by Jenna Jacob
“I already told you to keep Des—”
“Don’t. Interrupt. Me. Again,” he warned in a stern tone. “I’m well aware of what you said, but I also know you didn’t mean one fucking word of it. You’re dying to tap into the submissive inside you. The thought of James and me taking you together makes you wet, and you’d give almost anything to beg for our pleasure; beg for our pain. So stop lying to me and yourself.”
“It doesn’t matter what I want, Ian. I—I’m a traditional woman. There’s no way that I can be with both of you at the same time.”
“It damn well does matter. Traditional woman or not, you make the choice. Do you want to learn more about submission?”
“I—I…yes,” I whispered.
“Do you want to help James grow more secure in his Dominance?”
“Yes, but I’m not—”
“No buts. Yes or no?”
I shot him a frustrated glare. The bossy bastard wouldn’t even let me explain.
“Yes or no?” Ian all but barked the question again.
“Yes,” I hissed.
“Do you find me the least bit attractive?”
My jaw dropped open. Was the man brain dead? What red-blooded woman wouldn’t?
“Well, yes,” I replied as if he were as dumb as a stump.
“Okay then. Like I said, you make the choice. You can sit back and dream of the things you want to experience in life, or you can step outside your comfort zone and live out your fantasies. It all boils down to one question: “How bad do you want it?”
More than air, water, or food, but I wouldn’t tell him that.
“Not bad enough to drown myself in a pool of guilt and self-loathing afterward.”
Ian cocked his head, confusion written all over his face. “Explain, please.”
“I’m not the kind of woman who… I have morals,” I huffed indignantly. “Sex with two men at once is…it’s…wrong.”
“Says who? Your mother? Your father? Your minister? Who the fuck brainwashed you into believing such bullshit?”
I’d let the asshole back me into a corner. Damn it. Suddenly, self-preservation kicked in like a mule. I pressed my lips together tightly. I’d slice my wrists before I shared my past with a man like Ian.
“We all have skeletons,” he whispered, reading my mind. “I’m not asking you to throw open your closet and show me yours, at least not yet. But I have a problem. See, after James took you home last night, he dropped by the club. We had a long conversation, and the gist of it, is that he doesn’t want Destiny as his practice sub any more. In fact, he released her last night.”
“He what?” I gasped. “Why the hell did he do that?”
“Because he met you. I understand why he’s had a change of heart.” Ian studied me, then took a sip from his cup. “You keep a tight cloak of indifference wrapped around you in order to push people away, or at least at arm’s length. But I’ve seen you. Watched you let down your walls and share those precious pieces of yourself with James. He responds to you like no other woman he’s ever been with. I want to take all that sweet submission you give him, teach him how to mold it, and give it back to you. I want that very badly.”
“What are you, Ian? A private investigator and a shrink?”
“No.” A secretive smile played on his lips. The ache to taste him… To discover if his tongue was as soft and slick as James’ thrummed deep. “I’m simply a highly observant Dom, and I have a proposal for you.”
“Look, if you’re on some kind of fishing expedition, to find a new pseudo-sub for you and James to fuck, you’ve launched your boat in the wrong lake.”
“Have I?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t think so.”
His infuriating arrogance had returned in spades. “Thanks for the coffee, but this conversation is over. We’re done,” I spat. Standing, I slung my purse over my shoulder.
CHAPTER NINE
“Sit. Down.”
Like a rubber band, Ian’s clipped command snapped me back to the table and onto the padded seat. He smiled as he wrapped a warm, capable hand around mine. “Thank you, little one.”
Sparks ricocheted through my veins and zipped to my clit, and I snatched my hand back as if I’d been burned. I desperately needed him to stop calling me ‘little one’, and to quit touching me. His authoritative mien had me as jumpy as if I’d downed a bottle of amphetamines. Gazing at the table, I sucked in a deep breath in an attempt to center myself, then raised my head and looked him in the eyes—in his decadent, sexy eyes.
