Mum arches her eyebrows in confusion. “That’s why he can’t stay with her, because they had a fight?”
“It’s more than just a fight. It’s complicated, Mum. Can you drop it for now?” I ask.
She sighs and places her palm on my shoulder. “I can, but there is something else you’re hiding from me. You and Oliver are a couple, right?”
“We’re working things out between us. This is also very complicated.”
“Are you sure you want to get yourself involved with another Morgan? I know how hard it was for you to cope after Christian—”
“Mum, please. I don’t even know why I dated Christian. Maybe because I wanted to get closer to Oliver. Can you be happy for me just this once?” I ask.
“I’m happy for you. It’s just worrying me. I don’t want you to get hurt. Oliver looks a little damaged, and he could take you down with him.”
“It’s going to be all right. I’ll make him see Mrs. Morgan. She changed. She takes her medication and goes to therapy. Oliver has nothing to worry about.”
“I hope you’re right, hun. Just be careful. He needs to be the one with initiative.”
Later in the afternoon, Oliver finally emerges from my room. I saw him drifting off earlier, so I left him to catch up on some sleep. Mrs. Morgan has been on the phone with me, asking if Oliver was planning to come today. The funeral was set for Saturday, which gives Oliver two days to make peace with his mother.
I witnessed some of their encounters, so I could understand him, but now his father is dead. He doesn’t have to wait for anything. She also doesn’t know about his transformation. Oliver will remind her about Christian; that’s why I have to be there with him.
“Let’s go to town, see if Gargle is still as depressing as I remember,” suggests Oliver, passing me my jacket as the darkness falls.
“I thought we were going to see your mother. Don’t you think it’s time?”
“She can wait until tomorrow. I’ve got to be in the right frame of mind to able to face her, India, and today isn’t a good day,” he says, spinning me around and kissing me. He’s doing a good job trying to distract me.
“You guys are so gross.”
We pull away from each other and Oliver starts laughing. I smile at Josephine, who doesn’t look too happy that she had to witness Oliver and me making out.
Dora arrives with Jacob to pick us up and we head to the club in the town centre. It’s no point trying to convince Oliver that he should take it easy. Maybe that’s the way he wants to deal with his grief. Get drunk and party. Everyone copes differently. I started hurting him because I felt trapped in my own body.
“Wow, old, nasty Gargle, even the name for this town is appropriate,” says Oliver once we approach the small club. When we were younger, we weren’t allowed, but now I’d rather be at home than drinking here.
I exchange a worried look with Jacob and follow Oliver. Dora recognises a few girls we used to hang out with while we were in high school. I have a bad feeling about this. No one knows how much Oliver has changed. After he left, people used to pick on me because I stopped going out and hanging out with the old pack, and now I’m here with the person I’m supposed to hate.
“It’s not that bad. I can’t believe this club is still here, right?” says Dora, winking at me.
We get inside and find a seat in the back. Oliver disappears to get us all drinks. It’s midweek so the club isn’t busy, but I already spot a couple faces I know.
“This is wrong. We shouldn’t be here now,” I whisper to Jacob while Dora keeps chatting away with some of her old friends.
Jacob rubs his eyebrow, staring at Oliver, who is busy with his order. “He never talked about his father before. I know him and I don’t think he’s dealing with this how he should.”
I’m just about to say something when someone slams himself next to me. My jaw drops right down when I see Bryan Roze, the guy with whom I rebounded after Christian’s death. I want to start screaming. How come all of the sudden everyone is here?
“Indi, how nice to see you here again. I feel like we’re back in high school. So how you been?”
“Fine… great, actually. What the hell are you doing here, Bryan? I thought you were studying in London?” I ask after the initial shock of seeing him here. My memories race back to the night I spent with him. I was hurting and I needed to feel like a real woman, and I thought sleeping with someone would take away the demons.
“I’m taking a little break. So what do you say? Do you think we can have some fun together like we used to?” he asks, leaning closer. His breath smells of vodka. Jacob moves over him and Dora shoots me a questionable look.
