I felt like I'd lost my best friend in that month. He'd just switched off on me and I had no idea why. I don't think I'd ever been that stumped in my life. He had to have found someone for more than just one night. That had to be it. Nothing else made sense to me.
My texts stopped by the third week. I'd given up. I still sent the weekly picture I'd taken to him. He'd just respond with a thanks. Other than that, we were done, and I was fine with it. I needed to focus of being the best mom I could be. That was it.
I'd buried myself in work to avoid thinking of him, but it didn't work. I'd gotten on a conference call with my boss and the rest of the team. Scott had called in and was rambling on about something. I wasn't even sure what. My mind really wasn't in it.
“Is that right, Lucy?” I heard Scott ask.
“What?” I asked.
“You need to pay attention,” he said.
Fuck him, I thought. I knew I couldn't say it, but nothing was stopping me from thinking it. Just when I opened my mouth to respond, I heard someone talking.
“Your wife would like to speak with you,” a voice said.
Then I heard Scott.
“Hello,” he said. “Is everything okay?”
“I'm with my finance team,” he said. “What's going on?”
“Who the hell does she think she is?” I yelled into the phone on the table in front of us.
“Lucy,” my boss snapped at me.
“I'm with my team in the office and they are on the phone,” Scott said. “What's going on?”
He was quiet for a second. I hated not being able to hear what she was saying.
“Carrie,” he said in a worried tone.
Another quiet second.
“Okay,” he said. “I have you on speaker.”
“What's up, woman?” I shouted out.
“I just wanted to let you know that we are about to have a baby and you need to get your ass to the hospital,” Carrie said.
“Shit,” Scott said at the exact same time I did.
“I also wanted to tell my best friend to get her butt here now,” she said.
“On my way,” I yelled. “I don't care what you have to do, but you better wait for me. Push that kid back in if you have to. I'll be there in six hours or so.”
Everyone in the room laughed, and I pushed down on the button to hang the phone up. Then I looked over at my boss and stood from my chair.
“Got to go,” I said with a smile.
“Be careful,” he said. “Are you driving by yourself?”
“Sure am,” I said. “I'll see you later.”
I hurried to my office as quickly as I could with my big belly in front of me. I was only seven months and already felt like I was going to pop. How the heck I was going to go two more months was beyond me. I grabbed my stuff and headed out.
I got to the house and hurried to my room. Clothes were going over my head and all over the place as I looked for what I needed. I shoved everything into a bag and then moved on to pack the rest of the stuff I wanted to take with me. I was on my way in less than thirty minutes and only had to stop once on the way there.
“Please tell me you waited,” I yelled, as I pulled open the door to Carrie's room.
“I'm sorry,” I said when they both jumped.
They both looked up at me, and Carrie burst into laughter. It had been a few months since we'd seen each other.
“Not a damn word out of either of you,” I barked out. “I mean not one word.”
“You look so cute,” she said with a smile. “I just want to squeeze you.”
“You're beautiful,” Scott said, as he pulled me into a hug and then led me over to sit in the chair he'd just left. “You know we love you.”
I glared over at Scott. Their friend Jack and his wife showed up right after me. Then Carrie's mom came in. She pulled me into a hug and rubbed my belly.
“You look so much bigger in person,” she said with a smile. “I love this look on you.”
I hadn't said anything to her in that last month about Lance. I knew she talked to him too and didn't want to put her in the middle of whatever it was that was going on. When she asked me about him, I just changed the subject.
We all made small talk while Carrie closed her eyes and tried to get through each contraction. It was totally freaking me out. She was in major pain. I could see it written all over her face. Scott was right there with her. In that moment, I was regretting that I hadn't moved to Michigan. What if I had to do all of that with nobody beside me, I thought? What if Lance was gone? What if he was home but didn't want to be there? Carrie's mom walked up and hugged me from behind. How did she know, I wondered?
