by Adele Abbott
“Really?” She gestured towards the boarded-up shop. “Looks like she’s given up to me. As you know, I’m not a vindictive woman. There’s still a job for your sister at Yarnstormers, if she wants it.”
“Kathy doesn’t need your job. She already has one.”
“Hmm? We’ll see. Well, I’d better get back. It looks like we have a queue again.”
I had no intention of admitting it to Ma Chivers, but I was worried. Maybe, Grandma had had enough. If so, Kathy might just have to take Ma Chivers’ job after all.
If only I could locate Grandma. Maybe Aunt Lucy knew where she was. I gave her a call.
“Sorry, Jill. I haven’t seen her today. Is it something I can help with?”
“No, not really, but there was something else I wanted to ask you.”
“Yes?”
“I had to fire my cleaner.”
“Wasn’t she up to the job?”
“Her work was okay, but only because she used magic. She was having a laugh at my expense. The final straw was when I caught her having a shindig in our lounge with some of her friends. They were drinking my wine, and eating my chocolates.”
“The cheek of some people.”
“Tell me about it.”
“I assume you’re on the lookout for another cleaner, then?”
“No. I’m done with cleaners. I’m going to do it myself from now on.”
“You? Do the cleaning?”
Why did everyone sound so shocked when I said that?
“I’m going to use magic.”
“That could be dangerous. You mustn’t let anyone catch you.”
“If Agatha Crustie can get away with it, I don’t see why I can’t. I just need to find a way to do it while I’m away from the house. That’s what I wanted to ask you about.”
“You need a ‘schedule’ spell.”
“I don’t think I’ve come across those.”
“They’re a little complicated, but nothing you won’t be able to master. I have details of one upstairs somewhere, but it might take me a few minutes to put my hands on it.”
“No problem. I’ll pick it up next time I’m over there.”
***
As soon as I arrived home, Jack called to me from the lounge.
“You’re home early.” I gave him a peck on the cheek.
“I was working out this way, so I decided to call it a day rather than drive all the way back to West Chipping.”
“Now I’m home, you might as well make a start on dinner.”
“Oh no you don’t. It’s your turn.”
“Is it? Oh, yeah. Of course.”
“Is there something you forgot to tell me, Jill?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Are you sure?”
“What are you talking about?”
“A sandpit, for example?”
“Oh? Right. Yeah.”
“When I got home, there were three men digging up the back garden.”
“Didn’t I mention that?”
“You know you didn’t.”
“Did you send them away?”
“I was going to until they explained that you’d placed the order earlier today. They said you’d even paid a premium for an expedited installation. That’s their white van parked across the road.”
“Right. You’re probably wondering why I ordered a sandpit.”
“Yep.”
“I got to thinking about Mikey and Lizzie. Whenever they come over here, there isn’t much for them to do.”
“They never come over here. You’ve always said they’re too noisy, and they make a mess.”
“I’m sure I never said that.”
“Why the sudden change of heart?”
“I just thought it would be nice for them.”
“It is. I’d love to have them over here more often, but why the need for the expedited installation?”
“I think that must be a mistake. I just told them to do it as soon as possible.”
“According to the guy I spoke to, the expedited service costs an extra hundred pounds.”
“Really? Oh well, what’s done is done. I suppose I’d better make a start on dinner.”
“Before you do, something arrived for you today.”
“For me? Where is it?”
“I put it in the bedroom.”
“What is it?”
“You’ll see.”
A parcel for me. How exciting! I hurried up the stairs.
“Jack! Get this giant triangle out of here!”
Before starting dinner, I offered the workmen, who were still busy on the sandpit, twenty pounds to take the giant triangle away in their van.
“What do you want us to do with it, Mrs?” the man with the goatee asked.
“Take it home to your kids, burn it, take it to the dump— I don’t care. Just as long as you get it out of my sight.”
Over dinner, I told Jack about the visit from Leo Riley.
“Please tell me you’re joking.” Jack looked horrified.
“I wish I was. He turned up unannounced, and started interrogating me about keeping a cat on the premises.”
“That’s ridiculous. Unless you’re keeping a dangerous animal in there, it’s no concern of the police. Do you want me to have a word with him?”
“No. I’ve told you before that I can fight my own battles. Leo Riley doesn’t scare me.”
“Just don’t do anything stupid. He might be trying to provoke you into doing something that is an arrestable offence.”
“Don’t worry. When I murder him, I won’t leave any clues.”
***
“What time will you get back?” Jack asked as I was leaving the house. I was going to Chez Piper to work under cover.
“I doubt I’ll be back before midnight, so please try to be quiet in the morning. I’m going to have a lie-in.”
“I’ll be as quiet as a mouse.” He gave me a kiss. “Just be careful tonight.”
