After four hours of lecture, I’m exhausted; my body needs to relax. Russell has been stalking me all day, and I end up inviting him over to the cinema. Oliver probably won’t be that happy, but he will get over it. If I can tolerate Rhian, then he shouldn’t have problem with Russell.
Present
“Why did you invite him?” asks Dora while Jacob and Russell talk in the living room.
“He kept asking about my plans this weekend, so I didn’t have a choice. I had to invite him!”
“Oliver hates him. This can only bring trouble,” mutters Dora.
“Well, I don’t like Rhian, but I’ve got to pretend I do.”
She doesn’t say any more, and when Oliver and Rhian arrive, there is a long silence. Oliver gives Russell an angry look, but they both force an abrupt hi to each other. Once we finally get to the cinema, they both fight over the choice of film. In the end, we’re late for the show.
Throughout the whole film, I stay tense because on one side I have Oliver and on the other is Russell. There is a guy I love, but I can’t be with, and then there is a guy that wants me, but I’m not interested in him. Oliver’s arm keeps brushing over mine. He doesn’t let me concentrate on the film. Russell keeps trying to hold my hand, but I don’t want to give him the wrong signals.
The whole evening is just a disaster, as Russell ends up fighting with Oliver. I don’t even know who started the argument. The restaurant meal is embarrassing, and we all end up going home early.
I get in bed feeling like my friendship with Oliver is never going to work if Russell is around. Russell is a nice bloke and I keep getting close to him, so I can’t just abandon him because of Oliver. I decide it’s time to talk to Oliver and explain we both might not be ready for the friendship.
Chapter Twenty-One
Meltdown
Present
It’s late when I leave the house on Monday evening. Dora is in the apartment and I’m taking this opportunity to go to the library. We both had a relaxing Sunday, and since I haven’t been thinking about my coursework lately, it’s all piled up. When I sneak out to the library, trying to take my mind off Oliver, the campus seems deserted.
I don’t know what I’ve been thinking. Oliver and I, well, we can’t be friends. We both feel like we owe something to each other. I don’t care what Oliver says; he can’t hide the fact that he cares about me.
I choose a quiet spot at the back and stay there until I get something done. Mum was absolutely right when she stated that studying law would be tough, and now I finally realise what she was talking about. After a few hours, I write an essay that’s worth grading and decide to head home. The library is almost empty, so I leave before I get locked up here for the night.
I stop for a few groceries and walk home, taking a shortcut. No one normally takes this route, but I’m in a hurry. The freezing temperatures eased off a little, but it’s still cold when I make my way through the empty lanes. After five minutes, it gets darker, and when I cross over the path to the right, two largely built guys cross through my way. Something in their creepy smiles alerts me, but I try to walk around them, not making eye contact. Despite how eager I am to get away from them, the shorter guy jumps in front of me, blocking the path again. Fear freezes my limbs and my pulse starts to race.
“Where are you going, sweetheart?” asks one of them, baring his white teeth in a smile. He’s wearing a black hooded sweatshirt and heavy cowboy boots.
“Home.”
My reply is short and my heart pounds wildly in my chest when I glare at the stranger in front of me. They haven’t left me any route of escape. The other guy circles around me, and I consider screaming, but I’m a distance away from the campus so no one is going to hear me. Taking a half step, I glance at the guy in front of me. He grins at me and nods towards his partner. A mad gleam starts dancing in his eyes, and my stomach heaves because I recognise that haunted expression on his face. Christian had this look in his eyes when he stood in front of me over two years ago at his going away party.
“We wanna have some fun with you. A young girl like you shouldn’t hang around here alone. What if something bad happens?” asks the guy behind me. He sounds like he hasn’t slept for days. The adrenaline rolls over me, creeping down to my bloodstream. God cannot be that cruel. This can’t keep happening to me.
Not now, not when I’m doing so well.
