“Right, because he’s the one who wanted to do the stepping.” She glared at Thomas. “What is wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me?” Thomas stood and paced the tiny kitchen. “What could be wrong with me? We spent all winter together as a couple. I’ve been away for three months—and I’ve been faithful. Now I’m here, ready to take the biggest step of my life and you two are talking about cows. Cows!”
Paul liked cows, always had, but he understood Thomas’s frustration. He also understood Mary looked pissed and he wasn’t sure how to handle her.
She pushed to her feet, blocking Thomas’s path. Her anger radiated, but to get into a man’s face like she did, showed how much she trusted Thomas not to lose his temper. Paul wondered if either of them realized their body language gave them away. Thomas was sexually frustrated and worried about being rejected. The way he crossed his arms and scowled shut himself off from Mary, who stood right in his face, ready for a fight.
“You’re the one who brought this up,” she said. “I want to hear how you’re going to deal. I asked my mother once how she coped with my father going to bed with his other wives and she said her faith and inner strength built over decades made it another fact of life. Since you’re dying to get to the nuts and bolts of this…this twisted fairytale you proposed, tell me how you’re going to handle me going to bed with your twin.”
Thomas opened his mouth but no words emerged. Paul had spent the last few months preparing himself for the question, but didn’t have an easy answer. He wasn’t surprised Thomas floundered.
“Picture it, really picture it. Can you imagine me walking down the hall right now holding Paul’s hand instead of yours? What if you heard the bed hit the wall while we make love? What if he made me scream and you heard it all? Would you be jealous?”
“Of course,” Thomas snapped. “And I’m going to be jealous when you cuddle to him in your sleep after you’ve had us both, it’s going to kill part of me when you turn to him, but I’m going to do it because I can’t be everything you need.”
“What do you mean you can’t be what I need? You’ve both said that, but it doesn’t make sense. You’re grown men, strong and smart, what makes you think you couldn’t make the right women happy?”
Thomas floundered again, but Paul had the answer this time. He stepped between them. “Let’s dial this down and take a breather. Mary, can we go into the other room where we’ll all be more comfortable?”
“Maybe you will be,” Thomas whispered under his breath.
Mary glared at him, but turned to Paul. “Thank you. I want to understand this. Despite Thomas and me butting heads right now, we usually do get along well. I love him.”
Paul took a play from Thomas and chanced a touch, rubbing Mary’s shoulders. She smiled and patted his hands.
“I love you too,” Thomas said. “We’re going to explain this better. You’ll understand and then we’ll make some decisions.”
* * * *
Mary looked back and forth between the twins. As the evening wore on, the differences became apparent. Paul’s hair stood on end, his habit of running his fingers through his hair making it wild. He’d also unbuttoned his shirt and rolled up the sleeves. He leaned deep into the futon that doubled as her bed. The more time he spent in the space, the more he relaxed. She wanted him at ease with her.
Thomas leaned his elbows on his knees. Of the two, he showed his tension much more, which surprised her. None of his customary humor or charm made an appearance, even after they’d moved to the other room where he’d asked to be.
“Are you sure neither of you would like a drink?” she asked after taking another sip of her wine. She didn’t intend to get drunk, but the alcohol took the edge off her nerves.
“I’m fine,” Paul said, smiling again.
“You asked why we need to do this.” Thomas ignored her beverage offer. “Our dad died when we were kids. Really little. Our mom never got over it. She worked her knuckles raw at the restaurant to make a barely living wage. Our father’s brother should have helped out, but Sam was as good as dead, he was so damn worthless. Mom ended up taking in our cousin Duane before we were in middle school.”
“Duane is in the military, right?”
“Yes. He’s due back this fall. He took the Berry Bill and went in to finish med school. He trusts our judgment. Here’s the thing, Mary.” Thomas rubbed his hands over his face before looking her straight in the eyes. “Not one of us can get married. We can’t. Paul and I saw our mother struggle…I can’t commit to a woman knowing there was even a possibility I’d leave her all alone one day. I can’t have children without backup. But not just backup.”
He focused on the ceiling. Emotion pulsed from him, prompting her to drop some of her guard. Her feelings were the only reason they were even having the bizarre conversation. Mary reached from her place in her favorite chair and took his hand. The chill and shake betrayed the anxiety he hid so well.
“I love you, and I don’t want you to think this would be a third of a love arrangement. We’re not experienced, but I promise you we’d love you with all of our soul. Doing this would let me commit to you the way you need. We’d give you our hearts along with the stability and respectability you deserve.”
“Is this…is this a complete deal breaker?” The thought of never holding Thomas again broke her heart.
He closed his eyes and tugged away. “Yes. It is. I can’t do a relationship alone. I might suck at a shared marriage initially, but I’ll learn. I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy. You’d be the center of our world. The absolute center.”
Mary turned to Paul who sat at the edge of the futon, rubbing his palms together. He’d lost his relaxed demeanor and was nearly as on edge as Thomas. He met her eyes. Though she didn’t ask the question, he nodded.
She took another sip of wine, collecting her thoughts. “Duane feels the same?”