“James and I talked last night too, and he’s agreed to put his lifestyle needs on hold. We are going out on a non-BDSM date tonight. So you’ll have to find another Dom to mentor. Sorry.”
“I don’t take instructions, girl. I give them,” Ian scoffed. “James is setting his Dominant needs aside in order to keep from losing you, Liz. You’ve grown to mean a lot to him in a very short time. I do see why he’s enamored with you, but as his mentor—yes, I am still his mentor—I can’t let him walk away from his Dominant desires. And if you have half the feelings for James that he holds for you, you won’t ask him to deny those parts of him, either.”
“I never asked him to do that for me, Ian,” I hissed. “Don’t turn this around and make it my fault.”
“But it is your fault, Liz. You may not have come right out and asked him to choose. But when you turned down his offer to train you, it was as good as handing him an ultimatum. He had to make a choice between Dominance and you. Congratulations, you won.”
“Stop making me out to be the bad guy in all this. I refused his offer because I’m not about to turn into some vapid bimbo and spread my legs for two men at once.” Ian blanched. His jaw dropped open in disbelief, but I didn’t back down. “I don’t want James to change who he is. Not for me, or you, or anyone else.”
“We’ll visit your vapid bimbo comment in a minute.” Ian frowned. “James hopes to ease you into the lifestyle. I suspect he’ll succeed, but in order to bring you up to his level, he’ll have to take a giant step backward. Everything he’s worked toward will be useless for a long time. If you let me mentor both of you together, he won’t have to backslide.”
“Isn’t there another sub who can help him?”
The suggestion rolled off my tongue, making my stomach dip with a sickening swirl. I didn’t want to think of James with another woman, but more importantly, I didn’t want to carry the burden of guilt for dragging him down, and hinder his growth as a Dom.
“I told you, he doesn’t want another sub. He wants you,” Ian stressed, firmly squeezing my hands as if trying to meld his rationale into my body and brain. “While you let that sink in for a minute, explain your vapid bimbo comment.”
I shot him a sour expression. “Look me in the eye, Ian. Tell me that if I let you and James fuck me together, you’ll see me in the same light afterward, that you see me in right now.”
“I can’t,” he replied, casually. “I’d never look at you the same way again.”
“Exactly,” I sighed, pulling my hands from his. “I rest my case.”
He regarded me with a speculative gaze. Leaning over the table, he cupped my chin. I sucked in a quivering breath as the heat of his palm washed down my neck. He delved deep into my eyes.
“You didn’t let me finish, little one.” Ian scowled. “After James and I drown you in passion, push your limits, soar you into subspace and bring you back, to wrap you in our arms, I couldn’t possibly regard you as the woman you are right now. I’ll be your protector. Your guide. I’ll be responsible for your welfare, both physically and emotionally. You won’t simply be Liz, the nurse; you’ll be my submissive as much as you’ll be James’. We’ll hold you in a light so bright it blinds you. I’ll be more protective of you, and of James. More Dominant in my desires and expectations. But I’ll also be infinitely compassionate and tender. I’ll make sure every need, want, and desire you have is fulfilled. I’ll watch and help you grow as I brand all
your stunning progress into my soul. You’ll be more than just a woman, a lover, or a friend; you’ll be my submissive. You accused me of not taking the lifestyle seriously. Let me show you just how fucking serious I am. Make no mistake, Liz; you’re more than a convenient hole to plunder. I’m far more complex than simply seeking satisfaction with the appendage between my legs. I rest my case.”
Tears burned the backs of my eyes. I couldn’t speak…couldn’t push a word past the emotion lodged in my throat. Ian had climbed inside my soul, plucked out every fear of degradation and shame, and shredded them with in one fell swoop. The benevolence he vowed to bestow wouldn’t make me feel like a whore, but a treasure.
A single tear slid down my cheek. Ian reached up and brushed it away with the pad of his thumb. Compassion lined his face. Rising, Ian pulled me up from my seat and wrapped his arms around my waist.
“Let me take you on a journey beyond your wildest dreams, precious,” he whispered.
