Some of the madness faded from Seth’s eyes as they stared at each other. “We’re going home, right?” Seth sounded so bewildered. “I want to go home.”
“Rafe and Ethan are visiting at my house. You’re very close to the ranch where you grew up, though. They can take you there. But for today, let’s just go back to my house. You can rest and eat. My husband is dead and his clothes won’t fit you, but I’m good with a needle and you’re so thin I can lengthen his pants and the sleeves of his shirts, maybe let out the shoulders a bit. I can figure something out so you can get into some fresh clothes.”
“Fresh clothes?” Seth looked down and stared at his knee, clearly visible through his tattered pants. His hands were battered. His neck was stained with what must be dirt, though it had been scrubbed almost raw. His hair was much better, hacked off with a knife so it was ragged but short. Birds could’ve built nests in there before.
Seth poked at his skin through the knee hole and began to hum. Then a stick fell in the fire and drew his attention, and he stared at the fire as if it owned his soul.
Definitely a whisper of madness.
Audra got the distinct impression he’d forgotten the rest of them were there. She reached out and rested one hand on his shoulder, and he jumped as if she’d pulled a knife. He knocked her hand aside so hard her fingers went numb.
Then his eyes locked on hers, and she saw the confusion and regret and apology. Then Julia hit.
“You get away from her.” Julia grabbed Seth by the arm and yanked at him.
Seth tore loose of Julia and began scooting backward. It took Audra a few seconds to realize it, but Seth glanced back and looked at the cave opening again.
They couldn’t let him vanish back in there. They might never find him in that place. Audra was on her feet, pretty fast for a really round woman, if she did say so herself. She rushed toward the cave before anyone else figured out Seth’s goal.
He jumped up, and she got there just as Seth tripped and stumbled into her. They both went down in a heap.
Seth caught her and rolled so his body took the brunt of the impact with the ground.
Before they quit skidding, three sets of hands were dragging Seth off of her. Julia was yelling threats and orders. Rafe had Seth in a headlock. Ethan very gently helped Audra to her feet.
“Are you all right?” Ethan asked.
Seth quit struggling at the question. He turned wild, scared eyes on Audra. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to go home.”
For one second, Audra was afraid Julia was going to throw a fist. She didn’t even yell out a warning. She had bigger problems to deal with than Julia’s attitude toward Seth.
“I’m fine.” She was anything but fine.
She did her very best to keep a composed expression on her face when the truth was, she needed very badly to panic. When she’d landed on top of Seth, she’d felt a gush of liquid that could only be one thing.
So how did a woman with a sturdy backbone act?
Now was not the time for the truth. “Yes. I’m fine. But I think we should get away from this cave, don’t you? It seems to upset Seth. Let’s get back to our cabin.”
“Yes, we’ll go right now.” Julia’s voice was as crisp as a ripe apple.
Rafe scowled. “We needed to hunt around some more. Lay out a house site.”
“Well, you can’t do that if your brother is going to run for the cave every time he gets a little upset,” Audra pointed out.
“Especially when the wind blowing and the sun shining and the birds tweeting upset him.” Julia kept an arm around Audra while Ethan supported her from the other side.
“Yeah, let’s go. We can do this later.” Ethan wasn’t smiling. “Seth, Rafe, saddle the horses. I think I’d better stay with Audra.”
And he was giving orders to Rafe. Another surprising event.
Rafe obeyed him, dragging Seth along. Now Ethan just needed to make Julia mind and Audra would know the world had turned upside down.
Ethan didn’t even try.
Audra had her first pain before they got the horses rounded up and saddled. She did her best to hurry everyone along, but they all seemed bent on dawdling. With Seth along, they were short a horse. When Rafe offered to give Julia a ride on his horse, leaving Audra to ride alone, she was grateful because, though it had gone unnoticed, she was quite damp in certain unmentionable places.
Her stomach contracted again before they’d climbed to the vent to get out of this valley. It had taken much longer to have her second contraction last time.
