He followed behind her, his heart hammering in his throat. He’d finally found a woman he could get serious about, and she was going to walk. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew damn well what she was going to tell him. It probably had to do with her taking leave from her job, although why that should change things, he had no idea. Whatever had caused her to make this big change, whether it was her family or because she’d had a sudden change of heart about her career or something had happened at the office or—
He froze on the steps. Or she’d met somebody else and had stopped working because she was going to relocate somewhere else. With him. He tried to tell himself it was an absurd conclusion to leap to, and yet that was the one stipulation they’d made. If either of them met someone else, it would be over, no questions asked.
Dammit! Why hadn’t he ever thought about that?
He knew why. He’d been so wrapped up in her, it had never occurred to him that she might not feel the same. He hadn’t dated anyone since he met her, not even casually. From the moment he’d met her, other women had simply ceased to exist for him.
She paused and looked over her shoulder questioningly. Realizing he was just standing there, he motioned her to keep going and continued climbing the wide, carpeted stairs behind her. Well, he only had himself to blame for the pain she was about to inflict on his heart, he told himself.
Apparently he was an idiot, after all.
He stepped in front of her and opened the door, then moved aside so she could go in first.
Damn, but she smelled good. His body leapt to attention as she brushed by him. His heart leapt right along with it. It was all he could do not to reach out and pull her into his arms.
“This is gorgeous.”
He didn’t even look at the room. He knew she was right; he’d chosen it specifically with her in mind. All the furnishings in the room were period pieces, each dated, many with a detailed history that was available from the hosts upon request. The fireplace worked; the marble mantel was topped by a huge framed mirror that reflected the bed on the opposite side of the room.
The bed was the real masterpiece, though. A hand-carved four-poster, according to their hosts, with a carved headboard and footboard, as well. It sat so high off the ground, there were footstools provided to climb into it. It was topped with a thick, down duvet and ringed with a canopy of white muslin to keep the heat of the afternoon out if they wanted to open the balcony doors. He’d thought it would appeal to her. Looking at her now, he knew it did.
Temper rose along with the pain. How could she leave him for someone else? It was stupid to feel so possessive over her, and yet he did. He wasn’t the sort. Or he hadn’t been before. But maybe that was only because he’d never met the woman who was supposed to be his. She belonged to him, dammit. And what was more, he belonged to her.
She turned back to him. “This is really lovely.” He didn’t miss the fact that she’d carefully avoided looking at the bed. “Is the balcony through here?”
“Yes.” It came out as more rasp than word, as his throat had closed over. It was on the tip of his tongue to just go to her and beg her to give him a chance. But he wouldn’t do that to her. They’d had an agreement, and even if it killed him—which it damn well felt like it would—he’d not make it any harder on her.
He cleared the lump from this throat. “Right through here—” He pulled back the heavy draperies and opened the doors, which, like all the other doors, rose the full height of the fifteen-foot ceilings. The balcony was a lacy pattern of wrought iron, covered from end to end with pots spilling over with bougainvillea and impatiens. But he noticed none of the lush decadence that had captivated him before. “Can I get you some coffee?”
She shook her head.
“Oatmeal?” It just popped out, but once he’d said it, he was glad he had.
It caught her off guard. And made her smile. “No. Thank you,” she said, some of the familiar dryness back in her voice.
He’d missed that, their easy banter. Dammit, he knew her. There was no reason to dance about this. He sat down across from her. “What’s wrong, Natalie? I can see bad news written all over your face.” Better just to get this over with, he decided. It would be easier for them both. “You’ve met someone else, haven’t you.”
She looked so honestly shocked, it shocked him, as well. And then his heart took off and there was no quashing the hope that filled him.
“I—no. What made you think that?”
“You haven’t let me touch you since you walked in. You said we ‘needed to talk.’ Never a good sign. We had one rule and that was if we met someone else, it was over, no questions asked.” He shrugged. It was that or get up and dance around the balcony and shout down to the street below. “So I assumed since you looked all serious and sad that…”
She touched him then, covering his hand with hers. He immediately flipped his over and wove his fingers through hers.
“It’s not someone else. But it’s still—” She looked down at their joined hands, then out over the mass of blooms crowding the balcony’s edge. “I still have to end this.”
He tugged her hand until she turned back to him. “I think I need to tell you something first. Then you can decide what’s best.”
She looked almost afraid, as if her will to get through this was shaky already and this was pushing her to the limits. He shouldn’t have rejoiced at that, but it meant her heart wasn’t really in this goodbye. Well, if he had his way, no one’s heart was going to ache today.
“I called your office,” he blurted.
Her eyebrows shot up. “You did? Why?”
There were a hundred ways he could have answered that question, but he chose the simplest, and perhaps the most direct. “I missed you.”
She blinked, opened her mouth, then closed it again.
He rubbed his fingers over the pulse in her wrist. “Things were happening…in my life. I had some changes to make. I…wanted to talk about them with you.”
She simply stared at him. “Why?”
