by Gail Koger
A skittering noise drew my attention. Oh, fuck. Could this day get any worse?
Its head tilted at an odd angle, the Hag Bat dragged itself across the floor. Hatred burned in its eyes.
My hands slick with blood, I dug out the healing potion and drained the bottle. Energy flooded my battered body, chasing away every ache, every injury. Grabbing my sword, I rose to meet the Hag Bat.
It lunged at me.
Off with its head. My sword sliced through bone and tissue. No sense wasting good chocolate. I popped a piece in my mouth. Damn, that hit the spot.
Over the stupid wailing, I swore I heard a puppy whimpering. Maybe I was losing it.
Another Hag Bat dived out of the darkness, its claws extended.
The puppy yelped loudly.
I raised my sword. “Tempore. Cuidam. De cruce.” Blue fire shot from the blade and struck the Hag.
Whoosh! It burst into flames and crashed into a boulder.
“Ha! Gotcha!”
“Yip. Yip.”
The puppy sounded like it was celebrating too. I searched the shadows. Was it a hellhound? Or something else? I spotted what looked like a ball of white fur.
I eased cautiously toward it. “Hey, little guy, I’m not going to hurt ya. Please, please do not turn into some kind of demon spawn with big sharp teeth.”
It cocked its head and wagged a fluffy tail. It looked like a cross between a Maltese and a Yorkshire terrier. And then, a deep-throated growl broke from it.
I froze.
The little guy barked ferociously at something in the darkness.
“What do you see?” My psychic senses finally kicked in. Oh, fuck. Some bad shit was heading our way.
A horde of revenants shuffled into the light.
Oh, my God! “Grams, I need a little help here.”
“More than a little. How could you forget the exploding demon spell? It’s one of the first ones I taught you.”
And how many times had I been dropped on my head today? “Can we save the lecture for later? Like when I’m not in danger of becoming dinner for a bunch of zombies?”
“Vel de alia contentum,” Grams huffed.
I quickly repeated the incantation and boom! Zombie guts everywhere. And I do mean everywhere. Yuck. I knocked a piece of brain off my shoulder.
The little hairball of a puppy grabbed a finger and started chewing on it.
“No! No, baby. Icky. We don’t eat zombies. Spit! You heard me. Spit.”
The little guy whined pitifully.
“I know you’re hungry, but that rotting mess of flesh will make you sick.”
It dropped the finger.
“Good baby.” I held out my hand and crooned, “Come here. C’mon, come to momma.”
It crept toward me.
I knelt down. “What are you doing in this horrible place? Where’s your momma?”
“Momma dead,” she sobbed in my mind.
Okay. Definitely not a normal dog. “I’m so sorry. My name is Mariah. What’s your name, honey?”
“Xero.” She laid her head on my knee. “Don’t like it here, Myee.”
“It’s Mariah, not Myee, and I don’t like it here either.” I gently petted her silky fur.
Xero shivered. “Leave now?”
“Soon. Very soon.”
“Scared, Myee.”
I sighed. Myee? What the hell. “I promise I’ll kill anything that tries to hurt you.” I cuddled her against my chest.
She licked my hand. “I belong you?”
“Yes, you belong me.” I kissed her head.
Fabian suddenly demanded, “Who are you talking to?”
“Xero.” I flashed him a mental picture of her.
“Put it down. Now!” Fabian demanded.
“No. She’s scared.”
“It’s a demon.”
“You don’t know that,” I countered.
Fabian shot back, “There are no dogs in hell.”
“Are too. They’re called hellhounds.” That had come out a bit childish.
“That creature is not coming with us.”
“Her name is Xero, and yes, she is.”
Xero piped in, “Who he?”
“That’s Daddy Fabian.”
“He belong you?”
“Yes. He’s mine.”
“Damn right I am, and I’m not that thing’s father,” Fabian replied angrily.
“Don’t be a total dick. She’s a baby, and there is no way I’m leaving her here.”
“You’re not being rational.”
