“From me.”
“He’s scared. Scared of losing her. When people are scared they are not rational. Love and fear are two emotions that run deep and can be extremely intense, deeply emotional. They turn you up, down, every which way like you’re in the middle of the eye of a storm. Love and fear by themselves can be utterly exhausting. Together they are explosive, they tear you apart and shatter your heart. Do you know how that feels?”
She wipes away another tear and nods her head. “I can remember a time or two I felt that way.”
“This should be the happiest time in their lives, they have a beautiful newborn baby boy. Instead, the love of his life, the mother of his child is fighting for her life. He doesn’t know if she is going to wake up. He doesn’t know what to do, who to believe.”
Tears still in her eyes she exhales. “I would never hurt her, neither would her sister, it was a terrible accident. I wanted to put some of our differences behind us before the baby came. I received an invitation to the baby shower, I merely wanted to talk to her, oh my God, my little girl. I should have never asked her to come over…” She continues sobbing. “If I had known this would have…I just want to see her, to hold her…”
“…For a minute, tell her how sorry I am.”
“I know.”
“Nick was right, I should have been a better mother.”
“We do the best we can, we are not perfect, they don’t come with answers. When they’re born we have to find our own answers. My son will soon learn the same thing is true for him now that he’s a father.”
Nick
A light familiar scent I know well wafts around me. She places a warm hand on my shoulder. I sit back in the chair beside Cat’s bed and put my hand over the comforting touch.
“What am I going to do if she doesn’t wake up, Mom?”
“She will. I have a feeling. Like I have a feeling she’s going to be your wife.”
“I don’t know if I can do this without her. What am I going to tell him if his mother doesn’t wake up?”
“Don’t think that, she’s strong, she’s a fighter. She’s not going to leave that beautiful baby boy. She’s resting, building up her strength to deal with you and Jace, who’s most likely to be like his daddy. One against two Alexander men, she’ll need all the rest she can get. Take it from me, I know what I’m talking about.”
“Yeah, you do. Were we that bad?”
“Worse. Your father was unbearable, you I could deal with.”
“Unconditional love and all that stuff.”
“Yes.” She bends over kissing me on the cheek. “I ran into her mother downstairs. She’s not taking it well.”
“She’s not doing too well? Is she the one lying in this bed?” I don’t want to hear about her. I take my mother’s hand off my shoulder and turn around to see her.
“Now, Nick, I’m not going to try and tell you what you should do. She is her mother, if it was you in this bed I would want to see you.”
“With all respect I have for you as my mother, you’ve lost your mind if you think I’m going to let her anywhere near her. Don’t bring this to me again. If you’re not with me on this then you’re with them on the other side and you don’t belong in here with her. I’m fighting to protect her and my son from the people who put them in here. They did this to her.”
“I am always on your side. I love you, Cat, and my grandson.”
“Then don’t make me have to choose between my families. The woman I love and our son will always come first.”
“And they should always come first. I’m proud of you for doing what you think is right to protect them.” She puts her arms around my neck, kisses me on the head like when I was a little boy, leaving me with my thoughts.
I gather her hands between mine hoping she’ll wake up. I know she won’t. I brush my hand over her hair. She’s so still, and I’m afraid. For the first time in my life I’m truly afraid. I put my head against hers and pour my heart out to her, tired and weary.
“I love you so damn much—you are my life. You better not leave me to raise him on my own! We need you, I need you. I need your love probably more than him as selfish as that is. I can give him all the love I have but what kind of love is that if I don’t have you? I can’t see my life without you, I know you won’t leave us. I’m going to wait for you, you are going to come back to us. We are going to raise our son together and you will marry me and become my wife till death do us part.
“We’re going to have good times, bad times, and I’m going to yell, scream and shout, you’re going to curse me something awful, give me the silent treatment and threaten never to speak to me again. Then I’m going to cave like a lovesick sap because I can’t be without you for too long. When we make up it’s going to be off the charts like it is every time we’re together. The moon, the stars, all that good stuff, out of this world. Not many people in this world get their happily ever after but we will. I have to believe that for me and our son, or else I have nothing to believe in.”
For the next two weeks I sit by her bed holding vigil night and day. They take her off the medications and she still doesn’t wake up. The only time I leave the room is to see our son. He’s getting stronger each day. Changing and growing, she should be holding him and watching him grow. I think he’s going to have my eyes. He’s doing things he shouldn’t yet being premature. I fed him for the first time this week and all I could think of was Cat should be here. I should be watching her feed our son, holding him, kissing him. This doesn’t feel right. Her family is fighting me and I’m fighting back with everything I have and every connection I’ve made in my life. They will never lay eyes on my son or her as long as they’re in here. I don’t care what I have to do to keep them away. They are going to pay for this if I have to take justice into my own hands if she doesn’t wake up. My justice will be unforgiving and unrelenting. I’m going to show them as much forgiveness as they showed her.
