by Agnès Ruiz
Joanna’s feeling of suffocation suddenly let itself go with her benign words. Her daughter was so right. It didn’t matter. There was no reason to worry.
They sat down at the table in the same atmosphere; in a feeling of closeness and friendliness.
“You wanted to tell me something, earlier.”
Zoé frowned at her mother’s words.
“When?”
“Just before I knocked over the spatula...”
“Ah, yes... that’s right.”
Joanna suspected that she hadn’t forgotten. Just that she had something to say, but it wasn’t easy to get out. What if I told her I already knew?
“Your phone buzzed earlier, as I was cooking.”
Zoé’s face suddenly coloured.
“Did you see anything?” the young girl panicked, staring at her mother.
What was in that look? Defiance, doubt or fear? Joanna didn’t know as she felt just as troubled.
“I wasn’t paying attention to it”, she lied. “I was preparing the sauce. Was it important?” she nevertheless tried to find out.
“No, nothing. It was Lilas.”
“Oh! Lilas. I haven’t seen her for a long time. Is she well?”
“Yes. She wants us to talk at the moment.”
“Because that’s not what you usually do?” Joanna laughed. “You are real chatterboxes.”
“I don’t see what’s so funny.”
Zoé’s sullen face seemed everything but calculated. An alarm was going off in Joanna’s head.
“Is there something wrong with Lilas? You can tell me about it, you know.”
“No! It’s not what you think!”
“I just want you to know that I’m here. You can tell me anything”, Joanna insisted, more serious than ever.
Her daughter sighed and looked at her mother. Was she asking herself if she could trust her or did she think she wouldn’t understand, as usual? Joanna decided to remain silent. Her daughter needed to decide.
43
Joanna’s phone rang the very moment Zoé was about to speak. She stopped dead.
“Go on”, Joanna said voluntarily ignoring her landline, which started ringing a second time.
“Maybe it’s important... The hotel or something like that.”
“No more important than you. So, what’s going on with Lilas? Am I allowed to know?”
The ringing started for a third or maybe fourth time then stopped.
“Lilas doesn’t feel well.”
“Is she pregnant?” Joanna panicked, unable to wait for the rest.
Suddenly, her own image came to mind. She had felt so bad at the unexpected news of her pregnancy. It wasn’t so much the morning sickness that put her through hell, but more the young age and... And the rest. But she was in love. She was so sure it would all work out.
Of course, today she knew that nothing had worked out since then. Her daughter was her only sunshine on a cloudy day, and whom she loved more than anything.
“Mum!” Zoé protested pulling a face. “No way, you can only think of that! That’s sick.”
“It happens more than you think”, Joanna insisted, mortified by her daughters over-the-top attitude.
“That is not the problem!” Zoé articulated, furious. “Anyway, it’s always the same with you. You either harp on about your job at the seaside hotel, or you tell me to be careful with boys because they only think about one thing: Go to bed and that’s it!”
“You are being unfair.”
“You don’t even realise it. It’s boring.”
The argument seemed to become even more poisonous. Joanna bit her tongue to avoid answering back. She found the innuendos difficult to swallow. She had doubts. Was she really like that? She didn’t believe it. Zoé often exaggerated, especially when it benefitted her.
Was it still the case, actually?
“What is it, then?” she asked.
She hoped her voice sounded calmer. On the other hand, she knew her cheeks must still be red.
This time, after the landline, it was Joanna’s mobile which started ringing. Mother and daughter looked at each other.
“It seems important, you should answer.”
“Stay there, I’m sure it won’t take long...”
Zoé sighed seeing her mother answer. For her part, she took her mobile and began skilfully texting, moving the screen out of her mother’s sight.
But Joanna seemed far from all that. She was asking some strange questions. Zoé looked up when she heard it was about a problem at the seaside hotel. Her doubts came true. Her mother gave her usual response:
“I’m coming!”
Joanna hung up and came across a look heavy with reproach from her daughter.
“What is it?” Zoé asked in an aggressive voice.
Yet, Joanna seemed to hesitate. She looked at her mobile phone as if it held the answer she needed.
“It’s... just a problem to deal with.”
“And of course, you’re the only one who can do it”, Zoé insisted in a weary voice.
A crease appeared across Joanna’s forehead.
“No, it’s something else... I have to go.”
Zoé stood up harshly. She was almost in her bedroom when Joanna stopped her.
“Maybe you should spend the weekend at Lilas’. I might be good for her.”
Zoé went back towards her mother, visibly stunned by her offer.
“Really? I’d love to... But, you’ll be all alone...”
“Do you want me to change my mind?” Joanna asked with a half-smile.
“Of course not!”
“So get your stuff together, I’ll drop you off if you want.”
“Great, Mum. I’ll be quick.”
Zoé seemed transformed. How strange, Joanna thought.
On her part, she did not feel as good. Her father’s call surprised her and filled her with a thousand questions. Somebody had been in his office, he told her. He had even asked if it was her!
