Auden wasn't sure which was more beautiful, the way Hays felt thrusting beneath her fingers, or the way she looked, poised to orgasm. She drew a surprised breath, her eyes locking with Hays. "Oh my God." Hays's pupils dilated, flickering wildly. "I can feel you coming."
Legs tightening around Auden's hand, Hays tensed, gave a small cry, and shuddered into orgasm. As the pleasure jolted through her, she pulled Auden into her arms, needing as much contact as possible. The weight of Auden's body bearing down on her, the hand still massaging her exploding flesh, set off another round of spasms, and she cried out again.
"Oh, sweetheart," Auden moaned, her face buried in Hays's neck. It was all too much—the wonder, the excitement, the heart-wrenching beauty of the woman in her arms. Tears flooded her eyes, wet her cheeks, even as she felt her own body soar to a climax.
It was impossible to tell who sheltered whom as they rocked together in the aftermath of passion, each murmuring assurances and tenderly stroking away their mingled tears. Facing one another, arms and legs entwined, their smiles were twin reflections of vulnerability and awe.
"I don't—"
"I've never—"
They both laughed.
"You leave me unable to say what I want to with frightening regularity," Hays confessed. "For an author, that's rare."
"Margo wrote something that I think of every time I look at you," Auden whispered.
"Oh, really?" Hays raised an eyebrow, then traced a finger over Auden's mouth, smiling when she received a kiss. "What?"
'"After being with you, any other love would be but a pale imitation.'"
"Oh, sweet Auden." Hays's heart nearly broke to see the tears shimmer again on Auden's lids. "No."
"Promise me you won't give up, Hays." Auden threaded trembling fingers into Hays's hair, forcing Hays to look at her. "Promise me you'll fight."
Hays answered the only way she dared. With a kiss.
Chapter Twenty-Six
I guess it would be a problem if we both showed up late for work again, huh?" Auden lay in Hays's arms, her head nestled in the crook of her lover's neck.
"Mmm," Hays made lazy circles on Auden's back, unable to think of another thing she would rather be doing. "Would it bother you if people knew?"
"About us?" Auden kissed Hays's jaw. "God, no. It's going to be all I can do not to put a big sign on you at the convention in New York saying don't touch, she's mine.
I'd like to be yours. I'd like to be yours forever and beyond. Hays pressed her lips to Auden's hair, unable to answer. She hadn't been so close to tears so often since the day that Paul Rosenberg had explained to her why she was too tired to work a full day and why the smallest cut bled for hours. Auderi was the answer to every dream she had ever dreamed, the embodiment of every love story she had ever written, and now that she'd found her, it was too late.
"Hays?" Auden felt the sudden tension. "Too soon? I didn't mean to sound so possessive—"
"No." Hays's voice was hoarse with the struggle to hold back the tears. "Not too soon at all." Too late. Can' tyou see that it's already too late? She cupped Auden's cheek and kissed her mouth softly, a lingering kiss that spoke of cherishing and devotion. "It's not necessary, but I'd wear a sandwich board saying Property of Auden Frost if it would make you happy."
Auden leaned up on her elbow and searched Hays's face. "Then what is it? What hurts you?"
Hays looked away. Auden drew her face back with a finger against her chin. "What is it, sweetheart? Please tell me."
"I want you so much," Hays whispered.
"Believe me, you have me." Auden kissed her lightly, then drew away, studying her eyes. And waited.
"I don't want to die."
Auden bit the inside of her lip, determined not to cry. She nodded, praying that the moisture pooling on her lashes would not fall.
"But I'm afraid that I will," Hays admitted, "and I'm afraid it's wrong to let you love me."
"I already do love you." Auden stilled the protest she knew was coming with a finger against Hays's mouth. "I do. Accept it or don't accept it, but let it be because of what you want, not because of what you fear."
"I want it, God, I want you, but—"
"No buts." Auden rested her hand on Hays's abdomen, tenderly stroking her. She loved the way Hays' skin felt, so soft and so different from the firm muscles beneath. She loved touching her and couldn't imagine a day without being able to. If she thought about that possibility, she knew she would scream. "Tell me about the bone marrow transplant."