She was glad she had the stone wall of the vent to lean on and the cover of darkness when the next pang hit so hard she almost collapsed. They were coming much too close together. Was she going to have pains of this intensity and this often for all those hours?
Once mounted up, they rode with ridiculous slowness back home. Of course, Audra wasn’t exactly up to galloping anyway.
With the time spent bridling the horses and the snail’s pace of the journey, they were over two hours getting home and the pains kept coming faster, hitting harder and staying longer.
She was going to have a baby much too early.
She didn’t have any idea if a baby could live under those circumstances.
She started to cry.
So she turned her thoughts to the ride, counting off the steps, the minutes, until she could get home and lie down. There’d be no stopping this birth, not this time.
She had plenty of time, of course; babies could take a long time being born. But this laboring was much harder than the last one. With Maggie she’d had mild birth pangs for nearly a full day, and her water hadn’t broken until nearly the end.
It looked for all the world like this baby was going to be much harder to deliver than the last one.
And Maggie had been about all Audra could handle.
And the baby was coming much too early.
And she didn’t have any idea if a baby could live under those circumstances.
And she started to cry.
And then turned back to counting each step.
CHAPTER
18
“I think I’ll go take a nap.”
“You need to lie down now?” Julia asked.
Audra nodded, gasped, then forced a long slow breath through her lips.
Julia’s eyes went wide. She turned to the Kincaid men, who had crowded into their small cabin. “Get out.”
“What?” Rafe studied her through narrow eyes.
“You have to get out. Now.”
“Uh . . . uh . . . why?” Rafe looked from her to Seth, as if she was throwing all of them out because she didn’t like his brother.
Which she didn’t.
Even less now, because it was clear to Julia that Seth running into Audra had brought on this round of pains.
“Audra needs complete rest.” If we’re going to stop her labor.
But Julia didn’t say that. It was too outrageously personal.
“She’s been doing nothing but resting all day,” Ethan, the insensitive nitwit, said with his brainless smile.
“I need rest, Ethan. A lot of rest.” Audra headed for her bedroom. She didn’t go toward the one she’d shared with Father. Neither Julia nor Audra had slept in there since he’d taken sick. Julia, Audra, and Maggie slept in Julia’s room. The men slept under the stars.
“Well, go on in and rest.” Rafe gestured toward the back of the cabin. “We’ll be real quiet while we get a fire going and get supper—”
“She’s having the baby!” Julia clapped a hand over her mouth.
Audra froze. “Julia, honestly.” Audra leaned against the bedroom’s doorframe as her cheeks turned a fiery pink. She’d almost made it before Julia opened her big mouth and blurted out the truth.
“Really?” Rafe stared at Audra’s stomach so hard and in such horror, Julia wanted to backhand him.
“She just needs rest.”
Ethan, the idiot, smiled as if he’d just been given a jui
cy steak and didn’t have a care in the world. His eyes had a panicked look, though, as they flickered between Audra and her belly.
Seth said, “It’s my fault.”
“Yes, it most certainly is,” Julia said, jamming her fists on her hips.
“No, it isn’t.” Audra turned away from the bedroom door and came back to pat Seth on the shoulder. “Now, don’t you go blaming yourself. It’s just time for the baby to come is all.”
Seth turned his wild eyes on Rafe. “Let’s go get the doctor.”
“There’s no doctor anywhere around.” Rafe looked helpless, which shook Julia badly. “The closest one might be in Colorado City, and I’m not even sure about that. We’d be all day riding for him.”
Julia couldn’t decide if the men were desperate to help, or escape. She pushed her way between Seth and Audra as if to provide a human shield. “It is not time for the baby to come.”
“I’m not that sure how, ummm . . . I mean I don’t know when Wendell and I . . . I . . . I . . .” Audra turned a shade of pink that Julia had never seen on a human being before. “I mean . . . uh . . . I’m not sure when it’s due. When the baby is due. I don’t know that. Not for sure. It’s probably now. Right now.”