“I’m sorry, but she’s with me, so I suggest you move along before I get angry,” barks Jacob.
I swallow hard, knowing it was a bad idea coming here tonight. Bryan isn’t a guy who can take an offence without showing what he’s capable of.
“Wow, Indi, don’t tell me you’re with that loser. I thought you would do so much better than that.”
“No, Bryan, India is here with me, and if you don’t take your dirty hands off her, I’ll fuck you up so hard you won’t be able to move!” says Oliver, who magically appears in front of me, looking at Bryan like he’s just about to tear him to pieces.
“Who would have thought so? The perfect Indi got herself a harem of losers.” Bryan smirks. He obviously doesn’t think he should move.
Jacob tenses next to me. I can’t even look at Dora’s face, and Oliver, I doubt he has much control left. I can smell trouble coming. I don’t believe Bryan recognises who he’s looking at. Oliver has changed, and at first, I had real trouble seeing the old Oliver in this new, astonishingly amazing body.
“Oliver, we should leave, now!” I hiss, getting up, trying to push him away. Jacob and Dora already got the hint and are grabbing their stuff. Bryan stares at Oliver and that smirk disappears. We start getting up and I pray Oliver won’t do anything stupid.
“Morgan? Hell, yeah, this is Morgan. I thought I recognised you,” says Bryan, following us to the entrance. Oliver is breathing so hard I think he’s going to pass out. I keep squeezing his hand, telling him to leave it, but he keeps glancing back at Bryan. When I think the threat is over, I hear Bryan just behind me. “You were fucking the awesome Morgan. Then you crawled back to me, and now you’re fucking this worthless piece of shit. I thought better of you, Indi!”
This time all of us hear him, and I can’t hold back Oliver any longer. He dodges away from us and storms toward Bryan without a warning. His punch is quick and efficient. Before any of us can realise what is happening, my ex-lover is on the floor and Oliver is on top of him, hitting him continuously. Dora screams, Jacob tries to pull Oliver off, but it looks like Oliver is going through some vicious state. He isn’t controlling himself anymore. Someone else calls security and a couple of bouncers tear him away from Bryan.
My heart stops for several moments as I stare at Bryan, who is still lying on the floor, moaning, covered in blood. A lot of people circle around him. Bouncers are all over Oliver, but then Jacob drags him away. Moments later, we all get out of there and jump in the car. Jacob peels away, and my heart pounds in my chest. Oliver is sitting next to me, his hands shaking. He’s staring at his bloody knuckles. Jacob swears in the front seat, and I can’t seem to snap out of what went on in the club.
“Jacob, please drop us home,” I tell him. He nods to me in the front mirror. I manage to get Oliver upstairs before my mum can notice what kind of state he is in. I lock the door and Oliver sits on the floor, and I hand him a towel.
He looks at me with those large blue eyes and moments later, he starts sobbing. I move closer to him, wrapping my arms around his waist.
“Get it all out. Come on. It’s only me,” I whisper, knowing his grief has started and I have to comfort him. I’m here for him.
Present
When I wake up next morning, my bed is empty. Oliver must have woken up early. When I chec
k the clock, it’s just after eleven. My head starts spinning when I think about the events from last night.
I hurry downstairs, searching for him. We have wasted so much time. He should be with his mother, as the funeral is tomorrow. Mum is at work and Josephine is in school. Other than that, the house is empty and it looks like Oliver went out when I was still sleeping.
I check my phone and calm a little.
Gone home. It’s time to talk. Come up when you’re ready. X
Oliver finally decided to face his mother and their uncomfortable past. It’s a step ahead, but that doesn’t mean it’s all okay and his relationship with his mother is back on track. Within minutes, I take a shower and then change. Mrs. Morgan promised to keep my secret about Christian. I want to tell him through the letters. He needs to have some time to adjust to the truth before I face him.