I make a split-second decision and hurry to the right, but the older guy gets to me before I have a chance to escape. He grabs me around the waist and pushes me towards a tree. Icy fear jets through me like a spark, and with the snap of a finger, I feel like I’m back at the attic.
“Naughty,” whispers the second one standing behind me. I try to scream, but one of them shoves his hand over my mouth. Hot blasted fear triggers all my senses. All of a sudden I can’t breathe. The images of that vicious night at the party are flashing in front of my eyes. The nausea hits me and my stomach makes a flip. I can’t go through this again. I’ve been healing for two long years. I can’t even hear what they’re saying. The demons are back.
I feel their hands on my hips, and I cry out for help.
I have to fight back; there is no way I’m letting them damage me, destroying my long healing process. My consciousness is back. I shut my eyes, hearing how they’re consulting with each other about what to do next. The guy in front of me shouts to the other that he is going to do me first, and in that short moment of distraction, I shove my knee straight between his legs. He makes a loud raspy sound and falls to the ground. The other guy looks completely disorientated, so I whack him as hard as I can with my bag filled with heavy books and take off.
I hear their screams and curses behind me, but I don’t care. I run fast, taking long pulls of air. The tears stream from my eyes. I don’t know if they’re behind me or not, but I move like I’m running for my life—which for all I know I may be. When I reach the road, my feet pound against the pavement. My heart speeds up and my anxiety rises. Blackness starts dancing in front of my eyes. I keep running until I reach my apartment building. Without hesitation, I slam my way inside and hurry upstairs.
What if those guys follow me here? What if I put Dora in danger?
I barge through to Dora, taking long, deep breaths, and lock the door.
“India, are you okay?” asks Dora while I take out my mobile. My hands are shaking so much I can’t even hold my phone.
“India, come on, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”
My mobile hits the floor and I sit down, tucking my hands around my knees, and start sobbing. My body collides with fear. Haunting, raspy voices are all over me. His hands are so cold, moving, devouring my innocence. Then someone sits next to me, and then I hear Dora’s whisper.
“Please, India, tell me. Did something happen?”
I lift my head and look at her.
“Two guys, they wouldn’t let me pass,” I whisper with a cracking voice, pressing my hands to my ears, trying to block the sound of music from that day.
“What happened, India?”
“They wanted what Christian wanted, that day at the party…” I mumble, moving up and down, trying to stop this terrible sound. I feel like there is no escape, that I’m back in that attic.
“India, please, you’re safe now. Jacob went out, but he’ll take you to the police—”
Then everything stops and I snap back to reality. My best friend is sitting next to me, looking completely freaked out. The throbbing pain in my head is infuriating. My heart beats fast as the adrenaline starts wearing off.
“I’m fine now, Dora. It’s all right. I escaped. They didn’t do anything,” I tell her, trying to keep my voice even. My hands are still shaking.
“If you think I believe you, then you are very wrong,” she says, pressing her lips together, staring at me. Dora has never seen me in any meltdown. She thinks I’m strong and unbreakable, and this the first time I’ve lost it in front of her.
“I’m just shaken
up. It’s nothing Dora, nothing worth talking about,” I say, but my voice is just too tight. My head is spinning and I keep seeing flashes of images of Christian. I want to shut my eyes and just pretend everything is going to be all right.
“India, you may think I’m stupid, but I know you’re lying to me. Something happened two years ago. I’ve been getting hints from you, and now—”
“Trust me, you don’t want to know.” I cut her off.
“It’s better to share. There is no point in hiding the truth. You will feel better when this is off your chest.”
Long, uncomfortable silence stretches between us. My breath grows shallow, and I know I can’t ignore Dora. She has been there for me and she deserves to know—at least part of the secret, because the other part is darker, cruel and unbearable.
“Christian wasn’t the person everyone thought he was,” I begin with a broken voice. “I saw him for what he truly was.”
Dora stares at me blankly, not saying anything. This is going to be hard. I’m going back to the past, to those shut-down memories and scars.
