Thats what we dont know, Lucille replied defiantly, as if I were painfully dumb. The bishops office says they formally replied to our request to halt guitar music. But of course we never heard from Olson on the matter. You know that man would have misplaced his tax return. He probably never even filed, and not that hes dead, the IRS will come looking and the church will have to pay
Ah, Lucille, interjected Zelda sweetly, you mustnt get yourself upset talking about the music again.
Behind us, Bob Preston snorted.
Well, I said desperately, why dont you stay and we can talk more about it after the next service? Then I remembered that I had agreed to join Bob and Agatha for brunch, because I wanted to milk them for information. Zelda, Id really love to hear you play the organ again
Ha! cried Zelda. Her nostrils flared. She looked like a poodle refusing to eat what had been set before her. She gestured significantly at the musicians testing their tambourines. Theres no way Im playing that blather they call music at the next service. I am a professional.
Trying with a remarkable lack of success to suppress more laughter, Marla overdiligently smoothed down the pleats of the green-and-pink dress and announced, Ill talk to you about lasagna, Goldy. When it comes to pasta, I am a professional. I just dont do cookies.
I shot her an exasperated look and lightly touched Zeldas arm. Please … wait. Was it someone from the Altar Guild who left the afghan for me?
Zelda stared at me, her miserly mouth drawn into pinched folds. Oh, poor Goldy, how should I know? She patted my hand and turned to Lucille. People think I know everything about this parish, and Im always the last to know anything. Come along now, Lucille, we must get you back home to rest.
Lucille pointed her dimpled chin in my direction. Do they know what happened to your fiancé? she demanded brusquely. Recalling her suspicious interrogation of first Arch and then Boyd, I pressed my lips together and shook my head.
I said, Were all hoping for good news.
I see. Lucille raised one pencil-thin white eyebrow. Did they figure out that message he left? Weve put it on the prayer chain, you know, that the police will be able to decipher it. Were going to discuss it a prayer group tomorrow.
I turned venomously toward Marla, who shrank back in mock horror. Her plump, bejeweled fingers sheltered her face. Bob Preston guffawed. You might as well have put it in the Post.
Trying to keep anger out of my voice, I asked Lucille what time the prayer group meeting was scheduled. This was one meeting I needed to attend, if for no other reason than to shut everyone up. But I hoped that I wouldnt need to, that they would find Tom before then.
Now, Goldy, warned Lucille, you know we take our praying seriously.
So do I. And, I was wondering, are we praying for anyone with the initials V.M.? Or does that stand for Virgin Mary or something? I mean, since you know what was in Toms note, have you studied it?
Virgin Mary? What in the world
Initials, then. Praying for anyone named V.M.?
Lucille huffed, Except for Victor Mancuso, I dont know. Perhaps it would be good if you did come, dear, you could remind us to ask. She touched a row of silver curls, then seemed to have an inspiration. Would you like to bring some lunch? Just for about eight people. Youre so good at that! And itll help you get your mind off your other troubles. Fish for Lent, of course. Do you have any?
Fish?
No? Well, Lucille confided, how about shrimp?
I said, Oh, sure, in a sarcastic tone that was clearly lost on her before she breezed off with Zelda. Well, Id certainly been busy. After the service I was going out for brunch with the Prestons; tomorrow, I was making lunch for the entire prayer group. Nothing like food to quell anxiety.
Now dont be mad at me, Marla began defensively. She kept her voice low. Bob Preston had moved off but was nearby, button-holing a fellow Kiwanian. You never said that note was a secret.
All right, all right, I conceded. Listen, I know how you can make it up to me.
But I didnt do anything.
Youll like this, I promise. Its your kind of thing. I need to know more about whether Father Olson was having an affair. Please, its important.
When Marla had finished registering astonishment and was muttering that shed be delighted, I spotted Father Doug Ramsey out of the corner of my eye. Leaving Marla, I moved unobtrusively in the direction of our late rectors assistant, the purported ecclesiastical intelligence agent.
