by Drew Sera
“I know it is, Anthony. You know the truth. Your family and friends know the truth. Sydney knows.”
My stomach dropped when he said her name, and I set the food down on the bench next to me and leaned over my knees. I looked at the patterned pavers that made up the ground of the courtyard and took a few deep breaths, hoping I wasn’t going to throw up. I felt ill, and sharp pains filled my abdomen.
Blake was right though. The important people in my life knew that Sydney was just as important to me as she was to Colin. I felt Blake’s hand on my upper back and quickly pushed myself to an upright position, which brushed Blake’s hand off me.
“I don’t think Colin or Matt thought too highly of you coming to the office today.”
“I needed to, Blake. There are some things that needed to be tended to.”
I could tell that Blake wanted to say something else, but I was thankful when he didn’t.
“I won’t keep you any longer, Anthony. I just wanted to make sure you had something to eat and a friendly face.”
“Thank you, Blake. Really, I’m glad you came by.”
“I’ll see you tonight. I’m bringing over dinner. Would you like anything in particular?”
“No. See what Colin wants and get that.”
I walked him out and made it back to my office in time for a conference call. I set the rest of my sandwich on my desk with every intention of finishing it. But when I went to eat it, I felt sick to my stomach. I pushed my chair away from my desk, bent my leg at the knee and propped my foot up on my desk. I’ve never done that before and wouldn’t make a habit of this, but damn, it made my lower back feel better. I was able to pay some attention to the conference call and nibbled on a couple M&M’s to get me through the afternoon. I pulled a picture of Sydney that I’ve been carrying since last Saturday and ran my finger over her face. She had such soft skin. Except for her hips. I loved to rub gently on them for her. I remember when she first came to stay with Colin and she wouldn’t let us touch her in certain places with her hips being one of those places. Eventually, she calmed and became less afraid. Soon enough I was stroking those tender hips over the chapped skin and left light kisses on her skin.
I was staring at emails, not really comprehending them when there was a knock on my office door. The door was open, but I think people tried to leave me alone for the most part. I looked up and saw James and Mitch walking in. I glanced at my watch to see that it was 4:00. Had I missed a meeting or conference? I quickly sat up and looked down at my calendar. The two of them took up the seats in front of my desk as I rushed to see if I missed a meeting by checking my secondary calendar on the computer.
“Sorry guys…did I miss an appointment?” I glanced at them and began to apologize.
They looked at each other and frowned and then both checked their cells phones and Mitch shook his head.
“No, Anthony. We’re not here on business. Can James and I buy you a coffee? I know it’s late in the day and all, but you look like you could use a friend.”
I realized that if I had said no thanks that they’d view it as being pushed away. I agreed and shut my computer down and locked up my office. I was going to go home after the coffee.
We got downstairs and James and I sat down while Mitch got the drinks. I kept my cell out on the table, just in case. It turned out to be a good idea to get coffee with James and Mitch. We talked about football and James talked about Neil and how they’re trying to plan a trip to Hawaii. Mitch talked about his son being in the running for valedictorian for his high school. It did nothing more than take my mind off the worst part of my life for a few minutes.
31
Thursday, January 16th
Sydney
The knocking noise started again!
What the hell is it? My heart began to pound again as I curled up closer to the wall on the floor. I was able to cover one ear completely by resting my head on my arm so it blocked out the weird knocking noise. With my other hand I was able to partially cover my exposed ear. It didn't do as good of a job as I hoped for in drowning out the noise, but it was something.
I managed to get lost in my thoughts until the knocking became pounding. I opened my eyes and looked in the direction that I thought the noise was coming from. Clamping my mouth tightly shut so no noise escaped and I tried to listen. Oh shit? In disbelief I strained to listen closely. Was that the sound of a moan? Was it that girl? Tammie?
I began crying uncontrollably. I was scared and wanted Anthony and Colin. I wanted to hide in their arms. My heart was racing; I could feel a throb of my pulse in my neck. Soon, the hyperventilating started but I jumped on it quickly talking myself through it as Colin does. I felt that it had subsided just as I heard footsteps coming towards the door. My heart picked up pace again and thudded in my ears.
The footsteps came to a stop just outside of the door to the room. No! Please, God don’t let him come in here again. The creaking noise from the hinge was reality though. No additional light came into the room but I heard a humming noise. It was kind of familiar but my mind couldn’t come up with what it might be.
Paul stepped into the room but I couldn’t see his frame or outline of his body at all. It was pitch dark, but I knew it was him. The potential moan was now light years from my mind while I concentrated on the familiar humming noise. My mind raced and then I saw it.
How could you forget that sound, Sydney? I said to myself while focusing on the only flicker of light in the room.
He walked closer as the violet wand emitted it’s rage. No! I shoved myself against the wall and closed my eyes tightly. I heard him getting closer and closer until there was a constant hum mere feet in front of me. He was crouched down in front of me and I could barely make out his face since it was so dark but the wand threw enough light. I couldn’t help but cry as I watched the current screaming angrily in Paul’s hands.
