“If she did, I didn’t pay attention to her. I don’t bother with things like that. Do you?”
“I never ignore people who hate,” Dan said. “It’s too dangerous.”
FOUR
Advice for the Lovelorn
DAN HEARD MUSIC PLAYING AS SOON as he opened the door. Some sort of ethno-funk. Kedrick was home. His son’s tastes were surprisingly varied, whereas he, Dan, stayed largely within the bounds of the tried and true. Jazz and old-school rock. The real stuff. When Ked had moved out to attend university the previous fall, the house seemed empty. Gradually, Dan got used to it. Then suddenly his son was back and he found himself having to adjust to living with a teenager all over again.
Ked had left while still a boy in many ways, but he’d come back a refined young man, no doubt due in part to the influence of his new peers. To no one’s surprise, he’d enrolled in an oceanographic studies program at the University of British Columbia, spouting theories of biodiversity and ecosystem management on his return. Although he’d changed in some respects, his taste in music was the same. As was his habit of dropping his dirty clothes on the floor behind his bedroom door. After all, he was still an eighteen-year-old.
Ralph, Ked’s geriatric ginger retriever, had seemed especially relieved to have him back. It was as though he’d considered Dan at best a reasonable substitute for his true master, but only for the duration of Ked’s absence. The household balance would change again if he invited Nick to live with him, Dan knew. He thought of their aborted conversation the previous evening. It suddenly struck him that Nick may have intended to suggest living in his waterfront condo, a pricey little pied-à-terre Dan felt entirely comfortable visiting, but knew he would find it too close-quarters to move in there.
His own house in a leafy enclave of Leslieville, on the other hand, had been built to accommodate a family. He looked around and tried to imagine it with a second adult in residence. Nearly a century old, it was located in what had only recently been proclaimed one of the city’s chicest neighbourhoods. While the hipsters had headed to the city’s west end the previous decade, a new generation had lately been crowding the sidewalks and snatching up residences in the east.
At some point, Dan had resignedly shrugged off his fellow Torontonians as a self-absorbed and uncharitable lot, but lately he’d had reason to reconsider. On reflection, he realized he’d kept his head down for so long that he hadn’t noticed the transformation from the narcissistic yuppies who cared more about their property values than about their neighbours to a younger, more socially conscious set who preferred building bridges to erecting fences.
The city had grown up in a good way. Just so, Dan reflected, something inside him was changing as well. Despite his rough upbringing, he no longer felt as cynical about life and what the future might hold as he used to. If there were problems, they didn’t lie with Nick, whose affection was genuine. They had more to do with whether Dan could accept his good luck and not sabotage a budding relationship before it had a chance to succeed.
In part, that depended on Kedrick. As long as Ked was still in his charge, Dan intended to provide him with a home environment where he felt welcome. In the beginning, at least until he was sure of his feelings for Nick, he’d purposely kept the two of them apart. Growing surer, he had allowed them to come together on occasion. Then Ked left for school.
Nick, too, had once been a father. But his son had died, precipitating a decade of grief on Nick’s part, which he drowned in alcohol. Dan was acutely aware of this, knowing Nick had only regained his equilibrium not long before they met, and he didn’t want to tip the balance the wrong way. He’d watched carefully at Nick and Ked’s first few meetings. But Nick had taken it in stride that his partner had a teenage son while he was missing one.
Ked, on the other hand, hadn’t seemed overly responsive to Nick. Dan wondered if he worried that his father’s affection might be divided. By the time Ked had left for Vancouver, Dan wasn’t sure at all what the boy thought about his new partner.
On his return, when he wasn’t working, Ked spent much of his free time with his girlfriend, Elizabeth, and his mother. He and Dan spent less time together, particularly when Nick was around. But summer was winding down and Ked would soon return to BC. As far as Dan was concerned, the verdict was still out.
Ked came down the stairs now with Ralph at his heels.
“Hey, Dad! Good day?”
His son was affecting a beach-bum look. Cut-off jeans and floppy hair, a black Nirvana tee — old rockers never really died. He’d always been a happy-go-lucky kid. Agreeable and open. All the things his father no longer was. If he ever had been.
“Good enough, thanks. How’s yours? Enjoying your last few weeks of freedom?”
“Oh, yeah! Elizabeth and I took the ferry and spent the day at Centre Island.”
“Centre Island,” Dan mused. “I haven’t taken you there since you were a kid.”
“Yeah, I was ten.” He shrugged. “It’s pretty much the same.”
“I guess it never occurred to me to take you back there again.”
“Don’t worry. You’re still a great dad.”
“And you’re a great kid. I’m glad I had you. In case you were wondering.”
“Never considered it.” Ked grinned. “Once you had me, I guess it was too late to send me back.”
In fact, Dan had had to convince Kendra not to abort on discovering their one-time fling had resulted in pregnancy. He’d never mentioned it to Ked before and he certainly wasn’t about to do that now.
“I was always sure,” he said. “Right from the start.”
“Cool.” Ked considered his father, seemed to conclude that the timing was right for something, then said, “So — you and Nick. Is it serious? I mean, he’s still around after more than a year.”
Dan smiled, remembering how Donny had said much the same.