This wasn’t so easy to explain. If she honestly didn’t have the same growing feelings for him as he did for her, then this might push her away. But what in the hell did he have to lose?
“I have a confession. I know we made rules, but, well, I don’t want to play by them anymore. In fact, I haven’t been playing by them for some time now.”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
He looked right into those eyes that had haunted him every night since the last time they parted. “I know this is supposed to be a secret thing, where real life doesn’t intrude. But you have been intruding in my real life. For weeks.”
Her mouth dropped open and, surprisingly, a faint pink stain bloomed high on her cheeks. “But that’s not true. I didn’t even know anything about you until just last—” She broke off when his own eyebrows lifted.
So. He grinned and began to relax. He wasn’t the only one who’d been drawing outside the lines. “What did you find out just last week?”
She swallowed. “I—well…”
He simply sat and waited.
“I was doing some research for one of the partners, and it happened to involve a business in Wyoming. A ranching business.”
“The Double L?” He was really surprised now.
“No. But…well, I knew your family was in ranching, too, so I kind of, sort of—”
She broke off and swallowed, then sat up straighter, and he knew she was about to put it all out there. It was one of the many things he enjoyed about her. When push came to shove, she didn’t dodge. She handled things directly.
“I did some research on you. Your family, anyway. Just business stuff. I was…curious. I wanted to know more about you.”
“And what did you learn?”
She frowned. “Not a hell of a lot.” When he grinned, she gave him a look. It only made his grin widen. “Okay. You want to know what I learned? I learned your family is pretty much on par with mine wealth-wise, and they�
�ve been in this country almost since the dawn of time—but from there on, we’re about as opposite as night and day. You have two brothers—one older, one younger—and one sister, all of whom work for the company, which is still run by your mom and dad. Your mom’s brother and two of your dad’s brothers and some of their children also work for them. Even the spouses have joined the happy harmony of Lannister Cattle Company.
“As a rule, the Lannisters steer clear of politics and any other spotlight-inducing endeavor, preferring to make their mark inside the industry, out of the public eye. Weddings and birth announcements are about the only things that make the papers outside the business section. You are one of the most philanthropic families I’ve ever come across, and possibly the only ones who work as hard to keep their charitable contributions out of the public eye as most companies do to keep theirs in the public eye.
“You went to college close to home—I’m guessing so you could continue working for your parents—and graduated in the top ten of your class with a double degree, one in business administration, the other in agricultural something-or-other.” She leaned back and blew out a breath. “There’s more, but you get the gist.”
“Pretty formidable.”
She shrugged. “I’m a corporate lawyer underling with an eye on a partnership. Research is my life.”
He leaned forward. “So, why did you walk away from it?”
“Not because I wanted to.” She took a moment, then finally met his eyes again. “It’s a family matter.”
It stung that she didn’t tell him. But then, what did he expect? It was just an example of how little they re ally new each other. But they could change that fact.
“It’s your family, isn’t it,” he said quietly.
She instantly became wary. “What do you know about my family?”
He looked directly at her. “Your family has been around since dirt and probably invented it. You have two older sisters and one older brother. He and your two brothers-in-law work for Holcomb Industries, your sisters work equally hard to keep the family name in the society columns to the best of their abilities, which are as formidable as yours are in research. Your mom passed away when you were a kid, your dad never remarried. You got an academic scholarship and put yourself through college and law school even though your family probably could have put most of your graduating class through college.
“You graduated early and in the top twenty in your class. Then, unlike your siblings, you moved away from the family manse to the big city, otherwise known as New York. You passed the bar on the first try and landed a job with Maxwell & Graham. You’re the family black sheep because you don’t work for Daddy, but his health has been in question of late, although your family has done an equally formidable job of keeping that information out of the press. I’m guessing none of them can function without you and probably drive you crazy.” He leaned back and sighed. “And you’re right. Our families are as different as night and day.”
She looked stunned. “And you say I’m formidable?”
“I told you I wasn’t playing by the rules. I’m a troubleshooter for an international company and not with out some research abilities of my own. Unfortunately, none of this answered any of the real questions I had.”
“What the hell else did you want to know? My bra size?”
He grinned. “That I knew.” He tightened his grip on her hand, when she went to yank it away. “I’d say we both did some digging and came up short of our real goal. Which was to get to know each other better.” He leaned forward now and tugged her forward, too. “I want to get to know you better, Natalie. I don’t want to play by these stupid rules. I want us to see each other beyond just the occasional meeting in a hotel. I want to be part of your whole life and I want you in mine.”
Tears sprang to her eyes, but they were not the tears of joy he’d hoped for. “Jake.” She pulled his hand to her mouth and kissed his fingers, then gently disentangled hers. “If this were another time in my life, I might try to make this work. But right now, I don’t see how we can. Your life and mine, especially now, are so different. I think it would just be too frustrating and too difficult, and we’d both end up suffering for the attempt.”
