by Tessa Teevan
She throws a pair of tight, low-riding jeans at me, tells Jeremy to leave, and orders me to put them on. Browsing through my tops, she decides on a bright red scooped neck t-shirt.
“Flip flops and your silver hoops. Simple, yet sexy. You don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard, ya know?” She gives me a wink.
I roll my eyes as I check myself out in the mirror. These jeans fit my newly toned ass perfectly, and the shirt accentuates my newfound flat stomach while hugging my chest. The neckline dips down, showing off just enough cleavage to make the boys want more. For the first time in a really long time, I actually do feel sexy. I take one last look in the mirror. I can do this.
I’M WRAPPED up in war-story sharing with a few guys from my class who also went into the service after graduation. Joey Thompson’s in the middle of recalling the time his Humvee was attacked by a rocket-propelled grenade that left him with a prosthetic from his left knee down. He’s up and strutting like he’s on the catwalk, showcasing how incredibly far technology has come. Moving with as much grace as anyone with two good legs would, he holds his head high. The fact that he can laugh and joke about it is pretty damn admirable.
All of the sudden, the table gets silent except for Ryan’s, “Holy shit.” I turn to see what they’re all looking at when I spot her head ducking behind Jeremy’s tall form. Before I can move, Ryan’s on his feet, heading towards the door where he high-fives Jeremy, gives Sierra a hug, and then picks Alexa up and embraces her.
“Little Lexi Sullivan! More like Sexy Lexi Sullivan. So nice to see you, girl,” he announces flamboyantly.
Her eyes dart nervously around the room before they lock in on mine. She freezes, and my body reacts exactly the same way. She’s more breathtaking than she was ten years ago, if that’s even possible. Even though twenty feet separate us, I can see the grey in her eyes as they roam over me. She still has that cute freckle on the tip of her nose that she always hated. Her hair is slightly darker and longer than she used to wear it, and instantly I go hard at the thought of wrapping it up in my hands again. I always loved her golden blond locks, but she looks mature, more sophisticated with the darker color, and I can almost picture it fanned out around her as I drive into her.
Whoa, McAllister. Slow the fuck down and get a grip, I tell myself as I try to get that image out of my mind. I catch her eyes again as I take a sip of my beer, my lips lingering longer on the bottle than necessary as I take her in. Her cheeks redden slightly when she catches me checking her out. She quickly licks her pink lips, and I wonder if she even knows what she’s doing to me as I feel a tightening not only in my jeans but in my chest as well.
Ryan puts her down and she shyly lowers her eyes away from mine. She turns her back to me to say something to Sierra, and I inhale sharply as I take in every single one of her curves. My eyes shamelessly fall down her back to the tiny waist before her hips flare out slightly. When I get to her ass, my mouth doesn’t know whether to go dry or to start watering. Alexa was always a curvy girl, and I loved that, but her body now? It could send a grown man to his knees. I need to chill the fuck out before I embarrass myself. If I’m acting this way with her backside, what the hell will seeing those breasts again do to me? I loved them when she was seventeen, so I can only imagine how much my dick’s going to react when I see her from the front. Her back is still to me, and I’m fighting a war inside my head of whether or not I should approach her. She didn’t give any hint of emotion when she saw me other than the blush of embarrassment as my eyes raked over her. I mean, I’m pretty sure she was checking me out, too, but that could just be wishful thinking. God, when did I turn into such a chick?
I RUB my sweaty palms on my jeans as we walk up to the bar. I’m hiding behind Jeremy’s back like a freaking coward as we go through the door. Before I know what’s happening, someone has me swept up in his arms, calling me a very unoriginal Sexy Lexi. I look down and of course, only Ryan Harper would call me that. My arms are tucked firmly into my sides where I can’t return the hug.
I look around the bar and immediately spot him. Holy shit, he’s even more gorgeous than before, I think as my eyes roam over him. My heart races like I’ve just run miles to get here, and my eyes cannot move from his. He looks just like Jace, but not the one I remember. He’s older, and rugged, not quite like the high school senior I remember. My eyes widen as I take in the bicep I’m pretty sure I couldn’t wrap my hand around. Hello muscles, I think as I try to force away the image of him hauling me up into his big arms and having his way with me.