He softly slanted his lips over mine. They were soft, warm, and passionate, charged with the same mind-bending electricity and reassurance as James’.
Enveloped in an almost identical blanket of peace that I felt with James, I was no longer frightened of Ian, or the Dom beneath his forceful mien. He had the same potent affect; the same capability to set fire to my soul and make me believe anything was possible, like James. I wanted to mesh myself with Ian…let him fill me with passion and promise.
When he slid his tongue over the seam of my lips, delving further, I whimpered and softened against his chest. Exploring the recesses of my mouth, he issued a low, satisfied groan of his own. Lost in his control, command, and spine-tingling taste, he cupped my nape and deepened the kiss even more as I gripped his suit coat and surrendered beneath his sensual assault.
Easing back, the sight of his dark eyes, glazed in desire, turned me inside out. Reaching up I traced my fingertips along the rugged line of his jaw, scrapping my nails through the coarse stubble like I’d wanted to do the first time I had seen him standing at James’ door.
“We’ll never think you less than the gorgeous woman you are. And we’re never going to hurt you or let you fall. We’d take that wicked knee of yours to the balls before we’d ever think of breaking you.”
I sniffed, then chuckled. “I am sorry for hurting you last night.”
His broad, dashing smile took my breath away.
“I know. But at least you can protect yourself,” he chuckled, then sobered. “Do us a favor, Liz, keep an open mind. But more importantly, open your heart. Let us in. I know you want more than the glimpse of submission James gave you. There’s so much more. Let us give you all the beauty, peace, and serenity you yearn for.”
Ian was right, there was more…a lot more inside me. And I ached to let him and James uncover all the secrets that lay hidden inside me.
“Will you let us lead you, little one? Let us show you all the wonders of Dominance and submission?”
My whole life I’d been afraid of turning into a slut like my mother. She’d drilled her paradoxical rules into my head since I was five. But Sally’s reign of brainwashing was long gone. She didn’t have any power over me, or my decisions. I was my own woman now. Free to find happiness however I chose to.
Do it. Spread your wings and fly.
“Yes,” I whispered.
The word was out of my mouth so fast that I blinked in surprise. A nervous cry erupted from the back of my throat. “Oh god, I can’t believe I just agreed to this. It’s insane. What am I doing?”
Ian laughed. It was rich and deep, and warmed me from the inside out. Cupping his hands around my face, he strummed his thumbs over my lips.
“We’ll keep you safe, I promise.”
God, I wanted to believe him. Believe that he and James would take me under their wing, protect me while they showed me a new way of life.
“Do you think James will be happy?” I asked, nibbling my bottom lip.
“He’ll be just as ecstatic as I am right now.” Ian’s eyes sparkled with promise.
Excited, yet strangely fragmented, I felt as if I were fluttering apart in paper-thin layers of anticipation, doubt, hunger, and dread. I wanted to curl up into Ian’s arms, to keep from blowing away.
Pulling me to his lips, he kissed me. Caressing his thumbs over my cheeks, his passion flowed into me, filling me with hope and conviction. Begrudgingly, he lifted from my mouth.
“I need to head to the office. The three of us will talk soon and iron out all the details. Okay?”
I gave him a dumbfounded nod.
“Are you going to be all right, little one?” Ian asked, studying me intently.
“Yes,” I replied with a weak smile. “I think so.”
“If fears or insecurities start to overwhelm, talk to us, girl. We’re here now. We’ll help you work through everything. Understood?”
I numbly nodded. Ian scowled and shook his head. “Answer me. From now on, every question I ask, I expect a verbal response.”
“Yes,” I quickly replied.
“Yes, Sir,” he corrected. A sensual smile curled his lips.
“Yes, Sir,” I softly whispered.
“Good girl.”
My heart fluttered as Ian kissed me again, fast and hard. When he walked away, my heart drummed in my chest as a surge of white-hot fear engulfed me.
“But what if you’re not around when I need you?” I whispered timidly.
It’s time to grab life by the balls. Stop being afraid of the unknown.