Audra squared her shoulders, and even pink she sounded strong and calm. “Yes, obviously it is due now.”
Well, fine, Audra can be in charge of calm. I’ll be in charge of work.
“We’ll get you in bed. With rest maybe we can put this off. The pangs have stopped before.”
“Not this time. The baby is definitely coming.”
Julia wasn’t sure how Audra could know that. In truth, though she’d helped deliver Maggie, Audra had only called out to her at the last minute, waking her from a sound sleep. Then most of it was a blur. Beyond catching Maggie, Julia had no idea exactly what went in to bringing a baby into the world. The two of them had even questioned what to do with the baby’s tummy and the long cord. It had taken every ounce of nerve they’d possessed to finally cut it off. Neither of them knew a thing about birthing babies.
Julia had kind of hoped she’d be asked to do nothing but catch again. And she would be confident about the cord this time. That had clearly been the right thing to do. And she’d be glad to give it a bath again, too.
“It will be a while,” Audra added. “It certainly was last time. So, yes, gentlemen. Though it isn’t very hospitable, you’re going to have to leave. The baby probably won’t come until morning, but I’d prefer if you occupied yourselves elsewhere.”
“But it’s too soon, Audra.” Julia slid an arm around Audra’s slender shoulder and felt Audra’s whole body tense up. Julia turned away from the men, to help Audra to her room.
Audra clutched her stomach. “Wait. Stand still. Let it pass.”
Julia did as she was told.
“Let me help.” Rafe appeared at Audra’s side to slide his arm around her waist and make sure she didn’t collapse. Julia shot him a grateful glance.
When Audra relaxed, she said faintly, “The pains are so much harder than last time.”
“I didn’t help you at the beginning before. You went through most of it alone.”
“Yes, but it was very mild at first. It was hours and hours of pains. And they started out so far apart last time. I felt them most of the day before Maggie was born.”
“You did?” Julia had no idea.
“Yes, but I only figured it out late that night. I knew I felt awful, but I didn’t even know what was going on exactly. I’d never had a baby before, and I’d certainly never seen one born nor talked with a woman who’d had one.”
“How can you be sure the baby is coming, then?” Rafe asked.
“My water broke.” Audra clutched at her stomach.
Rafe vanished. A door slam turned Julia to look over her shoulder. The Kincaids had all run.
Thank heavens they were gone.
Don’t leave me here alone!
Both thoughts were at war in Julia’s head. But of course it was best they were gone. At least they’d taken Maggie. She wouldn’t have put it past the cowards to leave Maggie just because it was an abandon-the-girls moment.
“Help me, Julia.” Audra’s knees gave out. “I need to lie down.”
Julia kept Audra on her feet by pure force. Where was Rafe when she really needed him? Gone! Typical man. Just like her father.
She was never more grateful for her tiny stepmother. Much easier to carry. She practically bore Audra’s entire weight as they staggered to the bedroom. Julia eased her down on the floor. Audra’s eyes were closed so tightly it wrinkled her smooth brow. Lines of pain were etched in her face and her whole body was rigid. For one black, furious moment, Wendell Gilliland was lucky to be dead and beyond Julia’s reach. If he’d been here, Julia would have given him the beating of his life. His wife shouldn’t be giving birth without even a bed to lie on.
And those worthless cowardly Kincaids were lucky to be gone, too.
“Julia, I feel funny. If I didn’t know better, I’d say the baby is being born right now. But that’s im . . . impossib—” Audra’s voice broke. “Impossible. I can’t . . . I can’t bear this. Hours and hours like this. I can’t survive it.”
Julia decided she’d better take a quick look. Audra didn’t stop her. She seemed to be beyond modesty for the moment.
Julia adjusted Audra’s clothing. Audra gave a loud shout that turned into a roar. Julia was just in time to catch the baby.
“No, wait!” Audra’s head fell back to the floor. “No, this isn’t right. It takes all day.” Tears leaked from the corners of Audra’s eyes.
