by E. S. Mercer
*****
I found myself sulking in the darkness of my bedroom, trying to figure out what exactly was happening to me. Was this mess between us simply created as a stall tactic, and if so, how do I ask them to put their feelings aside, fabricated or not so I could face my ‘destiny.’
Ryan was something I could make sense of. He was someone from my past who I had built a life with and it was good. Turns out, it wasn’t meant to be, like so many millions of other relationships, but that didn’t mean I didn’t love him. And I know he wanted more out of me, but I was so caught up in feeling out of place that I couldn’t give him exactly what he wanted. He would argue that it was because I loved Gabriel, but other than a couple of chance encounters with him on the street, I didn’t know I loved him, so that wasn’t the problem.
To know that Michael and Gabriel loved me with the same intensity and devotion as Ryan without understanding why is what really baffled me. Again, was I genuinely feeling the way I did for Michael or was I confusing him with his brother and only giving him the love that Gabriel was owed?
I thought it over until my head nearly exploded, giving myself a horrible headache. I knew I wouldn’t be able to relax, so I snuck into the bathroom down the hall and found something to help me sleep. It worked as quickly as I had hoped and soon I found myself drifting off to sleep, but not resting in the least. Because, they say when you dream of someone it means they are thinking of you. Some even suggest that when you dream intensely, it means they are dreaming the same thing too.
And this dream, it was beyond intense.
It started with me innocently knocking on Gabriel’s bedroom door. There was so much I wanted to say and I just couldn’t wait until morning. He didn’t answer, so I let myself in, hoping I could gently wake him up. But when I opened the door, the spotlight of the moon pointed me towards a very different kind of night.
He was laying across the bed, covered only by a bed sheet from the waist down. His left leg, peeking out from underneath the cotton, was bent just enough to reflect the position of his opposite arm. He had obviously fallen asleep in mid thought as his palm lay flat against his forehead.
The pale light accentuated the ridges of each muscle, from his neck to the protruding ‘V’ muscle down by his waist, awakening a vicious lust I did not want to control. It was just a dream and I didn’t see the harm in succumbing to the desire to understand why I wanted him so badly. As I moved towards him I saw his eyes open, calling me to join him. The next thing I know, I was under the sheets staring him directly in his dazed yet equally lustful eyes. I could feel him search for something as he stared back at me, keeping himself rigid enough to fight the urge until he found what he was looking for.
Finally, he pulled me into him. “There you are,” he whispered. “I’ve been here the whole time,” I said, running my hand up his face and through his hair. I could feel the texture of each hair follicle, smell the sweet scent of masculinity on his skin and taste the eroticism in the agony of it all.
“Gods have I missed you,” he said, as he kissed me. “I have missed every bit of you.” “I’ve missed you too,” I said, finally understanding what he meant. The intensity of the moment wasn’t because it was new and exciting like I had felt with Michael. This felt familiar, honest and profound.
“This is only a dream,” I said to myself as I closed my eyes, allowing myself to give in. “Go with it.”
And I did. I gave into the moment, tearing into him with the same ferocity he did me, sobbing and shaking the entire time. It wasn’t tender or romantic in the least; it was furious, excessive and incredibly dynamic. Every sensation, heightened by an animalistic need to connect with each other allowed for an out of body experience that transcended that of the dream I was in.
As the night gave into the morning, I found myself awake, strangely content and refreshed. Stretching as I sat up in bed, I was determined to have a conversation with Gabriel and tell him part of me remembered what it was like to be with him. But, I didn’t have to wait long for that conversation as I heard him in the bed behind me, grunt just a little as he turned to pull me back into bed.
“Oh, my god,” I cried, jumping out of the bed. “I thought, I thought that was a dream!”
“That what was a dream?” he asked, sitting himself up. My reaction was a bit different than he had expected and it startled him.
“Last night, us, sex,” I replied. “I can’t believe…”
“Can’t believe what?” he asked, slightly irritated. “You came to me. You acted like you knew!”
“I don’t think this is what your brother meant when he said figure it out,” I said, putting on his shirt and walking towards the door.
“No wait,” he said, chasing me down, grabbing my waist and holding the door shut.
I kept my hand on the door knob as he breathed heavily down my neck. “My brother is irrelevant,” he said leaning into my hair. “Just because my father put him in the way doesn’t mean he can dictate what I do with my wife.”
“A wife that doesn’t remember,” I said, turning myself around so I could face him. His stance was strong, determined and slightly intimidating.
“You remembered last night,” he cried, “And you need to make a choice. You need to choose to be with me.” He backed off a little. “Do you think this is the first time I have had to fight people like my brother off? Do you think I haven’t spent my entire life watching other men fall in love with you? Over and over again, I lose you.”
He cradled my face with his strong hands. “And over and over again I find you, just like I have now.” His demeanor changed as he went from obstinate to calm, letting his guard down so I could see how much all of this was getting to him. “But this is torture and it never ends. I just found you again and I’m not about to lose you to my brother.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said, pushing him back so he could sit on the bed. “I wish I understood the pain you are in. I wish I could remember the heartache I have felt in losing you myself.”