A silent fury was born. How could he have thought that? As if I would break down his door. She regretted not daring to tell him that over the phone. As too often, she remained silent, as if struck by dumbness. She suffered listening to her father’s hypotheses.
44
She arrived at the lobby of the seaside hotel one hour before she was due to start her shift. She was surprised to see Cécile at the desk.
Rodolphe G. Gaspardin’s pretty fiancée was speaking to a guest. Joanna was under the impression she was putting on airs and graces, amplifying her movements when showing the way to the rooms. She didn’t have much time to be more offended by all that. Her father was waiting for her.
When she got to his office, she discovered Joshua wasn’t there, as she expected. Had Rodolphe only told Joanna?
“So, do you have any explanation?” her father groaned without even giving her time to close the door.
“What do you want me to say?” Joanna complained, astounded by his mean and unfair attack.
“Just the truth.”
“Is there anything missing from your precious little things?”
Her comment seemed to surprise her father. He looked hard at Joanna before recognising that nothing appeared to be missing.
“At first glance anyway”, he added firmly.
“How do you know it’s not your mistake? I don’t know, like a drawer not closed properly...”
“Let me point out: I’m not senile.”
“Anyway, I don’t know anything”, Joanna repeated.
She had already confirmed that on the phone. He didn’t seem satisfied.
“And during the party? Somebody could have come here on the sly.”
“Why would anybody do that, and what for? Have you got something to hide?”
“I’m a business man. And my office must remain private and hidden away from everybody.”
“Yet you weren’t hiding here to get away from Marguerite’s party, yesterday.”
“That has nothing
to do with it.”
“What is it then, Dad? Why didn’t you come?”
“It’s always the same with you. I’m talking to you about a serious problem and you hassle me with trifling matters.”
“Your absence yesterday was not a trifling matter. How could you have done that to Marguerite after so many years at your service?”
“She’ll get over it. We always do”, Rodolphe G. Gaspardin sidestepped. “Let’s get back to today’s issue, if you will.”
“Yes, you, always you!”
“What is it? Have you got something to say?” Rodolphe thundered with ferocity.
Joanna thought she did. Her daughter was unhappy; did not feel accepted by him, unloved. Could she tell him? Zoé had asked her not to. So Joanna respected her choice. Even if she disapproved.
Weary, she asked again:
“So, you are sure of yourself. Somebody came here.”
Rodolphe looked like he appreciated his daughter’s change of attitude towards him.
He straightened himself up, as if he wanted to seem even more imposing even though he already took up a lot of space in his office. It was to keep just enough oxygen for Joanna.
He showed her the incriminated file.
“I keep these files locked away. This morning, it was open and several papers had been handled.”
“What are these papers?”
“That’s none of your business!” Rodolphe snapped.
“Charming!”
“That is not what is going to tell me who did this. If it is not you.”
Again, he had managed to slip in a treacherous, even twisted accusation. Joanna wanted to gag.
However, she thought about who was absent during Marguerite’s retirement party. She was one of those people. And she didn’t hide it.
“I came by here”, she said.
“I know!” her father replied in a vindictive, accusing tone.
It was almost like a victory or a confession.
45
“Oh! But if you insist, it’s incredible”, Joanna fumed, yet was knocked for six. “You still think it was me, just because maybe somebody saw me near your office last night?!”
She rudely thought of Guillermo. He had seen her.
Could it have been he who came to tell her father about his daughter’s presence in the corridor?
No... It was impossible. He wouldn’t have dared. What would he have gotten from that?
Yet, Joanna suddenly wasn’t so sure, even forgetting that she hadn’t done anything wrong.
“And have you asked Joshua?”
“I haven’t managed to get in touch with him.”
“That’s no reason to accuse me.”
“Somebody came here”, Rodolphe G. Gaspardin insisted. “Your finances are not up to scratch.”
“That’s my private life; it’s none of your business!”
“Except if you need money and you came here looking for it”, Rodolphe claimed.
“Your accusations are disgusting, I hope you realise that.”
“I’m only looking for the truth...”
Could she at least have the last word with her despot of a father, one day? Joanna thought, discouraged.
“I repeat: it’s not me. I don’t even have the key. You know very well.”
“You could have picked the lock!”
“Even better! And what for? As for money, I’ve already been paid and I manage, don’t be disappointed. So, what? Discover your open secrets?”
“You know nothing, my girl! And I have my reasons to doubt your words. I was told you came by here during my holiday.”
“You obviously have a reliable source!”
“Do not even go there, Joanna.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m tired. So tired; if only you knew.”
“Take a holiday.”
“So you can have a go at me afterwards! But anyway, that’s not what I meant...”
“Female neurosis then! Huh... I’ve already been there with you...”
Not wanting to go down one of her father’s favourite roads, she cut him off during his tirade.
“Yes, I came here during your holiday, but I wasn’t alone. And it was pure luck. I was looking for Joshua, if you really want to know. And I found him in your office.”