Confidence and apprehension whirled, as every word Ian uttered whispered in my brain. I could stay in the booth—and slowly drive myself insane—or I could go upstairs and assuage my inner frenzy by spending time with Trevor and Drake.
Rushing back to Trevor’s room, I spent most of the afternoon with him and Drake, and the parade of friends who came to visit. Trevor had seemingly taken his beating in stride and was anxious to go home.
We laughed and joked. Trevor’s positive mien was exactly what I needed. I could finally draw a deep breath again. Or at least I had been able to, until the detective showed up and informed us that the men who’d assaulted Trevor had all been arrested.
I stepped out into the hallway to give the three men some privacy. Suddenly Drake shot out of the room like a cannonball. Yanking his cell from his pocket, fury rolled off him as he stormed to the end of the hall. Though he wasn’t completely out of earshot, I suspected he was talking to James.
“I want names and addresses, and I want them now,” Drake growled. “I don’t care what it costs, those piss-ant motherfuckers are mine.”
Listening to the anger and determination in his voice, I knew Drake planned to seek revenge. I couldn’t condemn his decision. I once was lost on a path of vengeance, but I wasn’t cunning or strong—not like Drake. I had no doubt that he’d succeed, but would retribution help him heal? It was only out of necessity that I managed to put one foot in front of the other and carry on with my life after Dayne’s death. But I hadn’t truly been living. Not until I’d met James did life take on new meaning. Maybe now that I could finally see daylight, the scars on my heart might smooth over.
I waited for the detective to leave before I venturing back into Trevor’s room. A bleak and heavy aurora hung in the air. It was almost as if Trevor’s courage and light had stripped away.
Drake pressed his lips over his lover’s, sealing a promise of their future. A bittersweet smile tugged my mouth. They had a long road of healing ahead of them. I hoped the love the two men shared would repair the damage done to Trevor’s psyche.
Wanting to give them time alone, I said my goodbyes and arrived home a short time later. I had three hours to shower, shave, and primp before my date with James. I rehearsed several ways to tell him that he had a new submissive, but each one sounded ridiculously corny.
Ian’s assurance had convinced me to take this massive leap, and I needed him now. Needed him to repeat all those beautiful words he’d said and take a
way the doubt roiling inside me. He wanted me to open my mind and I desperately wanted to. Still, though I’d banished the principles Sally had drilled into me, they had come back to haunt me. Good girls cross their legs. Good girls never let boys touch their private parts. Good girls don’t have sex. Good girls only let boys kiss them on the cheek. Good girls…
With a sigh of disgust, I clenched my teeth, determined to purge her from my soul.
“Good girls take it up the ass and pussy at the same time, too, Sally. So shut up and get out of my head. You weren’t exactly a poster child for abstinence. Bitch.”
Closing my eyes, I counted to ten, then welcomed Ian’s words as they wrapped around me.
‘I’ll hold you in a light so bright it’ll blind you.’
“I hope it’s a damn powerful spotlight,” I mumbled out loud before setting out to find the perfect naughty bra and panty set. The delight that lit up James’ face the last time I wore something special for him filled me with pride. I yearned to see that look of approval, again.
Sliding on the sexy black dress I’d intended to wear the night before, I wiggled on a pair of heels as the doorbell rang. I quickly glanced at the clock on my nightstand. James was fifteen minutes early. Dashing through a quick pump of perfume, I raced down the hall and pulled the front door open.
I was startled to find James and Ian standing on my porch, holding a colorful bouquet of spring flowers and a bottle of wine, respectively.
“Hi. Um… what’s going on?” I stammered, utterly confused.
Both men slid a hungry gaze up and down my body.
“Wow,” James murmured. “You look incredible.”
“Simply edible,” Ian chimed in with a raspy voice.
“Thank you,” I shyly replied, wishing their eyes were their hands, intently stroking me. “What are you two doing here?”
“I accidently spilled the beans,” Ian confessed sheepishly. James didn’t say a word; he simply flashed me a knee-knocking, panty-melting grin. “We’re here to take you to dinner.”
“Ah…we?” I stammered.
