Auden nodded, slid her fingers up, and squeezed Gayle's. "You're my best friend. I only ever want you to be happy."
"Oh, Aud." Gayle leaned forward and kissed her quickly on the cheek. "Why in hell I didn't fall for you long ago, I'll never know. Don't worry, honey, my heart is too cynical to get broken."
Auden knew that wasn't true, but she sensed that Gayle needed to believe it. "Well, be careful anyhow. I don't know when I'll be back."
"If there's a towel on my bedroom door, you'll know I got lucky."
"A towel?"
Gayle grinned. "Old sorority signal to tell your roommate to sleep somewhere else."
"You have got to tell me those stories," Auden replied. "Later."
"Uh-huh. Go on. Go see her."
A minute later, Auden was finally headed where she had wanted to be all evening.
Auden rang the buzzer by the suite door and waited with a flurry of anxious anticipation in the pit of her stomach. Less than a minute passed before the door swung open, but it seemed like a lifetime. Then Hays stood before her in a black T-shirt and the blue jeans she had worn earlier, and the world seemed to right itself for the first time in hours. Hays's hair was wet from the shower, and her eyes were clear and bright.
"Hi," Hays said softly. She stepped back so that Auden could enter.
"Hi."
For long seconds, they merely stood and gazed at one another. The lights in the suite were muted and the curtains open. The world beyond appeared much as it had the previous evening, though the falling snow had lightened to just a dusting of white against the black night. Auden's heart hammered in her chest, and she suddenly found it difficult to swallow. Her gaze kept returning to Hays's lips, which were parted slightly, as if words had been spoken that she had not heard.
"You said...business," Auden finally managed. "You needed to talk to me about business."
"Yes." Hays hadn't moved. Was afraid to move. Because she was in danger of taking that one small step forward and pulling Auden into her arms. God, I want to hold her. She wanted desperately to recapture that dizzying feeling she had experienced the night before, of being so lost in that kiss, of being so alive. Which was why she stood rooted to the spot, the breath burning in her chest, her stomach seething with urgency. "I..." She forced herself to think. "Would you like dinner?"
"Dinner?" Auden hesitated, trying to get her mind to function and her attention away from the idea of threading her fingers into Hays's thick, wet hair. She hadn't had lunch, and the chips and beer while playing cards didn't exactly count as a meal. "Yes. All right. Here?"
"Mmm," Hays murmured, mesmerized by the way Auden's eyes drifted over her own face, as languorous as a caress. "I'll order room service and we can...talk."
Auden drew a long breath and stepped around Hays toward the sofa. If I don't get out of touching range, I'm going to do something to embarrass us both.
Hays could think a little more clearly with Auden on the other side of the room, but the sudden distance produced an unexpected ache, as if some part of her had been abruptly severed. To distract herself from the way Auden looked in the tight black jeans, she walked to the desk phone and opened the room service menu that stood beside it. Eyes on the print, not seeing a thing, she asked, "Requests?"
"Ah... salad and whatever pasta entree they have."
"Do you drink wine?"
For the first time, it occurred to Auden that she was alone in a hotel room with a woman. Not just any woman. A woman whom she had kissed. A woman she still wanted to kiss. And she had no earthly idea how she was supposed to behave. She wasn't certain she would be able to tell if Hays wanted something to happen between them. She wasn't certain how much she herself wanted to happen between them. A kiss was one thing, but from the way she had felt when they had kissed last night, she wasn't sure that a kiss was all she wanted. And wanting more just might be crazy.
Hays was her new boss. Hays had been the one who had said, just that morning, that the kiss wouldn't be repeated. Hays was ill, and Auden was supposed to be there to talk abou—
"Auden?"
Auden jumped. Hays smiled at her—a kind, gentle smile—and Auden's tension immediately eased, No matter what happened between them, of one thing she was suddenly very certain. It couldn't be wrong. "Yes, wine would be wonderful."
"Anything special?"
"A white burgundy if they have one."