Fifteen minutes later, I’m on my way to the Morgans’ house, still worrying about last night. Bryan can easily press charges. I have no idea what kind of state he’s in. I dread thinking what would happen if Oliver didn’t stop. The police will be involved sooner or later.
I have to walk through town and say hello to a couple of people I knew from school. It seems it’s been ages when I finally get there. After just one knock, Mrs. Morgan opens the door. Her eyes are red and it’s obvious she has been crying.
“Hey, India, Oliver said you might be coming.”
“Isn’t he here?” I ask, confused.
“He was, but he left about five minutes ago. Our conversation heated up a little,” she replies, nodding for me to come inside. “I couldn’t believe it when I saw him. He’s changed so much. He looks so much like Christian.”
“I’m sorry about your husband, Mrs. Morgan,” I say. “So how did it go? You know, your conversation with Oliver?”
Caroline’s face doesn’t show any emotions. She’s probably more upset about her conversation with Oliver than her abusive ex-husband being dead. This should be normal if you’ve gone through years of abuse.
“I’m dealing with it. Although, his death came as a shock. Oliver hasn’t been easy on me.”
“God, I hate that he didn’t wait for me. He kept saying he wanted me here,” I say.
“He listened to me and I think it’s a start, but we still have a long way to go. I asked him about you and I think I crossed the line. He stormed out of the house straight after that.”
I sink back to my own thoughts. I haven’t mentioned to his mother that we’re together now. I’m not sure how she’s going to react, knowing what her other son did to me.
“What do you mean… that you asked about me?”
She doesn’t give me a straight answer. Instead, she looks away, taking long, deep breaths.
“Have you told him about what happened with Christian?”
My stomach twists in knots and those memories from that night rush back to me.
“No, I wanted him to rebuild what he had with you before I tell him. We—” I pause, hesitating, unsure if she will get why I’m trying to make this work with her other son. “We are trying to be together.”
Caroline looks astonished for a long moment, probably trying to read me.
“You and Oliver?”
Okay, here we go.
“It was always Oliver, not Christian, but I was too scared to do anything. Christian overwhelmed me.”
“Then I don’t understand why you’re holding back. If he finds out from someone else, he will feel betrayed.”
“No one else knows, apart from you. I told Dora some things, but not everything,” I say, feeling like I need air. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. Caroline doesn’t get it. I need to wait for the right moment.
“I know my son. He was always so alienated, but now that you told me, I understand why he got upset when I asked about you. He wants to protect his love for you. You have to tell him.”
“Please, don’t tell me what to do. You should worry about setting your relationship with him on track, and I’ll deal with this secret,” I say more firmly. “I need to go. See you tomorrow at the funeral.”
I don’t let Caroline say more. I need to find Oliver and ask him how he feels about his mother now. I call him, but his phone goes straight to voicemail. I go and visit all the places he might be in, but by afternoon, I’m running out of options. Dora and Jacob have sworn to me they haven’t seen him when I explain to them what’s happened.
In the evening, he still doesn’t show up so I ask Jacob to drive me around, but it looks like Oliver doesn’t want to be found. In the end, I go to bed, assuming he needs some time alone. I would have known if he were arrested or in any kind of trouble. News in Gargle spreads fast. Mrs. Morgan would call me straightaway. I finally drift to sleep in the early hours of the morning.
Next day is Saturday. Mum, Josephine, Dora, and Jacob are downstairs. The funeral starts in an hour. Oliver will show up; I know he will. He probably needed some time alone to come to terms with everything that went wrong in his life.
“Ready?” asks Mum with a calm voice. The three of us nod in agreement.
The ride to the church is short. When we get inside, I search for Oliver, but he isn’t here. My heart skips a beat, but I try not to show that I’m anxious. Oliver can’t miss the funeral; he has to put that part of his life behind him. Mrs. Morgan asks me to sit with her. She doesn’t have anyone else and Oliver isn’t here yet. Minutes roll by, and I keep looking back at the entrance, but Oliver isn’t there. Ten minutes later, it looks like everyone is in, and I keep looking behind, praying for him to arrive.
