“Maybe it’s time for you to erase those thoughts from her mind forever or they’re going to just keep coming back.”
Tag sighed disgustedly. “And how am I supposed to do that if she keeps letting what people say come between us?”
“Then it’s up to you to convince her it doesn’t matter. If you love her as much as you say you do, then you’ll find a way to convince her.”
Tag nodded. “I hate to run out on you like this but I need to go see Renee.”
“By all means, go and do whatever it takes to win your lady’s heart.”
Tag was grateful for his brother’s support. “If anything further develops with the Denton story, call me on my cell phone,” he said, rushing toward the door while slipping on his jacket. “I’ll talk with you later.”
Renee should have assumed Tag would show up, and if she’d been in her right frame of mind, she would have. But she wasn’t, so when the doorbell sounded she fought to get her tears under control. Wiping the evidence off her cheeks, she took a deep breath before crossing the room to answer the door.
She immediately met Tag’s gaze and saw the anger in the depths of his eyes, which she tried meeting with complete serenity in hers, knowing she was failing. There was no way he wouldn’t know she’d been crying.
“May I come in?”
Instead of answering, she took a step back and watched as he crossed the threshold then closed the door behind him. “We need to talk, Renee,” he said softly, slipping a hand under her chin to stare into her puffy eyes.
The tears she was holding back threatened to fall with his sudden shift from anger to tenderness. “There’s nothing to say, Tag,” she said simply. “We gave it a try and it didn’t work.”
“No, you gave up too soon.”
Fire suddenly sparked in Renee at his accusation. She stiffened. “I’m sorry you feel that way but people are talking about us and I don’t appreciate being the topic of gossip at work. They’re probably taking bets like the last time.”
“I don’t give a damn what people are—” He suddenly stopped talking and lifted a brow. “What do you mean they’re probably taking bets like the last time? What last time?”
Renee could have kicked herself for letting that comment slip out. “Nothing.”
He gazed at her with intensity. “No, I think it is something, so tell me.”
Renee looked away from his face. Maybe she needed to do what he was asking and tell him about Dionne and why she had moved from Atlanta. Only then would he understand why being in the midst of a scandal bothered her so much. “Let’s sit down. You’re right. It is time I tell you.”
When he started to sit beside her on the sofa she quickly said, “No. Please sit over there.” She indicated the chair across from the sofa. She wasn’t certain of her control and needed space from Tag. She couldn’t handle things if he were to sit beside her, touch her, breathe on her.
He stared at her for a few moments before doing as she asked. As soon as he was settled he met her gaze and waited for her to speak.
She curled up on the sofa, tucking her feet under her. “Before I came to New York I worked at a hospital in Atlanta and dated this doctor for almost a year before finding out he was also dating a nurse who worked the midnight shift. She didn’t know about me like I didn’t know about her but some of the other doctors knew and were taking bets as to when I would find out. Eventually I did and it was the talk of the hospital. It seemed everywhere I went there were whispers, looks of pity, even laughter. The embarrassment was humiliating. When I came here I promised myself that I would never get involved in any situation where I was the center of attention again. But it seems, once again, that I am.”
Tag didn’t say anything but stared at her, and Renee knew he was trying to formulate in his mind just what to say. “I regret what your ex-boyfriend did to you, Renee, but I’m not him,” he said in a quiet voice. “I am not involved with anyone but you.”
She sighed slowly. “That’s not why people are talking and you know it.”
“Okay, then, let’s discuss why people are talking.”
“No,” she said softly, knotting her hands together in her lap. “We already have, numerous times, and you won’t accept how it makes me feel.”
He leaned forward and held her gaze. “Then maybe we need to discuss why the talk makes you feel that way in the first place,” he said calmly. “Why you can’t get beyond the color of my skin and the amount of money in my bank account.” He continued speaking in a calm voice. “And before you answer, I want you to know how I feel about you, Renee. I love you. I think I fell in love with you that first day in your office. I want a future with you. A very happy future.”
With his admission of love, tears Renee couldn’t hold back any longer began flowing down her cheeks. Fighting for composure, she spoke straight from her heart. “And I love you, too, Tag. I didn’t want to fall in love with you but I did that very same day as well. But that’s just it. We can’t have the happy future you want. All I can see is a future filled with the strain of proving our love to the world, constantly defending it, working harder than most couples just to preserve it. Then what if we want children? What will they have to go through?”
Tag got to his feet and crossed to the sofa. He reached out and took Renee’s hand and gently pulled her up. “So what if our challenges will be greater than most? Our love will be there to sustain us. And as far as children are concerned, they’ll grow up proud of what they are and who they are. Times have changed, Renee. And they are still changing. There will always be people who are bitterly opposed to interracial marriages, but then you’ll find there’s an even larger number of people who see such unions as an indicator of what life will be like in an even more diverse twenty-first century.”
“Dammit, Tag, I can’t bank on an unknown future. I can only go by what’s in the real world, now.”
