by Tessa Teevan
“Alexa, I’ve never seen your face light up like this. I know you’ve been grieving less over the last few months, and you’ve become more sociable, but it’s like you’ve been rejuvenated. You’ve seemed happier lately, but this is a completely new look for you. When you smiled, which wasn’t all that often, it never quite reached your eyes. But now? I don’t think the smile has left your face since you started talking about your weekend, and it’s not just your lips. Yours eyes are sparkling. And it could just be the nice tan you got, but your skin is practically glowing. You’re different than the girl I had drinks with last week.”
My cheeks flush, knowing he’s right, and I can finally admit it to myself.
“I am happy, Brady. I didn’t know what to expect when I came home. I kind of had an episode after I looked over all of the pictures down the hallway. When I came to our wedding photo, I lost it.”
He takes my hand in his, giving me a tender smile as I continue.
“There I was, crying on the floor with the picture tucked into my chest. But the weird thing? It wasn’t the normal grieving crying. There was no guilt. Grief, maybe a little bit, but I think it was more of a release. I realize that I haven’t been living. I’ve only been existing, and I don’t want to be that person anymore. I want to be able to be happy. I want to be able to love. And I think I finally, deep down in my soul, know that Ty would want that for me, too.”
“Hallelujah! How many times have I told you that?” Brady asks.
I give him a small smile, knowing that he’s been beating that dead horse for a while now. “I know you’ve said it to be before, but I never believed you. I think it was something I needed to figure out on my own. And this weekend showed me that I could be happy, I could feel something for someone else without having a cloud of doubt and guilt hang over me.”
Brady leans in and wraps his arms around me. I return the hug, glad that I have him in my life.
“Oh, sweetheart, you deserve the best, and I’m glad you finally realize that.”
Tears begin to fall again and he’s quick to wipe them away. “No more tears tonight. Now come on, I know you have more to tell, so get to talking.”
I laugh as I continue to give him small details about the weekend, keeping the most intimate ones to myself.
SITTING IN the terminal in Germany, I hear my name being called. I turn around to see Knox walking towards me. I get up and we do the whole side-hug, backslap thing. He took his R&R when I did, but I didn’t think we’d be heading back on the same plane.
“How was your trip back home, man?” I ask him, knowing he planned to go back to Tennessee where he was born and raised.
He sighs, running his fingers through hair that is borderline against regulations. That’s Knox, though. He’s the rebel of the group. At six foot two, Knox is a pretty muscular guy. His thick blond hair has gotten him in trouble more than once, but on a deployment it’s easier to get away with, and Knox Wellington will do whatever he can to push the limits. I know he’ll shave it as soon as we get back, but not a moment sooner.
“It was the same as every other trip. My parents barely spoke two words to me, so I ended up staying with either my brother or an old hook-up for most of the weekend.”
I look at him questioningly before asking, “Oh, getting back with an old flame?”
He looks at me in horror as if that’d be the worst thing in the world. “Hell no, man. Just a good old-fashioned American hook-up. After all, I was getting ready to return to war.”
I crack up, not surprised as Knox was even less interested in a relationship than I was. Well, before this weekend anyway.
“Please tell me you did not use that line to get laid.”
He grins and I know that he did just that. He’s been using that line for the past ten years, and it will never cease to amaze me at how many times it’s actually worked for him.
“Actually, I didn’t have to. She was more than ready to do her civic duty,” he says, holding up his hand for a fist bump. Not wanting to leave the guy hanging, I connect with his fist, although I shake my head at his comment.
“How about you, Mac?” he asks, using the name that was given to me in Boot Camp and just stuck. “How was the reunion? Score with any old classmates?” I shake my head, and he looks at me with utter disappointment. “Dude, you’ve been in the desert for months and you didn’t get laid when you had the chance?”
“I may have spent some time with someone I care about, but like hell if you’re getting the details,” I grin, knowing I sound like a pussy.
