It’s a quiet ride down, in fact, it’s quiet for the rest of the night. After he makes sure I eat something he goes into his office and doesn’t come back out till I go back to my room. I hardly sleep the rest of the night. The only reason I knew he was out of his office was because every hour he would come into my room and check on me. He would stand by the bed and watch me while I pretended to sleep. It’s a little slice of torture being here with him so close and not being able to be with him. I’m constantly thinking about all the things we did. Ugh, I need to shut it down and go to sleep, which I finally manage to do.
The next morning I wake up to the telephone ringing. It’s Nick.
“Why are you calling me from the next room?”
“I’m not, I’m at the office. I left an hour ago and you were still sleeping.”
“Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“You needed to rest, you were tossing and turning all night.”
I wonder why. “You know you don’t have to check on me every hour. I think I’m fine now, I’ll be going home tomorrow.”
“I take my responsibilities seriously and taking care of you is my responsibility until you leave. Now that you’re up I expect you will go straight to the kitchen to eat breakfast.”
“Yes, master, that’s the plan.” This guy.
“Good. You need to find an OB/GYN soon. I’m going to have my assistant look some up.”
“No, you’re not! He’s not looking up anything for me. I can find my own GYN thank you.” I knew he was going to try this nonsense. If he thinks for one minute I’m going to let him and Steve pick my OB/GYN he better think again, this is one argument he’s not going to win.
“I want to make sure you and the baby have the best care possible.”
“It’s thoughtful of you to want to help but I can handle that myself. I was planning on making some calls to find a doctor today. No need for you to worry about me finding the best doctor possible.”
I know it comes from a good place but he can be such a control freak sometimes.
“All right, if you’re sure.”
“Yes, I’m sure. But thank you.”
“I’ll see you later. Call me if you need anything.”
“See you later. Bye.” Looking up OBs wasn’t in my plans for today. They are now. He’s going to want to see a list of names or an appointment for one of them. If I don’t he’s going to return with a readymade list and an appointment already set up for me.
Who knew it would be this hard to find a good OB/GYN. It’s taken me most of the day online. I had to make sure their medical license were up-to-date, a member of FACOG, graduated from a top college, and been in practice for at least ten years. This way he won’t have a thing to say about the doctor I choose. The doctor I found looks good. His credentials are great, and he also teaches. This would have been a lot easier if I could have asked someone like Isabelle to recommend someone but I can’t let anyone know I’m pregnant until Nick and I discuss the best way to deal with this.
When he comes home I’m doing what I’ve been doing a lot of. Napping and not eating much.
“Hey, sleeping beauty.”
“Hi,” I say, sitting up on the couch putting my legs down.
“How was your day?”
He sits on the other end of the couch—away from me—with his legs spread apart. I’m trying not to look but my eyes are drawn to him and they won’t stay up past his crotch. I need a shower or an ice pack. He must be emitting some kind of pheromones or something. I know they say some pregnant women are easily turned-on but this is ridiculous, this is not me. Since I’ve been here, us having sex is all I can think about whether I’m near him or not.
“It was productive.” I try to lift my gaze up to his face and concentrate on the conversation.
“Is there something wrong? You keep looking down.”
“No. No.” Yes! I’m turned-on and I can’t turn it off. “I found a doctor.”
“Good, did you make an appointment?”
“Yeah, the earliest I could get was a week from today. His office is on Lexington Avenue.”
“It had to be a man, couldn’t you find a woman?”
“Nick,” I say with a hint of frustration and warning.
“I’m just saying.” He shrugs. “Give me his name and the address of the place and I’ll look it over.”
“You won’t find anything wrong with him.” He looks at me and shakes his head.
“How did you feel today, still nauseated?”
“Mostly in the morning but I’m less nauseated in the afternoon. In the night I’m fine as long as you don’t plop a load of food down in front of me.” I think back to last night.
“Did you eat today?”
I roll my eyes at him in annoyance, my hands folded.
“Don’t roll your eyes. I want to make sure you’re eating.”
“Yes, I ate my fruit and yogurt for breakfast with toast. For lunch, I had a grilled chicken salad with bread and butter. Is that good?”
“Yes, I approve. Do you feel anything?” He glances at my stomach.
“No, not yet. It’s too early.” I wonder if he’s thinking about Kate’s baby? I was crushed the evening I saw them in the hallway at my parents’ house on Thanksgiving. His hand was on her stomach feeling their baby move for the first time. They looked like a couple and I couldn’t stand it. I wanted to move and I couldn’t. I was frozen in the scene watching them together. I wonder how he’s dealing with the loss of the baby. I don’t want to ask him if he’s not ready to talk about what happened. When he wants to, he will. I hope he knows he can talk to me about it if he needs someone to talk to. It’ll be hard for me to listen to him talk about the loss of their child but it would be good if we could get past all the pain. There are things we both need to say about the things that occurred on that night.
“What do you feel like eating for dinner?”
“Since it’s my last night here, your choice as long as it’s not anything greasy or fried, it doesn’t agree with the baby and me.” I learned that the hard way with my head in the toilet.
