I feel like I might whimper. I feel the pull from the bottom of my belly. His tongue flicks out teasing the path he just trailed with his finger. I gasp in surprise. My shaky hand lifts to wrap his wrist.
He pulls away, caressing my cheek again. I want to follow after him and feel his lips on mine, but I’m too stunned to act.
“That’s what’s missing, Kaye. That feeling should be in your books,” he whispers.
I drop my eyes feeling silly. He’s only trying to help me with my writing. I swallow hard, hoping to get my pride out of my throat.
“Oh,” I say so softly I don’t think he hears it.
“Tell me one thing,” he rasps. “Is it a religious choice? Are you waiting for marriage?”
My eyes lift as I blink at him in confusion, not understanding the question. My brows knit deeply. Then it hits me. I burst into laughter and shake my head at him.
“No. I’ve just always—” I cutoff, pulling my lip back into my mouth.
I can’t say it. I can’t tell him that I’ve always had a crush on him. I’ve always wished that he would be my first everything. I know it’s a big dream and I need to get real and get over it. I just don’t know how. I haven’t dated since I’ve been here in New York and it’s been over two years now.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen. I…I want more. I want to be in a relationship that’s passionat—.
The words aren’t fully out of my mouth before his hand is locked in the nape of my hair, dragging me to him. I’m straddling his lap in the blink of an eye. Felix captures my lips like a starving man.
It’s like an explosion happens in tummy. I feel his kiss in my toes. He’s gentle, yet, passionate. He uses his lips to teach mine. The groan that comes from him vibrates throughout my entire body.
I snap out of shock and push my fingers into his hair, tangling them in his silky locks. His tongue flicks against my lips, this time it’s like a request for entry. I open to him, allowing him access to me.
I moan as the taste of his tongue against mine strips me of my sanity. I start to grind against his lap. His right hand goes to my backside, grabbing a firm hold to halt me. He doesn’t stop the kiss though.
When my hips still, his hand goes to the bare skin of my thigh at the hem of my shirt. I whimper this time, in plea for him to touch me more. I love his kisses, but I need more. I want so much more.
I feel the slickness that starts between my legs. Yet, he continues to keep his hand still. Only flexing his fingers a bit here and there. All while his mouth does the exact opposite. He devours my mouth as if his life depends on it.
His teeth nip my lip and tug, pulling a groan from my throat. It stings but feels so good at the same time. I feel the weight of my hair hitting my shoulders and pull away to look at him.
“You’re so gorgeous. Tell me now if you want me to stop, baby. Once I start this lesson you can’t unlearn what I teach you and you’ll never be the same,” he says harshly.
I cup the sides of his face, pulling his lips to mine. I need his mouth on mine. I mimic the flick of his tongue against my lips. Felix groans. In the next motion I’m on my back, he’s now straddling me.
He hovers over me looking down, with so much lust in his face. My body is humming beneath him. Dipping his head he kisses my lips quickly but pulls away to look down at me again.
He palms one of my breasts over my t-shirt and I nearly lift off the bed. My nipples are so hard beneath the fabric. I clench my thighs together, squirming beneath him. Felix watches my face as he kneads the mound, teasing the tight bud between his fingers.
“Mama, Mama,” I close my eyes as Dae-Dae’s voice pierces the air.
My hands cover my face and I growl in frustration. Not with my nephew but my life. Timing has never been on my side. Felix climbs off of me, but when I rise to go tend to Dae-Dae, he leans in to kiss my forehead.
“I got it,” he says with a sexy smile.
* * *
Felix
I’m grateful for the interruption. I was about to do something stupid. I want more than a quick fuck with Kaye. What I want we’d need time and patience for.
I want her. I want to be the one that gives her that passion she wants to expose. Now that I know the feeling is definitely mutual I’m not backing down, but I’m going to go about this my way. I care about her. I want more than a quick lesson in lust for her.