Every day I tell her about Jace and the little amazing things he does. No matter how small or insignificant it may seem. I’m going to be her eyes and ears for him. I do the same for him every day I see him; I tell him about his mother. I show him her picture on my phone even though most of the time he’s sleeping. It makes me feel better, like I’m keeping them connected.
I haven’t cried a day since they’ve been here. I don’t know why? Maybe because it would seem like I’m accepting defeat. I will not do that. That’s the last thing I will do but one night I almost did.
I lay down on the bed beside her and begged her to wake up, I was angry and frustrated. So tired. I haven’t slept more than two hours a night since the day they’ve been here. I’m driving the staff crazy but they remain patient.
Chris and Ava come by every day, sometimes together. I’ve seen him comfort her a few times when she seems like she’s going to dissolve into a puddle of tears. Cat would get a kick out of that. If the situation was different I’d be cracking jokes at their expense. My mother comes by at the same time daily. Between her and Ava, Jace has a wardrobe he will never be able to finish wearing. She and Ava take over the decorating and renovation of his room. The only thing I care about is that they keep the colors Cat wants.
September
Four weeks later one night, I’m sitting at her bed in my chair holding her hand. Rain sliding down the windows of her hospital room, the mood I’m in as bleak and dark as the sky. Wondering what I’m going to do. I told the hospital I want to take her home. I’ll make sure she has everything she needs until she wakes up. They weren’t too sure but I was. Jace will be leaving soon and there is no way I’m leaving her here alone. The times I’ve left I had my mother or Ava stay with her; they’re the only people I trust completely with her.
I fall asleep with my head on her hand on the side of the bed. I dream we’re home sitting in Jace’s room. She’s rocking him to sleep with a bottle in his mouth and I’m watching them. They’re both happy and healthy, things are the way they should be. She t
urns and calls my name, I stand over them smiling with all the love I have, my perfect family.
“Nick.”
“Hmm…”
“Nick.”
I feel a hand on my head tugging at my hair, drawing me out of my sleep.
“Nick?”
I sit up focusing my eyes in the dark. I don’t see anyone, must be dreaming. I look down and I see something that makes me wipe my eyes and do a double take. Holy shit! “Cat?” I jump out the chair knocking it over, turning on the light.
“Cat?” She doesn’t move. I hope to God this is not my mind playing tricks on me. I don’t know if I could take it. I run my finger over the side of her cheek and my heart leaps when I see her lips move. This is not a dream—she’s awake!
“Babe, I’m here.”
I wait patiently for her to open her eyes. I don’t care how long it takes her, I’ve waited this long. Her eyes crack open, squinting at the light in the room. Her lips move again and she can barely make a sound. She tries it again her voice hoarse, barely audible.
“Nick.”
It comes out so low and hoarse it’s a whisper, but it’s blaring music to my ears, there is not a day I want to stop hearing it. I hug her to me at the same time pressing the call button for the nurse. I close my eyes and thank God this living breathing nightmare is over.
While the nurse checks on her and run tests, I call Ava, Chris, and the rest of my family to tell them she’s awake. They all want to come but I tell them it’s better if they come during the day. She’s still lethargic, she needs to rest.
“Hey, beautiful.” I walk in the room and kiss her on the lips, sitting down on the bed.
“I want to see him, Nick. I’m ready.”
“Okay, if you feel strong enough. I’ll see if they can bring him in here. You were kind of out of it and weak when you woke up.”
“I know, but the first thing I thought about was him. It’s strange…I was pregnant and he was inside me then I wake up a month later and he’s gone. I need to see him for myself, I need to hold him.” She looks down at her hands, lying back in the bed. “It’s my fault, I should have listened to you.”
I lift her chin and tell her to look at me. “None of this is your fault. Don’t ever think that.” I put my hand down and link my fingers with hers.
“I remember what happened.”
“You don’t need to talk about it now. I don’t want you to get upset, all of that can wait.”
“I know I’m going to have to. I want to get it over with, I don’t want to go over it again.”
“Okay.” I wouldn’t want to relive it again either but she still has to tell the police what happened.
“My mother got the invitation for the baby shower, she said she had to see me. There were things she needed to say to me in person; she wanted to be a part of the baby’s life and mine. When I got there I asked if Kate was there and she said no. I came in and we talked a little, the doorbell rang and she went to get it. She was taking so long and I had to leave, I didn’t want you to come home and see I was gone. I knew you would be angry.”
You’re right about that.
“On my way down the stairs I saw Kate. She was screaming and yelling at me, how it was my fault I took it all away from her, I had the baby and the life she should have had. She was saying all sorts of things. She was out of control. I was trapped on the stairs and scared. My mother tried to calm her down and told her to let me come down. She grabbed my arm, it was horrible, I was crying and screaming. I’ve never seen her like that, the anger and hate she had in her eyes for me. She let go, I lost my balance and started to go back, she tried to grab me back but it was too late.”
“You’re okay now, and safe. I’m not going to let them hurt you anymore. They’re going to pay for what they did.”
“No. I don’t want to keep going through this, let it go. I don’t believe she meant for me to go down those steps.”
