by Melody Grace
“When did I ask for anything more?” Paige lifted her chin defiantly.
“You didn’t have to.” Declan clenched his jaw. “I can tell. You want commitment, and you always knew it wasn’t on the table. You shouldn’t have even started this, pretending like you were OK with it.”
“That isn’t fair.”
“So tell me I’m wrong,” he demanded. “Tell me you don’t want more from me.”
Paige didn’t answer, and somehow, that was worse.
He fought back the flood of emotion. She wanted to be with him, for real. It was right there for the taking, the future he’d pictured with her. All he had to do was close the distance between them, reach out and tell her he felt the same.
But he couldn’t.
“See?” Declan said hoarsely, trying to find a reason to be mad at her. Trying to find any reason at all not to pull her into his arms and kiss her. “You lied to me.”
“I never lied.” Paige looked at him. “I knew that this was just casual, I wanted that too, and then . . .” She faltered, glancing away, but then her expression hardened, and she met his gaze again, defiant. “I changed my mind. I started falling in love with you. If you’re going to blame me for anything, then fine, blame me for that.”
Her words landed between them, and Declan sagged back like he’d been hit.
“I told you . . .” He tried to speak, but his voice failed him.
I started falling in love with you.
Paige gave a rueful smile. “I know. Ask me no promises, and I’ll tell you no lies. Well, did you ever think that maybe the answer to that wasn’t keeping everyone at arm’s length?” She took a tentative half-step towards him. “Maybe the answer is you just keep your promise.”
He looked at her, torn. She made it sound so simple, like he could just make a choice, and have it all. Paige, at his side; in his bed; lighting up the sky with her laughter and brilliant smile.
But he wasn’t made that way. It wasn’t in his blood to stay. He was too much like his father in the end, ready to just pick up and move on to the next town.
The only difference was Declan refused to tear someone else’s life apart to pretend otherwise.
“No.” His answer came out harshly, and Paige froze in her tracks. Good. Maybe this was the only kindness he could do her: make her think she’d had a lucky escape. That he wasn’t worth the might-have-beens. “You got carried away, and sure, I get it, we had a good time.” Declan forced himself to continue, faking a casual tone. “But in a few days, you’ll realize this was just the hormones talking.” He flashed a hollow smile. “Nothing special, you’ll see.”
“Nothing special,” she echoed, looking stricken. “That’s how you really feel?”
No.
Everything in Declan’s body screamed at him to take it back. Tell her the truth, that he was crazy about her, that he’d never felt this way about anyone before. Ever since that first night on the beach when she’d kissed him out of nowhere and turned his whole world upside down, he’d been fighting for balance, a way to get some goddamn control back, but he didn’t want it, not anymore.
He just wanted her.
“Sorry to be blunt about it,” Declan lied, feeling like a worthless piece of trash. “But we’re both adults here. No hard feelings?”
“No.” Paige looked at him straight on. “Clearly, there are no feelings here at all.”
Her eyes filled with tears, but she didn’t stay for him to see her cry. She turned on her heel and walked away, leaving him there alone.
Damn.
Declan sank back against the wall and tried to tell himself he’d done the right thing. She’d thank him for it eventually, when she’d found some other man—the one who would give her everything and never make her cry.
So why did it feel like he’d just made the biggest mistake of his life?
Noise filtered back to him, laughter on the street nearby. The square was still full of people celebrating, with the music playing late into the night.
Declan shoved his hands in his pockets and started walking in the other direction.
It was over.
He just had to find a way to live with himself now.
20
Paige knew how to deal with a breakup; she’d played out the routine with her sister and friends enough times by now. First, the crying, then the ice cream, and finally the red wine, until she was tearfully reminding herself of all his flaws, and how she was better off without him.