“It’s serious.”
“How come you two haven’t shacked up yet?”
“Shacked up?” Dan pretended to consider the phrase. “Do people still ‘shack up’?”
“Well, whatever it’s called. I mean, you’re probably too conservative to think about actually getting married, so in that case —”
“Me? Conservative?”
Ked hesitated. “Hmm. Maybe the other C word. Cautious? Whatever it is, you’re not really the marrying kind. Are you, Dad?”
Dan just looked at his son.
“I mean, I know you’re the loyal-unto-the-death type, but marriage is probably a bit too restrictive for you. Am I right?”
Dan scratched his head. “Is that how I seem to you? Cautious and conservative?”
“Well, not in everything, but in personal matters, yeah. For sure. You wouldn’t want to make another mistake. I know Trevor was a mistake —”
“Not at all,” Dan interrupted. “Trevor was not a mistake. Trevor was afraid for me, and therefore for himself, if anything should happen to me because of my work.”
They’d hardly spoken of it since the split, though Dan was aware that Trevor and Kedrick had bonded in their time together. He also knew the bond extended beyond that, as Trevor lived on Vancouver Island. Ked reported occasional visits, though Dan avoided asking for news lest he seem overly curious.
“Yeah, okay. That’s one way of putting it. I just mean you wouldn’t want to invest in a new relationship and have it fall apart on you again. Right?”
“That’s true,” Dan said. “I also wonder what it’s going to mean if Nick and I do decide to … shack up. I mean, how it will affect family dynamics.”
Ked reached down and scratched Ralph behind the ears. “There’s just me and Ralph. If you want to know how we feel about it, just ask.”
“There’s not just you and Ralph. There’s also your mom and Donny and Prabin to consider. But since you brought it up, how do you … and Ralph … feel about Nick? Specifically, how would you feel if we moved in together?”
Ked regarded his father. In that momen
t, Dan suddenly sensed that something had got turned around. His son was looking at him as though he were the father and Dan the son. Just how much had Ked changed? They grow up, he reasoned. And you let them go. The rest is up to fate.
“Well, now that you mention it,” Ked said, “I have to say I would approve with certain provisions.”
“And what might those be?” Dan asked, resisting an urge to laugh at his son’s earnestness.
“Number one — you need to be as happy as or even happier than you already are if he moves in. Number two — you need to know he will love and respect you for as long as you are together. Number three — things change, so you need to ensure that if you move in together and it doesn’t work out, say, after a year or maybe two, that there are provisions for you to safely separate without enduring any great emotional or financial loss.” He looked at his father. “As much as that’s possible to do, of course.”
Dan shook his head. “Why do I get the feeling that whatever gains Oceanographic and Environmental Studies made by having you on their side will prove an enduring loss to the future of romance counselling?”
Ked bared his teeth in a grin. “The love industry will be okay with or without me.”
Dan laughed. “Did you pull those things out of thin air just now or have you been saving up this lecture to try it out on me?”
Ked shrugged. “Elizabeth and I have been having the same sort of talks. You know it’s been tough for us being so far apart while I was in BC. We decided if we’re going to continue there have to be ground rules in place. Otherwise, we’re heading for disaster.”
“So, from your observations, do you think Nick and I have a chance?”
Ked nodded. “Better than average, in fact, as long as all eventualities are considered.”
“Does your mother know you talk like this?”
“Sure. I had to give her the talk about what her future holds too. She’s been single far too long and she’s not getting any younger.”
“And what did she say?”
“She said if she needed a counsellor she would definitely come to me.”
FIVE
Crystal Lullaby
THE FOLLOWING MORNING, a curt-sounding secretary answered Dan’s call to Elroy James, Eli Gestner’s threat-making ex–business partner. Her tone said she was not impressed enough to put him through to her boss. Either that or she was genuinely telling the truth when she said she didn’t know where he was, but that he would soon be on his way to Hong Kong for a business deal and unavailable to return Dan’s call till he returned.
“What’s it about?” she asked.
“Kidnapping and extortion.”
“Hmmm. Sounds serious.”
“It is.”
“In that case, he might call you back.”
“It would be in his best interest.”
“I’ll let him know.”
He hung up wondering whether she would indeed let him know and what exactly Mr. Elroy James’s business interests consisted of. In the meantime, he had other names to check off his list.
Sarah Nealon looked surprisingly well-put-together for a meth addict. Safely enrolled in a government-sponsored rehab program, she was one of the lucky ones who hadn’t ended up on the streets or working as a hooker. Instead, she lived in a bright public-housing unit and was well dressed, with her hair done and fingernails painted. Dan sat watching her butterfly-like movements as she toyed with a tea set in a slow-motion parody of a homemaker’s routine: put tea in the pot then smile at your guest; pour water from the kettle then smile at your guest; offer your guest his cup then smile again. Everything seemed designed to reassure him that all was well and she was fully in control of her situation, despite the unnatural sheen in her eyes.
A sun-catcher dangled over the table. She reached up with spidery fingers to spin it. The coppery faces reflected light haphazardly throughout the room, random acts of beauty in a harsh and unpredictable world. It tinkled softly, dispelling gloom while keeping the world and its demons at bay.
