“I could sell this to a porn site,” Nathan said. “I’ll call it
‘a bear and his boy’!”
“Oh, you as well? Come here!” Gary turned around and lunged at him. Nathan ducked out of the way and was pleased to see Tazz burst out from the duvet to tackle Gary from behind.
“Run, Nath, run!” Tazz shouted in comic horror. “I’ll slow him down!”
Nathan trod backwards carefully, still filming. He almost tripped over Tazz’s shorts but managed to stay upright. Like King Kong, Gary was trying to swat Tazz away like a minor annoyance who kept coming back and making jokes about
“awakening the kracken.”
Gary finally pushed Tazz away and stood up. Nathan turned off his camera and beat a hasty retreat down the stairs. He sought refuge in the bar, where Jimmy had helped himself to a soda.
“Has he decked Tazz yet?”
“He’s too sleepy,” Nathan said with a laugh. “I’m gonna put this online before Gaz crushes my phone with his bare hands.”
A Bar Tender Tale | Melanie Tushmore 40
As Nathan uploaded the cinematic masterpiece, more thuds and shouts were heard from upstairs.
“What’s that?” Jimmy glanced at the window. Something dark and strangely shaped like a pair of shorts fluttered from the sky and onto the street.
“Tazz’s shorts?” Nathan guessed.
“Huh. Surprised he didn’t throw Tazz out the window as well,” Jimmy commented.
As Nathan succeeded in his upload while hiding behind the bar, Tazz came jogging through the staff door in just his boxers. The customary, mischievous grin was on his face.
“Get that video online!” he told Nathan, as he jogged out of the pub to retrieve his shorts from the street.
“Already done!” Nathan called to him.
At seeing an almost naked young man in broad daylight, a few passing cars from the main road honked their horns.
Tazz stood on the steps of the pub, shorts clutched in hand as he did a dramatic bow.
Jimmy shook his head. “We need to get going,” he tried to say, but Tazz wasn’t paying attention.
“Nathan, you missed the gig last week,” Tazz said, stepping back into the pub. He pulled his shorts on then walked around the bar to retrieve his T-shirt. “Where were you, bro?”
“I know, I’m sorry,” Nathan shrugged. “I was attempting to have a love life.”
Tazz smirked as he sat up on the bar next to Jimmy.
“Nath, I told you before, five pints and I’m all yours.” A Bar Tender Tale | Melanie Tushmore 41
Nathan laughed. He knew Tazz was joking, unfortunately. “Surely you mean two pints?”
“Let’s start with one,” Tazz said, unfazed. “A Guinness, my good man.”
“Tazz, we need to get into town. I start work soon,” Jimmy complained.
Tazz said to him, “All right, grandma! Calm down. You know it won’t take me long to drink.”
“Yeah, you do pints as shots, right?” Nathan teased. He reached for a pint glass and started pouring the Guinness from tap.
“It’s the only way to drink,” Tazz boasted.
Gary lumbered through the staff door, dressed but without his shoes. He glared at Tazz. “I should kick your tattooed arse out of my pub.”
“You’re not going anywhere near my bum,” Tazz quipped, slapping a fiver down on the bar. “I’m a paying customer! You keep your big hands to yourself.”
“Ugh!” Gary rubbed a hand across his face, obviously giving up. He stood in the bar hatch and leaned against the counter. “Stay out of my room in future.”
“Is that what you’re gonna tell Susie from last night?” Nathan opened up a new line of teasing.
“Susie? ” Tazz and Jimmy said together.
Gary shrugged. “Massive knockers,” he said, as if in explanation.
“Susie Whitfield?” Jimmy asked. “Slaggy Susie? Oh mate, I hope you used protection.”
A Bar Tender Tale | Melanie Tushmore 42
“I hope you gave her a good wash first!” Tazz grimaced.
“And I wish you’d told me that before I jumped in bed with you. I’ve probably caught something now.”
“Shut up,” Gary grumbled. “She’s absolutely fine, except she wouldn’t be quiet afterwards. She wanted to talk about everything, about us being a couple now, how much she liked me. I got no sleep.”
