by Meris Lee
“Who knew we could become friends?” said Wolfe.
“Who knew?” said Elias, with a shrug.
Wolfe gazed at Elias for another minute. And then he was gone.
»»•««
“Mr. Wolfe’s a good man,” said Helen as Elias came through the door.
“I might miss him.” Elias plopped down on the sofa next to her stepmother.
“Did you miss me in Alaska?”
“Every day.”
Helen sniffled, her eyes reddened. “Am I not a good enough mother for you?”
“What?”
“Am I not a good enough mother?”
“Good enough mother?” cried Elias. “You’re the best mom ever.”
“Then why did you leave?”
“I told you already.”
“You’re grown.” Helen dabbed her eyes with a tissue. “I can’t tie you down. You’re free like a bird. I just sometimes wish you’d consider me before you do certain things… Because I’m always thinking of you. My cousin in Philadelphia’s been asking me to move back. My whole family’s up north, and I’m the only one down here. After you’d been gone three months and I thought I’d never see you again, I decided to take up on my cousin’s offer. I got this house listed, and I started packing.”
“Our house is on the market?”
“Not anymore,” said Helen. “I changed my mind after two days, and I called the whole thing off. I didn’t want you to come home and see some stranger open the door. This house was my only hope of ever seeing you again.”
“I’m so sorry.” Elias threw her arms around Helen. “I’m such a troublemaker. I don’t deserve you.”
“Child, trouble follows you, but you’re no trouble to me. You’re my daughter, and I’m your mom, and that’s that.”
With her head on Helen’s warm chest, Elias was content for the first time since her world upended that fateful day seventeen years ago. After she endured pain and suffering for nearly two decades, she finally had her head above water and could breathe again.
“I almost forgot.” Helen separated herself from Elias and went to the kitchen. She fumbled in a drawer until she retrieved a yellow envelope. She handed it to Elias. “This was delivered while you were gone.”
“What is it?” Elias looked at the front of the envelope which stated she was the intended recipient. There was no return address.
“Open it.” Helen handed Elias a letter opener.
Elias did and removed a letter and another smaller, blue envelope. She read out loud the letter first.
“Dear Elias, it must be a surprise to hear from us again after so many years. I admit I couldn’t forgive you for what you did. You killed my daughter…”
Elias glanced at the byline below and realized the letter was from Ce’Rainitee’s mother. She felt like she’d been punched in the heart again seeing those words: You killed my daughter.
“My goodness,” said Helen. “What do they want? Give me the letter. You don’t need this abuse. You’ve served your time for that accident.”
“No,” said Elias. “It’s okay. Let me read the rest of it.”
“Fine, I can’t believe that woman. I had considered her a friend.”
“I’ll read this alone.” Elias got up and took the letter and the blue envelope to her room despite Helen’s protest. She sat down on her bed, inhaled deeply, and exhaled before she resumed.
Ce’Rainitee became mute and wouldn’t say anything. She was so depressed. Her father and I decided to move to California after you were sentenced, hoping the new place and new friends would help. It didn’t. Ce’Rainitee cut her wrist and ended up in the hospital…
Elias’s heart sank. Her old best friend had suffered, too. She should’ve guessed that her absence was her parents’ call.
Ce’Rainitee became lost in her own world. My singing, dancing, laughing angel was murdered the same time you took Heavenly’s life. I was so mad at you. I still am.
We tried to take care of Ce’Rainitee at home, but she kept going back to the hospital because she kept trying to kill herself. It breaks my heart to write this. She succeeded in May. I will not give you the details because I can’t bear to live through it again.
Elias’s eyes burned as her tears came down stinging and hot. Ce’Rainitee was dead? She couldn’t believe it. In the bottom of her heart, she still had a slight hope that someday, she and her childhood pal would see each other again. No one else would know their secret, and that secret would bond them forever.
I found this blue envelope when I was cleaning out her things. She must have written it to you years ago but was too sick to send it. She had moments when she was lucid and could watch TV or listen to music, and she must have written this letter during one of those moments. I wanted to burn it because I didn’t think you deserve any communication from Ce’Rainitee when her father and I had not gotten a single word out of her. But in the end, we decided to honor our daughter’s wish and let you have it. It’s the only thing we could do for her. We’re going to try and move on, and find peace, if we can.
The letter ended there. Elias stared at the other envelope for a long time before she broke its seal. This was the first time since the accident she heard from Ce’Rainitee. She had imagined their reunion to be a joyous one, catching up with each other’s personal lives even though she hadn’t much of one herself being incarcerated—she was hoping her friend’s would be colorful, with a husband and three kids and some exotic job like zoo keeping. But no, this was the reunion, a little blue envelope containing a single letter from the dead.