But this wasn’t even a breakup, not really. It was just a casual fling, Declan had made that painfully clear, so Paige didn’t need to dignify it with the official consolation before moving on. After all, the store was busy, the bell charming merrily all day long, and she already had a waiting list of private clients lined up to commission exclusive, luxurious garments. Summer in Cape Cod was breezy and bright, with tourists lining the streets and beaches, and the ice cream parlor just a short hop across the street for a delicious afternoon treat.
She should be happy. She should have forgotten his name. She shouldn’t have still felt this sharp ache in her chest whenever she thought of Declan, looking for his broad shoulders and sea-rumpled hair on every street; thinking about his kiss every time she tasted chocolate.
“Paige, hi,” Summer greeted Paige at the door, looking surprised. It was poker night, hosted after hours at the charming bookstore Grayson owned, just off the Sweetbriar Square. Paige hadn’t planned on coming, but she couldn’t face another night at home alone.
“Sorry, is it OK for me to join?” she asked, feeling awkward. “Eliza said it was more the merrier.”
“Of course! Come on in, the guys are just picking up pizza, so we’re getting an early start on snacks. And gossip.”
“The perfect combination,” Paige quipped, following her inside to where card tables and chairs had been set out in the cozy back room. Eliza, Mackenzie, and Brooke were already digging into a tray of delicious looking dips and pouring wine.
Her sister glanced up, brightening when she saw Paige. “You made it,” she exclaimed, looking relieved. “Come, sit down, have some wine. Are you feeling OK?” she added, looking concerned.
“I’m fine.” Paige took a chair beside her. Eliza didn’t look convinced. “Really,” Paige insisted.
Mackenzie looked back and forth between them. “What did I miss?”
Paige shook her head. “It’s nothing, really.”
“A breakup isn’t nothing,” Eliza corrected her. “And if it was, you wouldn’t have been hiding away at your studio for weeks, working nonstop just to avoid him.”
There was a chorus of sympathetic murmurs.
Paige shook her head quickly. “It wasn’t a breakup,” she insisted. “We weren’t even together. We were just . . .”
Falling head over heels in a reckless, wild, passionate affair?
“. . . Hanging out,” she finished vaguely, but none of the other women there were fooled.
Mackenzie patted her arm. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m not,” Paige lied. “You all had it right from the start. He was a palate cleanser, that’s all. We never had a future, anyone could see.”
Except her.
The others exchanged a not-so-secret glance. “Who wants pretzels?” Summer asked loudly. “I’ve been experimenting with a new sweet and salty crust.”
“Me!” the answers chorused.
Paige bobbed up. “Restroom?”
“Just in the back.” Mackenzie pointed.
Paige slipped away. She knew they would be gossiping about her while she was gone, and everything that had happened with Declan, and she wasn’t sure what was worse: that her friends would be wincing in sympathy at all her bad choices, or that if it had been anyone else, she would have been wincing right along with them, too.
Of course it hadn’t ended well.
Of course she should have seen the signs, and not let herself get attached.
Of course the wild thrill of it had disapp
eared into thin air, like a sugar rush wearing off to leave nothing but an empty headache in its wake.
But looking back, Paige still didn’t think she would have done it any other way. She’d gone over it a hundred times, trying to see the moment where it had all gone wrong. When she could have walked away instead of kissing him, or kept her heart protected instead of opening up.
But every time, she couldn’t help but smile remembering the rush of excitement, the thrill of freedom in his arms. How could she trade that for anything, even if it hurt so much more to lose him now?
She detoured to the tiny kitchen to rinse her hands and found Eliza there getting some ice.
“Sorry to put you on the spot back there,” her sister said. “I’ve just been worried, I’ve barely seen you. You’re like a hermit in that studio.”
“I’ve been out,” Paige protested.
“For like five minutes,” Eliza corrected her. “You show up, have one drink, and don’t say a word about how you’ve been. I figured you needed some time to yourself, I didn’t want to push you . . .”
“So what changed your mind?” Paige asked, only half-kidding.
