Breathing deeply, Zara uses Garrett as an anchor and takes one step after the other. Like déjà vu, Zara finds herself behind her father. So much had changed since the last time she followed him down an aisle.
Zara waits as her father and brother pay last respects to her mother. Garrett leans his cheek on Zara’s head and they stand together as one until her time comes to say her final goodbye.
As Zara’s only two living family members leave the side of her mother’s casket, Garrett releases his hold on her. Looking up at him, the sound of a collective gasp reminds Zara they are not alone. Eyes locked on one another, no words are needed for Zara to plead with Garrett not to make her take the last two steps alone.
“I will be right behind you, Little One. I promise.” Bringing his lips to her ear, he tells her she needs to do this and that she is strong enough to do it alone. He lightly brushes his lips across hers and steps back so she can proceed.
Relying on her training to carry her forward, Zara takes another deep breath and squares her shoulders. With one last glance up at Garrett, she retrieves the last bit of strength she needs to move forward.
Zara places one foot in front of the other, eyes directly ahead on the red wood casket. When she reaches her mother, she places her hand on the side. Her mother looks beautiful. Nothing had changed from the last time she had stared at her mother laying there, but this time she knows it is her last time.
Leaning in, Zara kisses her mother’s cheek and whispers, “Mother, I love him. He has protected me and I think he really loves me. I am sorry I disappointed you. I am so sorry. I will make it right. I promise. I love you, Mother.”
Garrett places his handkerchief into Zara’s hand. She looks down at the piece of cloth and up at Garrett. Looking back down at her mother, Zara sees her tears have fallen on her mother’s cheek and a choking sob bursts forth without warning.
From behind, Zara feels Garrett wrap his arms around her. Charlotte appears and together they embrace Zara and walk her to the pew.
After a few minutes, it occurs to Zara that she is surrounded by Garrett’s family, while across the aisle her father and brother sit alone. On the raised dais in front of Zara, a man is talking about what a wonderful woman her mother had been. Blinking, Zara looks closer at the man to see if she recognizes him from her mother’s life, but she does not.
Zara looks in her father’s direction and feels Garrett squeeze her tighter. She cannot see Fredrik’s face. Looking up at Garrett with pleading eyes, she whispers, “I need to make sure Fredrik is alright. He is all alone over there.”
Garrett turns his head to look over to her family side. With a slight nod, he stands up and holds her hand while she gets to her feet.
The gentleman recalling the details of her mother’s life pauses mid-sentence and Zara can feel all the eyes in the sanctuary watching her every move.
Silently Garrett escorts her across the aisle to where her family sits stoically before her mother’s casket. She sits down next to Fredrik and lays her hand on her brother’s clenched fist. He takes a deep breath and opens his hand to accept her fingers and intertwines them with his own. Looking into her brother’s eyes, she sees the deep hurt etched into his features.
As Zara’s tears pour freely down her cheeks, her heart breaks watching Fredrik work to control his tears from leaking. She feels Garrett extend his arm around her back and she melts into the nook he creates. Holding hands with her brother and leaning into the man she has come to love, she begins to focus on the words being spoken in honor of her mother.
Unable to keep her mind from wandering, old memories of her mother sneak in and hijack her attention. Her thoughts drift back to the first time her mother spoke to her about her future Dom. The two of them were alone in the kitchen baking Fredrik a birthday cake for his fourth birthday.
Zara was sitting on a stool as her mother read her recipe aloud. It was not until many years later that she realized the recipe cards had been used for her benefit. When her mother cooked she never used the cards that were so neatly organized by category.
“Zara, do you know why we are making this cake for Fredrik?”
She nodded and watched her mother measure out the flour. She held the heaping cup over the canister and Zara ran the butter knife over the top to level it off.
“Cooking and baking are two of the best ways to show someone how much you love them. We could have purchased a cake, but by making it ourselves, we add our love into the mix. Someday you will be making a birthday cake for your Dom. It will be important to discover what his favorite cake is so you can bake it with love.”
Staring at her mom’s hand as she stirred the batter, Zara looked for the love to be added. “Zara Faith, would you like to ask me your question?”
Puzzled, Zara focused on her mother’s face. She didn’t understand the wide smile that covered her face but it made her smile back. “Mother, how did you know that I was thinking?”
Placing her elbow on the counter and her chin in her hand, she sat perched ready to listen to the wonders her mother would share. Her mother leaned in as close to her as she could without touching her and whispered, “You make a special face when thinking something over.”
Zara mulled over this new information.
“Do you think we should practice keeping your thoughts hidden? Maybe you will get so good at it that one day I will not be able to see that you are thinking.”
Zara nodded and her chin slipped from its resting spot.
“No one can hear you when you nod.”
Smiling, Zara shook her head again but this time replied, “I want to be able to think without you knowing it. I want you to show me.”
Zara’s mother finished pouring the batter into the cake pan and set it gently in the oven. They moved to the table and the lesson of maintaining a schooled face began.
Once Zara was able to hold her facial expression steady, her mother told her about the day she would watch her walk down the aisle to the Circle and become the wife of a wonderful Dom.