“It will all be okay,” she whispered in my ear. “We will all be there for you no matter what. You won't be alone, Lucy.”
I nodded and tried so hard to fight the tears I felt trying to break free. It wasn't about me, I thought. It was about Carrie. I could think about me later.
The nurse told all of us it was time to leave. Carrie was ready to push. On the way out, Scott stopped me.
“You sure you don't want to stay, Lucy?” Scott asked me with a smile. “It might help you.”
“Shut it, ass,” I barked out, as I took off out the door.
There was no way I was watching her push that baby out. I was already freaking out enough and had no idea what I would have done if I'd seen her crying and pushing. That was not going to happen.
I sat with my head on Carrie's mom's shoulder. Neither of us said a word. I think she knew I was going to lose it at any moment. She kept my hand in hers and rubbed tiny circles on mine. There was something about her. She was always there when I needed her, and she'd never know how thankful I was.
It felt like forever when Scott finally came to get us. I walked in with Carrie's mom after Jack and his wife. It was so cool to see Carries' mom holding the baby. She was so proud and cried when they told her they had named the baby after Scott's mom.
When I looked down at the tiny baby in Carrie's mom's arms, it took all I had not to cry. I was going to have a baby that small in two months, I thought. It was going to be the most precious gift in the whole world. No matter what happened with Lance, we were going to be parents. My life was going to change, and I was so damn excited and scared at the same time.
Chapter 14
Lance
I'd been gone for a few days and hadn't talked to Lucy. I was trying my best not to talk to her unless it was about the baby. I'd bought some stuff and wanted to drop it off. When I text to let her know I was coming by, she didn't respond. It was hard to see her after seeing a picture of her and another man. I still hadn't asked her about him. She was pregnant, and I didn't want to cause any extra stress in her life. I didn't want anything to impact my baby's health. I was hoping she hadn't lied. The thought of the baby not being mine was too damn hard to think about. I'd said when we met that I didn't want kids, but once I'd found out about the baby, everything in my world had changed. I loved that little one more than anyone. There was no way I wanted my baby ripped away from me.
When I'd talked to Scott, he was completely shocked. He told me he hadn't heard Carrie or Lucy say anything about another man. He apologized for giving me such a hard time when it came to Lucy. I'd ended up being a great man, and he'd felt bad for ever thinking I wouldn't be. He promised that he wouldn't tell Carrie what I'd found. I asked him to pay attention and let me know if he heard anything. He said he understood and would have felt the same way if it were him going through it. We'd talked a few more times, and he said Carrie hadn't said anything. He did mention that Carrie and Lucy weren't talking as much.
Her car was gone when I pulled up the driveway. It was late, and I couldn't imagine where she would have gone. I guess it really was none of my business as long as the baby wasn't in danger. For a second I thought about her being out with him, the guy from the picture. It made my stomach turn. There was no way I wanted another man inside of her while my child was in her. Not to
mention the thought of another man around my child after the birth.
I shook my head to try and free my mind from my thoughts as I walked to the door and opened it. The house was completely quiet and dark. I turned the lights on and walked up the stairs, the same stairs I hadn't walked up in a month. When I got to Lucy's room, I turned the lights on to see clothes thrown all over the place. There was even a drawer still open. She had a bag on her bed, but nothing was in it. I couldn't believe the mess she had going on. Where the fuck was she, I thought? She still hadn't answered my message, and I wasn't sure what to do. Had she gone away for work? That couldn't be. Was she at a friend's house? She hadn't mentioned talking to anyone in a long time. Was she with another man? That was the only thing I could think of. What else could it be, I wondered? What if something happened? I pulled my phone out of my pocket and felt anger mixed with worry running through my veins. Still no answer.
Me: Where the fuck are you? Is everything okay? Is the baby okay? Put aside the bullshit for a second and answer me, Lucy.