“It doesn’t matter if she meant it or not. You almost died because of her. Am I supposed to let that go?”
“I don’t want to fight with them anymore. I want us to move on with our lives,” she says, her voice wavering, eyes watering. “I don’t even know my son’s name, what’s his name?”
I look down at our linked fingers smiling. “Jace. His name is Jace Harrison Alexander.”
She laughs and shakes her head, her warm brown eyes sparkling. “I knew that name would grow on you. Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me, he’s our son. I should be thanking you for bringing him into this world.”
“Did my family see him?”
“They wanted to. They’re not allowed anywhere near you or Jace.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll be back. I’m going to tell the nurses you want to see your son.”
Forty minutes later I watch her face light up, tears running down her cheeks when the nurse places our son in her arms and she holds him for the first time. This is what it should have been; with me holding her hand as she delivered him. The tears and laughter seeing him for the first time, together. That’s what it is now. I sit down next to her, watching her holding him in her arms, transfixed by the little wonder we made. I kiss her forehead and look down at my son in his mother’s arms, finally.
The next day everyone comes by to visit, including my father. He’s been more understanding than I thought with me not coming to work and taking over some of my cases. He’s showing me a side I wasn’t sure he had. Cat fell asleep when they were visiting, she’s still recovering. My parents left and Gage, Ava, and I went out to the waiting area for a while. We’re laughing and joking when I see Chris walking to us with his brother. What the hell is he doing here?
“What do you want? I told you, you and your family weren’t welcomed here.” I fold my hands over my chest, Gage standing beside me, and Ava in front of us.
“I want to see my sister.”
I shake my head sternly at him.
“We’re her family, we have a right to see her! You and your family are keeping her from us, turning her against us.”
“You saw her Chris, are we turning her against you?”
“No.”
“You turned her against you. I’m protecting her from your family.”
“You’re a motherfucker! You’re not going to stop me from seeing my sister and my nephew. You don’t make the rules here, get the fuck out of my way!”
He steps up and before I can show him I do make the rules, Ava jumps in front of him with her hands up and Chris steps up in front of her.
“Your brother needs to back the fuck up and back down, Chris. Where the hell was all this concern for her in the past seven months? He didn’t want to see her and now he wants to make demands? Get the hell outta here!”
“Ava!” Chris looks at her, gritting his teeth in consternation.
“What? He should be glad his ass is even allowed through the fucking doors. If he keeps this up he’s going to get a serious ass kicking in here.”
“Light his ass up.” Gage smirks and nods his head in agreement with Ava. “Yeah, and she’s not going to have to lay a finger on you, we’ll take care of that ass whooping.”
Chris pushes Jay back with his hand on his chest when Gage steps up to him.
“I’m not going to let y’all beat my brother down in here.” He holds his other hand up to us to back off. “Jay, this is not the time for more of this shit. I think you’ll agree with me, Nick.” He bends his head down to Ava whispering low, “No one’s going to get their ass kicked, Ava. Calm the fuck down, your hot-ass temper is going to get us all locked up after one of us kills someone.”
I back up and head to Cat’s room to check on her and Jace who I left sleeping in the room with her.
Chris and Ava
He grabs my hand and pulls me down the hall to have a not-so-private talk. Gage sees and says,
“Hey! Take it easy.”
“It’s okay, Gage, he has my permission to manhandle me unti
l I get tired of his ass.”
“If you say so.” He goes back to his chair and pulls out his phone one eye on us, texting.
Chris drops my arm and steps back. “This is why I can’t deal with your ass. You’re all southern charm sweet and put together but the minute something doesn’t go your way you’re ready to attack, escalating the situation and making it worse. Perfect example, back there with my brother. Tell me how it’s going to work if we hook up and I look at another girl? Which I will. You’re going to get at me and rip the poor girl’s freaking head off like a bitch in heat.”
Arms crossed I say to him, “Are you comparing me to a dog?”
“Is that all you heard?”
“I heard some other stuff I choose to ignore.”
“I’m starting to think something’s wrong with you.”
“You’re not alone.” I throw my hand behind me and shift my weight. “Get to the back of the line, most men do after they get to know me. They realize I’m not all sweet and abiding.” I sweep my hand up and down my body for effect. “False advertising but they should just be happy with the package they’re getting and get over themselves.”
“You should grow the fuck up and be reasonable. How about that?”
My lips press together, I stick my finger in his face and let him know what I think. “Your problem is you can’t handle me the way you want to. Like I said, most men can’t. If you’re not man enough to deal with me, back the fuck up and move out of the way and go find a prim-and- proper miss who will bow down to you, your wishes and every command.”
He grabs my hand out of his face and throws it to my side, not at all gentle. “I’m going to deal with my brother.”
“Yes, you do that.”
I watch him storm down the hallway after his brother. Damn. Our families have turned into the Hatfields and McCoys. I’m not sure who’s winning. Things were going so good between us.
Imperfections Come To Light (The Imperfection Series Book 2) Page 29
