by Agnès Ruiz
“We should be there in about half an hour”, Guillermo informed her controlling his mobile phone.
Joanna slowed down once she got to the outskirts of the localised area. She also called Zoé to let her know she was coming. She avoided mentioning Guillermo without knowing why. She had simply taken him out of the equation, as if it was simpler than going into details that she didn’t have at that moment.
“There they are”, Guillermo confirmed.
The headlights just switched on as well as the hazard lights. Joanna checked it was safe to manoeuvre and did a U-turn to stop next to their parked car. There were no street lamps in the area. She decided to leave the car running and left her headlights on. She also turned on her hazard lights before getting out of the car.
But Guillermo grabbed her arm.
“Wait. Are you sure they’re alone? Do you know that car?”
Joanna was surprised at his question.
“No, I don’t know it. But what does that change? That’s my daughter, there!”
“I’ll go. Wait for me here”, he ordered.
He didn’t know Joanna. Who did he think he was? She took advantage of the fact that was getting out his side to open her own car door.
“Joanna, please! Be careful”, Guillermo reproached her, suddenly nervous.
“Oh, come on! What’s up with you? Do you think a zombie is going to jump out at me, or what?”
Joanna laughed at her comment and suddenly thought that her daughter would be proud of her. Guillermo seemed more circumspect, anyway, from what she could see as the halo of light gave off a strange sight, stretching out shapes, and deforming lines.
Joanna was relieved when she saw the back door open and her daughter appear. She ran into her arms and tears rolled from Zoé’s eyes.
“Oh, Mum! I’m sorry... I didn’t want to lie to you.”
“Everything’s going to be fine, Zoé. I’m here and everyone’s fine. Right?” she insisted, looking at her daughter in her arms.
“Yes. There is only Jessie’s boyfriend sleeping on the back seat.”
“Has he been drinking?” Guillermo asked coming up behind them.
“Mum... That’s the neighbour... What’s he doing here?”
Zoé seemed unnerved. She looked at them both, but Joanna cut her off.
“He’s giving me a hand. It’s thanks to him that we found you so fast.”
“What happened to the car?” Guillermo asked.
“I don’t know. It started to slow down then just stopped”, Jessie replied.
“Is it your car?”
“No, it’s my boyfriends’... but he wasn’t fit to drive, so I took over...”
“Have you got a licence?” Guillermo asked abruptly.
“Of course, what do you think? I’m not stupid, you know.”
It was difficult to see what Guillermo was really thinking at that point. He asked Jessie to get out and got behind the wheel.
“What are you going to do with your plaster?” the young girl intervened.
“See what’s happened. Was there enough petrol?”
“There was some in the tank”, Jessie recognised.
Guillermo and Joanna shared a look that Zoé intercepted.
“What is it? What’s going on between you two, exactly? Are you telepathic or what?”
“Guillermo told me his theory was lack of petrol.”
“But there was still some left in the tank”, Jessie repeated. “I can still go a few more kilometres with that...”
“Maybe in another car. This one doesn’t seem to be in a good state. It happens when the petrol tank is broken or dented. And I bet that’s what’s happened to this soapbox.”
“My car is awesome”, a heavy voice hiccupped from the back.
“Oh, shut it, Jackson! Sleep off your wine and leave us alone”, Jessie shot him, aggressively.
“So, what do we do?” she asked bringing her attention back to Guillermo. “We can’t leave the car like this. And there’s too many of us, we won’t all fit in Miss Gaspardin’s car.”
“We’ve got a can of petrol in the boot”, Guillermo assured already moving to the back of Joanna’s car.
Zoé suddenly murmured:
“Mum, I think we need to talk.”
62
Joanna stopped cold with her daughter’s comment. It was the cherry on the cake.
“Aren’t you ashamed? You put yourself in danger and it’s me who has to explain myself?”
Zoé’s lip trembled, realising her mistake. The last few anxious hours came to the surface. She thought she had forgotten it now her mother was here and Guillermo took care of everything. However, it wasn’t the case. She apologised for the umpteenth time, between sobs.
“I don’t want to make you cry again, Zoé. Just make you understand that... Oh, nothing. We’ll talk, you’re right. Anyway, I do have some things to tell you, it’s true.”
Zoé sniffed and turned her face to her mother. They remained silent, intuitively feeling that it wasn’t the moment.
“There”, announced Guillermo as he poured the can of petrol into the tank. “Jessie, if you can try starting it...”
The young girl hesitated, seemingly wanting to ask a question, but didn’t. She got in behind the wheel and started the car. The engine juddered then stalled.
“Try again and put on the starter. You know what it is, right?”
“Yes, what do you think...?”
Joanna smiled at the grumpy reply.
“Yeah! It works!” Jessie called out, boldly.
“Good. Zoé and Lilas, get into the back of my car”, Joanna announced. “Jessie, we’ll drive behind you to your house.”
“Why do I have to come with you?” Lilas complained.
“Because you’re underage and you’ll keep Zoé company. It’s non-negotiable.”