Howard punished me with electrical toys, and I hated them. He’d keep them in a box in my living room as a constant reminder to behave. I hear these toys can be pleasurable, but I’ve yet to discover that. Colin and Anthony had never made me face them; they said it was a hard limit for me. I hated that box. I’d call it the bad box. Colin and Anthony took it away and out of my sight while we were at the apartment. Howard evaporated from my head when the current came into contact with the bottom of my foot.
“Mmph…please, don’t.” I pulled my feet away from him but he grabbed my ankle, stilling my movements as he dug his fingers into my scar.
I could tell he was smiling when he said, “I see you’re familiar with this. You should stop crying. The wand doesn’t like tears.”
Oh God! What is he going to do? He set the wand on the ground and reached for the point on the wall where my shackles were attached. Roughly I was pulled from the ground, hoisted in the air and placed face down on the cold metal table that was in the room. I tried moving my head around to see what he was doing, but the wand remained on the floor in plain sight. Paul locked my ankle and wrist shackles along the legs of the table before slapping my ass and walking away.
What is he doing? What is he going to do?
Soon he walked in front of me, set a cell phone up on a stand a few feet in front of me and then he turned to face me.
Oh God, what is he doing?
My heart pounded as I waited. He cupped my cheek and I started crying because I thought of how Anthony and Colin would touch my face like that and missed them so much.
“Don’t cry little whore of Colin fucking Everett. Violet wands don’t like tears. Did those fucking co-tops use one of these on you?” I didn’t answer right away because I was so concerned about what he was going to do. The hard slap on my face pushed a “no” out of me.
He picked the wand up and walked towards me. Oh God!
“No, please…p-please don’t.” I started crying again and he touched my arm with it before walking back to the cell phone.
“Stop being a dramatic. Since Everett can’t be here to wat
ch you experience this at my hands, we’ll make a video for him. I have a bit of advice for you, stop crying and figure out how to become one with the pain. It won’t be centralized pain…you’re on a damp, metal table with metal cuffs holding you down.”
Something moved just beyond the cell phone set up. I focused my eyes and looked into the dark and saw another set of eyes looking back at me. Tammie.
Paul laughed and moved toward me again with the wand in hand. I panicked and let my forehead bang against the table when I brought my head down. I wasn’t expecting the harsh lash on my back. I don’t even know what he hit me with and before I could figure it out, the current made contact with the part of my skin he just hit.
Every lashing was followed by the current. I couldn’t deal with this. My throat was sore from screaming and my ears were tired of hearing Paul yelling, taunting Colin. My body felt like it was on fire.
Run, Sydney! Don’t let him in your head! Turn it all off and run!
I shut my eyes and focused. I drifted off to sleep with my head snuggled on Anthony’s chest, my arm draped across his stomach and Colin pressed against my back with their voices filling my head.
“Goodnight, sunshine,” Anthony whispered and pressed a kiss against my forehead.
“Good girl, baby. We love you,” Colin added.
Safe. I was safe in their arms and they loved me.
32
Thursday, January 16th
Colin
It was about 5:30 when I heard the roar of Anthony’s BMW pull up in the driveway. I couldn’t even look at the driveway lately because the car we got Sydney for Christmas was out there. I was glad Anthony was home. It was becoming more common for me to feel at ease when he was home, and I was beginning to understand it more. Of course I was comforted with Matt being around, but Anthony and I had a different bond. He and I knew what the other one was feeling and going through. I learned at a young age that life is precious and I never took a day for granted with Sydney. But especially because of what happened with Sydney, I find myself more protective of Anthony. Yeah, Anthony is a tough guy whereas Sydney is a tiny bit of sugar, but he’s still part of our V, and therefore it’s crucial that he stays “okay”. When he’s home or near, I feel like I can let my guard down a little bit. I don’t feel so helpless when I at least know where one of them is at.
I talked with Chris about this today, and he explained that my feelings were quite common with V’s. Even though the V legs, as Anthony and I are, aren’t sexually involved, they are often just as tight and close as each leg is to the hinge. Chris told me that in all of his years as a kink friendly doctor and with his kink friends, he hasn’t come across a V that is as strong as ours. I took pride in that. Matt was here with me while I talked with Chris and I appreciated that. I heard Chris tell Matt that it probably wasn’t a good idea for Anthony to be gone so much during this time. I didn’t know if Chris said that more for my benefit or for Anthony’s.
Anthony came inside and tossed his car fob, a pharmacy bag, and his suit jacket on the table and dropped down in the chair across from me. He looked really tired and stressed.
“Hey, man. Let me get you something to drink,” I said and started to get up from the table, but Matt pushed me back down into the chair and he got up.
I reached across the table and grabbed the pharmacy bag and pulled out a pill vial with his name on it. Matt was the prescribing doctor for the medication that I couldn’t begin to pronounce. I frowned as I began to worry and wonder what was wrong with him, aside from the obvious. Was this for something to help with the wounds he got Saturday? Was something else wrong? Was it his chest? I always worry about him rubbing on his chest even though Matt say’s he’s healthy. Anthony answered my worried questions without me having to voice them.
“It’s for muscles. My back has been bugging me and Matt said he could get me a muscle relaxer.”