“I know. It’s called PMS,” I put in blithely.
Xero cried pitifully, “No leave me!”
“It’s okay. It’s okay, sweetie.” I stroked her shivering body.
“The child stays with you,” Grams stated in outrage.
My dog-hating hunter growled. “No—”
My headache suddenly got worse as Serafina invaded our minds, cutting Fabian off. “We protect children, not abandon them.”
Fabian uttered a curse in a language I didn’t know. “Fine. She comes with us.”
“Smart man.” I stood as a hot wind kicked up the dust and the wailing grew in volume.
Xero sneezed. “Why they cry?”
“’Cause they live here.”
“The king comes. The king comes. Asmoday is here!” the voices yelled insanely.
“Fuck.” I stuffed Xero in a pocket. “Be very, very quiet and don’t come out until I tell you it’s safe.”
“Demon-snake hurt Momma.” Xero snuffled.
“Did he? Paybacks are my specialty.”
“Me like paybacks.”
“We’re going to get along fine, kid.”
Torch after torch abruptly flared to life, casting an eerie orange glow over a bloodstained sacrificial platform. Thousands of skulls and bones littered the floor.
The presence of death grew overwhelming. Grief, rage, hatred, and a fierce desire for vengeance slammed into me. The dead wanted payback, and as the Judge I was just the girl to give it to them. I was also one hell of a ghost whisperer. “Gallice material transferm est quaedam.”
The bones trembled on the floor.
“Good move,” Fabian whispered in my head.
“Why, thank you.” I clung to his presence, surprised at how much his simple touch eased my fears. The damned blood bond really worked. Fabian was nearby and ready to pounce on any demon that threatened me.
A raspy hiss of a voice taunted, “The hunter cannot save you.”
Boy, was the demon-snake in for a big surprise. I gave a girly little yelp and spun around. My jaw dropped when Asmoday crawled into the light. The fucker was the size of a garden snake. “You’re itty-bitty.”
“Once I eat your virgin heart, I’ll be restored to all my glory.”
“I. Am. Not. A. Virgin.”
The little bastard bit my leg and spat out the blood. “Your blood has been corrupted.”
“Hallelujah. At last he sees me for the slut I am.” A sudden thought struck me. “Wait a minute. If your power is kaput, how in the hell did you open a portal?”
Asmoday grinned, showing off his nice sharp teeth. “I trapped Gader’el and took his power.”
“Grams, what’s a Gader’el?” The image of a seven-headed horned dragon formed in my mind. “Hmm. How hard would it be to free him?”
“Difficult, but Serafina and I have a plan. How long can you keep the wimpy demon king busy?”
“Long enough,” Fabian answered.
I shivered at the sensation of cadaverous fingers brushing against my face. My army was ready. More than ready.
My shadow warriors frolicked gleefully behind Asmoday.
“Miraculum sepulcrum ibidem solus noverm.”
Skeletal limbs abruptly tore through the ground and wrapped bony fingers around Asmoday. He roared in fury.
With banshee-like shrieks, hundreds of disembodied skul
ls flew out of the darkness and attacked the demon king.
“Now is the time to pray,” Grams said.
Fabian appeared out of thin air. Hmm. He could do a “nobody’s there” illusion spell too?
“Glad you could make it,” I said.
With a wary glance at the struggling demon-snake, Fabian pressed a cross into my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist. “Together?”
“Together.” As one we recited, “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul; he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”
Asmoday’s furious howls rose in volume.
“Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”
Fireflies danced in the darkness. Our grandmothers’ magic rocked.
With a thunderous cracking boom, a seven-headed dragon appeared. Chomp! He ate Asmoday.
“Well, that was quick.”
Gader’el’s sulfurous yellow eyes surveyed us for a moment. “Do not return. Desopsuit de cruce.”
Poof! We were back at the circus.
Chapter Eleven
I let out a giddy laugh. “We’re alive! God almighty, we’re alive.”
