by Liv Morris
I should have enough money after selling this bracelet to put up a small deposit on an apartment. This morning, I called the old landlord from the place my mother and I lived for years. I was nervous and jittery just talking to him. I am stepping out in blind faith that I can pull off living alone. I couldn’t even afford it four months ago, so I don’t know how I can now.
In the blur of the weeks after my mother’s death, I signed everything I had over to him, not that it was much. He told me he would open another account for me, but that never happened.
Stupid me!
I was afraid to even mention it to him. I will count this entire four months with James as a horrible learning experience and the biggest mistake of my life. I need to have faith in myself, and the rest of humanity. Sin has proven that to me over and over again. This one shitty relationship isn’t how people really behave.
The shop owner sets down his single spectacle and hands me back the bracelet. I refuse to take it from him. I have to sell it today. I have no other options.
“Okay,” he says, shaking his head at me before looking away. I detect pity in his tone, but I will take it. I don’t have a choice. “I need the background behind this bracelet. It is so hot, it’s burning my fingers.”
“Hot? As in stolen?” I say in disbelief. “I may be poor, but I’ve never stolen anything in my life.” I shoot him a steely glare.
“Convince me then.” He steps away from the counter and crosses his arms over his chest.
“My fiancé gave it to me, but I’ve broken up with him.” Or I am in the process of doing it.
“Fiancé? Only people in town who can afford this type of bling are the doctors and their lawyers.” He narrows his eyes at me. “How old are you?”
“Twenty-two. And my ex-fiancé is a doctor at The Clinic.” I stand tall, unwilling to back down. This bracelet is mine no matter who paid the bill.
With a huff, he yanks the bracelet off the fingerprint-riddled counter. “I have a feeling I’m going to regret this, but you don’t have the look of a liar about you. Believe me, I can spot one clear to Canada.”
“Thank you,” I gush in an embarrassing way. The poor man even gives me a shy smile. If the counter weren’t between us, I would be giving him the biggest hug.
“Well, don’t get too excited, miss. I have to cushion the risk, so my offer won’t be something to shout about it.” My excitement exits with a sigh.
“So how much?” I ask in partial defeat. At least he believes it is mine to pawn.
“Well, first I’m going to tell you what you’re selling.” He dangles the glimmering bracelet from one end and I watch it twirl between his fingers. “950 Platinum metal. Fifty-two diamonds that average a very good score on the cut scale. A total carat weight of over ten.”
“Platinum?” I blame my poor upbringing, but I thought the metal was white gold.
“The densest precious metal for jewelry, making it cost more than gold. I bet your doctor friend paid over twelve thousand for this piece. Maybe more. Are you wanting to sell it out right or pawn it?”
“Sell it, I guess.” I haven’t the slightest idea what the difference between the two is.
“Sell means I buy it permanently. Pawn means it’s collateral against money you’re borrowing. If you don’t pay the loan back, then I keep the bracelet. I figure you wanted to sell out right, but I had to ask.”
“I don’t want to ever see that bracelet again.” I tip my nose up in disgust.
“Well, I can offer you fifteen hundred.” I hear the finality in his voice and realize I need to get my old job back this afternoon if I can. An apartment deposit along with buying a simple mattress will leave me with barely two dimes to rub together.
“If that’s the best you can do.” My question hangs in the air.
“I don’t know why I’m doing this, but something about you reminds me of my own daughter. Grown with children of her own, but she had the same innocent way about her.”
The man reaches under the cabinet and places an official looking sheet of paper on the glass. Even looking at it upside down, I recognize the name of the pawnshop and its logo printed across the top. “I’m going to give you two thousand. Not a damn penny more.”
“Really?” I smile at the generous man so big my face actually hurts. “You have no idea what this means to me.”
“Just keep what I gave you a secret. I don’t want to look soft.” He winks. My mouth falls wide open as I realize his comment might be sexual. So much for me reminding him of his daughter. But whatever, the weight on my shoulders has lifted knowing I have this much money. It won’t last forever, but it will get me on my feet for now.