Oh, okay. That wasn’t so bad. Matt handed Anthony a bottle of water, and he tossed back the pill.
“How long has your back been hurting?”
He shrugged and said since Sunday but that he thought it was probably from the punches he took. I hated the fact that he went out and did that. We needed to have that conversation, but I didn’t want to bombard him with that now after he spent the day in the office. I told him Blake was coming over around 6:00 with dinner as he headed upstairs to go change and take a shower. I was happy that he was at least back to using our bathroom. It made me feel like our relationship with Sydney wasn’t ending and we were just waiting for her to come home.
Blake brought over wings and sides for dinner and Matt left for the evening. He needed to spend some time with Gina. I’m worried about Gina, too. She’s very torn up over this, as we all are. When she comes over, I can see it in her eyes. This has taken it’s toll on her and I hope Matt is staying on top of it with her.
During dinner I told Anthony that I read Sydney’s journal again today. While he stared at his food, I flipped open a page where she had taped the post it notes Anthony would make for her and leave them with her M&M’s. Each morning before Anthony would go to work, he’d hide a bag somewhere he thought she might find them. The bags always had a sticky note attached where he drew a picture of a sun and wrote something goofy but endearing on it to her. She loved those tiny pieces of paper. I pushed the book over to him so he could see how much he means to her. I knew he had a rough day with hearing people from work ask how I was because they couldn’t know he loved her, too. He picked up the book and smiled at the goofy things he’d drawn for her. Good, he was smiling about something.
“Chris came over today and we talked for awhile,” I told him. I wished he had been here for that. “We talked about our V, and how strong it is.” I paused, letting it sink in for him. Of course, I didn’t think Anthony doubted the strength of what we possessed and had built. “And how tight you and I are.” I paused again. I deliberately made sure he heard me say that for a number of reasons. I wanted him to be verbally reminded that I’m here for him and will help him through this fucked up situation. I want him to not be afraid to unload his worries and talk about them with me. I don’t want him to keep it all in because he’s afraid that I’m too stressed and can’t handle it. He’s not an open book. He never has been and he never will, but he will eventually crack open. I just don’t want him to wait until he’s rock bottom. I know Blake was more than worried about him when he brought him home Monday night.
Anthony was drinking his Coke and peered over the top of the glass at me when I was done talking. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking or what he was going to say. I hoped he wasn’t going to be creeped out by it either. I just wanted to tell him, in more or less words, that I am here for him but that I need him, too. Finally, he spoke.
“You needed Chris to tell you that?” He leaned back in his chair while he chewed on his bread, looking at me. “I know what you and I have with Sydney, and I know the bond that you and I have. I’ve known what you and I have long before Sydney, Colin. I won’t fuck it up for either of you. I know what’s riding on my shoulders.”
Blake quietly got up from the table and took his plate over to sink but didn’t come back to the table. I was thankful for a few minutes of privacy. I looked up at Anthony. “It’s weird when you leave. I was on edge all day, but when I heard your car, that edginess went away. I’m afraid…that when you walk out that door, that you might not come back.”
“Col, you’re like that because of what happened to Sydney. Matt was going to send Gina out last night to pick up the muscle medicine from the pharmacy, and I freaked out at him. I told him not to send Gina alone. I’m paranoid about things like that right now, too. It’s still raw.” He looked over into the kitchen and realized Blake had disappeared before turning back to me. “I’m here, Col. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be here for you. Rain or shine.”
Fuck. He and I both winced when he said shine. It instantly reminded us of Sydney. She was his sunshine. We both glanced d
own at the notes where he had drawn a sun for her. There were many versions of the sun. Some had eyelashes while others had sunglasses. Some had perverse sayings that always made her blush. One of the cartoon suns had a penis that the rays were holding.
The house phone rang and I got up to answer it, but Blake had picked it up in the great room. He was walking towards the kitchen with the phone in his hands.
Blake pulled the receiver away from his ear and said the detectives had some information they wanted to show us this evening if possible.
“Yeah, of course,” I told Blake. I wasn’t hungry anymore. I prayed for good news to be coming our way and paced around in the kitchen while I sent Matt a text letting him know the police were coming over with some news.
“They’re on their way,” Blake said while he helped us clean up the table and tidy up the kitchen.
About thirty minutes later I eagerly let the two detectives inside, and we settled at the kitchen table. Blake’s friend, Detective Prestin, did most of the talking.
“Nothing turned up of any use outside of the window in the video he sent you.” I nodded and looked down at the table in disappointment. “However, this picture was of some use.” He set down the picture of Sydney on her knees, gagged and bound, with her arms overhead on a stair banister. Seeing her like that made my heart ache. “This is an exterior picture, and you’ll notice the material of the stairs and the material of the structure in the background.”
I sat up and frowned as I pulled the picture closer. Anthony was sitting next to me, and I pushed it over in front of him.
“Wood,” I said. He had her bound to a set of wood stairs and the structure behind her was made of wood.
“There aren’t many wood structures like that here in the city. I’m not saying there aren’t any, just that it’s not very common. So we’re having our team look into places in the city that may have either a wood structure or wood set of exterior stairs. Most structures here have stucco exteriors,” Prestin said.