Hays closed her eyes, and for a moment, Auden thought she wouldn't answer. It took everything she had not to push. She just continued her gentle caresses, letting Hays know she was not alone.
"My brother Christopher has offered to donate, if I decide..." To take the chance. "That improves my odds."
Odds, The word, the concept, when applied to Hays's life, was indescribably terrifying. Auden took her time, making sure her voice was steady. "That's good then, right?"
"Paul—Paul Rosenberg, my hematologist—wants to try something new. There's a procedure called a mini bone marrow transplant." Hays grimaced. "It's complicated."
"What an understatement." Auden laughed harshly. "Tell me the best you can."
"Well, the process is simpler in some ways than traditional bone marrow transplants. It's a lot shorter, which means that I wouldn't have to stay in the hospital for weeks. They use less chemotherapy and radiation before the transplant, which means that I'm not likely to have the really bad side effects—hair loss, intestinal bleeding, nausea and vomiting—the list goes on." She swallowed hard, threading her fingers through Auden's. "That's the good part."
Auden kissed her forehead. "Okay so far. What else?"
"The theory is that the cells from the donor are healthier than my own bone marrow, and they will attack my sick cells and kill them, then repopulate my bone marrow with all new healthy cells." Hays smiled, but her eyes were damp. "If that happens, there's a better chance of cure than with any other treatment."
"What's the downside?" Auden knew there had to be a reason that Hays hadn't done this already. She understood that part of Hays's reluctance was the fact that there was no guarantee that it would work, that it was the choice of last resort. But God, just hearing about it gives me hope.
Hays tried to sound nonchalant, but her entire body was rigid. "This process, where the healthy cells kill the bad cells, can get out of hand, apparently. The reaction can end up involving healthy tissues, and there's a chance that I could have other organs fail. Then..." She gave a small laugh. "There's always the chance that it won't work quite right, and the healthy cells will kill off my bone marrow but not repopulate, leaving me with nothing at all. So, the downside is the same as what we're looking at now—I die."
"Okay, what are the chances?" Auden was nauseous and hoped it didn't show. She wanted someone to be angry with; she wanted someone, something, anything, to blame; she wanted a weapon with which to fight back. Having none of those things left her feeling helpless and grief stricken and, unless she fought it, defeated. If she felt that way, she could only imagine what it must be like for Hays.
"A little bit better than a coin toss."
Auden remembered what Gayle had told her about the conventional methods. "That sounds decent. Will you do it?"
"I think so," Hays said softly, touching the corner of Auden's mouth with one finger. "If I do, we won't know for a while if it works. Until then, you and I should put this...us...on hold."
Auden gasped. "You can't be serious."
"I don't want you to be hurt by all of this, Auden. I don't want you to suffer through the treatments, and even then—"
"Stop, Hays. Just...stop." Auden spoke quietly, tenderly. "You don't get it, do you? I love you. It isn't conditional. If we waited for guarantees, we could wait a lifetime. I want every minute that I can have with you."
Auden wouldn't have cried if Hays hadn't she was certain of that. But the sight of Hays's tears was he
r undoing. With a small cry, Auden gathered Hays into her arms and pressed her lover's face to her breasts. She didn't tell her not to cry, but merely held her as tightly as she possibly could. As Hays sobbed, great bone-wracking, shattering sobs, Auden's tears ran silently down her cheeks. She threaded her fingers in Hays's hair, caressed her, wrapped arms and legs about her, offering a physical shield with the curve of her own body, as if that would ever be enough. She had never felt so powerless in her life.
After a while, Hays quieted. She pressed a kiss to Auden's breast, then lifted her face until she could meet Auden's concerned gaze. "Auden, I'm sorry. I've never done that before."
"Well then, I'm glad you did it now." Auden kissed her and brushed the last of her tears away with a thumb. "Are you all right?"
"Better." Hays managed to grin, a fairly good rendition of her usual one. "We're going to have to hurry if we're going to keep our reputations intact at the office."