Elias, my dearest, sweetest, most devoted best friend in the whole world,
I am so very sorry I got you landed in prison. How could I ever repay you? You may be right you got a less severe sentence than I would have gotten, but still, I can’t bear to watch you being locked up for twenty years. It’s not right. I can’t be living like I was without a care in the world when I know you’re being punished for my sin. I’m so disgusted with myself, and I want to die. I’ve wanted to tell Mom and Dad what happened, but every time I try to say it the words just wouldn’t come. Most days I lie in bed thinking of you until I fall asleep, dreaming about you being shoved around and beat up in prison and crying for my help but I couldn’t do anything because I’m a coward. Dad has to spoon feed me, and Mom has to bathe me, and I don’t know what’s going on. But today is a good day. Today I feel alive somehow, and I found a pen and paper in the kitchen to write you a letter. I want you to know how much I miss you. I wish I had told the truth so they’d lock me up instead of you. I don’t think they would give me life or send me to death. It was an accident. But even if they did, I would feel a whole lot better than what I’m feeling as I write you this letter. I feel like worthless scum, and I don’t deserve to live. If I’m going to die anyway, I’d rather die honorably by admitting guilt and freeing you from prison.
Yes, that’s what I must do. I will write Mom a letter and tell her the truth as soon as I get this one sealed up. Hopefully, you will get out of prison soon, and we get to see each other a few times before I have to get locked up myself. I have not visited you at all because of my weak mind, but you’re a strong person, and I hope you will come and visit me, even on execution day. I love you.
Your most humble friend, who doesn’t deserve you,
Ce’Rainitee
Elias collapsed onto her pillow with the letter in her chest. Ce’Rainitee, too ill to speak up, had not deserted her at all. She should’ve never doubted their friendship. She blamed herself for losing faith. She felt awful she wasn’t around when Ce’Rainitee most needed her. She took the blame for the accident to save her friend, but she failed anyway. She turned on her back and stared at the ceiling, trying to see through it to the heavens where her old pal must be now. “Forgive me, Ce’Rainitee,” Elias mumbled as she sobbed. “You’re my true friend.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Ce’Rainitee’s death hung like a dark, stormy cloud in Eli
as’s thoughts for weeks. Fall in Texas was beautiful with clear skies and a temperate sun, but Elias did not have the mind to enjoy it. Officer Paige removed her ankle monitor and largely left her alone. Helen got her a volunteer position at the kitchen of a homeless shelter so she could cook and pass the time. She took to sitting on the bench by the bus stop in front of the neighborhood clinic and watching the construction across from it, with the excavators and dump trucks rolling in and out, people in bright yellow vests and white hard hats climbing up and down structures and lunching on the barbeque man’s meats and potatoes. There on the bench, she would think of Ce’Rainitee first, and then Sam, praying he was getting better, wishing he’d still remember her when he recovered if he could recover at all.
From her phone conversation with Katy, she knew Andy had attempted to contact Sam’s parents in Atlanta, but they had not responded at all. Elias thought about reaching out to Victoria, but for some reason could never find the courage to do so. Sam did let go of her when he heard about her crime at the potlatch, and she was sure he wouldn’t want to have anything to do with her if and when he regained his health. She decided to let that chapter close like Ce’Rainitee’s had. She ought to focus on Helen. She ought to focus on what was in her life right now, her new, relative freedom to do things as she saw fit. There on the bench, she contemplated what she’d do with her life. Should she get a job? Would anyone hire her? She’d love to cook for a living. She thought about clearing her name with Ce’Rainitee’s letter now that her old friend was dead, but she didn’t want to reopen that wound and live through the trauma again. She was used to being a former felon, and she would make do with that. She was lonely, too. Should she make some friends? She had not connected with anyone she met at Helen’s church or at the homeless shelter, but life was long, and, surely there was much more to her life than what was going on right now.
»»•««
A four-story building was erected at the construction site over the winter, and by spring it had established a rather modern and stylish look. When summer arrived, the retail condominium was ready for lease, and Elias had never seen such clean and beautiful storefronts in her neighborhood. A national coffee-chain set up shop, and franchised restaurants opened up. Newcomers began to fill up the residential units as well.
“The rent is too high,” Eloise complained to Queenie one day while they were both getting their hair done at Helen’s house. Queenie had been hired as an associate to work in the property leasing office.
“We take housing vouchers.” Queenie sipped on her iced sweet tea. “It’s supposed to be mixed-income. I brought some brochures.” She reached into her purse and retrieved a stack of colorful paper. “There’s something about grants for business start-ups.”
Elias’s ears perked up. “What’s that?”
“They give you money to start your own business,” said Queenie. “The barbeque man’s getting his very own restaurant.”
Elias’s mind began to churn. She had once again applied to several jobs from cooking in fast food restaurants to janitorial positions in schools and cashiering in dollar stores, but no one called her in for an interview. Since no one would hire her, maybe she could hire herself?
Later that day, she went to the local library and began to research on opening her own catering business. She soon began to envision all sorts of possibilities in her head. She looked up the business grants, and right there in the library, she applied for one online. She could feel her heart bounce from excited anticipation, but she tried to talk herself down. With her luck so far in life, she shouldn’t get her hopes up.