“Rummaging...”
“He was worried about you; about your health. We told you when you came back...”
“I still don’t believe it.”
“What do you prefer? Imagining your own children trying to cause you harm? Who could have put such an idea in your head? Cécile? Your marvellous and extraordinary future wife, I suppose.”
The moment Joanna came out with her hypothesis, she knew she had made a mistake. Her father thundered that she was not half the woman Cécile Burnier was.
“You and Joshua are only parasites. You are eying up your inheritance, like vultures waiting for me to be finished.”
“You’re despicable, Dad!”
“Isn’t it true?”
Joanna knew she should have walked out much sooner. This conversation had already become far too heated to stop there.
They were both screaming until Rodolphe G. Gaspardin staggered. There, Joanna stopped mid-sentence just as she was repeating how she had given her all to the seaside hotel.
“Dad, what’s wrong?”
Rodolphe G. Gaspardin held one hand over his heart while the other one was on the surface of his spacious desk. With enormous effort, he let himself fall into his chair. His complexion had turned grey.
“Go find... Cécile, immediately”, he ordered, painfully.
“Dad, we should call the doctor.”
“Do... what I say.”
His voice was abrupt despite Rodolphe G. Gaspardin’s weakness. Hurt by his words, feeling rejected, Joanna fled her father’s office.
She would have preferred to bump into her brother to let him know, or her mother.
She had no other choice than to go to the reception. Cécile was still there.
“It’s my father... He’s not feeling well. He wants to see you”, she stammered, out of breath.
Cécile left as soon as she was told. Nevertheless, Joanna saw her walk as if it were a problem to solve in a room for a guest.
“Do it quickly, I will call the doctor”, Joanna lost her temper, to shake her up.
This time, Cécile turned around.
“That will not be necessary. Your father does not need any medication. He always has adverse side effects.”
“But I think it’s his heart...”
Joanna already had the phone in her hand.
“His heart is fine; it beats in unison with mine.”
Joanna was flabbergasted by such a response. Unable to answer back, she saw Cécile disappear along the upstairs corridor.
46
Who cares what that girl thinks! Joanna dialled the phone number of their family doctor. His secretary listened then passed her the GP. Doctor Javereau assured her he was on his way.
Joanna’s mind was not at ease.
As she hung up, she tried to contact her brother. She got his answering machine and left a message, telling him that it was urgent and about their father.
Immobilised at the desk, she tried to remember if it was Mélanie’s day off. No, her mind wasn’t playing tricks. The young receptionist should be at work.
She dialled the young employee’s number and again, got the answering machine. She left a message. She asked the young girl to come as quickly as possible and to call her back to justify her absence.
She waited a few minutes, sure that the phone would ring. It didn’t. She had no other choice than to wait, stuck to the desk.
It was no good. She couldn’t stop going over the argument with her father in her mind. Her anger had come to life. Accusing her of rummaging through his things, really!
“Me, a parasite”, she cursed again.
It hurt so much to hear her father say such words. How would Joshua have r
eacted? She couldn’t avoid asking herself. Would he have wailed or roared? He could be particularly smooth when it was in his interest.
Joanna brewed over her bitterness for half an hour. She called her brother and got his answering machine yet again. Where could he be?!
And how was her father? Could she go to see what was happening in his office at the risk of being thrown out by Cécile or Rodolphe himself?
Joanna decided she would go to him when the doctor arrived. An excuse was found.
She placed the bell on the counter, in full sight. At least Grégoire, the hotel’s handyman could welcome a potential guest.
Joanna felt sick at the thought of using his services now, as she knew he would be sleeping at this time. But she had no choice because of Mélanie’s persistent absence.
She expected a good explanation from the young intern student, she thought, ahead of Doctor Javereau on the stairs.
Joanna knocked and entered without waiting. She noticed the widow was wide open. Cécile was slowly massaging her father over his shirt. She turned purple seeing such intimacy as the couple turned to look at her.
“The doctor is here”, she continued nonetheless.
“I told you I didn’t want to see him”, Rodolphe bellowed, brutally pushing Cécile back a little.
“Rody, darling, don’t get yourself worked up. Joanna only wants what’s best for you”, the young woman protested.
“You can calm me better than any doctor”, Rodolphe assured her, softly.
“So, Mr Gaspardin, you’re trying to avoid me?”
It was Doctor Javereau that pushed in. He placed his briefcase on the leather chair facing his patient’s desk, and opened it.
“You have come for nothing. I’m very well.”
“That’s what we are going to find out. Ladies, if you will please leave the room.”
It was more out of politeness than an actual demand. Joanna approved, but Cécile insisted on staying. Before closing the door, Joanna even noticed her father stretch out his hand towards his fiancée to keep her close to him.
She lowered her head, her heart overwhelmed by his choosing this girl, unknown by the whole family just several months earlier. She had become indispensable to her father.