“Do you ever stop moaning?” Nathan laughed at him.
“Just be thankful you got laid.”
“I am,” Gary defended. “It’s just hard to know when it’s polite to tell a girl to… you know, be quiet.”
“You’re an idiot,” Nathan shook his head.
“Seriously guys,” Tazz pulled his waistband out to peer into his shorts. “I’d better check if I’ve caught something. I heard she gave Nick the crabs.”
“Ugh, grim!” Jimmy shifted along to the next stool.
“That’s rubbish!” Gary raised his voice, his accent becoming more pronounced. “Nick started that rumor because he was embarrassed he got crabs off another girl.
You shouldn’t listen to gossip.”
“Gossip is the most fun,” Tazz argued back. “'Ere, Nathan! Do you want to inspect me? You’re the cock expert.”
“Yeah, all right.” Nathan rolled his eyes, calling Tazz’s bluff. “Get it out, then.”
“Please
don’t.”
Jimmy
was
starting
to
look
uncomfortable. “Tazz, hurry up. Buzz told you to get those posters up today.”
A Bar Tender Tale | Melanie Tushmore 43
“Let’s put one in the window here!” Tazz instructed, slurping at his pint.
“What is it?” Gary asked warily.
Jimmy produced a couple of homemade flyers on a retina-burning shade of yellow paper. It listed a host of local bands playing at The Hobgoblin, Brighton’s biggest rock pub.
“Punk Rock Sunday!” Tazz announced. “Nath, you comin’? You can see my new band!”
“Yeah, I’ll come.” Nathan took a flyer to examine the lineup. “Looks like the most action I’ll be offered this weekend is getting hot and sweaty with a bunch of straights.”
“I thought you had a boyfriend?” Gary asked.
Nathan made a face. “Yeah, so did I.”
“Oh dear.” Tazz chuckled. “Shall I play my violin for you?”
“I’m fine,” Nathan told him. “Maybe I’ll turn straight for the night and show you morons how to actually chat up girls.”
“Hah, you’re so funny… ha, ha.”
“Oh, by the way.” Nathan turned to Gary. “A mate of yours came in. Auryn?”
Gary nodded. “Oh right, yeah, he does if he’s been at court. Is he coming back?”
“He said he would, about six,” Nathan told him. “Why was he in court?”
“He’s a solicitor.”
A Bar Tender Tale | Melanie Tushmore 44
“Oh, I see.” Nathan was relieved and impressed at the same time.
“Is that your mate from the homeland?” Tazz asked.
“Yeah, he’s friends with my brother. He played Dead Space with us the other week, remember?”
“Auryn’s cool,” Jimmy nodded. “He likes his comics.”
“So if he’s from the same place as you—” Tazz grinned at Gary. “—how come he’s nice and you’re such a mopey git?
What happened?”
Gary simply replied, “I moved here first and had to put up with you lot.”
Nathan smiled then discreetly asked, “How long has he been here then?”
“Oh, not long. A couple of months?” Gary frowned in thought. “We all left Denbigh at the same time, but when I came down here, he and my brother went to uni in London and ended up staying there.”
“Is he straight?” Nathan tried to sound casual but all three faces snapped round to look at him. “What? ” he squeaked. “It was just somethi
ng Auryn said! I wondered if Gaz actually had a gay mate. Apart from me, I mean.”
“Ooh, er,” Tazz smiled. “I think someone fancies Auryn.”
“No, I don’t,” Nathan denied, badly. “I was just curious.
He’s straight anyway, right?”
“Yeah,” Gary said, frowning again. “Well, I assume so.
He’s never said otherwise.”
“Oh.” Nathan felt deflated.
A Bar Tender Tale | Melanie Tushmore 45
“Has he got a girlfriend?” Tazz took up the probing on Nathan’s behalf.
“Don’t think so,” Gary said.
Tazz grunted into his pint, then asked, “He’s not another miserable single like you, is he?”
“I am not miserable!” Gary grumbled.