“Jessie, say something,” Lilas attempted; her eyes, full of hope, on her older sister.
“Miss Gaspardin is right. I’m sorry, Lilas. Get in. We’ll be home quicker.”
“Do your parents know you are here?” Joanna asked in a moment of doubt.
There was no need for an answer. Lilas’ eyes were clear enough.
“Well, let’s go. And no excuse for speeding, understood?”
“I’ll go with Jessie”, Guillermo decided.
“And why would you do that? I don’t know you.”
“I can vouch for him”, Joanna intervened.
“I don’t want to leave you alone with a drunk man in the back of the car”, Guillermo explained.
Joanna approved. She wondered why he had offered to do that, but it was extremely considerate and wise. He could intervene if need be.
The sun was slowly rising when they arrived at Lilas’ and Jessie’s house.
“Keep your boyfriend’s keys and let him sleep here”, Guillermo announced.
“I can’t do that.”
“You don’t want to take him to your room?” Lilas rebelled. “The parents are going to go mad.”
“If you say it like that, it’s for sure”, Jessie approved.
She took the keys. With a pathetic face, she turned to Guillermo and Joanna.
“Thank you. Thank you for everything. Are... are you going to tell our parents?”
“Better still, you should tell them yourselves, I think”, Joanna replied, sincere.
Jessie pulled a face at her proposition. She assured her that she would, but Joanna doubted it.
“Go and rest for a bit, before”, Guillermo advised.
Zoé spoke to her friend Lilas to one side then went back to her mother. But she was surprised when she said she could go back to her friend’s house.
“To finish the weekend. That’s why you’re here, right?”
“You’re not going to punish me for life, because I lied to you?”
Zoé was dumbfounded.
“It was poor judgement, that’s for sure. But you’re alive and in one piece. It was quick-thinking to call me.”
She knew that Jessie and Lilas hadn’t wanted to call their parents. And she deplored that.
“Better to be shouted at then be lost and in danger”, she insisted.
Zoé went back towards Lilas, her steps unsure. She turned around when her mother called her again:
“But you’re right; we do have to talk later. And seriously; I’m counting on you to be frank: because I will be.”
63
Guillermo and Joanna waited until the three girls were back in the house before leaving.
“You were amazing with your daughter”, Guillermo announced, directly.
“Really? I don’t know. Maybe”, she conceded.
She remembered that a few days earlier, she had had a violent argument with her daughter for her behaviour and she told her to come back as soon as possible to continue it.
“Shall we go back to the hotel?” asked Guillermo.
His voice was tender and gentle, like his look.
“You were on top of your game. It’s as if I knew who you were”, he told her thoughtfully.
“Because I know how to behave in case of a mishap?”
He laughed, as if to calm the atmosphere.
Joanna chose not to reply and got in the car. Guillermo was circumspect, but followed her.
In the room, Joanna got undressed and lay down to cover herself with the sheets.
“What is it, Joanna? You haven’t said a word since we got back.”
Guillermo was leaning on his elbow above her and caressing her shoulder and her neck, lingering at her cleavage.
“I can’t go on like this, Guillermo, I’m sorry.”
“What have I done?”
“Nothing. It’s me. Always me... I’ve been through too much. I need to cut myself off from everyone.”
“And I’m too much of a burden, is that it?”
“What are you looking for...?”
“Sorry, but that’s the impression you are suddenly giving.”
“My burdens, as you say, have been too much for a long time. And you aren’t one of them, quite the contrary. I feel like you’re the buoy that saved me from a shipwreck.”
“You can’t get rid of a buoy like that”, Guillermo murmured, sweetly.
He had begun playing with her breasts then slid a finger towards her lower stomach to place his hand flat with insistent caresses.
Joanna’s body was far from insensitive. She tried to move back, but Guillermo leaned towards her lips before murmuring:
“Tell me you don’t want me, right now.”
His gaze was burning. She licked her lips and lifted her head to kiss him back.
“We’ll see about the rest tomorrow”, she decided.
“It’s already tomorrow”, Guillermo teased her.
He straddled her, following her gaze, paying close attention to her pleasure and desires.
Joanna was not outdone and arched her back to feel him better. Both of their bodies seemed ready to dance in unison, more feverish than the last time.
“You make me crazy”, she juddered, breathless.
“I feel like I couldn’t do without you anymore”, Guillermo replied.
She felt him tense up.
“What is it?”
Guillermo was troubled and gave a smile to make up for it.
“We’ll see about that tomorrow”, he replied, echoing what Joanna had said, earlier. “We’re fine; that’s what matters at the moment.”
But it was too late. They had both understood, at the same time. Joanna moved away, pushing him even with the palm of her hand, with a shared painful look.
Guillermo didn’t resist and got up.
“I’m going to take a shower. It’s time to get up anyway.”
Joanna saw that it was already eight o’clock. The night had been difficult and eventful. Her daughter must still be sleeping. The thought of joining Guillermo in the shower went through her mind. But they had just felt as though something wasn’t going right. It was a mistake to want to spend the whole weekend with him, Joanna thought.