"Done," Hays said firmly. She pressed several buttons and, after a moment, gave their order. Then she crossed the room and sat next to Auden on the sofa. "I'm going to be away from the office for a week or so."
Auden's stomach clenched. Hays looked a hundred times better than she had six hours before, but. she still didn't look well. There were smudges under her eyes and the faintest of tremors in her hands. "Are you all right?"
Hays surprised herself and answered truthfully. With part of the truth, at least. "No, not quite. I've got a bit of a bug, apparently. Nothing all that serious, but it's kicked the hell out of me the last few days," She looked away for a second, then smiled softly. "I suppose Gayle told you."
"No. She wouldn't do that."
Hays nodded, relieved and at the same time a bit embarrassed. "I'm sorry, of course she wouldn't. She was great. She got the hotel manager to let me have some antibiotics from their emergency dispensary. I'm sure that will take care of it—that and a few days rest."
"Yes," Auden agreed, knowing there was more, and knowing she was not going to learn what it was. Not that night—perhaps never. And that thought saddened her. "I'm glad you're taking a little time off. You should.. .take care of yourself."
Hays grimaced. "The timing is bad, what with all we have going on now with Destiny. I'm sorry about that. I won't be gone long, and you can e-mail me or call me if there's a problem."
"I'm sure there won't be any problems," Auden said, thinking that the last thing Hays needed was to be bothered with work when she obviously needed to rest. But the thought of not seeing her, even for a little while, was more distressing than Auden could have imagined. The thought of going to work and not seeing Hays's door open, knowing she wasn't just down the hall, missing the cadence of her deep voice, left Auden feeling empty, "Besides, Mr. Pritchard will be there if I have any questions."
"You can e-mail me or call me...for any reason," Hays repeated quietly.
Auden flushed, wondering how transparent her feelings really were. "I've got plenty of reading piled up, and Mr. Pritchard and I need to finalize the new appointments. Liz will be—"
"Auden," Hays murmured gently, leaning toward herbutmanaging, just barely, to resist touching her, "I want to hear from you."
Remember it's the job. It's all about the job. Auden nodded briskly. "Of course. I'll be sure to keep you apprised."
"Thank you." For one insane moment, Hays wanted to tell her everything. About Rune and the illness and what she felt every time they were together. Everything. All of it. She wanted so terribly not to be alone with the pain tearing at her, but still she held back. Tell her and everything will change. She'll never look at me the same again. And the way she looks at me is the best part of my life.
"Hays," Auden said carefully, resting her hand on Hays's where it lay palm down on her thigh. "You're shaking."
"It's nothing." Hays's voice was gravelly, strained with the effort to sustain her silence.
"Maybe you should lie down."
"The food will be here soon."
"Just until then."
"My entertainment choices are limited," Hays warned, grinning with a semblance of her usual charm. "Can I tempt you with cable?"
"Only if it's not sports."
"Ahh, a lady with discerning tastes,"
Auden smiled and took Hays's hand. "Come on. Let's watch it in the bedroom, just in case you fall asleep."
Hays's eyes widened momentarily before she caught herself, covering her surprise with a bland expression. She's just being friendly; she's not making a pass. Still, last night... "Oka
y. Sure."
They propped pillows against the headboard and reclined side by side on top of the covers in the center of the king-sized bed. Hays worked the remote until she found a classic movie channel where a black and white film was just starting. "Ah— Rebecca. Is this okay?"
Auden peered at the screen. "The 1940s version?"
"Yep."
"Oh, yes. I love this film. And the book."
"Me, too," Hays said as the music rose and the credits rolled. She leaned her head back and dimmed the room lights. "Your romantic side is showing, Auden."
"Didn't you think I had one?" Her tone was teasing.
"Oh, no," Hays said softly, completely serious. "I knew right away that you did."
"Did you?" Auden was captivated by the patterns of light from the screen playing over the sharp planes and angles of Hays's face.
"Uh-huh. So," Hays asked, as she settled into the pillows, "who did you want to be?"
"What?" Auden enjoyed the way Hays's profile softened as she began to relax. You're so beautiful. Do you know?