“He didn’t seem miserable,” Nathan said. “We had a big nerd debate over zombies. Speaking of which,” he turned to Jimmy in an attempt to change the subject. “Have you heard Crossed is being made into a film?” Luckily this got the attention of both Jimmy and Tazz, and they started a new conversation about what the potential film would be like. As good as it was talking to the guys about zombie comics and films, Nathan couldn’t help but compare it to the energy that had sparked when he’d been talking to Auryn.
Gary was still deep in thought as he leaned on his own bar. After a long pause he said, “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Auryn with a girl….”
The conversation stopped. Nathan’s hopes dared to rise again.
Tazz smirked into his pint. “There ya go, Nath. You might be in with a chance after all.” Gary shrugged. “All you can do is ask, I suppose.”
“I’m not interested,” Nathan denied again while the others smirked.
“Yeah whatever, Nath.” Tazz finished his pint and jumped off his stool. “Come on, then, Jim lad. Let’s get these A Bar Tender Tale | Melanie Tushmore 46
posters up. Oh Gaz, that Guinness tastes a bit off, just so you know.”
“It’s probably due a line clean,” Gary looked dully interested. “I’ll do it tonight.”
“Really?” Tazz perked up. “Can I drink the dregs?” Nathan and Jimmy exchanged a look. “Don’t be gross,” Jimmy told Tazz.
“What? It’s free, right? Gaz, let me drink the dregs! I’ll come by later.”
“It’s your body,” Gary shrugged. “I’ll save it for you.”
“Get in!” Tazz said excitedly. “I’ll be back later. Nath, you around?”
Nathan nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be here but I’m not joining in.”
“Suit yourself! Laters, people.” Tazz waved as he grabbed his bag and skateboard then darted out of the pub.
Like the eternal babysitter, Jimmy sighed and followed after him.
Gary looked at Nathan pointedly. “Oh yes? Sticking around, are you? I wonder who that could be for.”
“Well someone’s got to make fun of you, Gaz,” Nathan tried to tease.
NATHAN did stick around. He only left the pub to order another curry, Gary’s treat. At least he had the chance to eat it hot this time. Gary, the human dustbin, finished off the cold one Nathan had abandoned.
A Bar Tender Tale | Melanie Tushmore 47
As they ate together, Nathan did consider running home to shower and change. He lived less than five minutes away if he walked quickly. But he decided not to tempt fate. How obvious would it be to Gary and even Auryn if he made an effort now to look presentable? No, might as well stay as he was.
The next couple of hours passed slowly. Nathan sat on the rickety old bench outside the pub door with Gary, making the most of the hot sun while it was around. They smoked and talked about mutual friends, watching the traffic go past on the main road. The most interesting thing that happened was a small scuffle breaking out at the entrance of the court over the road, as two men in suits had a disagreement.
“Every day is like this,” Gary muttered. “This is the most depressing pub I’ve ever worked in.”
“Why don’t you go back to The Hob?” Nathan asked.
“Kiss and make up?”
“No,” Gary said defiantly. “I’ve had enough of the in-house soap operas. I want a nice quiet life. Only… maybe not this quiet.”
Nathan nodded in understanding.
As a sign of the times, the pub didn’t get another customer until 4 p.m. The large telesales office just up the road employed an army of shift workers, and a lot of them kicked out at four. They included two more of Gary’s friends, who stopped in for a drink. Gary got behind his bar to serve while Nathan sat next to Sean and Leigh.
A Bar Tender Tale | Melanie Tushmore 48
“Haven’t seen you for a while, Nath,” Sean commented as they were having a drink.
“He’s been dumped,” Gary announced. “Come crying to Uncle Gary, he has.”
“Cheers,” Nathan rolled his eyes. “Why don’t you tell them about what you were doing last night?” Gary looked panicked. “Er, no need for that. You want a free drink, Nath? What d’you want?”
“Rum and coke, thank you.”
“Oh, by the way, Gaz,” Leigh said with a smile.
“Awesome footage of you and Tazz in bed.” Gary frowned at them. “Laugh all you want. Ha, ha, ha.” They all tried to hide their smirks as Gary grumbled to himself.