He looks at me, confused. “You were there for three days. How in the hell could you care about someone?”
Before I can say anything, his eyes narrow as the light bulb clicks on in his head. “Dude, you didn’t. Not her.”
I nod, knowing he’s going to give me shit about it, but I don’t care.
“Dammit, Jace, I had to carry your drunk ass out of a bar in downtown Germany because you were heartbroken over that girl. I thought you were over it. Why? Why the fuck would you let her back in again? She’s going to ruin you. That’s what they all do.”
I shake my head, because he has no idea about the complexity of our relationship. I wonder what’s made him so jaded when it comes to women and relationships, but Knox is not one to talk about his past.
“You don’t understand, and I can’t possibly explain it. There were things that both of us were unaware of, and honestly, it was all a huge misunderstanding.”
Knox scoffs in disbelief. “You just spent all this time apart because of a misunderstanding? That sounds like bullshit to me. Whatever.” He sighs before continuing. “Break it down for me so I can try and figure out how a smart guy like you who’s avoided relationships could go away for one weekend and come back a lovesick fool who won’t stop smiling. Seriously, dude, tone it down a notch. You’re going to creep me out.”
“I can’t wait until a woman latches on to you. It’s going to be so much fun watching you eat your words,” I tell him.
I didn’t tell him about the phone call Sierra had orchestrated back in February, so I begin there. His eyes soften when I tell him about Ty’s passing. He sits quietly as I tell him about seeing her again for the first time. I ignore him as he mutters, “Fucking women,” when I get to the part about Kristin telling me that Alexa had moved on, and he’s even more pissed when he finds out it was a lie. He listens silently for the next ten minutes as I continue the story, cautious to leave out any of the sexy details. No one gets to know those except for me. I wrap up the story, and he looks at me contemplatively.
“Look, man, if you’re happy, then I can be in your corner. Just be careful. You’re not a fun, depressed drunk,” he says as he slaps my back.
“Thanks, Knox. I appreciate it. I’m gonna go make a quick phone call, so I’ll see you on the plane.”
Making my way over to the payphones, I pull out the phone card the USO gave away. I dial her number and am about to hang up when she finally answers on the fourth ring.
“Hello?” she answers sleepily.
I immediately check my watch and realize that it’s only a little after 3:00 am in Ohio.
“Hey, babe. Sorry to wake you. I wasn’t thinking about the time difference,” I say, knowing I should let her go back to sleep.
Her voice perks up a little, sending a flutter through my heart. “Jace? It’s okay, I’m awake. Where are you calling me from?”
“I’m in Germany. We’re getting ready to get on the plane, and I wanted to hear your voice one last time.”
She lets out a soft sigh, causing my dick to jerk slightly in my uniform pants as I hear her breathy voice. “I’m glad you did. I know the time difference will be crazy, so call me whenever you can, no matter what time it is, okay? “
Smiling into the phone, I lean my left arm over the payphone console. I catch Knox watching me as he shakes his head. I’m going to get so much shit over the next few weeks, but it’s worth it. I turn back towards the phon
e, putting my back to him.
“I’ll keep that in mind, babe. Oh, I forgot to tell you, make sure to download Skype. Sometimes we can get into the Comm room and use it when we have downtime. It might not be often, but I’ll try when I can.”
“That’ll be the first thing I do tomorrow. Jace…” she says before pausing. “I miss you. I just wanted to tell you that.”
My heart swells at her words, and the smile on my face grows exponentially larger. “I miss you, too, babe. I’ll be back before you know it.”
She yawns, and knowing that she has to get up for work in a few hours, I decide to let her go. “We’re going to be boarding soon, so I should probably run.”
“All right. Thanks for calling. It was good to hear your voice, even if it’s the middle of the night,” she teases. “Be careful. Promise me you’ll be careful.”
I clear my throat, not wanting to say goodbye. “I promise. I’ll be as careful as can be. I’ll see you soon, okay?”