I sat down on the bed and waited unsure of what to do. A million thoughts were running through my mind, and none of them were good. It seemed like hours but in reality was only minutes before I finally felt the damn buzz of my phone. I pulled up the screen to see a beautiful picture of Lucy holding a baby. The message read “She's holding her new niece.”
My eyes were glued to that picture. It pulled so hard at my heart. She was looking down at the baby with so much love in her eyes. I could see her big belly just below the baby. It really was the sweetest picture. All of her sarcasm and cockiness was gone. It was just love. Would she look at our baby like that? I couldn't help the tear that hit my cheek and quickly rubbed it away.
I stood up, shoved my phone in my pocket, shut the lights off, and walked across the hall. With everything that was going on, I needed a moment. My mind was driving me crazy. I didn't want a relationship, and I surely didn't want love. Lucy was pushing that all home for me. The one person I'd finally let myself be real with had fucked me over. I turned on the light in the baby's room, walked over to the chair, and sat down with my head in my hands.
I lifted my head and looked around at the painting on the wall. Then I looked over at the next wall. When my eyes landed on the framed picture, they stopped moving. I stood up from the chair and walked slowly across the room. My hand went up to touch the frame. It was a picture of me. It was one of the ones taken at the photo shoot I'd met her at. I was so confused. If she was with another man, would she really put a picture of me on the baby's wall. It was placed perfectly by where I'd painted the ball and bat. So many emotions were running through me. I was lost.
When I looked over at the dresser next to me, I saw a wrapped box that had the word daddy written on it. What was it, I wondered? When had she put the picture up? Should I open it? Would she be pissed if I did? It didn't matter. I had to see what was inside.
I carried the box over to the chair, sat down, and ran my finger over the word daddy. That was me. In two short months I was going to be a dad. Before long my baby would be calling me daddy. I opened the lid on the box to find tissue paper. When I pulled it all out, my eyes were instantly wet. I felt like a pussy, but I didn't care. I pulled out the tiniest, cutest jersey from the box. It was an exact copy of my jersey with my name and number. She'd gotten the baby his or her own jersey. It was little and so special. When had she gotten it? Why had she gotten it?
I dried my tears once they finally stopped. Then I folded the jersey up and put it on top of the dresser. I turned out all of the lights, locked up the house, and left. I couldn't remember a time in my life that I'd ever been that confused.
How could someone be so hurtful and so perfect all at the same time? Who was she and what exactly was she hiding?
Chapter 15
Lucy
When my pocket started buzzing, I blew it off. There was only one person it could be, and I wasn't about to deal with him while a beautiful new baby was in front of me. My mind was a mess. Happiness was all I wanted to think about. After a few minutes, my pocket began to buzz again.
“You going to get that?” Carrie asked.
“Nope,” I said cutting that off immediately.
She didn't need to know everything. There was enough going on in her world. She looked exhausted. I couldn't help but wonder just how hard labor was going to be. I knew she wanted to say something else, but it wasn't happening.
Carrie's mom turned and looked at me with a smile before handing me baby Cassie. I was instantly lost in the tiny bundle that was in my arms. It was taking all I had not to burst into tears. So many things were going through my mind. I was thinking about how precious and perfect she was. Then I thought about holding my own baby. Would I be alone? Would he be there with me? Would he even be in town? Carrie's mom gave me a squeeze on my arms and leaned in close.
“We will be there for you, Lucy. He will be too. Stop right now. Just enjoy holding this new little miracle. Every baby is a precious gift never to be taken for granted.”
I nodded and continued looking down at the most perfect thing in the world. She had ten fingers, ten toes, and was healthy. That was all that mattered.
Carrie thought I didn't notice her taking my phone out of my pocket. She was something else. I wasn't sure what she was doing, and I didn't care. The baby in my arms had my full attention. I wasn't sure how I could feel that many emotions over a baby that wasn't mine. When she put my phone back, I didn't say a word.
