by E. S. Mercer
“Bye,” I said, nodding as if I was telling him to go. I could tell she was not having any part of this harmless conversation. I say harmless, which it really was, but there was something between us that I couldn’t understand. I had this desire to know him, to find out why he felt so familiar to me. I wanted to touch him again and see why I felt the way I did. It wasn’t like the usual feeling I got when I touched people. I wasn’t feeling his emotions. This was something deeper, much, much deeper.
But I never got the chance. She hurried him out the door as Ryan came running in, coming straight for me. He planted a kiss on me, completely ignorant of the fact that there was someone watching intently. However, when Adam saw how I responded to Ryan’s touch through the soggy glass, he turned around, walking into the rain and didn’t look back.
The moment Ryan let me go, I looked out the window and saw that he was gone, desperately wishing I could call him back. Day after day I would leave hoping to run into him again, but I never did. As a matter of fact, I never saw Lydia after that day either. So after a while, I gave up on the notion of ever seeing him again and just went on with my life.
It was a good life too. Ryan and I fell into a pattern that brought comfort and happiness to my life. The strangeness that had surrounded me subsided as I concentrated on what was right in front of me. I gave us the best effort I could, promising myself to not focus on much else.
Zara came over every weekend as promised, as I fell into back into a routine at work, now managing three separate shelters in the city. My photography, now much more than a hobby, found its way into the forefront of my life, becoming a second career.
For the following birthday, Ryan surprised me with my very own studio in a building that he bought with his inheritance. It wasn’t in the best of shape, with its eroding brick and beat up hardwood floors, but it was the perfect place for a studio and a place I could call my own.
As much as I never wanted to owe him anything, I will not deny that I was extremely happy for this opportunity. I was so distracted by everything in my happy life that there was no room for me to question anything anymore. I didn’t have a reason to question my past or have time to listen to the voices that surrounded me. In a way I was reinventing myself, but truth was, I was also choosing to avoid my past and everything that led me to this point.
I was so deep into my new life, I didn’t care about any of it anymore. I liked being happy. I liked not feeling lost and even forgot for a while that I ever was. And for the next couple years it stayed that way and I was completely ok with that.
Chapter V
It’s funny how quickly life can change. In a split second, you can see your future lose focus, smudging what you thought was your destiny out of existence.
It’s as if the plans you had for yourself become derailed by a simple thought or event that seemed so insignificant at the time.
In my case, it was a simple meeting that changed everything I thought I knew. ******
The elementary life I lived with Ryan held an unvarying routine, something that most would find a bit boring. Me, I quite liked a life without drama or surprises, as the first part of my life had given me.
We also had a happy life. When we weren’t working, we made time for our few friends or found ourselves exploring the inner districts. There wasn’t an art gallery, small business or quaint little restaurant that we hadn’t visited.
Over the years, we kept our brunch with his parents, suffering through many a Sunday where we were lectured about the lack of nuptials in our life and then would return home to concentrate on each other uninhibitedly.
He was kind and gentle and everything you would hope a man to be. No matter what I aspired to do, he would support me whole heartedly and even go out of his way to make it happen. I found a comfort in my life with him and for a moment found myself wishing for it to always stay that way.
My professional life was prospering as well. I had gone from managing three shelters, to now building ten of my own throughout the city. I focused on all needs, bringing in doctors, teachers, and professionals who could help anyone lost and in need of a new future. Veteran’s and runaway teens came from all over the country to reap the benefits we offered.
It kept me busy, but not busy enough to make sure I never neglected my relationship with Ryan. As a matter of fact, when he wasn’t at the University, he was in one of my shelters, right by my side, taking as good a care of the needy as I would have hoped.
As part of our routine, even if I was out on a job, I would make time to have lunch with him. We usually met at our favorite café near the University, but today I was near the boarder of the Toiler and Poison Districts checking on a newly built shelter and he insisted on coming to me.
I found a diner on my journey that looked quaint, simple and out of the way. We found that the simpler the place, the better the food always tasted to us and I was in the mood for something good.
Unlike most of the District outsiders, I chose to walk wherever I went. Why waste money on a taxi to go a couple blocks when I could get where I was going on my own two feet. I wasn’t afraid of the people around me or the streets most of them lived on.
But today, as I made my way towards the diner, I found a reason to feel a bit disturbed. Two blocks from my destination, I felt as if a presence suddenly started following me. I could feel it nipping at my heels with a cold breath that tugged at the little hairs on the back of my neck, but every time I turned around, no one was there. Remembering the eerie events of my past pulled my gaze straight for the shadows but still, nothing seemed to be there.
It unnerved me more than the shady characters that sat on the dirty streets, drugged out of their minds and eyeing the bag that I carried on my shoulder. Or the obvious deviants that had no regard for the fact that they could be caught in broad daylight committing numerous amounts of crimes.
This, whatever it was that was near me, it felt evil and it felt wrong. I started to pick up the pace until I found myself in a bit of a canter. As soon as I saw the diner door, it turned into a full sprint. Concentrating more on what was following me, I busted through the door and smacked into a waiter holding a full cup of coffee and a piece of what appeared to be a delectable pie.