“Zara, school your face again. Very, very good. Now, remember that expression. Remember how it feels and where your eyes and mouth are. That is the same expression that I want you to go to every time I tell you to school your expression. It will be a game between you and me.”
Zara placed her hands on her face and felt her eyelids and lips to memorize their placement.
“Smell that?”
She nodded again and her mother’s look indicated her daughter’s nod was not a proper response.
“Yes, Ma’am. It smells like cake!”
Her mother stood and put on the oven mitts that were always hanging from the side of the oven. “It smells like love.”
The cake pan was placed on top of the stove. “Shall we test it and make sure it is done baking?”
Zara got up from her chair and moved closer to the warm stove. She watched her mother pick up two toothpicks and hand them to her.
“School your face.” Looking up at her mother, she took a deep breath and set her expression. Her hand touched her lips to ensure they were in the right place.
“Take the toothpick and push it into the center of the cake. Then pull it straight out. If the cake is finished, the toothpick will be clean. If it comes out with cake on it, back in the oven it goes. Remember, school your face, Zara.”
Taking another breath, Zara extended her hand over the cake and carefully placed the toothpick all the way into the center. Before pulling out the toothpick, she looked at the cake to memorize its golden appearance into her mind. Then she pulled out the toothpick and looked to see if it was clean. Handing it to her mother, she softly said, “Mother, the cake is done.”
Zara returned to the chair at the table and touched her face again. She placed her hands in her lap and looked straight ahead.
“I am so proud of you. That was remarkable. You did not change from your schooled face one time.” Her mother placed her hand on her shoulder.
Zara smiled. S
he looked up at her mother and felt a warmth cascade through her because she had pleased her. “Now, shall we practice some more while the cake cools?”
Careful to not show any emotion, Zara whispered, “Yes, please.”
Sitting down again, her mother began to tell her a story about a beautiful young lady who was married to a handsome kind man.
“One day your father will locate the perfect man for you. He will be your match in every way.”
Zara watched her mother’s lips as she spoke but kept the picture of the cake in her head.
“On your eighteenth birthday I will help you get into the most beautiful dress and your father will walk you down the aisle to a special circle. Once you are in the circle you will be presented to your Dom.”
Zara knew the minute her facial expressions changed. She squirmed in her chair and moved closer to the table.
“School your face again, Zara Faith.” Taking a deep breath and sitting up straight, she worked to push the jumbled thoughts in her head away and return to the mental cake picture. The edges were darker than the middle. The crispy edge pulled away a little bit from the sides of the pan. The yellow cake had turned a warm golden color.
Slowly, she brought her hands to her mouth and gently ran her fingers over her eyelids. She turned her head to look at her mother. There was no sign of what her mother was thinking and at that moment, she realized that this was her mother’s schooled expression. It was the face that looked down at her when she did schoolwork, when she sat at the table eating dinner and even when she was being tucked into bed.
Her fingertips returned to her lips and then her hands came to rest in her lap. Her face was schooled.
“Very well done. You are very good at this, Zara. You may stop now.”
Zara felt her entire body sag. The cake picture vanished and she was left thinking about what her mother had told her and the fact that her mother’s face was always being schooled.
Feeling her mother looking at her, Zara turned in her chair to face her. A big smile exploded over her mother’s face and she reached over to give her a big hug. “I am so proud of you, my Zara Faith.”
“Mother, what if I don’t have a Dom?” Her mother shook her head at her daughter. “Sorry, what if I do not have a Dom?”
Placing her hands in her lap, Zara’s mother looked in her daughter’s eyes and smiled broadly, “Zara, you will have a Dom. Your father will search all the land for the perfect match for his little girl.”
Without thinking, Zara asked, “What if I do not want a Dom?”
Her mother’s beautiful smile slipped. She stood and went to the refrigerator and retrieved a pitcher full of lemonade. Setting it on the table in front of Zara, she then pulled two cups from the cabinet and poured them both a half a cup of Zara’s favorite lemonade.
With a serious expression, her mother spoke in a low but clear voice, “Having a Dom is the best part of life. Did you know when I was a young lady my father found your father especially for me?” Zara placed her cup back on the table and whispered a soft no.
“I lived in the state of Michigan. When I was little we would get snow all the way up to here.” Zara’s eyes got big when her mother held her hand over both of their heads. “Oh yes. The snow would get so bad that my father could not get our mail and would have to dig out his car.
“On my 18th birthday, my mother helped me put on a beautiful white dress and I walked to the center of the Circle. That is where I met your father for the very first time. And you know what?” Zara sat and hung on every word her mother was saying.
“No, Ma’am.”
Her mother smoothed Zara’s hair behind her ears and leaned in close. “Your father was so handsome. I was very excited to become his. From the moment I saw him, I knew I was meant to be with him. That will happen to you too.
“Your Dom will take care of you and protect you, and you will care for him. A partnership is formed in the Circle. Your life will begin when you meet your Dom.”
Zara looked down at her mother’s hands resting in her lap; her long slender fingers grasped the sparkly ring on her left ring finger.