I shake the thoughts away as I sweep my eyes over the rest of him. He’s wearing a plain black t-shirt that showcases the definition in his arms, and I can’t look away. I swear he flexes a little when he sees me looking as I witness a thick vein stretching across his forearm. I can see the beginnings of a tattoo peeking out from under his right sleeve, and I’m dying for further inspection. His dark hair is buzzed short in a standard military-style cut and his jaw is more squared than I remember. His full lips attract my attention as he wraps them around the beer bottle he’s taking a drink from, and I involuntarily shudder at the memory of where those lips have touched me.
His blue eyes penetrate mine as he’s watching me, but his face is blank, so I have no idea if he even recognizes me. Bullshit, he knows exactly who you are. His eyebrows are drawn together, and I watch him take a deep breath as he plays with his beer bottle. Ryan sets me on the ground, and I take this chance to look down and turn away from him. I barely register what Ryan and Jeremy are talking about when Sierra grabs my hand and drags me to the bar.
“Hey, it’s Christmas in July, so she needs the Three Wise Men. Now,” Sierra says to the bartender before turning back to me. “That was intense. You guys were eye fucking each other. I wonder if anyone else felt that heat wave that rolled across the room just now.”
I roll my eyes, trying to act like my heart isn’t beating out of my chest. “We were doing no such thing. We barely made eye contact.”
“Oh, whatever, Lexi. He was undressing you with his eyes, and I was waiting for you to start licking your lips as you took in those big arms.”
She’s right. God, those muscles. I mean, he was always built, but back then he was a lean baseball player. Now he looks like he could break me in half.
“Wishful thinking, but I doubt it even registered in his brain who I am. It has been ten years, you know?”
“Keep telling yourself that. Just make sure to be a good girl and use protection when he wraps you up in those muscles,” she cackles as she pats my shoulder.
“Dammit, Sierra. I have no interest in doing anything that needs protection. You of all people should know that!” I protest as I take the shot as soon as the bartender sets it in front of me. “Another one,” I say, knowing I’m going to need liquid courage to get through this night.
“Lexi, it’s been sixteen months. You’re allowed to live again. To love again.”
“Just leave it alone, please. I have enough nerves fluttering that I don’t need you adding to it,” I let slip out. Shit.
“See! Fine, I’ll quit teasing you, but apparently your subconscious isn’t going to be so easy on you,” she winks as she walks away to rejoin Jeremy.
I sit on the barstool for a few more minutes as I chat with the bartender. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jace get up from his table and start to heads toward the bar. I jump up off the stool, proclaiming to need to use the restroom, and retreat just in time for him to see my backside.
SHE’S AVOIDING me. I know it. First, she cut off eye contact with me and walked away with her sister, and now when I was heading over to the bar, she suddenly hopped up and went in the direction of the bathroom. The whole time I stood there waiting for my drink, she never showed again. Now that I’m settled back in at the table, I see her come out and sit at the opposite end of the table next to Ryan. He makes a big show of putting his arm around her and pulling her in for another hug. I have to look away before I end up in
a fist fight tonight, which is asinine since I have no claim on this girl. Ryan’s always been a huge flirt, and Alexa was annoyed by him in our school days, so I’m not really sure why she’s hanging out with him. To avoid you, you jackass. I take another large swig of my beer and push the thought from my mind. Fine, if this is how she wants to play it, then I’m game. For now, at least.
An hour later, Alexa may as well be back in Ohio. She’s as far away from me as she possibly can be and appears to be even further away in her thoughts. She’s staring at the television that’s showing that Braves playing as she absentmindedly picks at the peel on her beer bottle. Every once in a while she’ll contribute to the conversation, but for the most part she’s lost to everyone in the bar. Once upon a time I could practically read her mind. I need to pick up my balls and get this over with once and for all.