“Okay. See you soon,” she echoes before hanging up.
I place the receiver back on the cradle and head back over to where Knox is sitting. We sit in silence until they announce that it’s time to board the plane. Surprisingly, my nerves are calm. The sooner I get back to Afghanistan, the sooner I can go home to prove to her that I meant what I said. I’ll always come back.
IT’S BEEN a little over a month since Jace and I said goodbye at the airport. A few days after he called me from Germany, I received a postcard showing the German countryside with a quick note from him. After that I started to get at least one letter a week. We were able to email each other on a pretty regular basis, since he was at Kandahar instead of one of the forward operating bases where communications could be limited. The hardest part has been trying to set up Skype or phone conversations since he’s eight and a half hours ahead of Cincinnati. Couple that with the twelve-hour, six-days-a-week shifts he’s working, and we’ve found ourselves mostly playing email tag with a couple of late-night conversations in between that have only lasted mere minutes.
I decide to park in my driveway since I’ll be leaving to go to my parents’ place for dinner in a little bit. Walking up to the front door, I grab the mail from the box before heading inside. Toby’s waiting for me, and he brushes up against my legs. I lean down to rub between his ears as I go through the mail. My heart races when I see the familiar handwriting I’ve come to look for every single day when I check the mailbox. Making my way to the couch, I throw the rest of the stack onto the coffee table before frantically ripping open the envelope.
Unfolding the letter, my eyes race over the handwritten words.
August 22nd, 2012
Hey Beautiful,
I know I just finished emailing you, but as I was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, I couldn’t stop wishing you were in my arms. It’s crazy how my mind is so consumed with thoughts of you. Two months ago the only thing on the brain when I went to sleep was what workout I had to do the next day or wonder what type of call we may be dispatched out on. Now, those are a complete afterthought. Every night now ends with a memory of you, imagining you in that sexy bikini, or on a really good night, I can still see how your face softened, the way you bit your lip while you braced yourself on my shoulders as you came for the first time when I was finally inside of you. If I close my eyes, I can practically feel the way you clenched around me as you got your release. It was the most beautiful sight I’ve ever had the pleasure to witness, and my dick’s going hard to thinking about it.
And now I can picture the pink blush that’s creeping onto your face as you read this. Not much longer, babe, and you’ll be back in my arms. I meant what I said before. You’re going to have to fight to keep me away. And just so you know, I’ve been working out, so I think I can take you. Okay, you’re probably rolling your eyes at me now, and well, I’m kind of turned on now that I’ve been picturing your tight, naked body on top of mine. Do you have any idea what you do to me? I hope you’ve kept up your running with Brady because I have plans for our own kind of marathon when I get back, so there’s your warning.
I’ll close with this. I miss the hell out of you. A part of me always missed you, but this time it’s different. I think that knowing that there’s a chance at a future for us has given my heart more room to breathe, more room to feel, and I swear, I’ve missed you more in these last few weeks than I did whole ten years combined. I’m thankful for this second chance, and I’m going to do everything I can not to fuck it up again. See you soon.
Yours,
Jace
Leaning back against the couch, I reread his words. I smile and then blush just like he knew I would. A fire ignites between my legs, and it’s all I can do not to immediately run to my bedroom to make use of one of the vibrators Sierra felt it necessary to buy me for Christmas last year. Instead, I head to my office and pull out my stationary so I can reply while I’m still feeling aroused, knowing it’d be hard to write the words any other time. I know my face is pink as I’m writing to him, but I keep on going because he deserves for me to be as open as he’s willing to be. I finish up before I can talk myself out of it, and I head to my bathroom to give it a spritz of the coconut body spray he loves so much. I place it in an envelope and address it.
I change out of my work clothes, replacing them with black shorts and an oversized Army t-shirt I may or may not have commandeered from Jace’s collection. After reading that letter, I want to be close to him, and this is the only way I know how. Throwing both letters in my purse, I make sure Toby has food before I head out to stop by the post office on my way to my parents’ place.