I push aside all thoughts of where things were going as I stop outside Dae-Dae’s door. Reaching down, I adjust myself. My head falls back and I blow out a breath.
When I push my way into the room, I find Dashawn sitting up in bed rubbing at his eyes sleepily. When he see me entering his room his eyes light up. He leaps from the bed headed for me.
“Lix!” he squeals.
I find it so cute that the kid’s version of my name is Lix. First time he called me that my chest swelled with so much pride and love. Like now.
I scoop him up into my arms and give him a bear hug. His arms go around my neck and he holds on tight.
I’ve been making it to New York more often. Dashawn asks after me a lot more. I don’t like the thought of disappointing him. When he asks, I’m usually on the plane heading this way.
I appreciate everything my cousins are doing so I can make sure this little guy and his aunt are happy. Logan may have told Wyatt, but the rest of my family still doesn’t know what I’ve been up to in the last two years. I prefer it that way for now.
I smile and kiss his cheek. Someday, he won’t have to ask for me to come to him. We’ll all be in the same place. I’ll be patient, but I know it’s going to happen. I decided that the moment my lips touched Kaye’s.
“Lix, you here. Go to park?” he says excitedly.
“Not now, buddy,” I laugh. “It’s still night time. You should be sleeping.”
He makes a sad frown, pulling the perfect pout. He looks just like Danny and Kaye when they were little. I’ve noted a few times before how he looks nothing like his birth mother.
The Porters have some strong genes. I think of Kaye and wonder what our children will look like. I laugh at my own thoughts.
I can’t see me as a father and I couldn’t imagine my brothers as Uncles. Fuck, I hope if I have kids they are all boys. With our luck, we’ll all have a bunch of girls.
“Dae-Dae, let’s hope karma doesn’t come for me or your uncles back home,” I say, sitting on his bed.
“Pop-pop,” he says ignoring my words.
“No lollipops tonight. You need to get back in bed and go night-night,” I say.
He gives me more of that pout. I swear he’s too adorable. If this weren’t New York City, I’d get him dressed and take him to the park now. This time of night there’s no telling what he might see in the parks around here.
“I’ll have to get us a house with a playset,” I think aloud.
“Book, Lix. Come sleep with me and read book,” he replies, hopping off my lap to get his favorite bedtime story.
I figured I’d be in for the long haul. He’s spoiled. Kaye never should have let him sleep in her bed for so long. Now she’s been fighting to get him out of her bed and into his own. When she does get him in here, he usually tries to keep her with him.
Honestly, I don’t mind. If I’m in here, I can’t be in Kaye’s room getting lost in that delicious body of hers. She was on the verge of driving me insane when she was rocking those hips into me. Her lips taste like all that’s good in the world.
I mentally shake those thoughts clear as I get comfortable on Dashawn’s racecar bed with him. Placing my back to the headboard and bringing my knees up, I pull him into my side to start reading. He’s fast asleep before I flip the first page.
Closing the book, I sit to think while combing a hand through his thick curls. This little dude can snore. I crack up to myself as the sound rises.
This could be my life. I could help Kaye raise Dashawn. It’s already like we’re a little family. There isn’t a night that goes by that I don
’t call to check in and talk to them both.
I know that ‘See Lix’ means the little guy wants to see me. I know when Kaye gets that look in her eyes she misses me, but she won’t ask for me to come to them.
I instinctively know it’s when she needs me. Whether just to talk, or to have me around as someone familiar from back home, I watch for it, I know that look of need. I respond every time.
I want to be Kaye’s man. I have no questions about that. Dashawn comes with that. So be it, I’m game.
Maybe there’s a father in me yet.
Chapter 13
Tension
Kaye
“No, Lix. No eat my bacon,” Dae-Dae giggles as Felix pretends to eat from Dashawn’s plate.
“Then you better eat up so we can go to the park,” Felix replies.