But the application went through, and she was asked to submit a business plan. That entailed further research and a series of sleepless nights during which she buried her head in those thick books that the librarian picked out of dusty shelves and piled on her arms, demanding her to create something that would make the librarian, and the neighborhood, proud.
“Do you think I could do it?” Elias asked Helen one night after dinner. “I didn’t go to college. I don’t know anything about running a business. What if I fail?”
“Then you get on up and try again,” said Helen. “I believe in you, child.”
Elias was encouraged by Helen and all the people she talked to in the community. She drew up her business plan. She would prepare classic southern dishes with an haute cuisine twist and sell to events such as birthdays, anniversaries, and weddings. She laid out her menu with the cost of every item and how much she would charge for it. She planned to have one employee in the beginning. On and on, she typed out the details of her business, knowing she would have to modify them as she went.
Her catering business became a reality in the fall, a year after she came home from Alaska. She was able to secure a space in the new retail condo and outfit it into a commercial kitchen using the grant money. There was a small lobby for guests to taste samples and discuss services desired. She hired a homeless woman who helped her at the kitchen in the shelter. Helen and Eloise volunteered to help with marketing. The first customer turned out to be Big Ray, who invited practically everyone from the neighborhood to celebrate his tenth wedding anniversary in a community center. Big Ray’s wife loved the chicken chasseur served on a plate of collard greens, claiming it was the best dish in her entire life, and greens were her specialty, too. Elias’s fame grew from there, and so did her business. She made friends with the florists, the photographers, the disc jockeys, and the special occasion dress shop owners. They all referred clients to one another and collaborated to produce entertaining parties. Elias had been worried about failure, but she became so busy with orders she hardly had time to sleep. Helping Mr. Mason keep the books paid off after all, and looking back she realized that Mr. Mason had been a valuable mentor to her not only in the art of cooking itself but also in running a business and in living a balanced life.
Elias had an opportunity to expand her business a few months later, but she remembered Mr. Mason’s words, how his career had taken over his life. She also remembered those fishermen on F/V Sardinia. They seemed to be shackled to the act of making money with resentment. She didn’t want that. To have the time to enjoy the money she made, she would keep her business small.
She took Helen on vacation, and they spent a week on the Gulf Coast, Padre Island National Seashore, for the first time in their lives. It was more beautiful than they imagined. Walking in the quiet of the never-ending expanse of white sand, with the glittering, ultramarine ocean stretching to the horizon under the cloudless, cerulean sky of Texas, Elias reached the conclusion that life was good. Although there were still two empty holes in her heart where Ce’Rainitee and Sam used to be, she was content.
»»•««
One night, Elias dreamed of walking alone on the rocky shore of Kageet Point at the foot of Mt. St. Elias. She heard someone calling her name and looked out toward the ocean. There on the calm green sea, a man was paddling his kayak among pieces of floating blue ice. As he came near, Elias saw that it was Sam. She stepped into the water, and the wind began to whirl around her. She looked down and was amazed to see the scalloped lace chapel train behind her. Sam left the kayak and walked to her, pulled her close and whispered her name. Elias was overwhelmed by joy. She kissed him just as Helen’s voice began to call.
“Elias, there’s someone here to see you,” Helen shouted from the other side of her bedroom door.
Elias sprang from her bed. Her head was heavy, confused. She wanted to go back to the dream, back to Sam.
“Did you hear me?” Helen knocked on the door. “I’m late for a doctor’s appointment, so I’m leaving now. You hear me? There’s someone here—”
“Yes, go. I’ll be right out.”
Elias shook her head. She was back in reality. Her fingers trembled as she buttoned her shirt and quickly brushed her hair. The sun was up, but it was her day off, and she’d planned to sleep in. She was somewhat annoyed. She had made it clear the only place she would conduct business was
at her store in the retail condo, but people, especially those whom she’d known since childhood, kept coming to her house instead.
She opened her bedroom door and sauntered to the living room. “How about we make an appointment to meet at the shop tomorrow—”
Elias stopped mid-sentence and gasped. There, standing by the front door, was Samuel Collins, holding onto a cane with one hand and a bouquet of flowers with the other, the grandest smile on his face, and the same regal look in his eyes she saw that moonlit night in Kennecott. Her heart came to a complete stop for a moment before it was electrified back to life and began to prance around in her chest. Now she was not just content. Now she was euphoric. Sam seemed to have regained his health, and that alone was enough to take her breath away. Speechless, she beamed at him as he made his way toward her, pulling her into his arms and bringing her lips to his.
About the Author
Meris Lee was born in Taiwan and moved to the United States as a teenager. An avid explorer and public radio listener, Lee writes contemporary love stories in which the characters struggle with difficult social circumstances that could affect each and every one of us.
Hartwood Publishing delights in introducing authors and stories that open eyes, encourage thought, and resonate in the hearts of our readers.