“Natalie—”
“No, listen to me. I’ve thought about this a lot. Nonstop it seems. I was going to just send a note here, but I couldn’t do that to you. No matter what you felt for me, you’d become too important to me for me to just walk away without a word. You deserved—we both deserved—a personal goodbye. You’ve meant more to me, shown me more about myself, than anyone ever has.”
“Then, don’t do this. Whatever the situation is, we can find a way.”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so. And even if you could, I don’t think I can. Not right now. My life is completely upside down. For how long, I have no idea.”
Jake wanted to argue with her. But words would be wasted. She was as stubborn about things as he was. So he’d go about it another way. Just as he’d shown her sides of herself, he’d show her how it could be for them if she’d only try.
“How long are you in town?”
His question seemed to catch her off guard. “My flight goes out tomorrow at noon.”
“Then, we have almost twenty-four hours.”
“Jake—”
“We started this relationship as a means to escape from reality. Your reality doesn’t sound too wonderful at the moment. If you’re not willing to give me more, at least let me give you twenty-four hours away from it. Let me give you—us—this.”
“I don’t know.” But it was clear from the leap of excitement in her eyes that while her mind might not be sure, her heart definitely was.
He stood and pulled her into his arms, thanking God and every other deity he could think of, when she didn’t push him away this time. “Please, Natalie,” he said, brushing her lips with his. “Give yourself this. We can say goodbye tomorrow.”
Unless, between now and then, he could convince her otherwise.
He kissed her then, taking her mouth and reveling in her instant response. “Say yes.” She was breathless, and he could feel her heart pound against his chest. He nipped at her mouth, trailed his lips along her chin, then kissed that tender spot just beneath her ear. “Say yes.” He didn’t care if he seduced it out of her. He was a desperate man. He ran his hands up along her back, then down her sides, brushing his fingers alongside her breasts, then cupping her to him. She gasped as he pushed against her, and he had to swallow the deep groan of satisfaction in his throat.
“Say yes, Natalie. Stay with me one last night.”
And every other night I can convince you to give me.
“Say yes.” He turned and leaned against the railing, pulling her between his legs. “Say it.”
“Yes,” she said, trembling hard against him. “Yes. Now, can we please go inside?”
He grinned and wrapped her up in his arms. “Oh, yes.”
14
NATALIE’S BODY was on a rampage. She wanted all of him, right now. Her mind was so clouded with need, she couldn’t think straight and didn’t bother to try. She had until tomorrow to regain her sanity and her strength to walk away from his man.
But for now, his mouth was on her and nothing had ever felt so damn good.
He tossed her so she landed in a fluffy heap of duvet and pillows atop the high double bed that dominated one end of the room. The muslin draping fluttered shut behind him as he climbed up on the bed after her. She distantly realized he’d left the balcony doors sitting open, but she didn’t care. The sultry air filled the room, making her clothes stick to her skin. As Jake moved toward her, she didn’t think that was going to be a concern for very long. And she was right.
He moved his hands to her sweater top, but something made her stop him. “No, let me.”
She crawled to her knees and pushed him against the headboard. “There,” she directed.
If this was truly to be their last time together, then there
was more exploring she wanted to do. She’d intended to take the upper hand in Chicago, when it had been her turn, but it hadn’t ended that way. They’d both been too hungry for one another. Well, her appetite hadn’t abated, not a bit, but she was nothing if not determined to have her way this time.
Jake smiled at her, pushed some of the multitude of pillows up against the headboard and leaned back against them, propping his head on his hands.
“And keep them there,” she said, nodding to his hands.
“Anything you say.”
She couldn’t help but notice the formidable bulge pressing against the front of his jeans. The same sweet bulge she’d felt against her out on the balcony. She almost lost her nerve right then, the ache between her legs intensifying.
She looked to his face instead, and there she found what she needed. He wanted her, badly, but he was also willing to let her do what she wanted. It was this trust between them that would be the hardest to walk away from.
She didn’t think about that now; she reached for the hem of her sweater and slowly pulled it over her head. She had to smile as she realized what she had on. Plain bra and panties, no lace, no frills. “Not exactly the siren apparel I’d have worn if I’d known we’d end up like this.”
“You’re just fine,” he said, his voice hoarse. “Fine.”
Right then, she’d never felt finer.
She straightened on her knees and slowly unbuckled and unzipped her trousers, sliding them down her hips. Then she turned and laid on her back across the bed, lifting her hips and undulating as she pushed them down her legs, along with her hose and shoes, until they fell off the bed to the floor. She rolled toward him then, wearing nothing more than her panties and bra. She had no idea where her boldness came from. Actually, she did. As long as she looked him in the eyes, she had the power to do anything.
She rolled to her back and lifted her chest so she could unhook her bra from the back, then she slowly peeled the soft white cups over her breasts. She sighed as she covered them with her own hands, letting the straps trail down over her arms. A sudden groan from Jake made her jerk her eyes open. She hadn’t even been aware of closing them.
Her Secret Thrill Page 13
