Big Sound Temple

by Ben Stevens

  When weather get more cold not need to feed koi fish smell ball every morning. Just every two or three day. Because koi move less in pond in autumn and winter than summer. Like just to lie at bottom of pond when is very cold.

  I go home for my lunch hour and light stick of incense at my family alter. Many Japanese home have small family alter.

  I look at photo of father and my father parent in family alter and pray for all their soul. But they not bad people in life so I think not problem for them now. I think they OK.

  But sometime I think my father can see me but not happy. Because have got my self in the difficult situation. I think he think I still baka child. Still not know much about life or the other people.

  But I make everything OK. I prove to my father I clever and hard work man.

  At Wendy lesson she say ‘Hiro you not recent show me any of your English diary.’

  I say ‘Not diary just English write practice.’

  Wendy say it may be good if I start proper diary. She say what I write is interest for foreign person. Because of my job at temple.

  She say if I get more good at English or get someone to translate may be get publish in the foreign magazine. But I not think temple janitor is person who can write in the thing like magazine.

  Wendy not have sweet smell today so not call me honey. We look at thing that have be write about life of taxi driver in New York City and Wendy ask me question. To see if I understand what I read.

  I tell her I want very much to go New York. Wendy move shoulder in what is call the shrug and say is more nice place in America. Say if I go New York be careful. Say she see normal Japanese man have wallet stick out of trouser back pocket. (This is true.) Say no one do this in New York. Because criminal just take it.

  I want to ask if she miss New York and America. But this may be what is call personal question so I not ask. Because Japanese not like to seem have too much interest in other person business.

  May be this not good idea but when Wendy lesson finish eight thirty clock I go izakaya where Sakura work. But tonight she not there. Is now boss take the order at counter and is very busy with customer. Boss look very stress.

  I ask if Sakura not work today. Boss say she suppose to but just not come. Also yesterday. He ask me if I know what she do. Say he try ring her but no answer.

  I say ‘Sorry I not know’ and leave without order any thing.

  Outside I think is Wednesday. I not see Sakura since Sunday evening. I think I just send her message on mobile phone. I just write hello how are you. I wait few minute for answer but none come.

  I sudden think go to her apartment. I want to know what is happen. I start to walk in apartment direction but then get the message from Sakura. It say she sorry not contact me but very busy and not be well. She say she call me tomorrow for sure.

  This make my mind little more easy. May be she miss work because not feel well. But why she just not call boss for to tell him? I think to ask her this when we talk but then may be she think I spy on her.

  I realise now when I think about Sakura I alway start quick to get the head ache. She very complicate person.

  Temple customer who have family tomb on mountain complain to temple office that someone is light many small fire around mountain. I also see this but not know who is make the fire.

  It is not allow to have fire like this. Only inside wall of person tomb. So to burn small pile of leaf for example. If fire outside of tomb there is danger of tree catch fire. Then may be big disaster. May be burn all mountain.

  Later I am walk up mountain for to check three big water tank when see old man with smile like horse. He make fire near one mountain path. Fire close to big bush with many dry leaf. I think this bush catch fire easy and is also next to tree.

  I ask old man for to put fire out. Old man not smile now. He get angry with me for first time. Say he lot more old than me but I have no respect.

  I use very polite Japanese for to try and deal with situation. I think priest alway speak quiet and calm and I try do same. I explain why fire is danger and say I not want seem rude.

  Old man say OK and say he not make fire again. I see fire he make is almost finish so not have to throw water on it. But I think old man just say OK because I here. He not respect me like he respect my father. Because I still young. So I think old man again make fire after I go. This very danger.

  I try to think what to do. May be tell priest but he have enough worry of own. So I have to keep watch on old man.

  Sakura not call me but send the message. Message say she still feel not well but she call when she feel better. She say may be after weekend.

  I just send message back which say OK. Then phone call come from out of blue.

  Not from Sakura. I mean from very old friend.

  Hanako very tradition Japanese girl name. It mean like flower child. My friend is call Hanako. I know her since we both go kindergarten. Then we went all same school until I start work with father at temple and she go to Tokyo University. (Tokyo two hour away by the plane.)

  Hanako very clever person. When she return from Tokyo University and get job in city she try tell me what job is. But I not really understand. She something like money expert. She help rich people with thing like tax.

  She earn lot of money and very success woman. Still only same age as me. But she work very hard and often still in office late at night. She travel to many country on the business.

  Hanako one time tell me Japanese woman have to work two time as hard as Japanese man for to earn same money and get same promotion. It only the half joke.

  I not often see Hanako much because she alway work. But then she ring me and ask if can meet her for dinner tomorrow evening. I say yes. She say she know nice Italian restaurant. (Restaurant Hanako know alway very nice and also expensive.)

  She tell me where restaurant is and say good bye. Hanako never talk much on phone.

  Hanako and me never girlfriend and boyfriend. Alway just friend. This may be strange thing to say but Hanako actual sometime feel like the big sister. Because I know her almost as long as I be alive.