I love the smiles on their faces. Dashawn is always so happy to see Felix. That’s important to me. It’s one of the reasons I’m sort of happy things ended the way they did last night.
I waited for Felix to return last night. Once my head was clear I wanted to talk to him about what happened. I care about our friendship and I don’t want to ruin it because I’m sex deprived and thirsty.
I’m not sure what I was thinking last night. Probably that my first kiss ever was so hot I soaked through my panties. I was so embarrassed when he left the room and I found my underwear drenched.
I rushed to shave my legs and change my underwear before he returned. I listened for him to come back while I was in the bathroom. I never heard him.
I sat and waited, chewing on the pad of my thumb but he still didn’t come back. After a while, I walked down the hallway to see what happened. I found Felix and Dae-Dae asleep in Dae-Dae’s little bed.
My handsome men.
The thought floated through my head bringing with it a dose of reality. I want something that I don’t know for sure I can have. Sex is sex. I mean, Felix did ask if I was waiting for marriage.
That can only mean that he’s only willing to give me a one night stand. Right? I went back to my room conflicted and unable to go to sleep. On one hand, I want all that he offered last night, but at what cost?
My mind started to circle so many thoughts. Would this ruin our friendship? Would this live up to all of my fantasies?
Craziest of all, would I feel like a kept woman once I allowed him to have my body? I know I don’t make nearly enough money to cover the rent here. The money I make barely covers little things for me and an occasional treat for Dae-Dae.
Yet, we want for nothing. Logan and Brooklyn come through here like Santa Clause, dropping off designer clothes and gifts for Dae-Dae. I’ve never seen my refrigerator empty. Connie or Jamie always have grocery bags hanging from their hands when they come by.
I’ve never thought twice about it before. I’m so grateful for it. What if I jeopardize Dae-Dae’s security because I’m thinking from my flesh? I would make all the things my father said about me true.
Honestly, lately I’ve been feeling more and more like I need to become more independent. I’ve been questioning what I’m doing with my life. Once Dae-Dae is old enough go to daycare I want to know I have more than my little job with the O’Briens.
Eventually, my thoughts got so tangled and out of control, I went back to working on my book. This time I felt like the characters came to life in a new way. I started to see chemistry form between them as images of Felix hovering over me flashed in my head. My fingers flew across the keys as I turned a single kiss into magical words.
For the first time, I had a kiss on the pages worth the read. Then I lost steam. I was almost tempted to watch some porn to see if I could at least fake my way through the rest. As I typed the words into the search engine, I quickly changed my mind and deleted it. That’s not how I want to learn.
“Where are you?” Felix says next to my ear causing me to jump.
I’m so lost in my own head I hadn’t noticed him leaning over towards me. I’ve been avoiding getting too close to him all morning. I can’t even bring myself to making eye contact with him.
“Mama go to park?” Dae-Dae saves me from having to answer Felix.
“No, sweetie. I think I need to stay here and get some things done. I’ll have lunch waiting for you guys when you get back,” I answer.
“Peanut butter jelly,” he squeals.
Felix and I laugh at his excitement for a simple sandwich. I had planned on something else, but I can’t deny that face. Peanut butter and jelly it will be.
“We’re making it easy on you,” Felix says.
“Sure you are. Should I cut your crust off too,” I tease to keep things light.
“Nope, I can handle a little crust on my sandwich. I do want milk though. It does the body good,” he replies, his words dripping with insinuation.
My eyes drop to my plate. I pick at the pancakes that I can’t finish because my stomach is in knots. I don’t have a comeback.
“I want swing, Lix,” Dae-Dae saves me again.
“We’re going to go as soon as you finish your breakfast. Just a little more and we can leave,” Felix says.
“Okay,” Dae-Dae pouts, but starts to finish his food.
I know he’s excited. Normally, this little boy would scruff down his food and ask for seconds. The smile on his face speaks volumes.
“So who’s idea was it for you guys to dress alike,” I giggle.