“Lips sealed.” I twist my fingers against my lips like I am turning a key. “Your secret is safe with me, sir.”
“You can call me Bob.” He pulls a pen out of his shirt pocket and hands it to me. “Fill out this form. I’ll also need a driver’s license. Government rules.”
I reach down into my old seen-better-days purse and pull out a wallet in the same condition. I remember when my mother bought them both for me. It was for my birthday three years ago. Three years from the day she was murdered. My heart hurts as I take out my driver’s license and place it on the glass.
James kept my memories of her suppressed over the last four months, never letting me talk about my mother or even wear something from my past. But I want to feel and remember. I need to carry her with me and not let her memory fade.
Bob picks up the ID and reads over it for very long moments. He volleys back and forth from the ID to my face.
“Well, Harlow. I have a guess what brought you into my shop today.” He leans closer to me like he has a secret to share. “I’ve seen plenty of desperate people walking through these doors. A beautiful young woman like you has her whole life ahead of her. I hope I never see you in here again.”
Even Bob sees through my hidden hurts. He doesn’t have the details, but he knows how to spot trouble, or people in trouble. This pawnshop is filled with objects that have a story behind them. From the shiny new guitars on display to the diamond engagement rings, prized possessions line the walls and counter displays. Each one sold or pawned for a reason, whether the owner wanted to hold onto their treasure or not.
The dusty old place isn’t the end of a dream for me. It will be my new beginning, one that requires money. They forgot to tell us in school that dreams don’t come cheap.
After all the paperwork and formalities are finished, I stuff the twenty one hundred dollar bills inside my wallet until it bursts at the seam. I can’t even close the damn thing. What a great problem to have.
I skip out of the shop with a big fat grin and a light heart. My new chapter in life can finally begin.
***
I arrive at the lake my mother called Minnesota’s Malibu and park my car in the deserted lot. Not another human being is in sight, including Sin. But I am fifteen minutes early, plus it is Monday morning, which isn’t a busy time for any lake in this state. I step out of the car and reach into the backseat for my jacket. The late spring breeze blows a surprising chill in the morning air even though June is a few days away.
I sling my purse over my shoulder and hold it tight to my side, protecting what will buy me my future. I have never carried this much money in my life and my palms sweat at the thought. I brush aside any uneasiness since Sin will be arriving soon. The thought of him coming to meet me returns me to a feeling of happiness and hope. I don’t want to bog myself down with worries. Not today.
The sun shines down on the crisp blue lake and near blinding flashes of light bounce and shimmer across it. I hear the ebb and flow of waves hitting the shore. The sound draws me to the sandy edge of the lake where I stand and close my eyes. I remember the happiest of times here. I can almost hear my mother’s sweet voice singing her favorite Beach Boys song. She swore those songs made the sandy beach seem more like we were in California.
I turn my face toward the almost midday
sun and let its rays warm my skin as the precious memories of my childhood soak in. After untold minutes standing still, I hear the sound of gravel popping and open my eyes to see Sin parking the white Porsche next to my car.
Sin unfolds his giant frame out of the car and stands up tall. He wears a black leather jacket and black jeans like he rode in on a motorcycle. He is all man and muscles as he moves away from the car and I can’t ignore the unbidden pull I have toward him. It is just there, floating in the air between us without effort or thought.
He starts to scan the area and spots me instantly. I raise my hand to wave and he waves back. And when he smiles at me, the sun can’t stand up to the warmth I feel from him. He rights everything in my crazy world. Even if it’s only for today and this small moment in time, all the craziness fades away with him in my view.
I can’t wait another second to be near to him. To touch him. To have him touch me. My legs have a mind of their own and I find myself running full speed to Sin. My hair flies in my face and I brush it away so he stays in sight. When I am only a few feet away, Sin opens his arms wide and I rush into them.