  Hanako one time engage to marry very rich man from France. But she find out the French man cheat on her with other woman. So she throw coffee in his face when they in Paris and fly home. She never see the French man again.

  On Friday I finish work and go back home and shower change clothe. Hanako and I have arrange to meet at eight clock. Restaurant is may be twenty minute walk from my house.

  It dark when I leave my house. It start get dark more early now is autumn. But evening still warm. Weather not start get cold for may be one more month. I wear shirt and light jacket. Also wear good trouser and shoe because is nice restaurant we go.

  I enter restaurant and waiter take my jacket. Hanako already sit at table. She look like business woman. She pretty but have the serious face. She want do everything well.

  I remember when we both start have karate lesson at junior school. I think is just hobby and soon give up but she get black belt when fourteen. She also join karate team when study at Tokyo University. She one time tell me is easy break the brick with hand if have correct mind.

  I sit at table with my back to front window. Waiter pour me glass of red wine and I look at menu. I choose seafood pasta same as Hanako. She alway on diet but I just like the seafood pasta.

  Hanako send me card when my father die. But she still say now is hard for me. This Japanese way to say sorry for loss. It mean same thing.

  She ask how my job is. I tell her something about job. Tell her about old man with smile like horse. She smile and say I more thin than last time she see me. She say she hope I eat OK.

  She try tell me about her work but hard for me to understand. I think man who marry Hanako have to be very clever person.

  When I look around at window for third time Hanako ask me if something wrong. I say no and say sorry. Try to concentrate on food and conversation.

  But I worry Sakura walk past restaurant and se
e me talk to Hanako. I not think Sakura type of woman who like her boyfriend to have other woman friend.

  I wish I sit where Hanako is sit. Then able to secret see window all time.

  We finish meal and bottle red wine and I go toilet before leave. When I come back Hanako have pay all bill. I try give her half of money but she say no. Say next time we go out I pay. But this may be in six month time.

  We go outside and I not surprise to hear that Hanako now go back to office for to continue work. She say have to make some international phone call so this time best.

  Hanako can speak some foreign language very well. She speak English much better than me. I feel little drunk from all wine but alcohol never seem effect Hanako.

  She before say in early day of her career her boss and male colleague alway try to get her drunk when go out after work. To prove she soft woman who is not able to do man job. But she prove can drink more than most man and still feel OK. So she win respect from boss and men she work with.

  Hanako office near restaurant so I walk back with her. We say good bye before she go inside. Not know when meet again.

  I start walk back. I near temple when walk past small park that have thing like swing and slide for child. Also public toilet.

  There is couple of bench and I see two people is sit on one. They have back to me and it dark but then woman laugh and I think is Sakura. There is big bush little way behind bench and I walk to it and then kneel down.

  There is small gap in bush I can look through. I think big man Sakura sit next to is may be Bad Boy. Think I recognise shape of his shave head.

  Then he make horrible noise with mouth that man sometime make when drink too much beer and Sakura laugh again. Now I know is Bad Boy.

  Sakura pretend hit his arm. Bad Boy say something but I not able to hear what he say. Sakura also talk but also not able to hear.

  Then I see something that make me freeze. Because Bad Boy put his arm around back of Sakura. I mean on back of bench.

  Then I hear cough from behind me. I look around and is three people watch me on street. I think they see man look through bush at couple sit on bench.

  I sudden realise I look like chikan. I quick pretend tie string of shoe but one person shake head and is look disgust. Other person say may be should call police.

  I stand up quick and walk away before Bad Boy and Sakura realise what is happen and see me. I feel very strange emotion. Like worry but also anger.

  I wonder why Bad Boy and Sakura sit together in small park at ten clock at night. I think will have to ask Sakura about this very soon. Also think she have to explain what happen very well.

  For first time I see Yamashita san not look very happy. I mean now he just look like the normal person at work but still I know something wrong.

  Later he tell me that he see monk try and kick one of the temple cat. But this monk not monk who work at this temple. This monk come from other temple.

  Because every year temple where I work invite priest and important monk from some other temple in city for to come visit. There is big service in temple hall and then big meal for visit priest and monk. This meal serve in room call shoin where is very old statue of the Buddha.

  I help carry lot of food and beer to room. Inside room is much cigarette smoke. Sometime I think all priest and monk have to smoke. Like is part of job. I never meet priest or monk who not smoke. May be because their job have much stress.

  Monk try to kick cat as he leave. He walk outside to taxi in tradition Japanese wood shoe call geta and cat lie in front of him. Monk almost fall over cat. Monk get angry try to kick cat but miss.

  Geta fly from foot and hit side of taxi. Taxi driver not happy. Say this make damage to his car. Say very sorry but monk have to pay for damage.

  I not see all this happen. But Yamashita san later tell me as he help me put away low table in shoin. Yamashita san like all animal very much. So he angry at what other monk try to do.

  This temple have the ten cat. Person sometime leave cat in box at bottom of hundred stone stair. We try to look after cat but not able to take more than number at temple now. So sometime I have to take cat to animal doctor for to be destroy.