"When you watched this." Hays turned her head, meeting Auden's eyes. "Who did you want to be?"
"Oh, Joan Fontaine. The young Mrs. de Winter. You?"
Hays grinned. "Maxim, de Winter, of course."
"Ah, the suave mysterious lover."
"Oh yeah," Hays murmured, her lids suddenly heavy. "That's me."
As Auden watched, spellbound, Hays slipped into sleep. She debated leaving, but when she started to move, Hays's eyes flickered open for an instant.
"Auden?"
"I'm right here."
Hays smiled and closed her eyes again, and when Auden got up to answer the buzz at the door, she didn't move.
Auden took care of the room-service bill and had the attendant leave the food covered on the cart in the sitting room. She stood for a long time in the doorway of the bedroom watching Hays sleep. Then she carefully covered her with a corner of the bedspread. It was close to midnight when she left.
Auden returned to her suite and entered the sitting room just in time to see George Clooney shoot what looked like a harpoon into Cheech Marin's chest. She stopped dead and stared at the television, unable to make sense of what she saw. "What in God's name are you watching?"
Gayle looked over from where she was curled up on the sofa with a bag of potato chips in her lap. "From Dusk Till Dawn. It's this really great vampire cops and robbers movie."
"Looks disgusting."
"Yeah." Gayle grinned, her eyes dancing. "I've seen it four times."
"Doctors. Strange bunch," Auden collapsed with a sigh next to Gayle and put her hand into the bag of potato chips. "No towel on the doorknob?"
"Nope. Another night flying solo."
"Should 1 ask what happened?"
"No big deal." Gayle stared straight ahead. "Thane left a few minutes after you did—again. That's a pretty clear message, I guess." She sighed and reached for the bottle of beer beside her on the end table. "Liz and I hung out for a while, talking and watching the tube. Then we got to the point where we were either going to have to go to bed together or call it a night. We called it a night."
"I'm curious," Auden said as she watched Harvey Keitel morph into some sort of drooling monster, "as to why you're turning Liz down. She's really good looking, and she's smart, and I get the sense that she's really attracted to you."
"I don't know, exactly," Gayle replied pensively. "She's terrific. And she's hot. And I like her. I just don't want to sleep with her."
"Is it because you don't have an emotional connection with her?"
"Have you forgotten who you're talking to?" Gayle gave Auden a quick glance and grinned unself-consciously. "You've seen me drag home enough near-strangers over the last seven years to know that sometimes the only thing it's about is sex."
"But not this time."
"No," Gayle said softly. "Not this time. I guess maybe it's because Thane and Liz are friends. And if I sleep with Liz, I'll never be able to have anything with Thane. Even I'm not that incestuous."
"Why Thane and not Liz?"
Gayle shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, Aud. I really don't. Do you think anyone does, really? We give all kinds of reasons why we want one person and not another, and why we're attracted to someone. But maybe in the end, it's just a matter of timing and circumstances. Or hell, I don't know, maybe fate."
"Maybe," Auden said, as she leaned her head back against the sofa to watch the vampires surround George Clooney and Juliette Lewis, thinking that perhaps destiny was the answer, after all.
Chapter Sixteen
H ays woke a little after five a.m. She lay on her side, still in her clothes. Before anything else, she reached out a hand, but the bed beside her was empty. She had known it would be, but for just an instant, she had hoped.
The room was dark, the day not yet dawned. She ran her fingers lightly over the pillow next to her, trying to feel the depression where Auden's head had rested. The crisp cotton was cool, and there was no trace of her that lingered, not even the subtle scent of her. That absence struck Hays as cruder than anything she could remember feeling since she had learned almost eight months before that she was very likely dying.
Such a simple thing to miss—the sense of a woman next to you in the night. She hadn't realized just how much she had missed it until she had fallen asleep with the comfort of Auden by her side. Being near Auden reminded her of many things that she missed and had not thought to experience again.