“Harlow,” Sin mutters into my hair as I melt into his strong grasp. His arms are wrapped around me tight, leaving me just enough room to take a breath. “I’ve wanted to hold you like this since the night we meet.”
“I’ve wanted it too,” I answer in a haze of emotions and intense desire. The want within me can’t get close enough to him. For once in my life, I believe what’s bubbling up in me is true passion. Finally.
I press harder into the softness of his distressed leather jacket. With my next breath, his glorious scent, a mix of brute man and the beast of the leather, invades my lungs. I hold the air inside me until Sin’s scent makes contact with my every living cell. My heart wants to soar out of me with a joy I can barely contain. Encircling my arms around him, I close my eyes to seal in this feeling of bliss.
“I’ve dreamed of touching you, running my fingers through your hair.” Sin runs one of his hands through my loose strands and fists them tight. He tugs my hair so I am looking into his eyes, and I see the same desire I feel reflecting from him. “I’ve wanted to kiss your lips. But you were my uncle’s, not mine.”
“I’m not his anymore.” A sense of true freedom fills me when I speak these words. “It’s really over.” I exhale more than the air I breathe and the tension in my shoulders eases.
“You’re doing the right thing.” Sin brushes my windblown hair away from my face. He stares at my eyes and glances down at my lips. I lick them and he glances back up at me. His normally golden brown eyes have turned almost a shade of chocolate. He drops a hand to my waist and presses his hip into me. I can’t ignore his full arousal and I don’t want to. Everything seems so natural between us.
“I need to kiss you now, Harlow.” Sin lowers his lips closer to mine, but doesn’t touch them. Short, impatient breaths hit my skin and fuel my own desire. “May I?” His voice sounds deep and rough.
“Please,” I say in a heated rush.
He reacts before I finish my one word plea and touches my lips in the slightest fashion. Soft angel wing like kisses that have the power of the devil in them, because it makes me want so much more than I should. I just left the home of my fiancé and I am in the arms of his nephew a few hours later.
He continues his gentle torture along my jaw and sweeps his lips to my ear. His touch causes a million nerves to fire up in its wake. All the dead feelings have come alive—or maybe they weren’t dead, just untapped until the right man had me in his arms.
“I can barely control myself,” Sin whispers in my ear. His lips find my lobe and he draws it into his mouth. He gives it a quick bite and I moan at the sensation. “I don’t want to push you.”
How could he think that when I am the one pushing against his erection? Then, I realize he doesn’t want to be compared to James. I pull my face back so I can look into Sin’s eyes.
“You’re not him. You will never be like him.” I see his eyes soften as he nods his head. “Please, Sin. Kiss me.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Sin
I try to control my cravings as my hands continue to shake in pent up need. Harlow is right. I don’t want to treat her like James. Or use her for my own pleasures. She deserves to be cherished and adored. Sadly, I’ve never said that about a woman before in my life. Harlow has opened my eyes to what matters between a man and a woman, and it goes way beyond just the physical.
But I am weak, so I release all my built up restraint and crash into her lips. I hold nothing back when we touch. Her subtle body gives way to mine and there is nothing but our layers of clothes between us.
The barrier works to protect us both, because urges run too deep to control.
Her quiet moans vibrate against my lips and I sneak my tongue into her open mouth. She meets me without hesitation and we join in desperate need. Her lips are a touch of heaven, though she feels like a naughty angel in my arms.
My hand slides farther down her back and I cup her ass. I should stop myself, but her soft curves and whimpers are fuel to my desires for more of her.
She brings her hands to my head and twines her fingers through my hair. Sweet and gentle, Harlow is anything but that. Her tugs and pulls undo me.
Her touch has brought me to the point of losing control. I hadn’t planned on kissing her like this, if at all. It’s time to hit the brakes, though everything in me begs for more of her.
“Harlow, we need to stop,” I say, trying to catch my breath. My plea sounds hollow because my words to her are the last thing on my mind. Fucking her senseless would better reflect my mood.