I sat next to him. “And soon enough, I will get my memory back and I will remember it all.”
“And in the meantime, you’re what? You going to remain with my brother?” he asked, standing up. “Gabriel, right now anything I feel for either one of you is more desire and lust. A physical reaction I can’t seem to control. I can’t resist the urge to be with either one of you and I know it is deeply rooted due to a more solid affection but any ‘memories’ of my past, I see Michael, not you.” “That is because he was always there, whether I liked it or not!” he cried, smacking a pillow on to the floor.
I tried to get close to him, “what do you mean?” He grabbed at his hair and pulled with a loud grunt. “Every single time you were in trouble, Michael was always to the rescue. When our father tried to turn you, Michael convinced him to wait. When you were sent to Olympus, my brother was the one who always found a way to speak to you in your dreams.”
“And you were the one who always found me,” I said, trying to comfort him. “And isn’t Raphael just as protective?”
“Now maybe,” he replied. “But he is in love with you too, everyone is. You have been told that. But most…”
He crawled across the bed to be closer to me.
“Most people realize why and contain it. Michael, like Ryan found a way to make you love them even if it wasn’t real.”
“If that is the case than tell me, why I do always chose you,” I asked.
“I shouldn’t have to,” he barked. “You should feel it. You always do!” He lunged at me, pulling me down onto the bed so he could kiss me, hoping now that I knew it wasn’t a dream, I would immediately start to remember. Which I did, in a way, because every time our skin touched, it all made sense, even if it didn’t.
Then, I got hit with a sudden fear, so strong it felt as if I had been kicked in the gut.
“Something is wrong,” I said, trying to sit up. He bolted up. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” “No, that is not what
I meant,” I said, trying to explain myself. “Something is wrong with…”
But he wouldn’t let me finish. “If you can’t be with me the way we are meant to be together, my heartbreak is only going to be fueled by your presence. I think it is best that you just get out.”
I tried to speak up again, but he just pointed to the door.
“Eva, just please, get out. I need to think.” Beyond the plethora of emotions, I was feeling regarding him, I could feel rush of fear and uncertainty that didn’t connect with what was going on and I didn’t know what to do with it. I couldn’t explain anything to him, so I chose to just leave room.
“I’m really so sorry,” I said, as I shut the door behind me. I stood, with my forehead on the cold wood of his bedroom door, desperately trying not to cry, as he was on the other side, sliding to the floor, trying to swallow every single emotion that was demanding to surface in a single eruption.
“I can’t imagine how exhausting all of this is for you,” I thought to myself, as I kissed my hand and gently placed in on the door. “I promise, you will have me back once I figure all this out for myself.”
“You need to focus on what other feelings you have right now,” a voice from behind me said. “Care less about this and more about those who are suffering.”
I turned, but there was no one there.
“Over here Anessa,” I heard the voice call. I looked, but nothing was there. Nothing but a large antique mirror hanging above a beautiful cherry table.
“It’s Evangeline, apparently,” I replied to the voice, walking past the reflective glass. “Technically, I am Evangeline,” my reflection said, catching me off guard. “I would hope so, you are my reflection,” I replied, talking to the mirror like a crazy person.
“No, I mean I am the real Evangeline and you are just a copy of me,” it replied.
“So, you are real and I am the reflection?” I asked. “This isn’t reality?”
“No,” she answered, shaking her head. “You are definitely real. I’m the one who is in a suspended reality.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked. “And why am I talking to a mirror?” “Think about it Anessa,” she continued. “Why is it so hard for you to connect with what people are saying? Why can’t you remember how much you deeply loved the man in that room? Why can’t you remember anything?”
“Because I was wiped,” I replied.
“That is not exactly why,” she said again. “And we don’t have enough time for me to explain. Renu will tell you what you need to know soon enough.
“Please tell me,” I begged. “No one ever tells me anything.”
“But you must go,” she said, starting to pace. “Michael and the others are in danger.”
“I know, I can feel it,” I announced.
“Yes, now listen to it,” she said. “You need to find a way to focus.” “Who are you really?” I asked, trying to touch the mirror, but my hand, went right through it. It was if the glass had turned to liquid, as it distorted the woman inside it.
“I am the real you,” she said, as her image bounced back to normal. “And for some reason, on occasion I can connect with you. Like now, so I can beg you to get to Matris.”
“Where is Matris?” I asked. “In Caelum,” Uriel responded, giving me the strangest look as she walked by. I glanced in her direction, missing the fact that the ‘other’ me had vanished. “What?”
“Are you wearing my brother’s shirt?” she asked, pulling at the sleeve. “It’s one of Ryan’s old ones,” I replied as I pulled away from her, rushing towards my bedroom door. Then I stopped, remembering what the reflection had said. “We need to go to Matris, your brothers are in trouble.”
“How do you know,” she asked, trying to follow over the threshold.
“I don’t know, I just do,” I replied, slamming the door in her face.
I had barely shut the bedroom door when someone started pounding on it.