  Temple is also look after some dog. Dog have own area surround with fence. Priest wife Okaasan only person who dog not bark at and show the teeth. In afternoon every day she give them the Buddha breakfast.

  This is rice in some small silver bowl that Okaasan put in front of big statue of the Buddha in temple hall every morning. Because is tradition. But so rice is not waste Okaasan later give to dog. Dog come to fence and Okaasan use chopstick for to give rice to them. Okaasan alway do this job. She talk to dog as she give them rice.

  One time my father and I have to fix big wood hut that is for the dog when it rain. We worry dog bite us so Okaasan have to be with us when we work. Dog make growl noise at us but then lick Okaasan hand.

  My father and I finish job quick and go. I not shame to say I scare of these dog.

  This big service in temple hall happen on Sunday. Normal Sunday my day off but sometime have to work. When I get back home I very tire.

  Okaasan have give me some food left by monk for to eat for dinner. It very tasty food like fry shrimp and sushi. Okaasan also tell me take some can of beer. Because is work today I have tomorrow off.

  I eat dinner and watch the baseball on TV. I feel relax. Then think about Sakura and not relax any more. I think I have enough. I think not for to call her but send message.

  I write that I see her with Bad Boy and ask what she think she do? I say not happy that she never want see me and also ask when can get some money for rent. I send message.

  I start watch game show when my phone ring. I surprise to see is Sakura call. I answer and she cry. She just keep say I sorry. She say she want for to meet me tonight. She say have thing to explain.

  She say name of restaurant that is by sea. It may be half hour walk or I can take the taxi. I think is quite distant place for to meet but I not say this. I say OK I meet you soon. I feel tire and not want go out. But I turn off TV and get ready.

  I think to take taxi not walk. There is many taxi in city. Just have to hold out hand for to stop one.

  Sakura have start to eat meal of hamburger and chip when I walk in restaurant. I have eat at home so not hungry. I sit down at table and order beer.

  Sakura ask me what I see. She mean with her and Bad Boy. I tell her. She ask if I hear them talk. I say no but hear her laugh.

  Sakura get wet eye. Stop eat for moment. She say have to pretend enjoy Bad Boy company because she scare of him. He alway ask her to go out with him. She worry to keep say no. Alway feel she have to say she think about it. Have to act happy when talk to him even though not feel happy.

  Sakura say that recent Bad Boy start to use more pressure. Sakurasay she not know what to do. That Bad Boy have hit both man and woman before.

  My jaw feel very tight. Like is difficult even for to talk. I remember Bad Boy knock out teacher tooth when we at school.

  I ask Sakura if Bad Boy give her the threat. Sakura say he not say this but she alway feel it. She have to stop eat again to wipe her eye.

  Sakura say is also worry about pay rent. Because she get fire from izakaya job. That boss just say to her last week not to come back.

  I think to say what boss tell me when I go in izakaya last time. But then I wonder if Sakura again think I spy on her. Sakura say she try hard to find new job but not many job available and also she only just get better from flu.

  I sudden feel suspicion. I say ‘Did not seem you have flu when I see you on Friday night.’

  As soon as I say these word I regret. Sakura push empty plate away and put head in arm. I see she cry very much. Waiter look at us.

  I reach over to put hand on Sakura shoulder but she look up at me with angry eye.

  In loud voice she say ‘If you not believe me just go!’ She say ‘I get all money to you by end of next week if it so important to you!’ She say ‘Every thing in
life just problem and not even my boyfriend support me!’

  I speak quick in quiet voice. I say I very sorry and believe her. I say let leave restaurant. I want to go because now other customer look at us.

  Sakura nod head and put on jacket. I not see her wear this jacket before. It look nice.

  I pay for Sakura meal and my beer and we leave restaurant. We walk along by sea. Past other restaurant and bar.

  I put arm around Sakura waist. This feel much better. Sakura say she sorry to not see me recent. She ask if OK to stop and sit down for short while. There is some bench across road. Near sea.

  We sit down and Sakura look at sky. Is many star. I think she want say something. Something she not say before.

  Then she talk about her parent. About how her father alway hit her and say she use less even as child. As Sakura talk she look all time up at sky. She not cry now. She talk in quiet voice and I say nothing. Just listen.

  She say before want to stay at school and may be go university. But never able to study at home. Because of father be bully. Alway find her job for to do like clean in house when she try do school work.

  Now father say she have bad job and should have continue the education. So for him she can never do right thing.

  But there is more bad thing to come. Sakura say ‘My father so bad my mother try to commit the suicide.’

  Sakura say this happen some year before. Mother take many pill and alcohol and leave note. Note say she have enough of husband and her bad life. But Sakura find mother in bed and call ambulance.

  Hospital save the mother life but now she have problem with the kidney. Because of damage from take too many pill. Sakura say her father be quiet for while after mother try to end her life but then just bad as before.

  Sakura say ‘Best thing for me now is I out of parent house.’ She say ‘I try visit my mother when my father he at work.’