His gaze is directed to my stomach again and I wonder what he’s thinking when his eyes travel back up to my face like he has something important to say to me. But he doesn’t, and all he says is,
“Got it. Nothing fried, nothing greasy.” He walks out of the living room leaving me by myself.
He wanted to say something to me, and that wasn’t it. He’s been acting distant, he’s holding back something from me. I wonder what it is. He might have mixed feelings about having another baby so soon after losing one. I would understand. I don’t expect him to get over it in two short months and I know this baby can’t replace the one he lost. I think once the initial shock of having a baby with Kate wore off he was looking forward to seeing his baby and being a father. Everyone would have spoiled and loved that baby.
I put my hand on my stomach and hope my family can understand this. I want you to be loved and accepted by your family even if they don’t ever truly forgive me.
We’ll see how it works out soon enough.
For the rest of the night there’s a strange awkward silence between us. We finish eating and Nick goes to his office to finish some work. I’m sitting in my room by myself with nothing but him on my mind and the flat screen TV watching me. I wish he would have stayed with me like the night I came here. It was easy and nice even though I wanted him to reach out and touch me. It’s gotten worse. I’m having a serious case of sexual frustration and only one person can cure it.
I fall asleep thinking about Nick and wake up with an ache between my legs and a need for him. It took me forever to fall asleep listening to him move around. He didn’t come into my room to check on me tonight. I wonder why? If he did, I didn’t hear him come in.
I can’t sleep. Damn! I need to get a drink. I pull my T-shirt down and get a drink of water from the fridge. I glance to where his door is. No sound, and his lights are off. Go back to your room,
Cat, after tonight you’ll be back at home all by yourself in your own bed. That does not sound appealing. I turn toward my room, trying to talk myself out of doing something stupid. Keep going, keep going, almost there, damn. I stop, close my eyes, and turn back around.
What the hell am I doing? I’ve been here all of two days and I’m ready to give in to feelings of wanting him. I need to get out of here first thing tomorrow before I do something I’ll regret. I need to take charge of my life and emotions for this man for myself and this baby. It would be easy to fall back into old habits and let him take care of me but I can’t do that.
I pace up and down the hardwood floors, trying to talk myself out of going into his room. I need to be the woman I was before I came home. The one who is capable of making a decision for herself without worrying if her family or anyone else will approve. I need to figure some things out before I get any further into this pregnancy. I have options and I want to see where these options take me. I need to make sure I have no regrets. To do that I’m going to have to explore these options fully.
My mind made up and a decision made I stand in front of his door, turn the knob, and with bare feet silently walk into his room with a sliver of light peeking in behind me from the hallway. My heart is beating in my chest as I walk to his bed where I see him lying on his back, shirtless, the sheet covering him from the waist down. I let my eyes adjust to the dim light in the room, making out every muscle of his well-defined chest and arms. I walk to the bed and gently sit down beside him, watching him sleep. He looks peaceful, the muscles in his face relaxed, watching him makes me want to run my fingers through his hair and kiss him awake just to see the look in his beautifully amazing eyes.
I’m close to getting what I want when his eyes open and he stares at me, making my heart pick up a beat.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?” His voice is low, sexy, and deep.
My apprehension rapidly rises with what I’m about to say, but I simply say in a hushed whisper, “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I’ve been tossing and turning in that bed every night since I’ve been here.”
His eyebrows come down together in a frown. “Is it the bed, do you want to switch rooms?”
“No. I figured out what my problem is. I’m missing something I really want. But I’m not sure if I should have it because there are some things I need to sort out for myself first on my own with distance.” I pause and he waits patiently. “There’s something I should tell you, it’s about Matt.” That’s all it takes for him to sit straight up against the headboard without his eyes leaving me for a second.
“What? Tell me anything except that you think this is his baby.”
“Without a doubt I can tell you this is not Matt’s baby, it’s one hundred percent yours.”
Exhaling with his shoulders relaxing against the headboard he says, “Thank fucking God. My head was about to explode.”
“It still might.” He bites his bottom lip and waits for me to continue. I take a deep breath. “I’ve been seeing Matt for a little while and we’re sort of dating. I thought you should know. I should have told you in the hospital but the pregnancy was enough to deal with for one day.”
Raising an eyebrow he says, “If you wanted to get back at me there is no better way, is there?”
“Don’t be full of yourself, me seeing Matt has nothing to do with trying to get back at you. That would be fucked up for me to do something like that to him.”
“So what? Out of all the men in New York you’re choosing him once again?”
“Not that I really owe you an explanation but in the act of full disclosure he was there for me along with Ava when I needed my friends the most and we’ve become close.
“I bet he was there for you giving you a shoulder to rest your head on. I know how that works, Cat.”
“How being a genuinely good friend works?”
“No, him comforting you and agreeing with everything you say while subtly dropping little hints, turning you against me. Taking advantage of you in your vulnerable state for his own personal gain. I know how the shoulder to cry on works.”
“Then you don’t know shit. Take your head out of your ass once again and stop being jealous of him for a second.