“Uriel, not now, I am not in the mood,” I growled, whipping open the door. But it wasn’t Uriel. “I just received word that Renu and Ramiel have been found and brought to Maridian Manor, in Heaven City,” Elaina reported, wringing her nervous hands.
“Have been found?” I asked, adjusting myself. I realized I was still half dressed.
“Yes, something happened in Matris and it forced them to flee,” she choked.
I reached out and grabbed her hands. I could tell how worried she was, “Michael and Ryan? Raphael? What about them?”
Her voice cracked as she tried to keep her Renaldi composure, “I don’t know, they didn’t mention them.”
Terrified by the news, I asked her to give me a few minutes to clean up and assured her that we would be under way shortly.
“I think it is best if you remain here,” she suggested, following me into the room. “I just wanted to give you a status update.”
“I’m not staying here,” I cried, putting on a pair of pants. “They are in trouble because of me and I am going whether you like it or not.”
“What is going on in here?” Gabriel asked from the doorway. “Your brothers are in trouble and Elaina wants me to stay here,” I replied, slamming my belongings into my bag. “I am not going to just sit here any longer. I need to be out helping.”
“Then let’s go help them,” he said, looking over at Elaina.
“My job is to keep her safe,” Elaina said to the Prince. “I am only trying to do that.”
“She will be fine,” Gabriel replied. “She has me. I will get my sister, meet us out front.” As he left the room, Elaina did her best to deter me but I was adamant about going to Matris to find them. Once my bag was packed, I sprinted down the stairs to the front door, ignoring her every word.
The only thing I heard come out of her mouth as I whipped open the door was that she and Alistair would be joining us.
“Gabe, you are riding with me,” Uriel demanded, slinging her leg over a vintage motorcycle.
“You know how to ride?” I asked, as I walked down the front steps.
“Um, yeah, why wouldn’t I?” she asked, glancing at me from the side of her eye.
“I didn’t know they had motorcycles where you come from,” I replied.
“We live in another dimension not another planet,” she said sarcastically.
“Don’t be a jerk,” Gabriel chastised, as he walked towards the car. “And I’m not riding on the back of that thing if you are driving.”
“Suit yourself,” she said, starting it up.
Gabriel shook his head at me and chuckled as he got into the car.
“What?” I asked, “I just always pictured the other dimensions to be more like ancient Greece or something,” “When you lived there it was,” he said, rolling down the window. “But we evolved just as the mortals have. Not all the smart people were sent to Olympus.”
He laughed to himself, “Then again, I think most of them have been here a time or two.”
“Why is that?” I asked, snapping my seat belt.
“Your father has never been one to like free thinkers,” he replied, getting into the car. I learned on our half-hour long trip, that Maridian Manor was the oldest building in Heaven City, with ties to the Vatican, the Annunaki and the Praetorian Guard. It was one of the many homes of the Archbishop and secret Grand Master of the Annunaki, Beaumont Renaldi and used quite often as a meeting place between the Caelumite Elders and its mortal counterparts.
What was most unique about this building was the fact that it existed in both realms, just like Aaru. It was located in Caelum’s Capitol City of Matris and at the heart of the Federal District of Heaven City. It was directly above Aljann and had the only other known access to the Gateway. Although the building existed in both realms, a person inside could not access the other realm unless and bore the mark of either of the Guard’s on their skin.
“I don’t know if I can go in there,” Elaina muttered as we pulled through the enormous iron gates.
“You are go
ing in there,” Alistair ordered. “You have to face him at some point.”
“And say what,” she asked her husband. “Thanks for abandoning me a few thousand years ago?” “That is a start,” he replied. He looked over at Gabriel and I who barely once looked at each other. “Besides, right now we all need to put our personal issues aside and focus on the fact that we are now facing trouble.” “We are fine,” Gabriel growled, “I just need to distance myself from her so I don’t have to feel.”
Alstair, uncharacteristically bit his tongue as we silently made our way down longest driveway in history, which didn’t help Elaina’s nerves or my anticipation of what we might find once we got there. But as we arrived, Ramiel stood on the steps waiting to greet us.
“We are fine,” he announced. “Ryan is fine, but Michael and Raphael, I can’t speak for.” It turns out, Ryan didn’t have to do much convincing to get Renu to speak to Raphael, who agreed to meet with us. Once Ryan had done his part, he retreated to his library and Raphael made plans for he and Michael to come back. Michael had other plans, however, when he found out some key details about the plot against me.
Problem is, Samiel had already found out the same information and had went after it before they had ever arrived, causing Michael to go after him. Raphael, then in turn went to stop him. Ramiel was told to stay behind and look after Renu and the Conclave, who were now being hunted by the Praesidion Guard.
“What did he find out?” I begged.
“Come, sit down and I will tell you,” Renu said; said desperately to catch the eye of the woman behind me.
“Woah, you are so tall,” I blurted, as I turned to face the six-foot-eight man. He was quite unique looking; as if Lurch and Adonis had a baby. “First of all, I feel I need to address the elephant in the room,” he said in a deep and gravelly voice. “Simply saying I’m sorry isn’t nearly enough and I hope that we can speak later on the matter, but Elaina, I’m truly sorry for everything.