“His parents fucked him up.” Paul’s blunt tone would take some getting accustomed to. “Not like completely screwed up, but he’s always said the only way he’d have a relationship is to have one with us. It would probably be a lot like your parents’ marriage. We’d have a rotation and responsibilities. You wouldn’t be a housekeeper, you’d be a wife to us…if it’s what you want.”
She envisioned a world like Paul painted. The intense loneliness she’d dealt with since moving in with her aunt often led her to dream about the warm celestial household of her parents. She’d had two other mothers and a dozen brothers and sisters all in one neighborhood. Then there’d been cousins. The bonds and love felt natural. In the deepest of the night she’d searched her heart and didn’t think she could share a husband. She couldn’t.
But when Thomas and Paul floated the idea of her being the woman for three men, she’d let her dreams fly and…hadn’t hated what her mind conjured.
Thomas lifted her palm to his mouth, the affection more of what she was accustomed to from him. “I love you, and I want this to work. I’ve missed you so much. Letters are nice, but it’s not enough. Pack a bag and come home with us.”
“Home with you.” She jerked away and pushed to her feet, the suddenness of his plea shocking her out of the daydream. “I can’t go with you now.”
Thomas stood in front of her. “Why not? You don’t love it here. Your aunt can take care of the farm, she did before you arrived. The only way to do this is to jump in with both feet.”
Her feet didn’t jump anywhere. Mary stepped away from Thomas and looked between the men again. Paul no longer smiled, but didn’t appear angry. Her heart raced. She hated being put on the spot. She’d thought they were going to talk, maybe make tentative plans for the future.
“Yes or no, Mary,” Thomas said, his tone rock steady and serious.
“No.” There was no other answer. “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
He shook his head. “Yes, you can. But you won’t.”
“Fine. I won’t. I love you and I might be ready o
ne day, but not today.”
Thomas stared at her a long moment before he strode for the door. He slipped on his boots and slammed the door behind him. Mary jumped. Thomas was usually so even tempered and unruffled, qualities she knew would make him a great lawyer. Tears welled in her eyes. She hated hurting him.
Paul’s warm hand settled on her arm and drew her out of thoughts of the man she loved and might have lost. “He’s hurt. I don’t think he expected you to say yes, but he hoped. We both hoped.”
She looked up to find compassion in Paul’s blue eyes. The more she stared, the less he resembled Thomas, but in a positive way. “I’m sorry. I wish…”
“I’m going to go talk him down. I, ah, I hope we’re not done.” He gave her elbow a little squeeze. “I do want to get to know you. Can I write you again?”
She licked her lips. If she couldn’t embrace their deeply held beliefs, the logical move was to cut them off completely. She could find a local man and have a normal relationship. She could let the Parabys go back to Montana and never think of them again…but that was a lie. They’d stay on her mind.
“Yes. Please. Let Thomas know…just tell him I love him, okay?”
Paul kissed her cheek before walking to the entry. He slipped on his shoes and opened the door. Protest touched her lips, but Mary held back. She couldn’t give them the answer they wanted, not and be true to herself. Paul looked back and waved his fingers, the smile on his face not all sad. Mary smiled back. He stepped out and closed the door quietly behind him.
Mary collapsed into her chair. The future had never looked so hazy.
Chapter 3
Dear Mary,
I hope you’re doing well. I read your last letter a dozen times. You have pretty handwriting, and I like the scent you sprayed on the paper. It made me think of you. I wish we’d had more time when we visited, but I understand things were intense.
I bought a few cows last week. If I can scrape up the money, I could have the best bloodlines in Montana, but that’s another letter. I also had an offer on a few acres I own closer to town…let’s just say I have a lot of business on my mind.
But even with the business, you’re always there. I’ve been thinking about what you asked Thomas while we were at the farm. You asked how he’d handle you going to bed with his twin. I wanted to tell you my thoughts on it.
I picture the three of us, and when Duane gets back, the four of us having individual relationships, but there’s more than that. I trust Duane and Thomas with my life, so I’ll trust them with you. When you’re not with me, you’ll be happy because Duane and Thomas will make it happen. We want you happy.
I don’t think we always need to be apart. Some nights, maybe you’ll come to bed with me (though I do go to bed early). Maybe we’ll talk about our days and then Thomas and Duane might join us. I think the three of us could find a way to make you really happy.
The thought of crossing swords with Duane or Thomas has given me more bad moments than when I consider my feelings on you being alone with either of them. I have this reoccurring dream where Duane cuddles up to me on accident. It’s more of a nightmare. But I’m willing to take that chance for you.
I’m excited. I know I should be more practical. You have some serious decisions to make and we’re asking a lot of you, but I’d be holding a lot back if I didn’t share how much I look forward to the day we’re all together.
Take care, Mary Dawson. You’re always on my mind.
Paul Paraby
Mary set the letter down for the fifth time. Paul had a way with words. Thomas’s prose was more refined, but Paul hit right to the heart of things. He tempted her, but as she put pen to paper she knew she’d made the right decision. The whole situation was too complicated.