“Oh, my god, I am so sorry,” I said as I noticed the piping hot cup of joe now all over his white shirt. “Let me help you!” I started to wipe him off with the arm of my sweater, as if that would help, never once looking the man in the eye. And he just stood there staring at me while I continued to make a fool of myself.
“I can’t get it off,” I exclaimed, as if I could have fixed it. “I can’t get the coffee off.”
“It’s ok,” he said with a chuckle. “It’s not like this is the first time this has happened.”
I kept wiping his shirt, hoping for a different result.
“It’s ok,” he said again, gently grabbing my hand. “Trust me.”
As soon as touched me, I was blinded by what felt like a lightning bolt to the heart; I wasn’t the only one that felt it.
“What the hell?” he asked, jerking his arm away.
It was then I looked up and finally saw who it was. “Adam?” I asked.
The sapphire center of his eyes began to glow ever so slightly as he tried to focus on the lines of my face.
“Your eyes, they are glowing,” he said, touching my face.
This time, when our skin touched, I felt a warm surge of desire through my body, pulling me a bit closer to him.
“Yours too,” I stuttered. “At least they were.”
“Are you ok?” he asked, noticing the look of bewilderment on my face.
“I am, yeah,” I said backing away. “I don’t know if you should touch me again though.”
“Probably a good idea,” he responded, a bit out of breath. “Having you close to me is making me feel really funny.”
He stepped back a bit as he kept staring at my face.
“I know you, don’t I?” he inquired.
&
nbsp; “I think so,” I said, wringing my hands nervously. “We’ve met before, just for a minute. A couple years back.”
Before we could dive further into our banter, I heard Ryan call out my name from the threshold. “Nessa, I am so sorry I am late,” he said, rushing over, placing his hand on the small of my back. Noticing the man that I was talking to, his demeanor changed quickly.
“I am assuming you have a table for us already?” he asked with an uncharacteristic attitude. “Um, please sit anywhere,” Adam responded, looking over at the customer who had been waiting for their coffee. “Sit anywhere and I will be with you in a moment.” He took off towards the kitchen as Ryan ushered me to the first open table.
He sat on the bench across from me, with a strange scowl on his face.
“Maybe we should go somewhere else to eat?” Ryan barked. “This diner is a hole in the wall.”
“What is wrong with you?” I asked. “I have never seen you like this.”
“Nothing,” he responded, waving an already busy waitress over. “I just get a bad vibe off this place.”
“I don’t and I am usually good about those things,” I defended.
He waived again at the waitress who came over to inform us that we were not sitting at her table.
“Adam will be with you in a minute,” she said as she walked away.
You could tell that Ryan’s agitation was getting worse, as we waited for our waiter to make it back.
“Besides, since when is any place beneath you?” I asked my annoyed boyfriend. But his answer was interrupted by Adam’s return. As he handed us our menus, he kept staring at me like a boy window shopping for a new train set.
“Thank you,” I whispered, gently pulling it out of his hand. I desperately tried to avoid contact, but our fingers brushed against each other, sending another surge of strange desire through me, followed by the escape of an audible breath. Then, I am pretty sure I lost a bit of time, as I began to see vivid and strobe like visions of the two of us in very scandalous and intimate positions. I could feel every moment of it as if it was really happening, becoming more and more intense the longer he held on to me. “Ok, thank you,” Ryan said as he grabbed Adam’s arm. He could tell that something was going on between us and it was making him very uncomfortable.
“Oh yes, so sorry,” Adam said as he snapped out of it, letting go of the menu. “Just let me know when you are ready for me to take your order.” He backed away, trying not to take his eyes off me.
“Do you want to tell me what that was all about?” Ryan asked, looking down at his menu. He tried to mask the rage he felt by Adam’s presence, but I could feel it radiating off him. And I didn’t have answer for him, so I avoided eye contact as I kept reading the ‘specials’ list on the place mat in front of me.
“Do you know that man?” Ryan prodded. “Is there a reason he keeps looking at you like that?”
“I don’t know him,” I said quietly. “We met once a couple of years ago but only in passing.”
“That is not what it looked like to me,” Ryan snapped.
I slowly raised my gaze to the face of the man I thought I knew. I had never seen this side of him and it was starting to scare me a bit.
“I never took you for the jealous type,” I jabbed. “It doesn’t look good on you at all.”
“If I were making googly eyes at some waitress you’d feel the same way,” he argued back.
“It’s not like that,” I tried to continue, but he wouldn’t let me finish. “I just don’t know why you need to be on this side of town,” he barked. “It’s just too dangerous. You being down here is a bad idea. You should send someone else here to deal with these shelters.” He started fiddling with his silverware while he looked around for Adam. “Let’s just order so we can eat and get out of here.”
“You haven’t had a problem with my job until now,” I reminded him.
“Well, now I do,” he snapped. “Being down here has assured me of that." In the few years that he and I had been together, he never told me what to do or how to do it. My job had never been an issue either, as he commended me for working with people the world had already given up on.