Julia had nothing to care for a baby. She awkwardly rested the messy, wriggling baby on the same blanket Audra lay on, and the little one let out a thin, wavering cry, then another until she was wailing.
“It’s another little girl. Look at her dark hair.” Not the bald head Maggie had come out with.
The baby kicked and her arms flew wide and she cried with every breath. Audra turned to look at the baby, and Julia saw a look on Audra’s face she’d seen before. When Maggie had been born.
“She’s so tiny. Was Maggie that little?” Audra asked.
“It doesn’t seem possible.” Julia really couldn’t remember. “Until this moment I was thinking Maggie was still tiny.”
Audra twisted around to better see the little one. “She looks big enough, doesn’t she? She’s not born too early.”
“She looks perfect, strong and lively. Crying her head off. That’s a good sign.”
Tears trickled down Audra’s face. With hands visibly trembling, she reached for the newborn. Julia helped arrange the tiny one in her mama’s arms.
Julia felt a connection that had to mirror Audra’s. This little one would be surrounded by love all her life.
“How can I love her so much when I didn’t love her daddy at all?” Audra stared at the baby, then blinked and raised her eyes to Julia. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that about your father.”
“No, I know how he was. But that doesn’t change how much we can love this little one, does it?”
“And she has dark hair like him. Except . . .” Audra looked closer. “I think there might be a tinge of red to her hair. It looks dark, but dark red, I think, not brown. She’ll look like you, I hope.”
“My mother told me once I looked like my father’s mother. She was a redhead.”
“Good.” Audra shook her head and turned back to the baby. “Can you help me . . . help me feed her?”
Julia rolled a second blanket to prop Audra’s head up a bit. Julia helped Audra arrange her clothing and balance the baby in just the right position. The strange newborn cry was something else Julia had forgotten. She hadn’t realized Maggie’s cry had changed until she heard the sound again. “What shall we name her?”
“I . . . I’d name her Julia.” Audra looked away from the baby to Julia and smiled. “But that might be confusing.”
It was an honor that warmed Julia’s
heart almost to the point of pain.
“It might be. Thank you, though, for thinking of it.” Julia ran one hand over the baby’s head as Audra turned back to help with the baby’s first fumbling attempts to eat punctuated by the wailing. “You’re so much better at that than last time.”
Audra cradled the baby closer. “She needs a bath. And I don’t want her to get cold.” With awkward desperation that made Audra laugh and cry at the same time, the baby finally latched on to eat and the room fell silent.
“I’ll get a diaper and a blanket, then warm some water. We’ll keep her wrapped up tight and you just cuddle her close. It’s a warm day, but we want to make sure she doesn’t get a chill, especially with the cool mountain evenings coming.”
Julia returned with the diaper and blanket, tended the cord, and wrapped the baby tight, all while Audra held her in her arms.
Julia carefully exposed each arm and leg, bathing the baby in warm water without letting her get fully uncovered. She positioned the diaper and finished the bath without disturbing mealtime.
“Your middle name is Lily, isn’t it? Julia Lily?”
“Yes, Lily was my mother’s name.”
“Lily, then.”
“How about Lily Sarah. Sarah is your middle name, right?”
Audra looked up from the baby. They exchanged a smile. “I like that. We were certainly in charge of bringing her into the world, weren’t we?”
Julia’s smile widened.
Turning back to the baby, Audra said, “Hi, Lily Sarah.” The glow of love in Audra’s eyes made tears burn in Julia’s. At that moment, Julia knew she had to have a child. She had to feel this powerful love. She thought of Rafe and wished she could have his child. She wanted it to be a child born of love, and she saw little sign that Rafe loved her. But Wendell certainly hadn’t loved Audra, and yet Audra glowed. Julia could get love into her life with a child.
Julia adored Maggie, and she already loved Lily. But it wasn’t the same. Nothing could be as beautiful as the radiant love shining on Audra’s face. Feeling she was intruding, Julia left the room, doubting Audra noticed. She stepped into the front room of the cabin and broke down and cried.
Out of Control Page 23