"Well, we should certainly keep our priorities straight." Auden moved to sit up, but Hays restrained her with a hand on her arm. "What, sweetheart?"
"There's something I need to ask you."
"What is it?" What more could there be?
"It's about the fact that you quoted Margo Elliot last night."
"Surely you can't be jealous." Auden's expression was incredulous.
"I'm not, but Rune might be."
Auden laughed out loud and pushed Hays onto her back. Then she climbed on top of her, slid a thigh between Hays's, and framed her face with her palms. "Rune Dyre has absolutely nothing to worry about. She is, without question, the sexiest, most romantic writer I have ever encountered. And just to be certain there's no confusion, I'll send her an e-mail later and tell her so."
"She'll be very happy to hear that, I'm sure." Hays's voice had gotten husky. "Now you really do need to get up."
"Am I too heavy?"
"Not at all, my love." Hays ran her fingertips down either side of Auden's spine, then cupped her buttocks and pulled her closer. "You're too exciting." She shifted her hips slightly, moving against Auden's skin. "Can you feel what you've done to me?"
"Oh...God," Auden breathed, instantly aroused. "You're so wet."
"Mmm," Hays agreed, running her tongue up Auden's neck. "In another ten seconds, I'm not going to be able to let you up."
Auden didn't want to go, but some part of her insisted that they should. As much as she wanted every second of Hays's time, together, like this, she knew that they needed a semblance of normality as well. "Do I get a rain check?"
"As many as you want."
With more willpower than she thought she possessed, Auden moved away. She regretted it immediately as her body screamed in protest and her heart joined in. "One at a time will do nicely."
"There's an endless supply, all with your name on them. Every rainy day, you'll get a make-up day in the sun."
"I'll love you no matter what the weather." Auden kissed her, then jumped from the bed.
Hays lingered a moment as she watched Auden leave the bed and start for the bathroom. It was such a small thing, but she cherished how simple, how normal, the moment felt. Auden had a way of making her life seem both ordinary and enchanted at the same time. Auden made anything seem possible.
"Hays? Come shower with me?"
Hays followed the sound of her lover's voice, a line Rune had written playing through her mind.
"If she had held out her hand, I would gladly have taken it and followed, unto death."
----- Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday April 2, 9:59 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Dark Passions
Attachments: DarPas-EditOneAF.doc 858KB.
Ms. Dyre: .
I've enclosed the first edits of Dark Passions. Please return with your revisions.
If you have any problems or concerns , feel free to contact me at any time.
Yours truly,
Auden Frost
p.s.: BTW - no one else writes like you do. You make me weak with wanting. Weather report says no rain tonight. AF
Hays was smiling at the message on the monitor, no doubt looking like a lunatic, when Abel knocked on the door, entered the room, and walked toward her desk.
"Morning, Abel."
"Hays." He regarded her with an expression of cautious concern. "I'm used to you being here by seven. Are you all right?"
Hays reached for her coffee cup. "I'm fi—"
"Good God, Hays!" he blurted, all vestiges of restraint gone. "You've just been transfused. That shouldn't be happening now. You are ill."
"What the hell are you talking about?" She followed his gaze and, for the first time, noticed the bruise on her wrist. She remembered Auden grabbing her hand when they'd been making love, forcing her fingers inside. She blushed as a wave of arousal followed fast on the memory. Clearing her throat, she added, "That's not what you think."
"You can't lie to me." His fear came out as anger. "I know what happens when your counts drop."
"It's just an ordinary bruise," she insisted. She saw the hurt he tried to hide. "Christ. It's from sex, Abel."
His mouth formed a perfect O, and on him, it was so incongruous that Hays laughed out loud. "You do realize that once in a while I—"
"That's quite all right. I don't require an explanation." He looked at the door, and then back at her, "I just didn't realize there was... someone."
"It's Auden, Abel," she said quietly. She didn't tell him because she felt obliged to tell him, but because she simply wanted to say the words out loud. Auden had said she didn't mind who knew, and just thinking about being with Auden made Hays's heart lift in a way she had forgotten. She couldn't help but smile.