When it was time to leave and give the happy couple a bit of rest, Carrie's mom offered for me to come back to her house. I was thrilled. I'd be able to see James in the morning and couldn't wait. I'd really missed him. She showed me to Carrie's old room and went to bed. It had been rough on everyone, and I was exhausted from driving.
I changed into my normal shorts and tank top and grabbed my phone before crawling into bed. When I turned on the screen and went into his text, I gasped. He sent a text letting me know he was on his way. Then the gap of nothing. Then this.
Lance: Where the fuck are you? Is everything okay? Is the baby okay? Put aside the bullshit for a second and answer me, Lucy.
She'd sent him back a picture of me and the baby with the words “She's holding her new niece.” The picture she took was perfect. I was holding the baby right above my own big belly and hadn't even noticed. There was more emotion in my eyes than I could understand. It was seriously the most amazing picture, and I was going to keep it forever. My belly really was huge, and I still had two months left of my pregnancy.
I went back to read his text again and instantly felt bad. There was definitely worry there. I didn't mean to freak him out. As much as he was blowing me off, I still wouldn't want him to hurt for any reason. The baby in my belly was his, and I'd taken off without a word. It wasn't fair to him. Funny how that worked. He could have taken off and it wouldn't have mattered. I was gone, and it was huge. He thought I was ignoring him. I guess I was. It was just that he was able to talk to me only when he felt like it, but the same didn't go for me. I wasn't going to jump just because he decided to talk to me. Not for one second did I think he would actually go by the house. I still felt bad for scaring him though. He was worried about the baby, and he had every right to be. It was late, but I called him anyway. Who knew if he was even up or possibly buried deep inside of someone. I was hoping I wouldn't have to know about it if he was.
“Hello,” he said in a softer tone than I was expecting.
“Hi,” I said.
I was expecting him to go off on me like some kind of fucking bossy asshole, but he didn't. His voice wasn't deep or rough. He wasn't yelling, and I was shocked. Maybe he was asleep, I thought.
“I just wanted to call and check in. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was leaving. It all happened so fast. I ran by the house, threw stuff in a bag, and got on the road. Not for one second did I think you'd come by. You haven't in a bit, and I hadn't really heard from you. It had nothing to do with t
he baby, so I didn't bother you. I just wanted to let you know that everything is fine.”
“Where are you?” he asked.
“At Carrie's parents' house. I'll be home sometime tomorrow,” I answered.
“You shouldn't have driven there yourself. Are you by yourself? You're seven months pregnant,” he said in a deeper voice than before.
“What was I supposed to do, Lance?” I asked. “Of course I was by myself. What the fuck kind of question is that? I wasn't going to not go when my best friend had the baby. She's one of the only people I have in my life that actually give a shit.”
I stopped myself when I realized I'd said too much to him.
“I need to go,” I said. “I'm going to the hospital tomorrow. Then I'll figure out what I'm doing.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I said. “Goodnight, Lance.”
“Lucy,” he said.
“Bye.”
I hung up before my dumb ass let any more shit out of my mouth. He didn't need to know anything about me. He could go off and do whatever it was he'd been doing for a month and leave me the fuck alone. Seconds later my phone buzzed. I didn't even check it. There was no way I was breaking down in my friend's house.
When I woke up in the morning, I felt something at my feet and jumped up. Then I heard James laughing and laughed right along with him. I scooped him up onto the bed and tickled him. Then we headed down for breakfast. Carrie's mom and dad were there waiting for us.
After breakfast, I watched cartoons with James before Carrie's mom took him to the hospital. I stayed back at the house and got ready to leave. There was no way I was getting in the way of the big brother meeting his baby sister. He walked up and hugged my belly on his way by and smiled up at me.
“What kind of baby are you having?” he asked.
“We don't know yet,” I said.
“What will I be to your baby?” he asked.
“Whatever you want to be, James,” I said.
He smiled a huge smile and took off for the door ready to meet his new sister.
Playing Hardball: Part 4 Page 8