Dan was familiar with meth users. Most of them wanted a good time, not a self-destructive ride to hell. Unfortunately, the latter was more often what they got — a never-ending trip that ensnared everyone around them, the people who watched in disbelief as a wonderful friend/co-worker/brother/sister/son/daughter/spouse turned into an abusive monster/liar/thief who needed desperately to support a habit that had started out as just an escape from the humdrum routine of life. Why do nine-to-five when you could get five-to-ten instead? But Sarah Nealon was lucky, in a manner of speaking. Her addiction meant she could exist on a disability pension that would extend her life of purgatory and pay for her habit for as long as she wanted.
“Do you mind if I ask where you were over the weekend?” Dan said.
“When Jeremy disappeared?”
“Yes.”
She smiled again, her movements light as a feather, as though she were trying to avoid making contact with anything more tangible than the air surrounding her.
“Oh, I was here,” she said, brushing the hair from her forehead and cradling her tea. “I’m always here.”
As with Marietta and Ramón, Dan doubted whether she would have been capable of plotting and pulling off an abduction on her own even if she’d wanted to. Then again, addicts were surprisingly tenacious.
“I’m not supposed to leave.” She showed him her ankle monitor. “They always know where I am. It’s part of my probation agreement.”
“I understand you got off surprisingly easy.”
“It’s because of the pregnancy.” Her face twitched at some memory reaching through the fog of her brain. She unconsciously patted her swollen abdomen. “When the judge heard I was pregnant, she took pity on me, I think.”
“Three months is a very light sentence,” Dan agreed.
“Oh, but there’s still my probation,” she said, as though he might be considering that the judge had been too lenient. “It’s for another two years. After that, we’ll see.”
Dan wondered whether her probation would be rescinded if the judge learned she was using meth again. Then again, with the city’s restricted budgets most felons were self-reporting under the new rules. And so the system failed them again.
“I’m also not allowed to have credit cards or enter a bank without supervision.” She watched his every movement, her eyes focused on him as she sipped from her cup.
“It’s probably for the best,” he said.
“Oh! I wouldn’t do it again. I know better now.” She gave a light laugh. “I really believed I was on a mission to end world hunger and poverty. I was convinced God sent me to that bank to ask for funding.” She smiled. “Isn’t that crazy?”
“It’s a nice thought,” Dan said. “If all the banks around the world put their resources together they probably could do just that.”
“I know — that’s the crazy thing. My thinking wasn’t that far off. It was just …”
She reached up. The sun-catcher tinkled again. She smiled at it as if it were a friend calling her name.
“Your method of going about it?” Dan asked.
“Yes! I thought I was asking for a contribution to help end world hunger, but they thought I was robbing the bank.” Her expression darkened. “Though I guess that’s what I was doing, really, when you think about it.”
“Sadly, yes,” Dan said.
She turned back to him. “Why are you here again?”
“I came to ask you about Jeremy Bentham. He’s been abducted.”
“That’s terrible. I didn’t know.” She paused. “Or did I? I don’t remember. It seems to me I did know it, but then I forgot.”
“Do you remember asking his mother, Janice, for money after Jeremy’s birth?”
“I do remember that. She was very nice. She gave me money when I explained that giving birth to Jeremy made me turn to …” She frowned and shook her head. “The fertility clinic fired me. After that I went away and promised not to ask her for more.”
“And did you stop asking?”
“I …” She looked away for a moment. “Janice was very nice to me. She promised to help.” She smiled sadly. “I’m getting better.”
“That’s good.” Dan considered. “Do you know of anyone who might want to harm Jeremy or take him from his mother?”
“No! Why would anyone harm a child? Did someone tell you I did?”
“No. No one told me that.”
“Good, because I would never.” Tears formed in her eyes. “There was an accident once, though. It was terrible.”
“With Jeremy?”
“Oh, no. Not with him.” She shook her head. “Something terrible happened to a boy I knew.”
“One of the children you were carrying for someone else?”
“Oh, no.” She looked relieved. “Another boy. It was very sad. But I don’t really remember it now.”
“How did you learn where Jeremy lived?”
“I wasn’t supposed to know!” She suddenly looked mischievous, a child who had done something naughty but clever. “It was at the clinic. When they told me my services were no longer required, the doctor was distracted for a moment. I looked down at my file and saw the address. I still remember it!”
“And when you went to ask Janice and Ashley for money, did you think you were helping end world hunger again?”
She stared at him for a moment then stood.
“I’m afraid you’ll have to excuse me. Marjorie is coming soon. She’s my social worker. I have to get ready for her.”
Dan stood. “Thank you for seeing me.”
She saw him to the door.
“I hope they find Jeremy.” She unconsciously reached down to feel her stomach. “I love children. I’d hate to see any of them hurt. I’m going to have my own soon. My mother is very happy she’s going to have a grandchild of her own.”
Dan nodded, wondering how long a drug addict and convicted felon would be allowed to keep a child. The door closed behind him. A young woman was coming along the sidewalk toward him. Her clothes were prim, her look officious. The social worker.
Lion's Head Revisited Page 4