“Yes, we are.” Fabian’s lips claimed mine with a kiss so carnal it shook me.
I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Who said romance was dead?”
“Not me.” Fabian’s hands slid inside my costume. He caressed my breasts with his right hand while the left stroked my pussy.
Everywhere he touched, sparks of pleasure shot through me. My senses swirled as he thrust a finger deep inside me. God, that felt so good. I wanted his naked body against mine. I needed his cock inside me, making me his.
His thumb teased my clit. “Remember when I said I was going to lick your pussy until you screamed my name and begged for more?”
“I do.” I ground my pelvis against his erection. “There’s nothing stopping you now, is there?”
Xero wiggled in my pocket. “Me come out now?”
“Except a baby demon,” Fabian growled.
“Having a kid definitely puts a crimp in our love life.”
“Ya think?”
“Me want out,” Xero fussed.
I slid her from my pocket and handed her to Fabian. “Say hello.”
A reluctant smile tugged at his mouth. “She is a cutie.”
“You pretty too.” Xero licked Fabian’s chin.
My head began to throb.
“Give me the child and fuck Mariah. The bond needs to be completed,” a melodious voice commanded.
She did not just say that? I looked over my shoulder. Serafina Dragos, Grams’s archenemy, stood there. The voice of an angel and the face of a crow. Serafina had never forgiven my grandmother for stealing her man, and to this day dressed in funeral black. In her vendetta against my grandmother, Serafina conveniently forgot Jose was a gigolo who was sleeping with both of them. Furious over his betrayal, Serafina tried to turn Grams into a snake. Her aim was off and she zapped Jose instead. The poor guy now spends his days in a terrarium at the local zoo.
“Nonna, this is none of your concern,” Fabian snapped, steel in his voice.
Serafina’s beady black eyes surveyed me with open contempt. “Bedding the Vizzini’s pitiful virgin will be distasteful, but it is necessary.”
My temper flared to life. Excuse me? Pitiful? Fabian didn’t care if I had demon guts in my hair, and Serafina wasn’t getting her hands on Xero. “Listen, you hideous old bird, I get to choose who I fuck, not you.”
Serafina laughed. Not a pleasant sound. “You are Dragos now. You will obey me.”
“My name is Mariah Smith. I’m neither Vizzini nor Dragos. They call me the Judge. I’m in the business of paybacks, and lady, you do not want to be on my list.”
Serafina gaped at me in stunned disbelief.
Fabian chuckled. “I don’t think anyone has ever rendered Nonna speechless.”
“I’m not quite as helpless as your grandmother thinks.”
“You insolent child,” Serafina spat.
Xero bared her tiny teeth at her. “She mean. Want me to eat her?”
“No!” Fabian and I cried in unison.
Crack! The ground shook. Lightning danced wildly around us.
Oh, God. Grams was summoning her powers. I quickly put Xero back in the pocket. “Stay put, Xero, until we get your grandmother calmed down.”
“’Kay.”
A bolt of lightning struck the ground next to Serafina. The old harpy shouted, “Bring it on, Annalisa, and I’ll send you right back to hell where you belong.”
I groaned. “Not more than five minutes ago, they were working together. What happened to the truce?”
“With my grandmother? Hard to tell.” Fabian looked around warily.
Pop! A cloud of thick white smoke appeared.
I coughed and hacked. “Grams? You really don’t want to do this.”
“Oh, but I do.” She stepped into view, and with a wave of one hand, the smoke vanished.
“Parlor tricks.” Serafina sneered.
A bolt of blue energy shot from Grams’s fingers.
It struck Serafina in the chest. Her body contorted, twisted, and shrank into a rather large crow.
I sucked in a horrified breath. “Oh, shit!”
Fabian pushed me behind him and confronted Grams. “I forbid you to duel.”
“Forbid?” Grams’s menacing tone raised the hair on the back of my neck.
“Run!” I cried, tugging on Fabian’s arm.
“I am Dragos. We do not run,” Fabian snarled.
