so fuckin’ hard before as I waited for her to say something. I almost wished she’d push me away; tell me to go to hell. Because one thing I was certain of, leaving was going to fuckin’ destroy me.
She raised her hand to wrap around the back of my neck. “I want what only you can give me—salvation.” Before I could tell her I was no one’s fuckin’ salvation, she pulled me toward her, tilted her head and her lips took mine in a sweet, gentle urging.
I groaned and any resistance collapsed. I lowered my weight on top of her and weaved my fingers in her hair. My mouth harsh and unforgiving against hers, I took what I’d been starving for. Took what I needed. And even if I only had one night with her, I was making her mine.
I tensed as the urge to fight him overpowered my desire. I tried to push it back, but his weight wouldn’t allow me to move. He had my wrists locked in his hand above my head while his mouth drove into mine.
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to move my head away from his harsh kiss.
Click.
Oh, God, please let me do this.
Click.
I curled my fingers, nails digging into my palm.
I couldn’t move. Trapped. Tied down on a cold metal . . . no, Balen was on top of me.
He reached under my top, his hand sliding up my abdomen, over my ribs and then he cupped my breast. “Fuck, little one. Your breasts are perfect.” I couldn’t focus anymore on what he was doing as the fear escalated. I couldn’t move. My arms were held down with chains. I writhed beneath him as he pinned me to the mattress.
“No. God, please no.”
My whispered pleas mumbled against his mouth and Balen jolted back so hard he fell off the bed.
I sat up the instant he was off me.
Balen ran his hand down his face then drove his fist into the floor before climbing to his feet. “I told you. I fuckin’ warned you. Jesus Christ.” He strode to the window and placed his palms on the pane. “Fuck.”
Us being together was something more than just sex. This was about conquering my demons, and I suspected it was about conquering his as well. Maybe neither of us had the power to defeat the memories, but we could replace them with new ones.
“This was a bad idea.”
“Balen, if you don’t hold me down, then—”
“No. Fuck no.” His head lowered as he shook it slowly from side to side.
I got up and walked over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist. He was stiff and unmoving as I leaned in and pressed up against him. “It has to be you.”
“Damn it, Danni. I’m not what you need right now.”
“You are. You’re exactly what I need and want.” I gripped the bottom edge of his shirt then slowly pulled it up and over his chest. “Raise your arms,” I whispered. Standing on my tiptoes, I nipped his earlobe when he hesitated.
Balen groaned then yanked his shirt off the rest of the way. “You’re not ready for this, Danni.”
“Yes, I am.”
He swung around and our eyes locked. “You just freaked out with me on top of you.” His eyes were dark and hard, and yet, beneath that I saw the uncontrollable desire threatening to give way.
“I’ve felt numb to desire—until now. I don’t know why it’s you and right now I don’t give a fuck.” I was determined to have him. To end this constant torment that gripped my mind and wouldn’t allow me to feel anything but fear.
I heard his sharp intake of breath as I pulled my shirt up and over my head and let it drop to the floor. His eyes darkened and I saw the danger in them, the darkness mixed with the desire and it felt as if I’d swallowed a bunch of live wires as my nerves sparked. I licked my lips and unclasped my black lace bra.
“Let me do this my way.”
He scowled and I got the impression he didn’t like having to do it my way.
I let the black lace fall to the floor, the metal clasp making a tiny ting sound as it hit. I kept my eyes on him, afraid he’d either walk away or he’d lose control and throw me down on the bed and have me his way.
He took a deep inhale and it seemed to placate him as his eyes roamed down the length of my body then back up again to meet my eyes. He was quiet. A subtle twitch in his jaw as he watched me.
I reached forward and linked my fingers with his. “Lie down.”
He hesitated and my heart pounded so loud I was afraid he’d hear it and think it was fear. Maybe it was. I think it was a combination of fear that he’d leave me, fear that he’d stay. Because no matter what happened tonight, he was leaving and that terrified me.
The mattress creaked as he sat, his eyes never leaving mine even when he lay back. I couldn’t help but stare at him. Tattoos molded over his muscled shoulders and arms as if they were naturally part of him.
I leaned over him and slowly undid his jeans. His abdominal muscles contracted and he groaned when my fingers skimmed over his skin. I pulled his jeans down and his cock sprang free, hard and throbbing—beautiful. Just like I knew it would be.