I’M NOT really sure that sitting next to Ryan Harper for an hour is the lesser of two evils. After he’s relegated us with stories of his college shenanigans and “all the sorority sluts he banged,” I feel more than ready to face Jace. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself for the last fifteen minutes, but I haven’t been able to make the move. I can feel him watching me, and I’m wondering why he hasn’t approached me. After all, he was the one who walked away, so he should be the one to take the first step here, right?
“Lexi, get your ass over here!” Jeremy yells from across the bar.
I scan the room to find him and see that he’s setting up a card game with Sierra. I walk over to their table and ask what they’re playing as I sit down across from Sierra. Before either of them can answer, I feel a presence behind me and immediately recognize the scent I used to savor whenever I slept in his practice jersey.
“Need a fourth?” a smooth, deep voice whispers in my ear, sending a shiver down my spine and a warmth in my belly. I feel his hot breath on my skin, and it’s all I can do to sit still. Closing my eyes, I’m suddenly a smitten seventeen-year-old girl dancing on the beach with the guy of my dreams. I swear I can hear his soft singing mixing with the crashing of the waves. “Alexa?” he asks, pulling me out of my trance.
Clearing my throat, I manage to stammer, “Umm, sure, yeah, that’d be great.”
Sierra gives me what looks like a sympathetic smirk. She tells Jace it’s boys against girls and to sit to my right. He pulls out the chair next to me, and as he sits down he lets his hand slide across my jean-clad thigh before he starts shuffling the cards. I shiver, remembering the last time his hands were that close to me.
I muster up enough courage to look at him and I find him watching me intensely. He catches my glance and the left side of his mouth twitches up. I can tell he’s trying to hide a smile. I meet his eyes and his smile fades as he sucks in a deep breath as he stares at me intently. I want, I need to look away, but he has me caught in a force field and I can do nothing but return his gaze. I’m sure we look like two idiots, but right now the rest of the world does not exist. Glancing down at his lips, I involuntarily clench my thighs together, remembering he feel of his lips on my skin.
“Jeremy and I are going to get a pitcher for the table. Want anything else?” Sierra snaps us out of the trance.
“Whiskey on the rocks, short, and make it a double,” I say without looking away from Jace. Something tells me that this is definitely a whiskey situation.
“Make it two,” he replies, keeping his eyes on mine.
They walk away, leaving us to our heated gazes. I finally tear my eyes away from his and rub my never-ending wet palms on my jeans. How can this one man affect me so much after so much time has passed? I’ve never had sweaty palms. Not even with Ty. I close my eyes and immediately wish I hadn’t thought of him right now.
Jace grabs my hand under the table and gives it a squeeze. Instead of being turned off by the perspiration, he continues to hold my hand as he lifts my chin with his other hand.
“Alexa, I’m sorry. I… It’s not enough, I know it’s not, but I can’t tell you how sorry I am,” he whispers, rubbing his thumb over mine.
I lift my gaze and meet his eyes once again. I’m not exactly sure what he’s sorry for. For leaving? For how our last encounter ended? For never finding me? For Ty? Oh God, does he even know about Ty?
“I didn’t know. I swear, I didn’t know. And once I did, well, you hung up on me and I didn’t want to push you. But if I could’ve been there for you, I would’ve.”
A soft smile comes to my face. This is his way of letting me know that he does know about Ty and that he’s there for me to talk to. I know how his mind works. He won’t push the issue, but he’ll let me know his shoulder is always available. I always loved that about him. He could read me so easily, and he could handle me with care without seeming too overprotective. He was just Jace. My confidant. My shoulder. My best friend. And the first guy I ever loved.
AFTER AN hour and a half of avoidance, I can hardly believe that I’m finally sitting here with her. I’m almost sure that I’m hallucinating that she’s letting me hold her hand. If it weren’t for the fact that she’s transferring sweat to my palm, I’d almost guarantee this wasn’t real. Sweaty palms? What does that mean? Is she as nervous as I am to be here after so long?
I’m torn from my thoughts when she speaks to me. “It’s okay, Jace. You couldn’t have known.”
