She cast him a glance, but didn’t respond. He remembered what Paul mentioned one evening after Mary fell asleep on the hard room couch. She didn’t like when the men fought or let disagreement linger. What they considered normal interaction bothered her if it became physical or cruel.
“Okay, they can’t bite me,” Duane said. “I’ll let you do that.”
She shook her head, but didn’t meet his eyes. He nudged her shoulder.
He winked. “Aw, come on, Mary. You really need the words? I care about you, and I care about how you feel. I’m not as good at this as Thomas and Paul. Despite Helen’s bitchiness, she did a good job with those two and she loves them. It shows. Nobody loved me much, but I do recognize it as a good thing now, and I want it.”
“You do, huh?” She looked up at him with fire in her eyes. “You think it’s going to be easy? That I’m going to be easy? Well, you’re wrong. I’m precious and I deserve to be treated that way.”
The demand caught him off guard. It didn’t go along with her usual unassuming, easygoing attitude.
“Yeah, that’s right,” she continued. “You’re going to be fine. Thomas and Paul are both fine, but before you sign on the line, you have to realize I’m not. I’m the outcast, the one who shoulders the blame, and here’s the thing—I’ll do it because I love you guys. But I rely on you. I need you to be my best friends. You say you’re willing, but are you ready to be my best friend?”
He barely had friends. He’d deliberately stayed away from the other soldiers and airmen, seeing far too many die within the first week of deployment to risk getting close. Thomas and Paul were his real friends, the only ones he’d equate any measure of love with.
“I’m not sure I know how to do that,” he confessed. “Do I have to get it right from the start? Can I learn?”
The fire eased from her eyes and she tucked her hand in his. “If you’re willing to learn…”
“Oh, I am.” He kissed her cheek, enjoying the freedom and the feel more than he’d anticipated. “I’m a fast learner.”
Mary looked past him at the door and then to the clock.
“What?” he asked.
“You need to be here and I don’t want to pressure you into anything…”
“But?”
“But how do you feel about a little kissing? You’ve been on my mind for weeks, months really.” She traced her finger down his cheek, her touch beyond welcome to his weary body. “You need to be here to heal. I respect it…but I want to be wild with you.”
He took her hand from his cheek and pressed a kiss to it before walking backward to the chair. He sat and drew her into his lap. Her petite frame held touches of curves, just enough to get his body engaged. With the pills he often felt like he didn’t have full control over his bodily functions and sexual urges. His heart beat with excitement, skin tingled with desire to be touched, but in his pants…
Mary ran her finger over his forehead. “The doctors told me the side effects of the meds. Does this make you uncomfortable?”
“I want to kiss you, Mary,” he said, rubbing his hand down her back, cursing his penis, but adoring her. “There’s a time and place for the rest.”
She kissed him first, taking the guess work out of which way to tilt his head or when to make the move. He’d never been sexually aggressive, leaving the women to lead his previous encounters. Her soft lips led his into a deeper kiss. Her tongue coaxed his from his mouth until they twirled together in gentle play.
Women were a mystery he’d no intention of unraveling, at least not on his own anyway. He’d seen more value in jacking off and satisfying himself than attempting to establish a relationship with a woman. Yet, Mary from the first letter kicked that habit to the curb. She made him feel different.
Her tongue delved deeper, her boldness contagious. He cupped the back of her head and tilted her to the side so he could get a better angle. His cock began to stir at the continued arousal combined with Mary’s soft, warm bottom snuggling into his groin.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to crawl into his pocket. He wanted her there, close to his heart, warming his soul as often and as long as she wanted.
Knocking came from the door, but Duane ignored it, tightening his hand in Mary’s hair to keep her mouth on his.
“You two are lucky it’s me and not a doctor.”
Duane scowled at Thomas. His cousin took a seat and put his feet up. “I see things are going better.”
Mary gave Duane’s lip a little nip and he finally let her go. Her eyes sparkled with what he hoped was desire. He thought she’d go to Thomas, the husband she had more connection with, but instead she stayed in his lap, only turning to see Thomas.