Hays rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. Their kiss felt like an isolated moment out of time, born of unusual circumstances during a fairy-tale weekend when reason had been suspended. It had been perfect, and perhaps that was the most it could ever be. Even had she been less uncertain of her future, it was possible, even likely, that Auden's interests lay elsewhere. And common sense told her that any kind of involvement with Auden was impossible, even if Auden was interested.
"And it really doesn't matter, because I can't get involved. Not now." She swung her legs off the side of the bed and waited for the inevitable dizziness to pass. Then she made her way to the bathroom and stripped off her clothes, all the while trying to put the memory of Auden's soft voice, reassuring her as she fell asleep, from her mind. She couldn't remember Auden's soothing words, only the sense of rightness she had experienced stretching out next to Auden on the bed. Auden. Auden's voice in the dark, Auden's hand on hers, Auden's mouth—
"Stop it, for Christ's sake." Her voice bounced harshly off the tile walls.
To prevent further reminiscences, she concentrated on the arrangements that needed to be made. A car—she needed to make sure Abel had arranged for a car. Frowning, she examined the trousers she had hung over a hanger on the shower door the night before. Good. Most of the wrinkles appeared to have worked their way out. She had another clean T-shirt that Abel had purchased for her, so she'd have reasonably fresh clothes for the morning.
No matter how she tried to distract herself with the details of the day, as she turned on the shower and waited for the water to get hot, she was still thinking about Auden—about her smile, her gentle strength, her tender comfort. When she stepped into the heat, she was imagining what it would have been like had they truly slept together and awakened side by side. They would be together now.
The water sluicing over her body brought the blood coursing to the surface of her skin, and she felt the rush of stimulation as her capillaries opened, her skin tingling as from a caress. In her mind, she saw Auden reach out to stroke her, and she gasped as her nipples hardened under the needles of heat dancing down her body. Eyes closed, she leaned her shoulders against the wall as the fine spray beat against her breasts and abdomen, heightening the need that had never quite left her since the moment she and Auden had kissed. She remembered the pressure of Auden's palms on her thighs as they'd leaned into one another, and, pressing her palms flat against the wall, she tilted her hips forward enough to allow the fingers of water to stoke he
r arousal as they struck rhythmically between her legs.
She was back in that still room, Auden's lips against her mouth. She could taste her now, in her mouth, as the blood and vessels in her thighs tightened under the relentless beat of the pulsing spray. Her stomach tensed, the muscles contracting as the excitement feathered down her spine and coiled deep inside. Moaning softly, she arched her neck, arms braced by her sides, feeling the touch of knowing hands claim her turgid flesh.
Yes, there. Touch me there, tike that. Don't be gentle, not now. I want to feel you everywhere..yes, yes, there...
Seconds from climaxing, Hays forced her lids open, blinking into the streaming water, needing to see those tender eyes as she came. For an instant, as she trembled with the first wave of orgasm, she did.
"Oh God, Auden."
Strength fading, she slid down the wall, shuddering as the final spasms rocketed through her. She wrapped her arms around her bent legs and rested her head on her knees, gasping. The moisture on her face was not from the water that continued to beat on her head and back.
Oh God, Auden.
Thirty minutes later, dressed and once more in control, Hays used her room card to let herself into the business center, As she had expected, she was alone. Within seconds, she was logged on and checking her e-mail.
-----Original Message----—
From: [email protected]
Sent: Monday March 24, 12:33 AM
To : [email protected]
Subject: Weekend Update and Business
Rune:
You've been quiet this weekend, friend. I know you're in the Northeast, so you're probably getting hammered by the same storm that has me snowed in here in Philadelphia. You probably aren't enjoying the kind of weekend I've had, though. Palmer put us all up at the Four Seasons, and it's been one hell of a fun time.
Unfortunately, I haven't had time to write much. I've been too busy socializing with Destiny's new director along with Liz and another friend. Pretty tough being snowbound with beautiful women lt;ggt;. Don't worry, though, I've definitely been inspired by the last few days, and' I should have something new soon. Nothing like unrequited lust to stoke the fires.
Radclyffe - Love's Masquerade Page 15