“I would just rather you stick to your photography and let me worry about the rest,” he continued. He kept talking about what he’d rather I do, but I only heard half of what he said, as I was too busy looking past him and towards the waiter coming in our direction. Once he came into Ryan's view, I could feel the tension rise even more.
Once we gave Adam our order, Ryan and I chose to sit in silence. There was really nothing more I had to say to him and I wasn’t sure how to handle the fact that we were having our very first fight. It was atypical of us to be so splintered and neither one of us knew what to do with that feeling. I thought it was because it was so unlike us, but then, I felt it again. That evil presence that had been lurking in the streets, now permeated the restaurant and the stench that followed it, nearly choked me.
Ryan never budged, shoveling food in his mouth faster than one should, while the rest of the patrons did the same. I could tell Adam felt the same thing I did just by the look on his face.
I looked around, catching a glimpse of a woman at a booth behind us. She sat with one eye on her coffee and the other looking straight at me. I knew immediately she was the presence I could feel, but I couldn’t find the words to confront her.
I turned back to watch Ryan, who continued to wear his irritation on his sleeve. That is when I realized, no one in the diner really seemed to be getting along. They weren’t yelling and screaming but as I listened, tensions were high at each table. The longer the woman sat there, the more irritated people became and the more I could feel the nefarious quintessence crush me.
Then, she and the feeling suddenly disappeared.
“Are you listening to anything I am saying?” Ryan said in a slightly less irritated tone. His attitude had weakened a bit, but you could tell it was still there. “Let’s just drop the whole thing,” I pleaded. “I love what I do and I really don’t want to quit. I will just avoid this diner if it makes you happy.”
He looked up at Adam who had come to refill our coffee.
“Fair enough,” he said holding out his cup. “If you agree to that, I won’t bother you about it anymore." I didn’t want to argue anymore and I knew that if I didn’t drop it, he wouldn’t, so I agreed to the terms allowing us to go about our lives for the next few days.
*****
I tried to distract myself from the events at the diner, however, I couldn’t help but battle the lingering feelings that I had about the whole thing. It was all I thought about as those lascivious scenes played over and over in my head. I felt shivers down my spine as they played more like memories than fantasies. I had to know why I felt this way about a man I barely knew and why he seemed so familiar to me.
Thing is, I knew if I investigated this any further, it would exacerbate an already volatile situation with Ryan but I felt that if I didn’t, the curiosity would easily kill me. So on a day that I knew Ryan could not meet me for lunch, I made my way back to the border of the Toiler District.
This time, I realized I really was being followed, as three men in dark suits stayed a few blocks behind me, trying to stay atrociously inconspicuous. I picked up the pace again, hoping to avoid contact with them and frantically making a beeline for the front door. But right before I reached my destination, I felt someone grab me and yank me into an abandoned alley.
“Please don’t scream,” the familiar voice said as he covered my mouth. His skin felt like it fused to mine, as both of us now fought to avoid to the feelings our touching presented.
“Who are you?” I asked breathlessly, pulling his hand from my face and reaching up to place my hand on his cheek, just so I could feel him some more.
“I could ask you the same thing,” he said, pushing me up against the wall and breathing seductively in my face. “Why do I feel this way when I am around you?”
“I don’t
know,” I answered, as my entire body went limp.
“No,” he yelped. “Please don’t stop touching me.”
“But,” I tried to say, but with as close as he was to me, if I moved my lips any more, they would have touched his.
“I don’t even know you, how can I feel this way about you?” he asked, pulling back a bit. “What is it about you that drives me to act like this?”
“I don’t know,” I responded putting my hand back on his face. “I can’t explain it either.” Neither one of us could come up with a valid reason for what we were doing there but knew at that moment, there was no place else either one of us wanted to be.
“I need to know who you are,” he said, bringing his lips to mine. “I need to know why I feel this way around you.” I took a deep breath and tried to resist the urge to kiss him, as I searched for the right words to dissuade him. But as hard as I tried, even the fact that we were both with someone else didn’t prevent me from following through and locking lips with the man. Finally, after enough time for us to lose our breath, he backed away in a satisfied shame. “I don’t understand why I can’t help myself.”
His shame didn’t last for too long, however, as he leaned in for another kiss. But before he could, I heard a loud thud and felt him collapse in my arms. “Take him,” a voice commanded, ripping him out of my arms. He passed him off to a sea of men, dressed in black, as he turned back to use an unnecessary amount of strength to pin me against the wall. I kicked and screamed as I fought to get him off me, but hard as I tried, I couldn’t break loose. Finally, he moved, just enough for me to see a couple men dragging Adam towards the back of one of the buildings.
“Let him go!” I screamed. I kicked and I fought as hard as I could to get free, but he just pinned me against the wall even harder. Barely able to breathe, I kept demanding they release him, but my pleas fell on deaf ears.
“You really shouldn’t have done that,” another one the strange men chastised. “You should have left well enough alone and never come back.”