God, just hearing her voice does something to me. How in the hell did I go so long without hearing her voice, feeling her touch? I’m honestly shocked that she’s allowed me to keep her hand for this long, but I won’t protest our contact if she’s not going to.
“I don’t know if you’d have wanted me to, but I would’ve called again. It’s just that I left for Afghanistan a few days after that phone call.”
Her eyes race to look at me as she withdraws her hand from mine. She leans forward, placing her chin in her hands. She looks at me and I find myself nervously shuffling the cards again.
“How many times?”
“Umm…how many times what?” I ask, thoroughly confused.
“How many times have you been over there?”
I spend a moment acting like I’m going in my head, even though I know the number specifically. “I’m in the middle of my fourth tour.”
“Holy shit!” Alexa exclaims, and then she covers her mouth as if she can’t believe she just said that.
I chuckle. “Yeah, it’s been a long ten years, but I’ve loved every experience and wouldn’t change it for the world.”
She begins to ask me questions about my job and the various deployments I’ve been on. I’m amazed at how easily the awkwardness has fallen away now that we’ve settled into easy conversation.
At one point I see her eyeing the tattoo on my left forearm, and before I know it, her fingers graze over the italic words and the jagged, raised scar that underlines them as she reads aloud to herself. “Vulneratus non victus. What does it mean?”
I begin to tell her about the time when a roadside IED hit the MRAP—a mine-resistant ambush protected vehicle—in front of mine. My left arm had been hanging out the window and a piece of shrapnel tore into it. I had a four-inch gash that required forty-two stitches, but other than that I was been fine.
“It’s Latin for ‘wounded but not conquered.’ We were fortunate to not have any bad injuries, so when we got back to the States, the guys and I all went and got this tattoo to commemorate what those bastards tried but failed to do.”
She pales slightly at the mention of my injury, no matter how minor, so I rack my brain, trying to find a way to change the conversation into something much lighter, even though her fingers trailing over the words on my arm are making my skin tingle, bringing all kinds of erotic thoughts to mind.
I start to tell a funny story, and she seems genuinely concerned as I tell her about the time on my first deployment when I thought I’d heard a sniper fire and immediately had to dive for cover. A few seconds later, it had finally registered that I was on the ground covering my head, but there’d been no sho
oting. I looked up and my fellow soldiers were trying their hardest not to laugh. My dumb ass heard a freaking car backfire and immediately thought the worst. In my defense, I was a nineteen-year-old kid in Iraq for the first time.
We are both laughing as Jeremy and Sierra come back to the table with our drinks, and Alexa takes no time in taking a huge drink from her whiskey glass.
“Slow down, killer. We’ve got all night to get hammered,” Sierra laughs as she grabs the deck of cards with my hands. She shuffles them and then deals out what appears to be a game of euchre.
We sit and play cards for a while as Jeremy and Sierra tell me all about their daughter. Since they were high school sweethearts, everybody knew they’d get married and have kids. They tell me all about how Jeremy followed her to Ohio when the family moved, and they spill about their time at the University of Cincinnati and what they’ve done post-graduation. I’m taken back ten years where I can see them sitting at the lunch table, falling all over each other. I smile at the thought, and I’m honestly glad that they seem just as in love as they were back in our school days. You could’ve had that, too, dumbass. I shake my head at the thought as I decide which card to play.
I CATCH Jace shaking his head and I wonder what’s going through his mind right now. I’m in shock at how comfortable this feels. I mean, sure, it was a little awkward at first, but once we started talking about his job, the conversation seemed to ease up a bit. Looking around the table, I can’t help but think about how normal it seems for the four of us to be sitting around bullshitting, playing cards.
I feel a slight pull at my heart. Ignore it. I push the guilt away and tell myself for the first time since Tyler died that he’d want me to have fun. I take a less-than-ladylike gulp of my whiskey. The familiar burn erases my thoughts as I stand up to make a trip to the bathroom. I stumble slightly and Jace is quickly on his feet to catch me.