“I don’t think he’s going to show up,” whispers Mrs. Morgan with a sad expression. I nod, fighting with tears. Oliver abandoned not only me, but also his family.
When the priest is just about to start, someone slides in the seat next to me.
“I’m glad you came,” I say to Oliver, who shields his emotions. He takes my hand and then nods to his mother. He’s wearing a suit and has shaved. I lost faith in him for a moment, but he’s back. The ceremony starts, and I think maybe there’s still hope for us. Oliver might be lost, but I’ll help him find a way to my heart.
The rest of the day feels like a dream. Some distant relative to Mr. Morgan shares some tears, whereas Oliver and his mother stay immobile in grief. They remember that Mr. Morgan was the cause of their pain, yet they are coming to terms with his death. After an hour, everyone moves to Mrs. Morgan’s home.
Oliver doesn’t say anything to me, but later on in the evening, he takes me to his old bedroom upstairs. It looks like Mrs. Morgan hasn’t touched anything. His old posters are still on the walls. All these emotions from our night together stir back within me unexpectedly.
“I think we should go back to Braxton now,” he says as I run my fingers over the edge of his table, feeling calm despite knowing the whole nightmare with his brother started in the attic above us.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Normality
Present
“Oliver, where were you all day yesterday?” I ask, rubbing my sweaty hands over my black dress.
“I stayed with a mate. Don’t worry, I didn’t do anything stupid. I just needed some time to think.”
I walk up to him and look at his face. He’s doing everything he can to hide his emotions, like during all those times I hurt him, bullied him, and ruined him.
“I was worried. I thought you wanted me to be there… when you talked to your mother?”
“Yeah, I did, but then I thought I had to stop being weak and just talk to her alone.”
“Did it work? I mean, she told me you managed to talk, but then you left,” I ask. All of a sudden, Oliver seems so distant and I can’t break through to him. It’s like there is an invisible wall between us.
He exhales, not looking at me. “She blamed her hate on her mental problems and my father.” He sighs. “I think it’s all bullshit. She wasn’t being completely honest with me. She couldn’t hate me just because of her illness.”
“At least you made some small progress,” I say and give him a smile. “But I don’t think we should leave yet, not until you talk more.”
“No, we’re going. I can’t be here knowing what you did with Bryan after his death. God, India. I thought you hated that guy.”
I want to start shouting that it’s not like that. Oliver doesn’t understand. He’s stepping into dangerous territory. We promised we wouldn’t talk about the past. Now I feel like I have to break that promise and just go ahead and tell him the whole truth. Then my internal voice breaks through, telling me Oliver isn’t ready. He’s still angry with his mother and overwhelmed with his father’s death.
“It just happened, all right? It’s the past—remember, the forbidden subject,” I tell him, leaning over to kiss him.
He stares at me for several more moments like he wants to know what I’m thinking. My heart is slowly breaking into pieces.
“You’re right. Come on, let’s get out of here.”
“But what about—”
“Seriously, India, a few days is my limit. There will be another time when I’ll try again with my mother. At the moment, I don’t think I can take this.”
“Are you going to tell her you’re leaving? At least she deserves that.”
“I already did yesterday. What about your mother?”
“She should be fine. It hasn’t been long anyway, you know, since Christmas break,” I explain, feeling I shouldn’t let him leave yet. There is still so much we have to talk about. Oliver hasn’t finished straightening up his affairs here, but I know I have to give him time.
Present
Next day, I say my good-bye to Mum and Josephine and we leave Gargle. On the way back, Dora tells us that Bryan ended up with a couple bruises and scratches. She also heard that his mother went ballistic when she heard he was involved in a bar fight. Bryan’s parents were always vigilant about their reputation, but I don’t believe Oliver has escaped the consequences of that fight. Bryan might seek payback at the most unexpected moment.
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