“He did something to you, something bad?” she asks.
“It’s more than that. He ruined everything I ever believed in. He scarred me for the rest of my life.”
Past
I couldn’t delay my entrance any longer. It was time to face him. After ignoring his text messages all day long, I was getting ready for a long battle. The music was loud when I entered the Morgans’ home. I stepped into the crowd, my stomach in knots. I looked good, maybe overdressed a little, but that was the whole point. Christian had to see that I wasn’t weak. He wanted to show me off, like I was his trophy girlfriend. A lot of people glanced at me as I stood in the entrance; the whole Rugby team smiled as I passed, heading to the kitchen. I scanned the space for Oliver, but it looked like he hadn’t made it to the party yet. That was all right. I still had time.
Dora was dancing, embraced by some stocky older bloke. Christian’s good-bye party was a success. Tonight was the night I would tell him it was over between us, that there was no point in pretending anymore. There was that odd feeling in my stomach, and I kept wondering if I’d missed something.
I blended into the crowd, hoping Christian was already way too drunk to realise I was inside, but this was his party and I knew him well enough. He wouldn’t get drunk before eleven. Someone handed me a cocktail, Bryan, one of Christian’s mates. He winked at me and tried to strike up a conversation, but I ignored him. Bryan knew he shouldn’t hit on his best mate’s girlfriend.
Christian and I, well, we’d never talked about our future, but he couldn’t expect me to stay with him once he was two hundred miles from home.
A few hours later, I was feeling more anxious because Oliver still hadn’t shown up. I had another problem. My current boyfriend hadn’t even spoken to me yet, and I was getting aggravated. Close to ten, Dora strolled in looking completely wasted, telling me she was planning to make out with Roger Smith, one of the college guys. I wanted to tell her maybe she should calm down, but then I felt someone’s hand on my waist.
“There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” said Christian, leaning over to give me a kiss. My whole body tensed like I’d been struck by lightning. He managed to surprise me.
“Oh, hey, it’s strange, isn’t it? Because I’ve been looking for you as well,” I told him, forcing a smile. His grey eyes flickered with challenge and something else I couldn’t quite recognise. He wasn’t drunk at all, not even tipsy, and that wasn’t a good sign.
“Great that we finally found each other. Come on, I need to show you something.”
It wasn’t a request, but an order. I would recognise that tone of voice anywhere. Christian took my hand and we walked out of the kitchen. I searched with desperation for Oliver, but he wasn’t there yet. He ditched me and now I was going to be alone with Christian. My plan had failed.
A few of his mates winked at him as we passed them on the stairs, still holding hands. My heart pumped fast, way too fast. Christian walked me into the room in the attic.
“What are we doing here? I thought your parents told you to stay away from the attic,” I asked, unable to hide the tension in my voice. He turned the keys in the door, leaning against the wall. He was very good-looking, dressed in his designer clothes. His black hair was too long, tickling my forehead as he leaned close. That devilish gleam began dancing in his eyes. When he smiled, I knew I’d done something wrong.
“I didn’t want to be disturbed by anyone, India. You know I hate being interrupted.”
It was a large room. Mrs. Morgan used it as a guest room, so the boys weren’t allowed here. This was the only rule in the Morgans’ household.
“Okay, but I think we should enjoy the party. We can talk later.”
“I don’t think so. I told you I’ve a surprise for you.”
“You do know I don’t like surprises,” I said, forcing another smile.
“It’s a pleasant surprise, hun. We’re going to make love tonight. It’s our special night, the one we’ve both been waiting for.”
I stared at him, wondering how to tell him he was wrong. That I couldn’t have sex with him. That I came here to break up with him.
He moved towards me, smiling. When I didn’t respond, he added, “Come on, it’s my last party in Gargle. I’ve been patient, but it’s time to show you how gentle I can be.”
“Christian, I can’t do this,” I said once he touched my arm. I couldn’t lie anymore. I had to do this alone, without Oliver.