“Matt has been nothing but great, he’s not...forget it, I’m not going to do this. I just wanted to be completely honest with you about Matt because I know how you get at the mention of his name. I think we need honesty and clarity if we’re going to deal with this pregnancy.” I’m trying to keep calm but I can’t believe him. “I don’t appreciate you saying I’m easily taken advantage of and manipulated.”
“I didn’t say that. I know you can handle yourself and no one’s going to manipulate you when your defenses are up. I don’t particularly care for your choice in companion but I do agree we need to be clear and honest with each other during this pregnancy and beyond.”
“I don’t care if you agree with who I spend my time with. At least we can agree on something tonight. I’m tired, I’m going back to bed, I guess we can figure out the other stuff before I leave in the morning.”
“Okay,” he says.
As I rise from the bed he catches my attention by holding on to my fingers and I watch the sheet fall away from the lower half of his body as he stands. Damn. I catch my breath, closing my eyes. He towers over me naked as the day he was born without a trace of embarrassment. I try to break free of the hold he has on me but he’s unrelenting. I take shallow breaths, my newfound resolve wavering in the face of skin-to-skin contact and a sculptured body ripped with lean muscle. He leans down, sucking his lower lip into his mouth. He places a cool moist kiss on the side of my neck, making me inhale when his lips part; blowing lightly across the spot, he steps back, letting my hands slip away from his hold.
“Sweet dreams, Cat.” I finally open my eyes, coming out of the sensual haze. What the hell? I clear my throat and moisten my lips with my tongue and manage to say goodnight, turning around and leaving his room. I head for my room not bothering to close his door but securely locking mine. Tomorrow can’t come soon enough, he’s dangerous to all five of my senses as usual.
Nick
I can’t believe she’s dating that prick. If it wasn’t for his ass I wouldn’t have lost my mind the morning I went to see Cat to try and work things out. He had me believing they had sex, knowing it would push me over the edge and it did, I was livid. If I knew there would be no consequences for my actions I would have grabbed him and beat the shit out of him on the sidewalk. He set me up good, and like a fool I fell for it. He got exactly what he wanted—a shoulder for her to cry on. If it wasn’t for him Cat and I would have probably been speaking to each other long before now. He’s dead wrong if he thinks I’m going to let her go without a fight especially with my child. He’s not going to play daddy to my kid.
What the hell is he going to teach him? How to associate with known criminals? Cat thinks I’m overreacting and jealous, but I’m not. Some of the people Matt does business with are not people I want around her or my child. I don’t want Ava hanging around him either, but Ava does whatever she wants to. Matt got the money for his club by way of a loan from his ex-girlfriend’s father. I know because our firm represented the man and we had to question him for the case but he wasn’t involved in any of his shady dealings.
Whatever it takes I’m going to get Cat back. To do that I’m going to need to show her how I’ve changed in the months we’ve been apart and with the loss of my child. I’m willing to compromise for her and with her. The first step is showing her that I respect her choice to see Matt even though it’s killing me thinking about it. I might not deserve her but he sure as hell doesn’t.
“Hey, I’m ready.”
Looking out the living room window brooding I hear her voice and turn around. “It’s Saturday morning you don’t have to leave so early.” Her duffle bag is on the floor beside her. She’s wearing light blue jeans, her red pea coat with her hai
r up high in a ponytail, and no makeup. She looks cute as ever, no matter what she wears. “Move in with me.”
“What!”
“I mean, stay here until Ava comes back.” No, I mean, move in with me and let’s raise our baby together. Let me show you how much I’m madly in love with you and I’ll drop Matt off the side of a bridge and put us both out of our misery.
“I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because for the last two months I’ve had a life without you. I’m my own person again, separate from you and my family. When we were together and through all the craziness I almost forgot who I was. That I was more than someone’s daughter or sister; I don’t even have a label for what I was back then. I’m sure Jay and a few other people did, but whatever it was, I didn’t like it.”
“You’re saying you regret being with me.”
“No, I’m not. Being with you was everything I wanted it to be. I regret the circumstances in which we came together. There was so much hurt and pain for everyone. The pain alone was breaking me down and ripping everyone around us apart. We caused that.” She holds her head down and brings it back up, folding her arms. “Fuck it, I’m going to be totally honest.
“You hurt me and a part of me hasn’t forgiven you. The part that had to live with the fact that you slept with my sister and got her pregnant. That part of me wants to scream and rage against you in the worst way. Do you think it was easy for me to see that shit, thinking about it? At the hospital when you were holding my hands waiting to see the baby, you asked me what was wrong. I didn’t say then, but I was thinking about you doing the exact same thing with Kate, not too long ago. Waiting to see your child. A child you conceived with her with one selfish irresponsible careless act.”
She’s twisting my heart with her words and I try to interrupt her but she doesn’t let me.
“I know the same could be said about the situation we’re in. I can’t change the way I feel. At times I think I’m dealing with everything that’s happened and then at the drop of a dime I’m so angry with you.”
Imperfections Come To Light (The Imperfection Series Book 2) Page 4