Both fury and pain flashed in Tag’s eyes. “So you’re saying that you can’t accept me or my love because it will be a problem for others to accept it? Are you saying that you’re willing to give up what we can have together because of how others think and feel? What about how we feel, Renee? Is that not equally important?”
“Yes, it’s important, but can’t you understand that I’m trying to protect you, as well? I heard whispers at the ball of how your grandfather would be against anything developing between us, and I refuse to be the cause of any rift between you and your family.”
His face hardened. “I told you that how my family might feel about us didn’t matter to me, so don’t go there, Renee. Don’t look for excuses.”
He released her and took a step back. “I don’t know what else I can say. I love you. I want to marry you. I want a future with you,” he said quietly, feeling the strain of heartbreak and disappointment. “That is what you have to believe and what you have to accept. My wanting those things means nothing unless you want them as well. All I’m asking is for us to put our love to the test and tell anyone who can find any reason for us not to be together to go straight to hell and stay there.”
“Tag, I don’t think—”
“No,” he said, cutting her off, struggling to contain his anger. “The bottom line is whether you’re strong enough to step out on faith and love. A week from today is my brother’s wedding at The Tides as well as my grandparents’ anniversary celebration. I want you to go there with me, not to seek any type of approval from my family but as two individuals who are very much in love and who have committed their lives to each other, and who are ready to make an announcement regarding their future together.”
Renee shook her head sadly as tears once again filled her eyes. In a voice filled with frustration, she said, “I can’t do that, Tag. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
And before he could say anything else, she rushed to her bedroom and slammed the door.
Twelve
R enee whirled around. Her face was streaked with tears, her eyes swollen and tormented. “What do yo
u mean you think I’m making a mistake?”
Debbie Massey met her best friend’s glare as she handed her a wet washcloth. “Renee, you know me well enough to know I don’t sugarcoat anything. You asked for my honest opinion so I gave it to you.”
Debbie, who’d been out of the country on assignment, had shown up at Renee’s place over an hour ago and found Renee still torn up over her dealings with Tag the night before. With a bossiness that Renee doubted she would ever get used to, Debbie had quickly taken charge and rushed Renee off to the bathroom, made her wash her face while she’d told Debbie everything.
“Didn’t you hear anything I said regarding all the problems Tag and I would be facing as an interracial couple? How can you say I’m making a mistake?”
“The same way you did when I broke things off with Alan last year. I didn’t follow my heart and I’ve regretted it every day since.”
Renee nodded. Alan Harris, a colleague of Debbie’s, was fifteen years her senior. Concerned about what others would say about her dating a much older man, Debbie had ended their relationship after a brief affair. That had been over a year ago and this was the first time Renee had heard Debbie admit that maybe she’d made a mistake in letting Alan go.
Before she could ask questions, Debbie continued. “At some point in your life you have to do what makes you happy and not worry about how others may feel about it. You’ve admitted you’re in love with Teagan Elliott and he has admitted that he’s in love with you. He’s a man—a wealthy one, I might add—who wants to marry you and make you happy. If only the rest of us could be so lucky.”
Renee dropped into a chair at the kitchen table, struggling to control the tears that threatened to fall again. “But you weren’t around to hear what everyone was saying once they saw those pictures of us.”
Debbie frowned. “And it’s a good thing I wasn’t. People need to get their own lives and not worry about what’s going on in other people’s lives. It’s time you stopped caring about what people are saying and thinking. No matter what, you won’t be able to change their opinion about anything, so why bother? They are either accepting or they aren’t.”
Debbie then tossed the braids out of her face and peered at Renee over her glasses. “But none of what I’m telling you means a thing if you don’t love Tag Elliott as much as you claim you do.”
“I do love him,” Renee said fiercely. “I love him with all my heart.”
“Then act like it. There was a time you used to fight for what you wanted, what you believed in. I remember that day in college when Professor Downey gave you a B and you felt that you deserved an A. Where I would have taken the B and been giddy about it—being that it was a physics class—you didn’t give the man a day’s rest until he recalculated your scores to discover he’d made a mistake. You got your A and proved your point. Maybe it’s time for you to prove another point, Renee. You, and only you, can decide your destiny.”
Renee sipped her coffee as she thought about Debbie’s words. She then asked, “Have you decided on your destiny, Debbie?”
Her friend smiled. “I think I have. It just so happens that Alan was in London while I was there. The moment I saw him I knew I still loved him. We were able to spend some time together and I’ve decided that I’m not going to let what others think stand in the way of my happiness. Maybe you ought to be making the same decision.”
“Hey, you okay?”
Tag glanced up from his coffee cup and met Gannon’s concerned gaze. It was Saturday morning and they had come into the office to take a conference call from Senator Denton’s office. There would be a press conference from the Senator’s home at noon where he would admit that Pulse’s allegations were true.
The special edition of Pulse had flown off the magazine stands and already there had been another printing, so there was indeed a reason to celebrate. Both their father and grandfather—who’d returned to town that morning—had called to congratulate them on a job well done. The only sad note was that Gannon had to advise Peter that he would no longer be associated with the company. After all the man’s years of dedicated service the decision had been hard, but necessary.