“I know,” she pants. Her flushed face and dazed eyes speak for her. She is fighting the need for more, too.
Who knew our attraction would strike us like lightening out of a clear blue sky. Neither of us expected to be in this place, kissing each other, just mere days ago, but what draws two people together is unpredictable in this game of life.
“I am sorry. I got carried away. Let’s focus on what you need. How can I help you? Do you need money?” I hesitate when I ask her this question, but I can’t imagine her starting over without it. Her clear eyes become brighter as she smiles back at me, if that is even possible. I am glad she wants my help.
“I have money,” she exclaims. I squint my eyes in confusion. “I sold the diamond tennis bracelet James gave me this morning. Right before I came to meet you. His car is the only thing I have left that belongs to him. I packed up all the things he saved for me from the apartment I shared with my mother.”
“So, the clothes in the guest bedroom closet and stuff,” I leave the part vague where I rummaged through her box of books, “those were yours?”
“All mine. I bought and paid for them all myself, or my mother did.” I see nothing but pride and satisfaction in her eyes, and it is a stunning addition to her already beautiful face.
I reach down and kiss her lips again without even realizing it. I want to absorb some of the joy I see in her. I have hoped she would find it on her own. I make the kiss quick and pull back to look down at her again.
“Let’s get that damn car back to James’ house, and then I’m all yours for the day.”
“Don’t you have to get back to the clerkship?” Worry crosses Harlow’s face and the joy from a moment ago disappears. “Tell me it was okay for you to be here.”
“It’s all good. I cleared it with the program director.” The white lie slips off my tongue. I emailed the director and told him I was unable to make it in the rest of the day due to an unforeseen emergency. I haven’t checked my inbox to see if he has replied, but this beautiful, brave woman standing before me is all that matters in my world right now. If I get kicked out of the clerkship, I still have med school at Columbia starting in a couple weeks.
“Okay,” she says, hesitation in her voice, “but I know how important the clerkship is to you. I don’t want to come between you and your life goals. I wi
ll never let that happen.”
How has her welfare taken precedence over my quest to become a doctor? Sure, that goal remains front and center in my life, but her wellbeing outranks everything else in this moment.
“It’s all good,” I say with an encouraging, and hopefully convincing, smile that brings her smile back. Relief washes over me. “As much as I want to kiss you senseless again, we better get going.” I release her from my arms, but take one of her hands in mine. Bringing it to my lips, I kiss each knuckle. Harlow shivers under my touch.
“Are you cold, babe?” I ask.
“No. Just the opposite. I’ve never felt this odd warmth before.”
“Me either.”
“Really? You have so much more experience at this thing than I do.” She blushes at me and I love that her innocence has endured even under the strong hand of my damn uncle.
“I swear to you, I don’t have experience in the way I feel for you. This is new territory for me, too. One I hope to continue to explore.”
“I don’t know how long we have before James finds out. I hope he never knows you helped me. We may only have today.” Sadness weaves through her words and I want to dismiss her worries, but I can’t. I have to be honest with myself. Our future together seems so unclear. I can’t promise her anything other than my help.
“We should head back to the cars.” Our hands stay clasped as we turn and walk toward the parking area.
“After dropping the car off at James’, would you mind taking me to my old apartment building? The landlord has agreed to give me a special deal on a vacant studio apartment.”
“Like I said, I am here to help you.” Today. The word echoes in my head and stabs at my heart. My sad and stupid heart, because I have nothing to promise her. And I hate that fact.
We continue to walk back to our cars, hand in hand—mine large and dwarfing hers; hers soft and delicate against my rough skin. She talks about her morning trip to the pawnshop and the man who owns the place. Bob, she calls him. He gave her two thousand dollars and she bounces on her toes like she won the lottery. I compare the millions in my trust fund to her small amount of money and know hers has a greater value than mine, because it means more to her. A truly sobering thought.