“Hey, handsome. How did the interview go?”
He shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. At this point I’m wondering if I’m better off starting my own firm in Morris. There’s only one other lawyer and he’s nearing retirement. If I can open my own office, I might do really well.”
Duane thought Thomas should have done that from the start, but he kept his opinion to himself. They’d each chosen such different career paths that advice was completely moot.
“Whatever you decide I’m going to do everything I can to help. I can be a legal secretary and still help Paul with his ledgers. And help Duane put his paperwork together when he’s ready to start a practice.”
The woman could and wanted to do everything. Though he resented Thomas for interrupting their kiss, Duane found wrapping his arms around Mary and bringing her closer for a hug as natural in front of Thomas as alone. His cousin showed no sign of jealousy or anger, just crossed his legs and settled into the chair.
“You doing okay, Duane?” Thomas asked, the question too innocent for the sharpness in his gaze.
“What do you mean?”
“Well…” Thomas looked at the floor.
“Your mama spout shit about me?” Duane laughed. “Well, no worries there. I’m fine. The doctors are saying after another week, or less, I should be on outpatient therapy. The meds piss me off, but help a lot. One of the doctors said they’d start weaning me off them in six months if I can steady out and have other outlets for stress and support—it’s bullshit, but I’m willing to go along with it.”
Mary threw her arms around him. “That’s wonderful! Why didn’t you tell me? This is so fabulous. I can’t tell you how happy I am for you.”
He hugged her tight. “I would have told you sooner but Helen came in and screwed everything up.”
“Darn her,” Mary muttered. “I’m so proud of you. I told you we’d make it through all of this. We will, and we’ll all be better for it.”
“Yeah,” Thomas said. “We’ll all be better. I’m sorry about Mom. She won’t be coming to the cabin. If Paul and I want to see her we’ll go to her house, but yeah…today, it wasn’t good. I tried to smooth things out, but didn’t have a lot of luck. I won’t let that in my home.”
Pride in his cousin added another layer of contentment Duane wasn’t entirely sure what to do with. With the woman he loved in his lap, his cousin, a person he’d loved from boyhood, beside him, and a huge future in front of him, Duane stood at the edge of an unfamiliar precipice.
Thomas peered at him over Mary’s shoulder with knowing eyes. He figured his panic showed, but Thomas shook his head and cocked his eyebrows. Duane set aside the fear and indecision at the challenge. Tomorrow would bring what it wanted. For today, Mary sat in his lap and smiled for him. He’d take it and run with it.
Chapter 21
The numbers added up, but Mary didn’t like them. She looked at Paul’s ledger again, and added in the company receipts one more time before finding the discrepancy. The gas charges were significantly more than usual. She could maybe attribute that to Duane, but they hadn’t used a work vehicle or spent designated ranch operating funds on gas. She tapped her pencil and thought more. She had more receipts than trips recorded. She just didn’t know who to blame.
Pau
l would, but he’d been beyond stressed with the second sale coming at a breakneck speed. The company he sold to had so much immediate interest they’d offered to buy another twenty acres adjacent to the first set. He’d jumped on it, but it meant another set of paperwork, meetings, and craziness.
The radio Paul brought home the day before changed to something catchy enough for her to sing along as she pondered possibilities. None of them were good, but the song made her smile. She looked out the window where leaves fell on occasion, bending to the will of the early autumn. She didn’t know which of her men liked to dance, but would soon find out.
Crunching sounds from the bulldozers outside working on the homestead site added another layer of distraction, one she’d tried to drown out with the radio. They’d live the winter in the cabin, imperfect and cramped, but soon enough they’d have their home. She sighed just thinking about the big kitchen she’d planned with Paul one afternoon while Duane attended a therapy session. It would be glorious, the kind of kitchen she could cook in daily and can in every fall.
She set aside her daydreams, the ones she’d hoped to ignore long enough to finish up her paperwork, and got back to business. Mary searched through the file Paul gave her the day before and finally found the requisitions sheet.