Need to chat, Father D.
Unfortunately, I startled him; his first tentative sip o hot coffee splashed down the front of his white alb and stole.
Oh, dear, Im sorry, I said.
His delicate, triangular face was more rueful than his voice. Dont worry about it, he said uncertainly. I can sponge it out.
I said I was mixing together some muffins between the services, and could we sponge out the stains in the kitchen and chat? There were some things I was wondering about, things the police had said to me about him and the bishop.
Doug Ramsey did not immediately reply. His doleful brown eyes fearfully roamed the room. I followed his glance and saw Mitchell Hartley chatting reconcilably with Canon Montgomery while Bob Preston regaled some new-comers. Agatha gave her motherin-law Zelda a tentative hug as she departed, then stood uncomfortably next to her husband. She had taken off the dour black coat and wore a light orange outfit the color of a Creamsicle. I knew the Prestons orientation was of the charismatic sort, and that coming early for the second service meant Bob would have more of a chance to draft folks into Bob-projects. The narthex was nearly empty, and the service was not due to begin for thirty minutes. Still, Father Insensitive Ramsey seemed oddly nervous. Interesting.
Where do you want to talk? he said under his breath.
In the kitchen, I whispered back. No one will suspect. If we go outside, people will wonder what it is were being secretive about.
Oh, Lord, thats not what I want, he said with a gulp. He ran his fingers through his black ringlets.
I smiled at him. If we go in the kitchen, people will think were doing dishes. Theyll avoid us like one of the plagues that struck Egypt.
Without further ado, I strode purposefully into the church kitchen, which was empty. Doug Ramsey reluctantly followed. I silently offered a clean, wet sponge to him, and he dabbed at his alb.
Then I got out the eggs, evaporated milk, oil, and premeasured flour Id brought and said, First of all, Im wondering who has access to the set of keys to Hymnal House and the Episcopal camps vehicle.
He scowled. Thats what the police want to know about the bishop? For heavens sake! They keep that set of keys down at the diocesan office in the winter. For special events, someone from the parish goes to get them. Why on earth do you need ? He cast another anxious glance around. Dont you think I should be doing something out here? So it wont look suspicious.
How are you at lining muffin tins? I thrust a box of paper cupcake liners at him and gestured at the muffin pans.
Uh
Okay, I continued briskly, why do the police think youre the bishops spy?
Ack! His face turned bright pink. For once he wasnt able to think of some long set of words to justify and amplify his response. Well, I he began finally as he opened the box and shook out a tower of pastel liners. He stopped and looked at them as if they were cockroaches. You know I was hired by Father Olson
Cut the crap, Doug. Why did the bishop recommend you for this post?
He held a pale blue liner between the very ends of his index finger and thumb. After a moments hesitation, he dropped it in a cup, inspected it, did the same with a green one, then a pink. At this rate, the tins would be ready by sundown. He said, How
did you know the bishop recommended me?
Did this pompous dork think people in this parish didnt talk/ Rather than explain, I merely revved the electric mixer through the eggs, oil, milk, and sugar, and waited for an answer.
You know, Goldy drop, drop er, some strange things have, or had, been going on in the congregation, and Father Olson, drop, drop Ted, was never one to be terribly communicative with the bishops office. I mean, he didnt even go to deanery meetings, and then when diocesan convention rolled around
He stopped abruptly when Bob Preston vaulted into the kitchen. Preston, seeing we were engaged in domestic activities, beat a hasty retreat.
Doug, why dont you go a little faster? I suggested lightly. Why did the bishop need you to spy? I said brusquely when Preston was safely out of earshot. The service is going to start in twenty minutes! Do you want to tell me, or do you want tot tell the police and four newspapers? Priest held for questioning over secret role in parish ought to look real good in the The Denver Post, not to mention The Rocky Mountain Episcopalian. I angrily dumped the flour, baking powder and salt into the batter and began to beat furiously. Time is a problem here for the man Im supposed to marry. But, since I dont have too much to do now that hes been kidnapped, Ill certainly have time to phone each of the newspapers personally.