Eliza grinned. She came up behind her and squeezed her in a hug. “I figured the mourning period should be over by now. You didn’t even know him that well, just a few weeks.”
Paige swallowed. Her sister was right and wrong. It had been fast, but she did know Declan—well enough to miss him, anyway. “I’ll be fine,” she said again. “It’s why I came out tonight, for some distraction, so I don’t go over it in my head again.”
“Message received,” Eliza vowed. “Come on. Poppy’s skipping this one, so the game’s wide open. When she’s playing, none of us stand a chance.”
They headed back to the table, where the others seemed to be talking about weddings. “We might just elope,” Brooke was saying.
“Are you kidding me?” Eliza exclaimed. “You have a reputation as the best wedding planner on the coast.”
“Exactly,” Brooke said, looking amused. “Everyone will expect something crazy and extravagant, and that’s not me. Or Riley.”
“So compromise. Something small and elegant, like you,” Summer suggested.
Brooke laughed. “I won’t stay small much longer unless you move those pretzels,” she said, nudging the bowl away. Then she paused and looked over at Paige. “Shoot, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be talking about this stuff.”
“Why?” Paige blinked. “Because of me? Please, don’t worry. It’s nice,” she added, “knowing there are happily-ever-afters out there.”
Brooke gave her a sympathetic smile. “Well, let me know when you’re dating again, I might have someone for you.”
“Who?” the others all demanded at once—and then laughed.
Brooke grinned. “The new landscape gardener at the hotel. He’s all hunky and rugged, and he has a magic touch with the roses. Just say the word,” she added to Paige. “I think you’ll get along. He’s the strong silent type.”
“Thanks.” Paige managed a smile. “But it might be a while.”
The conversation moved on, but Paige sat there, thrown. The thought of moving on with someone else was jarring. She couldn’t imagine getting excited for a date, or breathless over a first kiss, with anyone but Declan.
But she would have to, eventually.
And so would he.
Paige almost choked on a pretzel.
“Are you OK?” Eliza asked, pounding on her back.
Paige nodded and grabbed a bottle of water to gulp, but it didn’t make the thought go down any easier.
Declan, with somebody new. Or, knowing him, more than one somebody.
She’d refused to even think of it these past weeks, but she couldn’t avoid it any more.
He was going to move on, if he hadn’t already.
And suddenly, Paige realized she was going to need all that ice cream and red wine after all. Because her heart felt thoroughly, truly broken.
She swallowed. “You, know, I think I’m going to head home,” she said quietly.
“What?” Eliza’s head snapped up. “Why?”
“I . . . don’t feel so great. I think I have a headache coming on. Or maybe it was something I ate.” Paige scraped back her chair and quickly grabbed her bag. “Sorry, I’ll see you guys soon. Have fun tonight!”
She bolted for the door before they could protest. She was being rude, she knew, and making a scene, but she was about three minutes away from breaking down in tears, and she couldn’t bear to see the pity on their faces when she did.
“Paige, wait!” Her sister hurried after her and caught her arm, just as Paige opened the door.
And came face-to-face with Declan.
She froze.
“Paige, hey.” It wasn’t Declan’s voice that came, but Cal and Riley, right behind him, with pizza boxes and beer stacked in their arms. “Are you guys all set up?” Riley asked, pushing past Declan. “The food took forever, but we’re ready to deal some cards and whip your asses.”
They headed past her, inside, and she heard the voices of welcome behind her. But Declan just stood there, frozen in the doorway, close enough to touch.
Damn, he looked good.
His hair was growing out again, damp from the shower and falling into his eyes. Paige felt her heart ache in her chest, just being so close to him again. She could even smell him, that scent of salt water and cinnamon, and just one breath took her back to their nights together, the dizzying rush of freedom and pure desire.
“Paige . . .” Declan finally spoke, and the awkward expression on his face was too much to take.
Oh God, he was going to be polite now, and friendly, and ask how she was doing like just a few weeks ago she hadn’t been gasping in his arms, begging for more.