Abel Pritchard seemed a little less than overjoyed. "You think that's wise?"
"Why not?"
"Well, I can think of any number of reasons. You haven't known each other very long, she works here, and—"
"I'm dying and have no business being involved with anyone?"
He looked as if she had slapped him. "No. God, no."
She regarded him thoughtfully and saw the moment he realized the truth about what he really felt.
"I'm sorry, Hays," he said and turned away.
She got up quickly and intercepted him before he reached the door. Closing it quietly, she then turned and placed her hand on his arm. "No, I'm sorry, Abel. You didn't deserve that."
"Actually, I did," She was right about what he felt, and he hated that she knew.
"Okay. So we're even."
He smiled infinitesimally. "Does she know?"
"Yes."
"What does she say?"
Hays was silent for a few seconds, thinking of everything that she and Auden had discussed. She thought about the things that Auden said to her without words, but with her touch. "She says that forever is only a series of moments, and that I should fight for every one."
Abel Pritchard did something extraordinary then. He touched her cheek in the faintest of caresses. "Ms. Frost is a very astute woman."
"Yes, she most certainly is," Hays said softly as she opened the door and watched Abel walk away.
-----Reply-----
Prom: [email protected]
To : [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday April 2, 10:23 AM
Subject: Re: Dark Passions
I'll review your comments regarding Dark Passions as soon as possible. I look forward to working with you on this manuscript.
Sincerely, RD
p.s.: The weather report shows clear skies every day this week. Rune
Two nights later, Gayle hurried down the stairs to unlock the front door. She'd been watching the clock for the last hour. Through the frosted glass, she could barely discern the outline of a figure standing on the porch, but it was enough to make her heart race. She disengaged the deadbolt and pulled open the door, wondering for the tenth time in as many minutes if everything had changed dur
ing the time they'd been apart. Maybe it had all been just a weekend fling. Then she looked up into the softest brown eyes she had ever seen and watched the grin break out on Thane's face. Friday night had never held such promise.
"Hiya, sexy."
"Hey," Thane said, leaning forward to kiss Gayle on the mouth. "I missed you like hell."
"Well, that was the perfect thing to say. You're scary, how good you are." Gayle put her arms around Thane, kissed her again, then took her hand and led her inside. "Then again, you are a writer,"
"That wasn't a line," Thane said quickly, stopping Gayle at the bottom of the stairs with a hand on her arm. Her expression was very serious. "I meant it."
Gayle paused at the hurt in Thane's eyes. Gently, she rested her palm against Thane's cheek. "I'm sorry. That was me being tough. I was worried all week that you might change your mind about wanting... me."
"No," Thane said softly, turning her head to place a kiss in the center of Gayle's palm. "I want you. I want us."
"Jesus, you have to stop saying everything I need to hear," Gayle admonished, but her tone belied her words.
"Sorry," Thane replied, her eyes dancing. "Can't help it. I write romances."
Laughing softly, Gayle threaded her arm around Thane's waist and started up the stairs. "Then write us one."
"We'll collaborate," Thane whispered.
As they climbed to her apartment, Gayle said, "I sent Shylock off to camp again. Mrs. T likes to have him, and I figured there wouldn't be enough room for all of us in bed tonight,"
Thane smiled as she waited for Gayle to open the door. "Well, we can visit him, right?"
"If I ever let you out of this apartment, sure." Gayle closed the door and turned to study her visitor. "I didn't make dinner reservations anywhere. I wasn't sure what you would want to do. I can call somewhere or..."
Thane dropped her overnight bag, put an arm around Gayle's waist, and led her to the sofa where she pulled her down on her lap. "You know what I'd really like?"
"What?" Gayle kissed Thane's lips, her cheek, then nuzzled her neck, biting lightly. "What would you really like, huh?"
"Ah...that would definitely be one thing." Thane smoothed her hand down Gayle's arm, then along her thigh, pulling her tighter into her lap. "Christ, you feel good."
Radclyffe - Love's Masquerade Page 25