Fifteen minutes later I’m opening up the door to parents’ house and immediately hear my dad and Jeremy arguing over who’s going to win the Super Bowl. I head towards the living room to join in on the conversation, and my dad stands to greet me, giving me a kiss on the cheek.
“Ahh, finally, my sports fan is here to back me up. Come on, Lexi. Tell Jeremy that our new hot rookie quarterback is going to take us to the playoffs,” Dad requests.
I shake my head, not sure if I can agree with him. “Dad, we’ve only seen him play in the pre-season. Why don’t we let him get a few games under his belt before we decide how far he’s going to take us?”
He huffs and immediately switches the conversation to the Reds. Jeremy can’t say anything because, as of right now, we’re leading the National Central League, holding out on top over the St. Louis Cardinals, our archrivals. I excuse myself from the conversation and go in search of Mom and Sierra. I find them in the kitchen where Mom is whipping up her famous meatloaf, a dish she spoils Jeremy with at least once a month. Ava’s sitting on a barstool at the counter, licking what looks to be chocolate frosting off one of the mixing handles.
“Lexi, it’s about time you show up to visit your dear old parents,” Mom scolds me.
I give her a sheepish grin and shrug my shoulders. “Sorry, Mom, I’ve been slammed at work, and then you guys were out of town last time I was going to stop by.”
She waves me off, apparently forgiving me for not having been by since the weekend they had a cookout for the fourth of July. Pouring me a glass of Chianti, she turns back towards the stove. Sierra lifts her brows at me, wondering if and why I’ve been avoiding our parents. If I’m completely honest with myself, I wasn’t ready for the barrage of questions I’d get from my mom. Sierra’s nosiness is a learned behavior from her.
Setting my purse down on the counter, I take a seat next to Ava. She grins up at me with chocolate covered teeth, and I can’t help but smile back before turning towards my mom.
“So what’s new around here?” I ask, taking a sip of my wine.
“Lexi, I’m fifty-two years old. Not much new goes on at this age,” she huffs.
“That’s not true. Last time we talked you were trying to talk Dad into taking dance lessons with you,” I remind her.
She rolls her eyes at me. “That apparently was wishful thinking on my part. He insis
ted that I take a blacksmith class with him in return. That sounded awful, so I dropped it.”
Before I can respond, Sierra pipes up. “Hey Mom, why don’t you ask Lexi how her trip to Florida was?”
I glare daggers at her, but she simply smiles sweetly back at me. Mom looks between the two of us as she pours herself another glass of wine.
“Okay, girls, what’s going on? What am I missing?” she asks as she joins us at the counter now that the meatloaf is in the oven.
Sierra wiggles her eyebrows at me before turning back to Mom. “Notice anything different about your daughter?”
Mom studies me, and I blush as I know what Sierra is implying. My blush deepens as the contents of Jace’s letter come to mind, and I remind myself that I better hide my purse before my sister starts digging through it.
“Alexa Leigh, why is your face turning red?” Mom asks.
“Why yes, Alexa. Why ever are you blushing?” Sierra teases, and I wish the floor would swallow me up.
“Sierra Ann, stop teasing your sister and spill!” Mom exclaims, impatiently waiting to be a part of the gossip.
Sierra smiles into her wine glass and then gives me a wink. “Well, our dear Lexi here may have run into an old friend. A very good old friend.”
My mom looks at both of us. “If you’re talking about Jace, I already know that,” she reveals.
My jaw drops as Sierra claps her hands over her mouth.
“What? How? I mean, dammit, Sierra, really?” I ask, exasperated but not surprised.
Sierra’s eyes widen as she declares, “I didn’t! I swear, Lexi, I didn’t tell her.”
“Oh, calm down you two. Beth and I are Facebook friends and we talk frequently. She told me all about Lexi stopping by the house with Jace.”