After double checking she found the extra requests. Amory had asked to be reimbursed for several trips to Geneva, hence the added receipts. She picked up the new phone, casting a glance at the beds she’d made with Duane in mind. Thomas was due back any minute with Duane in tow. She’d wanted to be with him, but also wanted the house to be ready, so she had her chicken marinating and cupcakes on the counter.
She’d rather frost the cupcakes, but business needed to be seen to. Even crappy business she knew would give Paul a headache.
The line rang and a few moments later Paul answered.
“Hi, honey. It’s me. Quick question. Did Amory make it to Geneva last week?”
She heard his scowl over the phone. “Hell no. He was supposed to go Thursday, but I got word from the farmer the hay never showed up. I ended up taking it Friday.”
Mary nodded as she made the note. “That’s what I thought. Does it seem like it’s happened a few times over the last month?”
Silence met her question and again she wished she could ignore the problem.
“Why do you ask? Is he trying to screw me?”
Mary looked at the receipts. “I’m so sorry, Paul.”
“Bastard. Okay, I’ll take care of it. Thanks for letting me know. Duane home yet?”
“Not yet.” The rumbling from outside stopped, replaced with tires on gravel. Her heart sped. “But it sounds like they’re here now. Thomas said he had to run right away for a job interview, but I’ll get Duane settled and make a nice dinner. I’m sure he’ll be tired.”
Paul chuckled, the sound dark and sexy. “Screw tired, he can sleep when he’s dead. You give him the kind of welcome you have in mind. Have fun, darlin’.”
Thomas stepped in, Duane behind him. Instead of the military issued clothes or sweats he wore jeans and a navy blue sweater.
“Gotta go. Love you. Bye.” She hung up the phone and jumped to her feet.
“See, told ya.” Thomas stepped aside. “Sic him, Mary.”
Unlike the last time she tried to welcome him home, this time Duane tossed his bags aside and scooped her up, swinging her in a circle. Nothing mattered. Not the ranch problems or the people in town—none of the usual worries touched her joy and Mary wanted to bottle it up.
* * * *
Home, for more years than Duane could count, had been a single room apartment in an old guy’s basement. His dad paid the rent by supposedly doing upkeep on the house for the guy’s son. Duane never got to know the elderly resident of the house. If he had, he’d have been forced to do something about the shit that happened. Instead, he’d focused only on himself. Duane knew he needed to give the younger him a break. He hadn’t known a different life, not until he started attending school regularly and met the twins.
After that home meant hanging out with Thomas and Paul in the park after school until their mother called them in for the night. Some of those nights Helen let him in, but he’d had to ignore her too, because he’d only needed his cousins. They were home.
Holding Mary redefined everything.
“You look good.” She patted his cheek, her skin as soft as her touch. “Did Thomas take you out for lunch?”
He set her on her feet but didn’t step away. “No. He said you were making chicken or something for dinner and I wanted to enjoy it.”
“Oh, that’s for supper tonight.” She groaned. “You must be starving. I’ll make you both sandwiches and you can sneak an early cupcake.”
He snagged her around the waist before she made it a step away. “I’m really not hungry, but thanks.”
Thomas grabbed a briefcase from the table, looking every inch the lawyer in his gray suit, white shirt, and blue tie. “Mary, can you call Paul and let him know Duane is here? I have to run.”
“He already knows. And you can’t go already, you must be hungry,” she protested.
Thomas smiled and crossed the distance between them. Duane wanted to push his cousin away, especially because Duane hadn’t seen Mary at all in the last twenty-four hours, but he curtailed that desire. Thomas kissed Mary, taking longer than Duane thought he would. He didn’t know if Thomas was trying to prove something or get a reaction.
Other than wanting Mary’s attention, Duane didn’t feel more. No jealousy, which pleasantly surprised him. He didn’t want to rock the boat on the arrangement after Thomas and Paul had worked so hard to set a clear path.
