by Gaja J. Kos
“And as glorious as his ideas sounded, the reality is, in truth, much darker. And not nearly as simple as a goddess coming into her power. Because this energy, it isn’t some predetermined bullshit, some act of faith… It comes from chaos. I’m the bloody embodiment of something that shouldn’t exist, but does. The product of an impossible coupling.”
Katja watched Rose as she talked, face hard and eyes focused. She wished she had told Katja sooner—it would have been fine even if Jürgen had been the one to pass on the information.
Because right now, thinking about her heritage cut Rose up and left her raw.
The vampires in the alley, the Vedmaks on her trail. It was all too much for one evening.
Still, she continued.
After all, it wasn’t only her life that was at stake here. And more importantly, Rose knew the ungrateful sensation of being left in the dark. Katja didn’t deserve that kind of treatment, least of all from her.
“My mother fell in love with someone who loved her dearly—even when he shouldn’t have. Bogdan, my father, was one of the Vedmaks. I trust you know what that means...”
“That he shouldn’t have been with anybody that doesn’t have witch-blood,” the vampire whispered in reply to Rose’s bitter smile. Katja bit her lip, clearly fighting the uneasiness. The rules the Vedmaks' led their lives by weren’t a secret. She knew well what Bogdan’s transgression implied… “But the Vedmaks hunt down any child that is born from a union they don’t approve of. If the child has the chance to be born at all… How—how did you survive?”
Sebastian cleared his throat, but Rose shot him a warning glance. As much as the Kresnik had changed since their fallout and through the period of reconciliation that followed, some of his old stubbornness remained. You could teach an old dog new tricks, but altering certain patterns in an immortal’s behavior was next to impossible. At least he accepted Rose’s warning and let the matter go.
The day seemed to be full of surprises.
With that in mind, she turned her attention back to Katja. In the past few months, the vampire had become pack, had gained Rose’s complete trust. Katja had every right to know the details of who her friend was, of how she came to be. Despite the fact that it tore Rose apart little by little to speak the words Ileana had told her.
“When Bogdan learned that my mother was pregnant, he realized he wouldn’t be able to hide their relationship for long. Even when it had been just the two of them, there was never a moment when they could truly relax; never a second when they didn’t look over their shoulders, expecting the tendrils of dark magic to sniff them out and break them. Some of Bogdan’s brethren had already begun to note his absences, the subtle shifts in his behavior. And they began to suspect…
“So one day the Vedmaks faced my father and offered him a deal. He could remain in their coven, his indiscretion forgotten… All would be well if only he gave up his woman. They hadn’t known who Ileana was—yet. But with time, with their attention focused solely on her discovery, they would have identified her. And they would have hunted her down. Bogdan knew that denying his relationship with my mother would change nothing, except perhaps only fuel their search.
“It must have been some dark magic that had whispered in the Vedmaks’ ears before they had confronted him, revealing the truth about the life Bogdan led. But only part of it. So my father admitted to loving a werewolf but had refused to give his brethren Ileana’s name. As you can imagine, that didn’t go over so well.” Rose sighed. She eyed the wine on the table but refrained from reaching for it. Even with her werewolf metabolism in play, she had drunk quite enough this evening. Still, she found herself yearning to wash the bitter taste from her mouth.
“My mother didn’t know what happened to Bogdan, aside from the undeniable fact that the Vedmaks had executed him. But Serafina knew.” Another sideways glance from Sebastian. Another warning glowing in Rose’s eyes. “His story is still used as an example for what will befall any shape-shifting warlock foolish enough to consider a non-magic consort. I hope some of the facts have become exaggerated over time, but I can’t bring myself to truly believe that… Not with the Vedmak’s corrupt nature taken into consideration.
“The story goes that they tortured him. Bogdan had not only broken their law—he had tried to defy them. And worst of all, he had chosen a woman over his own brethren; chosen to protect her, to protect our identities despite the Vedmaks’ generous offer of being reinstated into their ranks. They were determined to make him watch as they slaughtered his beloved. And they were more than sufficiently driven to find out if those rumors of him fathering a child were true. Even the Vedmaks were skeptical of that part. It seems they couldn’t believe that Bogdan’s betrayal went deeply enough for him to risk bringing an abomination into this world.
“Yet the idea of killing two birds with one stone appealed to them. How could it not, right? But for that, the bastards needed a name. The fact that I’m here means they found none. Despite spending weeks chained in the dungeon, probed by unsavory magic that tried to pry his secrets open; despite being fucking flayed alive by spell-coated ceremonial blades every Chernobog-damned day, my father held his silence. And even as they broke his body, they had failed to break his spirit.
“He died with the thought of Ileana and their unborn child, the thought of me, in his mind, but never on his lips. And with his death, he had saved us both.”
Katja’s eyes were lined with silver that glistened in the dimmed lights of the living room, her throat bobbing. Beside her, Sebastian’s face had turned into a contorted mask, wrath and compassion pulling on his features almost as if they wanted to tear him apart.
“I didn’t know,” the Kresnik breathed. “Fuck, Rose, I didn’t know that.”