“Yes, I’m all right,” Tag replied, running a hand down his face. Next week was his brother’s wedding and the last thing he wanted Gannon to worry about was him. “Are you nervous about the wedding next week?” he decided to ask.
Gannon chuckled. “No, just anxious. I can hardly wait.”
Tag nodded. “And have you decided where you’re going on your honeymoon yet?”
“Yes, but I’m keeping it as a surprise to Erika. I’m taking her to Paris.”
“That’s going to be some surprise.”
Gannon calmly sipped his coffee and after a few moments of silence he said over the rim of his mug, “I didn’t ask how things went with you and Renee last night but I get the feeling they didn’t go as you wanted. Let me give you a word of advice, kiddo. No matter what, don’t let her go without a fight. If you love her as much as I think you do, you’ll be making a big mistake if you give up on her.”
Tag dragged a hand through his hair. “It’s not me giving up on her, Gannon. It’s Renee giving up on me. She knows that I love her. It will be up to her to decide if my love is worth all the challenges we might face in the future.” He let out a long breath and added, “And it’s my most fervent hope that she does.”
By Wednesday, Renee was still trying to get her life back in order. So far, work had gone smoothly. Instead of whispering about her and Tag, everyone focused on the scandal involving Senator Denton and the press conference he’d held that weekend where he’d admitted all of Pulse’s allegations.
She sighed as she caught the elevator to the tenth floor to visit with one of her patients. For the past five days she had replayed in her mind, over and over, her conversation with Debbie, and it didn’t help matters that she was missing Tag like crazy. She thought of him all the time and missed the good times they had shared together.
She let out a long breath. Nobody could make her see the errors of her ways more thoroughly than Debbie and she appreciated her friend for doing that. Since their talk, she’d been thinking of how a future with Tag would be versus one without him, and each time the thought of a life without him was too heart wrenching to imagine. She refused to let what others thought make her lose the best thing that had ever happened to her. She loved Tag and he loved her and together they would be able to handle anything. She smiled to herself, thinking that later tonight she planned to pay him a visit and let him know just how she felt.
Renee had stepped off the elevator and was about to round the corner when she heard the sound of Diane’s voice. “Yes, she’s been hiding out in her office, totally embarrassed. I would be embarrassed, too, if I had thrown myself at Teagan Elliott of all people. Maybe now she’s learned to stay in her place. The nerve of her thinking she could cross over to the other side, and not just with anyone but with a member of one of the wealthiest families in New York. Can you imagine anyone being that stupid?”
Anger consumed Renee and she squared her shoulders and continued walking, remembering her last conversation with Tag and some of the advice he’d given her. Diane’s back was to Renee, and the other nurse with whom Diane had been conversing saw Renee over Diane’s shoulders. The nurse quickly made an excuse and hurried off, leaving Diane alone.
“Diane?”
The woman whirled around, surprised to find Renee standing there. She raised a brow. “Yes?”
“Do me a favor.”
Diane relaxed and had the audacity to smile. “Sure, Renee, what do you need?”
“For you to go straight to hell and stay there.”
Renee moved past the woman and then thought of something else, and turned around and added, “And the only stupid thing I’ve done was not accept Tag’s marriage proposal.”
Satisfied with the shocked look on Diane’s face, Renee turned and resumed walking with her head held high. She couldn’t go around tell
ing everyone to go to hell like Tag had suggested, but she felt good about telling Diane to.
Tag rose from the sofa to turn off the television. It didn’t matter that the Knicks were on a winning streak, even the basketball game wasn’t holding his interest. The only thing consuming his mind were thoughts of Renee.
Renee.
More than once he had wondered if there was anything else he could have said to make her accept the love he was offering. He needed her in his life like he needed to breathe, and the pain of her willingness to give up and walk away was killing him.
He glanced around when the doorbell sounded, thinking it was probably Liam dropping by. As much as he loved his brother, Tag wasn’t in the mood for company.
Opening the door he said, “Liam, I don’t think—”
The words died on his lips when he saw it wasn’t Liam like he’d assumed, but it was Renee.
“Hi,” she said, smiling tentatively at him. “May I come in?”
A part of Tag was so glad to see her that he wanted to reach out and pull her into his arms but he knew he couldn’t. He wasn’t sure why she’d come but he did know there were still unresolved issues between them and until they worked them out, they were still at odds with each other.
“Sure, you can come in,” he said, taking a step back to let her inside. He closed the door behind her. “May I take your coat?”
“Yes, thanks.”
He watched her slide the leather coat from her body to reveal a beautiful turquoise sweater and a pair of black slacks. Both looked good on her. “Can I get you something to drink?” he asked, taking the coat she handed him.
“No, I’m fine.”
He nodded and walked over to the coat closet to hang up her coat. He could feel the tension in the air and could tell that her nerves were jumping just as high as his. “It’s good seeing you, Renee,” he said when he walked back over to her.
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