“It was a mutual decision. We were on the same page this morning. Great minds think alike,” Felix smiles.
“Cute.”
“Glad you like it. We aim to please,” he purrs.
My eyes flicker to his and I freeze for a second. He has that watchful gaze in place. I’m not ready for my thoughts to be seen. I’m still too conflicted.
I stand to take my plate into the kitchen. I place the plate in the sink and run my hands over my hair. I tug at my messy bun.
I’m startled for the second time when Felix appears placing his and Dae-Dae’s plates in the sink. He’s standing so close. His cologne engulfs me. I look up at him to find him studying me again.
“You okay?” he asks.
“Yeah, sure,” I reply.
He narrows his eyes, causing me to fidget with my tank top. I force a smile and turn to take care of the dishes. He bumps me with his hip.
“I got those,” he says.
“Thanks.”
“Did you get any writing done since last night?” he asks.
“Yeah, I did. I think I have something good,” I reply.
He turns to me with a cracked smile. My chest expands at the sight of it. He has the most gorgeous smile.
Turning the sink off, he turns to me. His eyes drop to my lips. I shift from foot to foot before him.
“So you pulled from our inspiration,” he rumbles low.
“I—”
“Lix, I ready,” Dae-Dae calls as he barrels into the kitchen.
Felix nods at something in his head, but doesn’t say a word. I watch as he backs away keeping his eyes on me. Once he reaches Dae-Dae, he gives me one last once over before he turns and leaves.
Once they are out of the door I groan and slap myself on the forehead a few times. I’m not that girl. I don’t think I can just have sex with Felix once and walk away. I need more, but I don’t think that’s an option.
Chapter 14
For Keeps
Kaye
I’m still in my feelings when Felix and Dae-Dae return for lunch. I’ve turned this over in my head every which way and I haven’t come up with a solution to make it right. I’ve opened Pandora’s box and now I don’t know how to shut it.
“Later, Mama,” Dae-Dae squeals grabbing my attention.
I look up from the dishes I’m washing to see him in Dylan’s arms. My brows knit. They returned from the park with Dylan along with them.
I thought we were going to hang out around the house and chill today. It’s what we usually do on Saturdays when Felix comes. We’ve sort of fallen into the habit.
Now, Dylan and Dae-Dae are bouncing out of the apartment, my nephew with a big grin on his little face as he waves. I turn to my side to look up at Felix questioningly. What I find is that heated look from last night.
I hear the front door close, but I’m frozen in place and can’t turn to see if they have left out of the door for certain. Felix reaches over me to turn off the faucet. I turn to face him and his arms going on either side of me to cage me in as he grasps the edges of the sink.
“We’re going to have a talk,” he says.
“Oh, okay,” I reply looking up at him.
“I could tell this morning at breakfast that you got this all fucked up in your head,” he continues.
My feelings are totally crushed. I knew it. I knew it was only a one night thing. All of that overthinking for nothing.
Reach for the stars and get burned, Kaye.
I place a hand on his chest to push him back. I don’t want him to see into my disappointed eyes. I need space. I need a moment to collect myself.
“Kaye,” he says my name like a warm caress. On the verge of tears, I look up into those eyes. “What do you think happened last night?”
“I’m sorry. I read too much into it. You were just trying to help me with my books. That’s all it was. I understand,” I reply.
He ducks his head until we are eye to eye. I can feel his warm breath fanning my lips. I want to breathe him in like I did last night. I feel that pull from deep within all over again.
“Who told you you’re reading too much?” He nods his head in my direction with his words.
“I—”
“Nope, baby,” he cutoffs me off.
I frown. He doesn’t even know what I was going to say. I pout and fold my arms over my chest. His eyes drop down to the tops of my squished breasts. His tongue peeks out to wet his lips. When his eyes lift back to mine they’re scorching with heat.
Brothers Black 5: Felix the Watch Page 8