Doug Ramsey gave me a helpless expression, then began to drop paper cups in the pan again. Goldy, dont threaten me. You know Im under the bishops discipline
I swirled in the vanilla and almond extracts, which turned the thick batter golden and fragrant, and then the poppy seeds, which gave it an inviting, speckled appearance. Why does the bishop need a cleric to report back to him from St. Lukes in Aspen Meadow? What was he afraid of?
That people were worshiping Olson, thats what!
What? I stopped the beater and gaped at him.
You heard me. He shook with frustration. The muffin tins dropped out of his hands onto the counter just as the sun came out from behind a cloud and shone through the windows. Dougs alb turned brilliant white. His anger shimmered out in all directions.
Worshiping him how? I demanded.
Almond Poppy Seed Muffins
4 large eggs
2 cups sugar
1 ž cups (13-ounce) evaporated milk
ź cup milk
2 cups vegetable oil
4 cups flour
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon almond extract
˝ cup poppy seeds
Preheat the oven to 325 . Line 30 muffin cups with paper liners. In a large mixing bowl, beat together the eggs, sugar, evaporated milk, milk, and vegetable oil. Sift together the baking powder, salt, and flour. Gradually add the flour mixture to the egg mixture, beating until well combined. Add the extracts and poppy seeds, stirring only until well combined. Using a 1/3-cup measure, pour the batter into the muffin cups. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a muffin comes out clean. Makes 30 muffins.
Doug glared at me. He said tersely, Father Theodore Olson belonged to the Society of Chad, as do I, as do Wickham and Montgomery and twenty other clergy in this diocese. He inhaled mightily. You probably think the Society of Chad has something to do with African famine relief.
Lucky for me Id taken that course from Canon Montgomery. I picked up the bowl and began to ladle batter into the few muffin cups Ramsey had set out. Seventh-century English bishop, traveled around his diocese on foot. Died of the plague. What about him? And would you preheat that oven to three-twenty-five for me?
We are dedicated to preserving the apostolic tradition, just as Chad was, Father Doug replied huffily, twirling the oven dial. And this year as our chosen study we have been looking at miraculous healings. AS they validate the sacraments, of course.
Youre losing me, Doug. I took up his abandoned task and started to put the paper liners into the rest of the muffin cups.
Well, its one thing to talk about Lourdes and Medugorge, he said fiercely. On the other hand, quite a bit closer to home, a Sunday School teacher suddenly says she doesnt have any more back pain! Well, that could be because we replaced most of those antiquated chairs in the Sunday School rooms. That infant a month ago that was supposedly born blink? There are conflicting reports on whether his reflexes had even been tested when this healing allegation came up!
Lourdes and Medugorge, I prompted him.
Yes! Well. Its quite another thing to get some wild report that Olson lays hands on a terminally ill St. Lukes parishioner at Lutheran Hospital, and one hundred percent deadly mylocytic leukemia just disappears! I mean, please.
But nobody really knows what happened to Roger Bampton, isnt that true? This doesnt really sound like the Episcopal church, Doug. I scraped the last of the batter into a paper liner and set the pans into the oven. I looked at my watch: 9:45. Id have to sneak back during the service to take the muffins out when they were done.
Oh, tell me it doesnt sound like the Episcopal church. As you may or may not know, Goldy, there is no ecclesiastical … mechanism within our communion to verify miracles. And no one actually saw the parishioners blood tests. Oh, those much-touted blood tests! As if I hadnt heard enough about them … But soon after the Bampton incident, another Sunday School teacher claimed she was cured of lupus after Father Olson laid hands on her. Someone else said somebodys shingles disappeared. The stories spread and out prayer list is suddenly the length of the phone book. The money isnt just pouring in, its flooding in. Not to mention, I added mentally, the number of terminally ill folks who will want to be Sunday School teachers. And whos containing this? Doug fumed. Whos testing it against church doctrine and experience? Its as if the Martians have landed! Come to Aspen Meadow and throw away your crutches for the entire Anglican communion to see! Talk about headlines! Weve been expecting the National Enquirer here any minute! Now if Olson just would have come to one deanery meeting
Whos we? Who would have been threatened by this, b3esides the bishop? Someone like Mitchell Hartley?