Grams chuckled. “Foolish, foolish man. Tempore est quaedam monstrata.” A thin red mist boiled up around Fabian.
“What are you doing to me?” Fabian’s voice was suddenly high-pitched and feminine. The mist dissipated. An attractive woman with long black hair stood there. She wore a low-cut peasant blouse, black spandex pants, and stilettos.
“Dammit, Grams! Was that necessary?”
“Without a dick he can’t fuck you.”
A look of utter horror on his face, Fabian cupped himself. “Stronzo.”
Yikes! He’d just called Grams a cunt.
Fabian’s boobs suddenly ballooned out to a good 40EE, and his butt would now give a reality star a run for her money.
“Don’t say another word. There’s no telling what else she’ll do,” I warned Fabian.
Staring down at his chest, Fabian growled in Italian, “Cazzo zuia.”
“Are you suicidal? Grams knows Italian, and calling her a fucking pussy isn’t going to help the situation.”
An evil smile on her mouth, Grams gestured.
Fabian’s lips swelled up. Yeow! Bee-stung didn’t quite describe them. More like a severe allergic reaction.
The hunter’s eyes bugged out. “Ssshittt.”
Serafina cawed loudly and landed on her grandson’s head.
A few seconds later, Fabian’s lips shrank back to normal size.
Grams raised her hand to blast her again.
“Kraa. Kraa.” A whirlwind of sparkling yellow magic shot from Serafina’s wing tips and engulfed Grams. When the energy field faded away, it revealed a small green toad. “Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit.”
“This is bad. This is really bad. Toads give Grams warts.”
Serafina flew off Fabian’s head and landed in front of Grams. “Kraa. Kraa!”
Grams puffed up. “Ribbit. Ribbit.”
And the fight was on. Energy bolts were flying in every direction.
The Tilt-A-
Whirl vanished.
Kaboom! Ticket booths exploded.
Whoosh! Food stands burst into flames.
Crack! The carousel shattered into a thousand pieces.
“Big boom.” Xero chortled.
“Yes, lots of booms.” Once Grams calmed down, she would be mortified at all the damage she was doing. Dodging the yellow and blue bolts, I took refuge behind the Ferris wheel.
A bolt sizzled past Fabian’s head as he tottered unsteadily on his stilettos. He finally kicked them off and ran for cover. He grabbed his boobs to keep them from spilling out of his blouse.
I jerked him behind the control panel. “Jeez, they’re gonna kill each other.”
“They’re so fucking big.” Fabian mashed his breasts together. “How do you run with these things?”
I rolled my eyes. “With a good support bra.”
He cupped his ass and groaned. “My butt—”
I cut him off. “Is the size of a Buick. Can we focus here? I need the demon hunter. Not the twit-brain bimbo.”
Fury darkened Fabian’s eyes. “Twit-brain?”
Yikes! He had PMS? How was that even possible? I groaned. Grams. She did have a mean streak. I handed Fabian a slightly squished chocolate. “Hormones are a bitch. This will keep you from killing the first person who pisses you off.”
“Some people need killing,” Fabian growled, popping the chocolate in his mouth.
Xero asked hopefully, “Me have some?”
“No, sweetie, chocolate is very bad for babies.”
“Not baby.”
Kablooy! The Milk Bottle game booth blew up.
Enough already. “I think I have a way to stop them.”
“Me too.” Fabian cracked his knuckles.
“Without killing them.”
“Where’s the fun in that?”
I quickly gave Fabian another piece of chocolate. Mixing testosterone with estrogen was never a good idea. Unless you wanted to raze a city.
God, I hoped my stun-gun spell would stop our grandmothers. I summoned my sword and pointed it at the battling toad and frog. “Cuidam suis.”
A blinding blue magical bolt struck the crow. Puff! Feathers exploded in every direction. A pink, thoroughly plucked bird hit the pavement.
“Cuidam suis.” The second bolt smacked into the toad. It jumped about a foot before crashing to the asphalt.