“I hardly know him.”
She suddenly wondered if she hadn’t decided on Guillermo for comfort. As her life was going all over the place and she was unable to put all the pieces back together. She was avoiding her responsibilities and was indulging her emotions, forgetting her plans not to get attached or to get hurt.
Everything hurt her recently. However, as she walked along the Deauville Boardwalk, she had also walked along the edge of the water and she felt calm. She knew what she needed to do.
Why did she doubt it now?
64
Joanna got up and her eyes fell on Guillermo’s computer, with the lid closed. She thought about what she had seen: the trace on her mobile phone. Why had Guillermo tried to find out where she was? He had been so firm and authoritative as he was looking for Zoé during the night.
Once more, she wondered just who Guillermo really was. Was he a dangerous control freak? Some sort of psychopath...?
Joanna gulped then shook her head, thinking she was going mad.
However, the urge to look through Guillermo’s computer excited her curiosity more than ever. Perhaps she would find a whole file on her, with photos. She had images of serial-killer films in her head.
Unable to deal with it anymore, she gathered her things and got dressed.
Guillermo got out of the shower at that moment, his towel around his waist.
“What are you doing?” he asked as she already had her hand on the door handle.
“I’m going... I have to go and see my father.”
Guillermo frowned. He glanced around the room in an instant. Joanna thought she saw him stare at his computer.
“We should talk”, Guillermo started, unsure.
“Later. I’ll call you.”
Joanna left without any other explanation. At the end of the corridor, she slowed down then stopped completely. With her back against the wall, she closed her eyes and placed a hand on her chest. Her heart was pounding. She knew what would calm her down. There was no question of seeing her father in this state.
Calmer, she knocked the door of her father’s office. She didn’t wait and entered. Rodolphe G. Gaspardin raised his head up from his paperwork, visibly displeased by the intrusion. His face hard watching his daughter.
"I won’t disturb you for long", she announced.
She didn’t leave him any time to speak and gave him the envelope she had carefully prepared.
“You can read it in a moment.”
“What is it?” Rodolphe insisted rage already on his lips.
“Later.”
Joanna wanted to hang tough. But with that one word she had just said, upon leaving Guillermo, she suddenly wondered if there really would be a later between them. Her heart stopped with that unanswered question.
“You said it wouldn’t be long”, her father reminded her.
Joanna regained herself. His face hardened when she told him:
“I wondered how you could have accused me of coming into your office, even though you knew who had done so.”
She waited voluntarily; sure her father would be displeased. But he didn’t let anything show. In her heart of hearts, Joanna urged herself to remain calm. An attack would only be more interesting. Well, that’s what she hoped.
“What do you want?”
“The truth, quite simply. Is it so difficult to say?”
“I don’t owe you a thing!” he argued, full of bile.
Joanna laughed briefly. She suddenly realised her father no longer scared her. Whatever he said, there was the letter, still unopened on his desk. It was her deliverance.
“You know what, Dad. I tried to please you for a long time. Bowing to your bidding; bending over to your demands to see your eyes shine with pride, even just a bit. It never happened. I’ve suffered a lot from that rejection. But it’s finished all that. I’m freeing myself from you. I’m proud of everything I’ve accomplished and of what I’ve bec
ome”, she insisted.
Joanna had even raised her chin without realising. Freedom wasn’t a vain word. However, she still had to break away from the chains which still attached her to the seaside hotel.
“I went to see Marguerite. Your dear secretary Marguerite.”
65
Sparks flew from Rodolphe G. Gaspardin’s powerful pupils.
“She must have told you a whole web of lies. She’s a conniving, hypocritical woman”, he shouted out.
“Of course. You are the only one who can do no wrong, I suppose. But whatever. It’s your private life after all. And it’s none of my business... well, it’s no longer any of my business.”
“Spit it out; let’s get it over and done with.”
“I’m getting to it... how’s your heart holding up? You’re not going to give me another episode that only you know about?”
Then, she did a very realistic imitation of her father asking to call Cécile instead of the doctor. Her voice was uncompromising just like Rodolphe G. Gaspardin’s was at that moment.
“Do you think I was pretending?”
“I don’t know, actually. And I couldn’t care less! The doctor told me you were fine. Good for you. Take good care of yourself. I won’t be there for you anymore.”
“And what do you expect me to do about that?”
“Yes, I know, I’m insignificant to you since you have your darling Cécile.”
Joanna was about to say that she knew that Joshua and Cécile knew each other. But what was the point of bringing her brother and her father’s fiancée into it? She certainly hadn’t come for that.
“She is a lot more loving than you are”, her father rebelled.
“Yes, I know, Dad, I’m not what you hoped I would be. I’m nothing but a parasite.”
She had moved closer to him to throw the words in his face. Even when saying the word, she felt sick. She should hurry up now. She was uncomfortable in this vindictive role. She was surprised by that analysis. She thought it was relieve her to get it all off her chest. On the contrary, it seemed to upset her.