Doug Ramsey made a raisin face of disgust. Mitchell Hartley is one of the ringleaders of this sort of thinking! Theres no foundation to it, Im telling you! Its all Jesus-is-my-buddy and the Holy-Spirit-is-my-voodoo. These people are ruining the church. Of course, we all thought Olson was grounded in the orthodox faith
You keep saying we.
Why, everyone in the hierarchy, of course. Were talking about the apostolic tradition here, Goldy
Doug! What about sexual misconduct?
He shrank away from me and colored deeply Excuse me?
Several early arrivals for the second service, enticed by the delicious vanilla-mixed-with-almond aroma wafting out of the oven, poked their heads in to see what was cooking. Father Doug Ramsey and I bustled to start washing bowl and beaters. Disappointed, the curious churchgoers withdrew.
Over, the sound of hot water filling the sink, I murmured, I heard a rumor that Olson was romantically involved with someone. Having an affair. Hows the Episcopal churchs mechanism for dealing with that?
Doug squirted about five times as much liquid detergent into the sink as we would need. Goldy, he could have been involved with ten women, I mean, the man could have had a harem the way they fell all over him. They used to wait outside the door of our Society of Chad meeting! We began calling Olson the magician. Women and miracles, what more could you ask for? Montgomery asked for his resignation from the society, but of course he didnt get it. Then the bishop called me in and said, Find out what Olsons doing. Hes pulling in so much money, there must be something to it. Lord! He flourished the dish detergent. So here I am having to act the sycophant in Aspen Meadow, and praying that some of this chicanery will be exposed!
Doug, thats enough soap. He pulled ba
ck the container and looked dejected. I turned off the water. Im sorry, I know youre terribly upset. Just tell me, what women were waiting outside the door of the committee meeting?
He slapped the detergent down and pulled his alb around him as if it were a blanket. His eyes blazed. I dont remember. And you neednt waste your pity on me. I will continue to carry on, as I always have. I will go in as an examiner day after tomorrow, with a level head, good organization, and the belief no the knowledge that the orthodox faith prevails
Doug, I meant it. I can tell how upset you are. Please, help me. Im just trying to find Investigator Tom Schulz. What I dont know is who resented Olson. Do you know who his worst enemies were? Doug Ramsey released his alb and leaned in toward me. He hissed: Olsons worst enemy was himself.
11
At the ten oclock eucharist, the one favored by the charismatics and people who brought children (heartily loathed by the Old Guard, regardless of what Jesus had to say on the subject), Montgomerys sermon was the same. This time, however, he ignored me as carefully as I did him. First hed been friendly, then hed yelled at me, and now he was indifferent. Grief could make people strange.
The second service was completely different from the first. If the 8:00 service was the liturgical equivalent of a golf game, the 10:00 was a soccer match. Perhaps it was the three women and one man enthusiastically strumming guitars, playing the drums, and banging tambourines near the altar. Or maybe it was the people themselves crowded into the pews, their hands raised in the air as they energetically sang the hymns. In addition to advocating a personal relationship with the Lord, the charismatics put great emphasis on praise through song. Hearty song. And of course, the wildness could have been at least partly attributed to the great multitude of children, all either chattering, sobbing, dropping books, or scrambling over the wooden pews. By the time we got to the intercessory prayers, I was ready for someone to blow a whistle. Instead, Bob Preston got up with a prayer book and a pad of yellow paper. His few strands of hair glimmered in the light from the electric candelabra. The deep hollows of his cheeks made him look uncannily like Zelda. It was the first time I had noticed a resemblance between mother and son.
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