“I’m out of here for now, but I’ll be back for supper. The doctor sent instructions. Duane already had his pills for the day and…heck, something about a nap?”
“Don’t worry.” Mary sidled next to Duane and bumped elbows with him. “I will take good care of him.”
“I’m good,” Duane said, knowing Thomas worried and would for some time. “I really am.”
“Yeah, I know.” Thomas nodded. “I’ll be back for that chicken, Mar. You two have fun.”
Duane didn’t like being watched, didn’t like being questioned, but he understood. He’d come a long way and while he mostly trusted himself, mainly because of therapy and the meds, his brain came with no guarantees. Mary, Paul, and Thomas were his supports for the moment. One day he hoped to change those roles and not be vulnerable, but only an idiot would walk away from support. He’d heard about enough idiots coming out of combat, he didn’t need to be one.
Thomas closed the door behind him. Duane looked around the cabin, really seeing it for the first time. Most of his first day home was a blur, one he wouldn’t mind putting completely behind him, but running didn’t help. He needed to move forward.
“You’ve done a lot to the place. Looks nice,” he said, still liking her at his side, though the fatigue he’d battled well so far dragged at him. “I’m glad you took down the orange curtains with the things on them. I always thought it looked like poop.”
She laughed. “You mean the paisley swirls? Yeah, I’m not a fan either. Are you sure I can’t make you a sandwich? I don’t mind.”
Duane shook his head. “I’m not hungry, but thanks.” What he wanted and what he needed dwelled on opposite corners of his mind. Patience pissed him off.
“I just need to finish up some paperwork for Paul and I’ll have the rest of the day to do whatever you want. How about you lie down and watch TV for a while?” she said. “I feel bad about the busy work, but there’s no reason you can’t catch up on one of Paul’s soaps.”
He smirked. “That dumbass still watches those stupid shows?”
She elbowed him. “Yep, we watch them together.”
She led him to the sofa, still the orange and brown crap colors, but now covered with a brown blanket that toned down the gross arrangement.
“I’m getting better with the fatigue,” he said throu
gh a yawn.
“I can see that.” She pulled a blanket from under the coffee table. “Paul is firing one of the ranch hands today—the guy was cheating him—so he’ll need help. You might as well sleep while you can.”
He hated like hell to hear about Paul’s problem, but he’d help. With him home and not approved for civilian hospitals yet, he could fill in the weak spots until Paul hired someone. Duane settled back on the sofa. It was ugly, but comfortable. Mary covered him with the blanket, but when she moved to step away, he tugged her down. She settled on top of him, her short legs tangled with his long ones.
“I pictured you taller,” he said.
She wrinkled her nose. “Yeah, I pictured you shorter, but what can ya do?”
He kissed the bridge of her nose where it wrinkled most. “Ya deal with the cards given, I guess. I’m not complaining about this deck, not at all.”
A nap with Mary sounded like the best thing in the world, but she had chores to do and if she stayed cuddled in his arms they wouldn’t sleep and he’d end up a cranky asshole in a few hours. She patted his chest as if thinking the same thing. She pushed to her feet and smoothed her hair.
“Now, stop being so tempting to me. I have work I need to get done.” She sauntered off, the sway of her hips as natural as the curls on her head.
As much as he wanted to watch her, and he did, he closed his eyes and hoped for sleep. A little nap now would help him function later in the mood he wanted to be. She didn’t deserve any more of his shit and if napping like a toddler stacked the deck in his favor, he’d do it.
* * * *
With the receipts accounted for she was technically all done with work, but took extra time to finish payroll and look over a few documents for the next sale. The numbers staggered her, but gave her a whole new kind of hope for the ranch. Paul would have the funds he needed to see out his plans. His dreams were coming true after years of backbreaking work and tears. She’d support him through whatever came next.
She closed the folder, confident the papers she and Paul put together the night before exceeded the standards. She twirled her pencil, unsure of her next task. It was too soon to start making dinner and she’d cleaned the night before in anticipation of Duane’s homecoming, not leaving much else to do.
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