Fangs peaked from behind Katja’s lips, her tone chilled as she hissed, “If we ever find the bastards who did this, we will flay them alive.”
Rose’s lips twisted in a tired smile. “If they learn of my existence, we won’t have to wait long…”
Chapter 4
Rose winced at the pain the nine needles in her stomach emitted. Although she preferred morning sessions to those done in the afternoon, since her recovery was much faster that way, the different time of day nonetheless did absolutely nothing to ease the hour she had to spend stretched out on the table.
Sebastian’s news about the Vedmaks seemed to have seeped under her skin, and the needles were doing their best to coax the stress out of her body. Rose tried to relax, tried to aid the energy to travel more smoothly along her meridians, but the drilling sensation persisted, constantly throwing her out of the zen mode. She let out a low growl, the sound concealed by the cheerful Chinese music flowing from the speakers.
Dr. Xu kept assuring her she was getting better, yet Rose had a hard time believing the man—at least based on the level of discomfort each one of their sessions still brought. She hadn’t touched her power in three months, hadn’t released the golden sheen for fear of seeing those olive embers swaying in their lively but lethal dance.
Ignoring the souls that dwelled inside the ethereal pouch was hard. Maybe Veles—she winced at the name, the damned needles digging up all her buried emotions—hadn’t been mistaken. Despite not tapping into her power, Rose felt the spirits’ constant cry for her aid. It was a connection only a goddess should have been able to form with her subjects. It was sacred.
And yet Rose had locked that part of her away, hoping that once she was done with her therapies, once enough time had passed with the lord of the underworld existing only in her thoughts, once she turned to using her power again, it wouldn’t come at a cost of an innocent vampiric life.
“Try, Rose.” Dr. Xu’s voice flowed into the room, chipping in to the silent conversation she held in her mind. “Needle tells me your body is safer now.”
Without thinking, Rose shook her head. The eight damn needles stuck in her neck punished her for it fervently. She scowled at the pain but relaxed as the doctor approached
her. His tilted, deep brown eyes were filled with kindness and something that seemed almost surprised at her stubbornness.
Like he didn’t know she was a stubborn pain in the ass.
“I know what needle say, Rose. Show me your power.”
She took a deep breath, knowing that an argument with the Chinese doctor would get her nowhere. He wasn’t the type to back down, especially if he was certain of something.
And the expression on his face told Rose Dr. Xu was very certain.
The needles in her stomach continued to have their little pain party, but Rose closed her eyes and pushed past the sensation, finding the tightly sealed box that rested inside her very core.
As she carefully clicked open the lock, feeling the pressure on the hinges diminish, it hit her just how much she had missed this fundamental part of her being. Her phantom fingers glided across the smooth edges, and slowly, she lifted the lid, welcoming the familiar sensation with open arms.
There were no words to describe the sense of fulfillment as the energy flowed through her body, the currents dancing as if they wanted to express their joy at the long overdue reunion. This was who she was meant to be.
She channeled more energy from the ethereal box, willing the rest to remain in waiting. she could sense it was restless, but with all the effort she had put in those training sessions with Veles, she was confident the energy wouldn’t disobey her. Gradually, it quieted down, understanding that this was just another exercise and not a threat on the werewolf’s life.
With her eyes still closed, she released the breath she had been involuntarily holding. As the air departed from her lungs, the golden light rose within her, tentatively reaching for the surface. She gave it a gentle push, just enough for the energy to coat the top of her skin. She could feel it seeping through her pores, feel it creating that illuminating sheen around her body.
Only a little more.
She didn’t want to exercise an ounce of power over what was necessary to fuel those olive flames into existence. She had never figured out the exact amount, but previous experiences had taught her that the embers wouldn’t begin to rise until the energy could run freely just over the boundary of her flesh. It needed to have enough mass to create its own natural currents, and that couldn’t happen if it was stretched out too thin.
Rose needed an aura.
Silently cursing the Chinese man and trusting him at the same time, she pushed back her fears and tapped into her core once again. The pool of golden light accepted her offer, vigorously yet obediently spilling into her flesh. A gasp escaped the werewolf’s lips as the power filled her in earnest—so much more thoroughly than before. Needles prickled at her meridians, calming those points that were too inflamed and stimulating the ones that were depleted. But she ignored them.
No, not ignored. That would indicate an effort on Rose’s part.
The pain had become merely a nuisance. As insubstantial as the tendrils of a light wind.
Rose opened her eyes, intrigued yet dreading the result at the same time. Her gaze lingered on the wooden beam placed across the ceiling for a little while longer, focusing on those cracks in its surface she had observed on numerous occasions before as she lay on this very table. Then, finally, she angled her head to the side—as much as the needles allowed her—and glanced down the length of her arm.
She lifted her gaze back to the Chinese man, to the satisfied expression wrinkling the corners of his eyes, finding her own treacherously wet with contained tears.
“See,” Dr. Xu’s melodic voice said, “your body now better.”