One woman couldn’t love two men the same, let alone three. There was bound to be jealousy and she didn’t want to be in the middle. Having lost her family, she understood more than most how much it hurt to be parted. If she honestly believed it would work like the men said, that she’d be loved by three and they’d live happily ever after, maybe she’d take them up on the offer. Losing another family…it hurt too much to even consider.
Maybe she’d find a nice local boy. Just one. The neighbor had three sons around her age. She could choose one. She felt ready for a serious, committed relationship. Her body hummed for touch and love. She’d let Paul and Thomas loose so they could find someone who could do what they needed and she’d find a way to satisfy her own desires.
Her hand trembled as she wrote out the words she’d thought about for the last three days. Since Paul’s letter arrived, she’d understood the time had come for a major decision. Short and sweet, she told herself as she wrote the last line, assuring both men they were special and she wished them the best. She wanted them to find love. They would one day, but not with her. Mary folded the letter and stuck it in an envelope. She added a piece of tape after licking the tab.
The walk to the mailbox had never been so long. As she put it in the case and lifted the flag she kissed her fingertips and closed the box.
“Goodbye, boys.”
* * * *
“This is stupid,” Thomas hissed as they rounded the corner of Mary’s house. “We’re going to get shot.”
“Shhh.” Paul leaned to his left to see through the darkened window. “We’re not going to get shot. Aunt Marcy left for the weekend and Mary is here alone.”
“How do you know that?”
“Mary mentioned it in one of her letters. Marcy takes the trip every year.”
“You’re nuts. If I have to pick buckshot out of my ass, I’m going to kick yours.”
Paul elbowed him. “Shut up. She’s not going to shoot us.”
“Shows what you know,” he muttered. “Mary’s sweet, but she’s got a badass side.”
Paul figured his brother was right. He wouldn’t be attracted to some wilting flower, but he still didn’t think she would pull a gun on them. After the last letter, he’d known it was do-or-die time. Mary was the right woman for them. No one else would fit the bill and she loved them. Her letter said she did, but the consequences were more than she could face. Nuts to consequences. He was going to sit her down and make her realize how much she couldn’t live without them.
If that didn’t work, they’d move to the bedroom.
“I still say this is a bad idea,” Thomas muttered. “We should have come during the day. Called first.”
Had they done that, she would have had time to prepare. She’d had that last time and she’d sent them away. This would be better. He tried the doorknob, coaxing it until it opened. He grinned at Thomas before pushing it in. The sound of a cocking gun stopped him cold.
“See, I told you.” Thomas lifted his hands up as a flashlight blinded them both. “Mary, it’s Thomas and his idiot brother, Paul. Don’t shoot us, baby.”
The overhead light turned on and Paul blinked against the brightness. As soon as he could see, he tried to find Mary. She stood on the left side of the room by the light switch. She set the shotgun behind the sofa and stepped away from it, folding her arms over her chest.
“What in the name of God’s green earth are you two doing here? In the middle of the night? Are you trying to get shot?”
He grinned. “Aw, you wouldn’t have done that, would you, Mary?”
“You’re lucky I saw you coming and recognized Thomas,” she snapped. “Why are you here?”
“We came to talk,” Thomas said. “Just talk. I wanted to call—”
“Then you should have,” she said. “I don’t entertain men in the middle of the night. You can call tomorrow.”
She looked pointedly at the door. Thomas grabbed Paul’s arm and tugged him toward it, but he was all in. They weren’t leaving without her.
“We drove all this way. Give us a chance. You said you cared about us and I think it’s more,” he said.
She rolled her eyes. “So because you got in your rickety truck and drove down here and I thi
nk you two are cute, I should let you in? I don’t think so. Call at a reasonable hour and we might talk.”
Thomas tugged his sleeve again but Paul broke his hold. He looked back at his twin who scowled for a moment before Thomas shook his head. Paul smiled. They didn’t have twin talk like some claimed, but he’d told Thomas he wasn’t leaving without her.
“Let’s talk,” Paul said, walking further into the room.
Mary didn’t smile, but she didn’t reach for the gun either.
“I’m not putting on coffee or getting out wine. If you don’t have anywhere to stay you can sleep on the porch,” she said tightly, but her eyes took him in like a thirsty man to water.
Her desire and happiness showed in the way she watched them—he’d seen it in her letter too. A time came in every life when it was put up or shut up and Paul figured maybe he needed to read her body language over her words.
He strode across the room. She stood her ground, glaring up at him when he stopped in front of her.
“You missed us,” he said.
“I’ll be fine without you, and you’ll be better off without me. If this scheme of yours fails, I refuse to be the woman who comes between you two.”
She glanced away after her statement and confirmed his suspicions. She was scared, but not against the notion of a relationship. They could convince her to change her mind.
“Thomas and I are fine—always have been, always will be. Let’s go for a drive. We’ll discuss whatever misgivings you’re having. You’ll see that we’re not flying by the seats of our pants here—we have a plan.”
She shook her head and turned around, showing him her back. Her shoulders drooped. “I appreciate the thought, but no. This won’t work. You should go.”
“If we go, you’re coming with us,” Paul said and checked over his shoulder where Thomas looked a little pale, but firm.
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