Paige couldn’t take pretending. Not now.
She pushed past him and bolted up the path. The gate stuck on its hinges, and she had to yank it hard to open, but then she was out, sprinting down the street to where she’d parked. She flung herself inside, tears already blurring her eyes.
She heard the passenger door open, and for one single heartbeat, she thought it might be him. Then her sister climbed in, and Paige fell apart, for real this time.
“I’m sorry,” she hiccupped through the sobs.
“What do you have to be sorry for?” Eliza took her hand and squeezed it tightly.
“I don’t know,” Paige sniffed. “For causing a scene back there and embarrassing you in front of all of your friends.”
“Fuck making a scene,” Eliza said, and Paige turned in surprise. “And they’re your friends, too,” she added. “But if you need some space, I get it. Let’s go back to your place and break open the emergency supplies. Rocky Road or Salted Caramel? Wait, what am I saying?” Eliza corrected herself before Paige could even reply. “This is definitely a two-flavor kind of breakup.”
“But what about poker night?” Paige asked. “I know you were looking forward to it.”
“We’ll play next month. I always lose anyway,” Eliza added. “You know I have a terrible poker face. I can’t keep my feelings to myself.”
“True.” Paige hiccupped a laugh between the tears. “Thank you,” she whispered softly, and Eliza squeezed her hand again.
“What are sisters for?”
* * *
Back at Paige’s apartment, they emptied the freezer and climbed into bed together, snuggling under the covers, watching old episodes of Golden Girls on Paige’s laptop.
“Maybe that will be me,” she said, digging deeper into the tub of ice cream. “Maybe I’ll wind up single at sixty-five, the most eligible woman in the retirement community. That wouldn’t be so bad.”
“Nope.” Eliza shook her head vigorously. “You’ll be sitting on the porch, surrounded by grandkids, wishing you had some space of your own.”
Paige swallowed back a pang.
“You’ll find someone,” Eliza added, her voice softening. “I know this thing with Decl
an threw you, but you have so much love to give. You just need to find the right man who deserves it.”
She began to tear up again. “It wasn’t just a fling . . .” Paige stirred the melting mess. “I mean, it was to him, but I really fell. Hard. I’ve never felt like that before,” she said, admitting it out loud for the first time. “When we were together . . . I wasn’t boring, I didn’t play it safe, I felt . . . like I could do anything.”
“You’re not boring,” Eliza said firmly.
“No, but . . . I care too much about what people will think of me,” Paige said with a rueful smile. “I worry about keeping the peace and having everyone like me. Why do you think I kept my designs a secret for so long?”
“Because drippy Doug acted like you should be ashamed of them.” Eliza scowled.
“And I let him.” Paige sighed. “Declan was the first guy to look at me and not see some nice, polite woman who would send thank-you notes and always remember to bring a cardigan. He pushed me to be adventurous and follow my gut, and now . . .” She swallowed back the ache that threatened to consume her. “Now that I know what it feels like to have that, have somebody who challenges you, and makes you feel like you can do anything . . . I don’t know how I can go back to the way it was before.”
“So don’t go back,” Eliza said, putting an arm around her shoulders. “Be brave and bold on your own. Find another man like Declan who can make you feel the same way.”
“There’s nobody like Declan,” Paige said quietly, and she rested her head against Eliza. “That’s the problem. He’s one of a kind.”
“And so are you. And if he’s too dumb to see that for himself, then he’s not as perfect as you think. If fact, that’s pretty much a dealbreaker.”
Paige had to smile at Eliza’s fierce tone, as if she were about to go bang on Declan’s door and tell him to his face that he no longer measured up. “It’s not like that,” she sighed again, wistful this time. “He was honest from the beginning about what he wanted. I guess . . . I guess I just thought he might change his mind, like I did.”
“His loss,” Eliza said, but Paige knew that wasn’t the whole story. Because she’d lost him, too.