Unable to believe her own senses, Rose took another look at her arm. The golden energy flowed down her skin like the surface of a calm ocean. And the only traces of those olive embers that used to dance so wildly when released was a barely noticeable sheen of green, a phantom wave or two rippling down towards her fingers.
Veles’ power was still there, but it was diminishing. After three months of getting probed by Xu’s needles on an almost daily basis, her body was once again becoming her own.
She smiled at the man, wishing she were more mobile to be able to give him the hug he deserved. He had put her through hours upon hours of torture but did as he had promised.
Soon, she could return to her souls. To her subjects.
With Veles leaving as quickly as he did, Rose had failed to communicate a lot of things. Confessions that still dwelled in the pit of her stomach, weighing her down like rocks to a drowning man. But that was personal. Important, but personal. What she had also failed to ask—what she hadn’t been given a chance to ask—was just how much of the god’s energy was needed to influence the still living vampiric souls.
Perhaps this faint sheen of olive power didn’t pack enough of a punch to pose a threat. Souls were resilient. Although in the end, transporting them hadn’t been as tiring for Rose as it was when she had begun. She still had to exercise a large volume of her energy to be able to bind the spirits to her and carry them safely into Veles’ realm. And when she had…murdered…Damir, those underworldly flames were potent. Equal to her own blend of strength.
Rose glanced down her arm again. There was no question left as to which power was dominant now.
Perhaps she could try…
“I tell you needle help. And this energy, Rose… Much better now. Almost balance,” the Chinese man said in response to the smile Rose couldn’t keep from falling upon her lips. “Only little problem left.”
If only that was the sole problem left, she thought, but her smile didn’t falter.
It couldn’t. Not when she was regaining the ability to visit the souls without causing them harm.
“Five more minutes, okay?” Dr. Xu asked, tapping a needle on the outer side of Rose’s thigh, just above her knee.
She twitched at the jolt of pain, but nodded. “Okay.”
She watched Xu’s form disappear from her sight, the gentle thud of the door letting her know she was once again alone in the room. Slowly, Rose reeled the energy back inside, knowing their hopefully final and everlasting reunion would come soon.
Rose was glad to find the waiting room that doubled as a reception area empty. She’d had enough run-ins with overly talkative patients in the past few months to last her a lifetime. Besides, after the success the therapy had brought, all she wanted to do was drink her green tea in silence—or during her always interesting, laid-back chats with the doctor—and marvel at the progress she had made.
“You come tomorrow, yes?” the small man asked. He took a seat opposite her, keeping his back straight and shoulders opened—something Rose still wasn’t able to pull off without effort.
She wiped off a blotch of blood on the top of her foot the doctor had missed and shook her head. “I can’t. I’m going on vacation tomorrow.”
Xu shot her a confused glance. “Next week, then.”
He pulled his planner from his desk drawer and turned the pages, finding the spreadsheet prepared for Monday’s sessions.
“Dr. Xu, I can’t Monday. I’m not sure how long this trip will even last.”
She reached for her tea and fiddled with the cup. Trying to explain why she couldn’t make it to their sessions was a tricky task. Especially since the doctor always made valid points as to why skipping therapy was a bad idea. If he had known she was going to spend nine hours sitting on a plane, he would probably throw a fit. Or stick a needle right in the center of her forehead to smack some sense into her.
“Break is bad for you. We need energy to flow. To heal.”
Rose sighed. It wasn’t like she didn’t know all that. Understood it. But having balanced energy wouldn’t help if the Vedmaks decided to track her down. And once they realized they couldn’t kill her, the bastards would round up her whole pack and slaughter each and every one of them just to get to her.
No, as much as she hated to admit it, Katja had been right. The vampire’s plan was solid—even before she had learned the extent of the danger. Rose needed to
skip town for a while. And trust her friends to keep Ljubljana safe.
Seeing that he couldn’t convince her to change her mind, Dr. Xu closed the planner. “If you can’t come, then you must exercise.”
He went over the routine Rose was already familiar with, vigorously prancing around the small room, then added a few more things for her to do. According to the doctor, she had finally reached the stage where she could maintain a slightly more difficult set of exercises.
Her basic body energy was much stronger now—not only from the time when she had started visiting the acupuncturist on a regular basis after the power surge, but stronger than ever before in Rose’s life. She had been his patient for nearly ten years, so for Xu to classify her into a higher category spoke volumes.
Rose couldn’t help but wonder if her body had always been messed up simply because she hadn’t come into her power yet. Though the wolf-human dichotomy threw every werewolf a little off balance at some point in their lives, those issues were more often than not resolved quickly. But Rose had another side lurking within her all this time—hidden, waiting. And quite possibly disrupting the natural flow of Qi with its own forced stagnation.
Dr. Xu finished demonstrating the exercises and topped it with the command that Rose needed to walk at least two hours a day, every day. No matter how bad the weather may be.
She allowed herself a small smile. That certainly wouldn’t be a problem where she was going. She never could refuse walking for hours at a time, wandering down the streets of New York, especially with Ileana by her side.
Although Rose still felt like she was running away, she was looking forward to leaving the country for a little while.