Before it turned 5 p.m., Tazz rolled back in, demanding to drain the Guinness line.
“You’ll get the runs,” Leigh warned him.
“It’s free beer!” Tazz replied, settling himself on a stool next to Nathan. “Hit me up, Gazilla!” Gary shook his head as he produced a pint of murky looking Guinness. “On your own bowels be it,” he said.
The pub slowly gained a few more customers, which Gary tended to, leaving his friends at the bar to talk amongst themselves. He had to unplug Nathan’s music and put on something a little more acceptable, a mellow mix of Madness and The Specials.
A Bar Tender Tale | Melanie Tushmore 49
“So what happened with your toy-boy anyway?” Tazz asked Nathan. “Last time I saw you, you were gushing about how great he was.”
Nathan winced at the memory, which wasn’t that long ago, either. “Next time I act like a school girl with a crush, will you please slap some sense into me?”
“Consider it done!” Tazz swigged back his beer. “We’ve all been there, mate.”
“Some of us more than others,” Nathan muttered. “I’m just a bit lonely. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have wasted my time on someone who so isn’t my type.”
“What is your type? Big and beefy like Gaz?” Nathan smiled. “No… I mean, I don’t really have a type. I just meant, someone nice who isn’t a total dickhead.”
“Bro, come over our place tomorrow night,” Tazz offered.
“No one's got any money, so we’re gonna get cheap booze and popcorn, watch all the Rodriguez films we can cram in, starting with Planet Terror. Don’t think you’re climbing in my sleeping bag, though!”
Nathan laughed. “I would actually love that. The film, not your sleeping bag… but I’m working.” Tazz shrugged. “Your loss. I’ll let you know the next time we do it.”
“You do that.”
“I will. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” Tazz stepped down off his stool. “I’m going for a dump.”
“Thanks for sharing that.” Nathan made a face.
A Bar Tender Tale | Melanie Tushmore 50
Over the next few minutes, as Tazz occupied the small gent’s toilets nearby, occasionally holding the door open and shouting his progress to the rest of the pub, Nathan had to wonder why he was spending his precious day off here.
Then as the clock struck six, Auryn strolled in. Oh yes, Nathan thought, that’s why.
Auryn stepped up to the bar, right next to Nathan. He had already shed his tie from earlier and opened the top couple of buttons on his shirt, the smooth skin of his neck exposed. He seemed relaxed and even more gorgeous than before.
“Hello again.” He smiled at Nathan before turning to Gary. “Where
were you earlier, Gaz? What’s this video of you thrashing around in bed with a young man?”
“Argh!” Gary grumbled in answer as everyone else laughed. “Not you as well.”
“It’s had over three hundred hits,” Leigh informed them, checking the internet on his expensive brick of a phone.
Gary groaned. “I’m surprised my own mother hasn’t called me about it.”
“Come on, Gaz,” Auryn said. “That’s hardly the worst footage of you I’ve seen online. What about the one at that girl’s house?”
“Which one’s that?” Sean asked eagerly, as everyone looked up.
Waving his hands to silence him, Gary tried to close the subject. “Don’t tell them, Auz! I mean it. Have a drink and shut up.”
A Bar Tender Tale | Melanie Tushmore 51
“I will for now.” Auryn glanced at Nathan. “Is someone sitting here?”
“Only Tazz,” Nathan said. “But he’ll probably be a while yet.”
“Okay.” Auryn sat in the empty seat. “Pint please, Gaz.”
“John Smith’s?” Gary asked, reaching for a glass.
Auryn barely nodded in response before turning to Nathan. “I’ve thought of another one!” he said excitedly.
“Another what?” Nathan asked.
“Things Bruce Campbell was in!”
“Oh right.” Nathan recalled one of their many topics from earlier that day. “I thought we’d covered all of those?”
“I knew there was something bugging me,” Auryn explained. “We forgot about him playing Autolycus in all those Xena and Hercules episodes.”
“Oh,” Nathan said. “I never really watched those.”
“You’re probably too young, unlike us,” Gary commented.
A Bar Tender Tale Page 4