Her mother began to whisper and Zara looked at her lips as she spoke. “Do you know the very best part of walking into the Circle and getting a Dom? You and Fredrik.”
Beaming at her mother’s words, Zara wrapped her arms around her mother’s neck and received a tight squeeze.
Looking at Fredrik, Zara can see that the little boy who had eaten that cake had grown up. Though she had only been away at school for a few months, her younger brother had become a man in her absence. It would not be long before Fredrik was stepping into the Circle to collar his own submissive. Sitting there holding his hand, Zara wonders what her brother wants out of life.
Hearing her father say her name, Zara jumps. She has no idea what her father has said or when he had walked up to stand next to her mother’s casket. She stares at the casket holding her mother’s body and still none of the words being spoken make it through to Zara.
Garrett stands. He patiently waits as the siblings embrace. As Zara begins to stand, Garrett takes her hand.
Fredrik says in a hushed voice only his sister can hear, “Did you get the stones I sent you?”
Zara falters at his words causing Garrett to catch her by the arm. Feeling numb and confused, Zara lets Garrett lead her down the aisle and away from her mother.
Chapter 30
“I am planning to stay here for a while longer. I know. I miss you too. Just for a bit longer. El, I am okay. I promise. Tell Liliana I miss her, too. Okay, bye.”
Setting her cell phone on the counter, Zara finishes chopping the veggies for the salad. Chicken and potatoes are in the oven, the table is set, and Zara checks the rest of the items off in her mind. Music… dashing into the den, Zara turns on the Peaceful Piano playlist on Spotify. It is one of her favorite Christmas gifts and she uses it daily. Setting the music to play throughout the house, Zara returns to the kitchen to finish dinner.
Entering the kitchen, Zara stops in her tracks. She steps closer to the counter and sees a napkin. Allowing her head to fall all the way back and exhaling, Zara feels her shoulders drop.
Zar, now you are seeing things. Really? A recipe card? Mother would be very disappointed if a card was needed for roast chicken and potatoes. Two weeks since I’ve been in that house and now I’m seeing recipe cards that don’t exist.
Zara pulls the chicken and potatoes out of the oven when she hears Garrett’s car in the driveway. Sitting down, Zara waits patiently. The smile that spreads across his face when he sees her takes her breath away. She exhales. Her nerves had gotten to her in her time alone during the day.
“I am pleasantly surprised to see you, Little One. I thought when I dropped you off at school this morning you were staying on campus tonight.”
“Is this okay?”
“Is it okay… that you come to the house where you have a room and make dinner? Yes, Zara Faith, it is okay.” Walking to where Zara is sitting, Garrett extends his hands and helps her to her feet. Taking her in his arms, he talks into her hair, “I was not looking forward to coming home tonight to this empty house. I missed you today.”
“May I stay?”
“Yes. Smells delicious.” Released, Zara slips into her seat. Garrett walks out of the dining room while Zara begins serving the meal she prepared. As if they had rehearsed their timing, he returns and grabs the chilled wine just as the last plate is placed with the evening’s offerings.
“This looks amazing. Thank you. How were your classes today?” Garrett asks as he takes his first bite of chicken.
“Good. They will be a lot more challenging than last semester. Biology, Calculus, and Chemistry will be hard. I think I am going to enjoy my writing class. The professor seems very friendly.”
Shaking his head, Garrett takes a sip of wine, “This is not how I envisioned you exploring your first year of college. I was completely worried about you spending all your weekend ni
ghts at frat parties and dating a different guy every weekend. Instead, you are here making me dinner, taking the heaviest class load in freshman history.”
“I tried all of that. It did not hold a candle to the amazing John Garrett Dawson. There is no place I would rather be tonight than right here with you.”
“Do you have a lot of studying to do?”
“Yes.”
“Good. I have a shit ton of work to do for a new client and I would find it difficult to ignore you the entire night.” Winking at Zara, Garrett smirked at her broad smile.
“You are in luck. We get to ignore each other in the same room.”
Garrett and Zara finish dinner in a comfortable peace enjoying the soft piano dancing out of the speakers. After the dishes are cleaned and put away, the two change into comfy clothes and take up residence in the den. Garrett sits at his desk and Zara camps out on the sofa. They work in silence, but for Zara, just being in the same space as Garrett makes it well worth studying at his house.
Weeks earlier Garrett had established a new tradition by bringing Zara a special snack during their work sessions. He had walked out of the room, returned and passed Zara a small bag and returned to his seat without a word.
Zara emitted a squeal of glee when she opened the bag and examined the contents finding blow-pops and sweet-tarts. The next day, Zara had surprised Garrett with a mix of caramel, cheese and butter popcorn. On the third day, they each had a bag for each other and each day after it turned into a contest.
There is no doubt in Zara’s mind that she is taking tonight’s treat competition award. Pulling chocolate chip cookie balls from their hiding place in the back of the freezer, she quickly bakes them.
Pouring milk into pre-frosted glasses and arranging the fresh homemade-out-of-the-oven cookies on the platter, Zara heads into the den to claim her victory. Walking directly to Garrett’s desk, she carefully sets the platter down so it does not touch any of his documents.
Before Him Comes Me Page 24