When I looked up and met his eyes, I saw his fierce possessiveness. His tight lips and strained brows indicated he was losing it. His hands gripped the duvet on either side of him so tight his knuckles were white.
“Tell me what you want.” He was teetering on the edge, and in order to do this, I had to give him what he needed to keep control.
“I want to flip you over onto your back and fuck you so hard right now, Danni. I don’t do slow and sweet. I fuckin’ told you that.”
I licked my lower lip. “What about my mouth on your cock?”
“Yeah, baby. But I want my mouth on your pussy more.” He reached for me and wrapped my hair around his hand. “You good with this?”
I smiled because he may say he didn’t do sweet, but him asking was sweet. I nodded.
“Good girl.” He tugged on my hair, forcing me to move on top of him. “If you need to stop, you fuckin’ say something. Got it?”
“As long as you don’t hold me down, it’s okay.” I bit my lower lip, dragging my teeth over the wet surface. “Kiss me, Balen. Now.”
A slow grin formed, and in one swift movement, he had me on my back. “The word now coming from your mouth doesn’t work for me. But this will.” He knelt on the floor, and then yanked me forward so my legs hung over the side of the bed. “Now, I’ll fuckin’ kiss you.”
He grabbed my hip harshly at first, but then softened as his fingers lightly stroked up my side to the edge of my breast. I held my breath as he hesitated, the tips of his fingers so close, yet not touching. I arched and tried to move into his touch, but his other hand grabbed my thigh and squeezed.
“Oh, God, Balen, please touch me.”
“Oh, I plan to. But you need to learn to wait. You do that, and I’ll give you what you want.” I closed my eyes and moaned when I felt the stubble on his face tickle my inner thigh. I forced myself to relax, sinking back into the mattress. He kissed just above the folds, a light feathered touch of his velvet lips and a violent ache shot through me.
My heart pounded so hard it felt as if it would break through my ribs. I waited for another touch. Another kiss. And I wanted to beg him. I nearly did until I opened my eyes and saw his face.
Our eyes locked and held.
I knew nothing about this man, except that he was a part of me. Maybe, I did know him. It felt as if I did. It felt as if he was the vessel that had kept me alive. I didn’t need the memories to tell me that. The truth was there, in me.
He squeezed my nipple—hard. I winced, gritting my teeth together, but the pain turned to pleasure as he gently soothed it with the tip of his finger. Goose bumps rose and scattered across my flesh and I arched into him
.
“Don’t move.” Balen’s voice was gruff and I instantly stilled.
I felt his warm breath between my legs and then his tongue flicked over my sex. “Oh, God.”
He suckled while his fingers parted the folds so he could get deeper, harder. “Fuck, you’re wet.”
I moaned, as his voice vibrated against me.
“Don’t come yet.”
“Huh?” My thighs trembled and my insides quivered. What did he say? Oh, God, what was he doing to me?
His finger found the exact spot. “Oh, God. Yes.” He circled slow and soft, then faster and harder. I reached down and threaded my hands into his hair as the building inside me intensified.
He stopped and my eyes flew open. “What’s wrong?”
“You touching me, it’s not going to work here. Not now. I want to fuck you too badly.” I let his hair go and lowered my arms to my sides. “Keep your arms above your head.”
“I don’t like—”
“Yeah. I know. But I have you for one night. And this is what you need from me.”
He was right. I needed to replay the feeling of being tied down and yet have the freedom to move if I had to.
“We change this. Now. Tonight.”
I nodded. “Okay,” I whispered.
“Good girl.” He kissed my inner thigh, then the other, then . . .
I gasped as two fingers penetrated me, deep and hard. “Balen.”
The satin warmth of his tongue danced across my sensitive sex as he began thrusting. Oh, God. He kept me from arching into him with a hand on my stomach, pushing me back in place whenever I shot forward.
“Please,” I begged.
“Love that word from your lips.”
Circling. Slow and gentle with his tongue which contradicted his harsh rough thrusts. My head rolled side to side as the tightness grabbed hold and any moment I’d—
All movement stopped and my eyes flashed open. “Not yet.”
My whole body shuddered. “Please, I can’t wait.”