He frowned, still smiling like he was expecting me to say something like that.
“You can’t do what? Have sex with me?”
“No, I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. I don’t love you. That’s why I didn’t want to sleep with you.”
Once these words were out of my mouth, I felt that sense of relief I’d been longing for.
He shook his head and lifted his grey eyes like he thought I was joking.
“You don’t love me?” he asked, his question laced with accusation.
“No, I don’t. I never did. I thought it was love, but then I realised I liked being with you, but it wasn’t love.”
Christian looked like he wasn’t affected at all by my words, like I wasn’t seriously telling him there was nothing between us. The smile on his face never faded, and I kept thinking this had been just all too easy. His eyes lingered over my body as he moved closer. My heart pounded fast and goose pimples appeared on the back of my neck.
“Come on, let’s talk about it, India. We’ve been together for years.”
I stood in front of him, trying to figure out how to emphasise the fact that I was being serious.
“Christian, I don’t want to hurt you—”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Party
Past
This time he didn’t let me finish because he hit me. The shock came after. I must have blacked out for a moment or so. A searing pain stabbed me right between my eyes. I tasted blood in my mouth. I blinked twice and saw Christian standing by me, and I was lying on the bed. I tried to move, but after a moment, I realised I was chained to the bedframe by handcuffs. My head spun and terror rolled over me like a tennis ball.
“Christian, what are you doing?” I asked, trying to sit up. He moved around the bed like a hyena in the desert, his eyes gleaming with fury. The throbbing pain made me dizzy.
“You lying bitch,” he snapped. “Do you think I’m stupid?”
When I came to this room, I should have suspected that he would be violent all of a sudden. If Christian wanted something badly, he would do anything to get it.
“Of course you’re not stupid, sweetie. Come on, it’s not funny anymore,” I pleaded, trying to turn this game into a joke. He ran his hand through his hair, taking a deep breath, and before I knew it, he was beside me, squeezing my face in his palm, hard, hurting me.
“I’ve known since that day at school that my brother had a
thing for you. He was always a freak of nature, so I jumped into an opportunity,” said Christian, whispering, squeezing my face harder and harder. “All these years I kept you for myself, but I knew you liked him too.”
The tears moved over my cheeks, and I cried out, terrified.
“You were probably fucking him behind my back, and now you’re telling me you don’t want to be with me anymore?”
He released me.
“Christian, please, it’s not like that!” I cried, hoping he would give me a chance to explain.
“Don’t lie to me, you cunt!” he screamed and hit me again, this time below my ribs. I cried out, trying to breathe, but it seemed as if my lungs had stopped working. “You were going to leave me for him, thinking I’d leave you two with my blessing.”
This was the real Christian, the one without a soul. It was funny how fast people changed. I never thought he was capable of anything like this.
“And you’re refusing to fuck me because you were fucking him… Don’t be delusional, India. I was never faithful to you, but I wanted you.”
“Christian, please, think about what you’re doing,” I pleaded, losing my mind and my strength. Oliver was supposed to be here with me. He was supposed to protect me from him. Why had this gone so wrong?
He slapped me again, this time harder, and then he stood in front of me, beating my stomach with a stick. I screamed, but the music thumped so loud in my ears. No one could hear us. I couldn’t remember how many times he hit me, but it was always in the stomach, the places where no one could see the bruises. He smiled as he hurt me.
After I was half conscious, he brought out a sharp, small knife and made two cuts just below my abdomen. I screamed when I saw the blood, but he shoved something in my mouth. My mind was clouded with pain. Christian laughed through the whole process, showing me I truly meant nothing to him. He told me who he really was. He confessed his deepest secrets. He admitted he had been sleeping around whenever he had a chance. The only reason he was with me was because he wanted to hurt Oliver. He blamed him for his mother’s illness.
Love & Hate Series Box Set (Love & Hate #1-2) Page 18