Chez Piper was located close to the turn-off to Candlefield—not that the Pipers or any other humans would have been aware of that because the road was visible only to sups. I could still remember the problems I’d encountered the first time I’d tried to drive there for my mother’s funeral. That seemed like a thousand years ago now.
“What do you want me to do?” I asked Mrs Piper. We were in the office, which was located at the side of the restaurant.
“The food is going missing from the storage room, so you’ll need to be based in the kitchen.”
“Perhaps I could help to prepare the meals?”
“I don’t think so. Our standards are very high. No offence.”
“What then?”
“You can do the washing up.”
“You mean load and unload the dishwasher?”
“Normally, that’s what it would entail, but our dishwasher isn’t working at the moment, so they’ll all have to be washed by hand.” She pointed to a huge pile of dirty pots and pans.
“I thought the restaurant only opened a few minutes ago?”
“It did. Those are left over from lunchtime. You’ll need to get cracking, otherwise we’ll run out of crockery.” She handed me a white overall, and left me to it.
“Hi!” A young man, with eyebrows so thick they probably had their own postcode, came over to talk to me. “I’m Tigh Howe. I’m the sous chef.”
“Nice to meet you. I’m Jill. Trust me to start here on the day that the dishwasher broke.”
“It’s been broken for a few days. The Pipers are usually good at getting that kind of thing sorted quickly, but they seem to have been distracted for the last few days.”
The pace was relentless. I was still at it an hour after the restaurant had closed, and all the other staff had left. I had a thumping headache, my back was killing me, and my fingers looked like prunes.
I found both Mr and Mrs Piper in the office.
“Jill. How did it go?”
“Alright, but you really need to get th
e dishwasher mended.”
“I meant the pilferage. Did you spot anything?”
“Not a thing, and I was standing right next to the storage area. If anything had been taken, I would have seen it. Are you absolutely sure you want to continue with this? As I mentioned when you came to my office, my charges will be more than the cost of the food being stolen. You’d be better off spending the money on getting the dishwasher repaired.”
“It’s very important we get to the bottom of this. We’d like you to carry on for at least a few more days. Same time tomorrow?”
“Okay, but please get the dishwasher fixed.”
***
On my way back home, I decided to drop in at my offices. Dectastic had promised they would get most of the decorating completed that night, and would return the following night to finish off. I was looking forward to seeing what the place looked like with a lick of paint—goodness knows it was long overdue.
As I walked up the stairs, I could hear sounds coming from the outer office. That was a good sign—they were obviously already hard at it.
“What the—?”
I looked around in disbelief. There were three of them working in there. Three cats, that is! One was on a stepladder, painting the ceiling; one was painting the far wall, and the third was painting the skirting board.
“What’s going on?” I yelled.
The tabby on the ladder almost lost his balance.
“Who are you?” the Siamese painting the wall said.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“What’s it got to do with you?”
“This is my office. And what colour is that supposed to be?”
He glanced down at the tin. “Blue.”
“What shade of blue?”
He shrugged. “Navy, I guess.”
“You guess? This room is meant to be sky blue. Look at all of these streaks. And where are your dust covers? Look at the state of that desk!”
Mrs V’s desk had splashes of paint all over it.
“Who’s in charge here?”
“The boss is next door.” The Siamese pointed.
“Is he? I’d better have a word with him then.”
I found a similar scene in my office where three more cats were hard at work. The walls were streaky, and there wasn’t a single dust cover to be seen. Meanwhile, fast asleep on my desk, was Winky.
I walked over, and slapped the desk. Winky jumped so hard he tumbled onto the floor.
“Hey! Do you mind? I could have broken my leg.”
“I’ll break more than your leg when I get hold of you.”
“What’s wrong?”
I could barely speak because I was hyper-ventilating. “You’re Dectastic, aren’t you?”
“None other. What do you think of it so far?”
“For a start, the paint is the wrong colour.”
“It looks about right to me.”
“About right? This room is supposed to be magnolia, but it’s brown. And the walls out there are supposed to be sky blue, not navy.”
“I doubt anyone would notice.”
“The walls are streaky, and the paint has splashed all over the floor and furniture. How could you let them do this?”
“It isn’t my fault. Jason said he knew a few lads who had done some decorating.”
“Who’s Jason?”
“The Siamese out front.”
“Why didn’t you at least supervise?”
“I had intended to, but I guess I must have fallen asleep.”
“What are you going to do about this mess? I want these comedians out of here right now.”
“But they haven’t finished.”
“Yes, they have!”
Chapter 7
The next morning, I didn’t wake until just after nine o’clock. I would have slept even longer had it not been for the deafening crash that came from out on the street. Somehow, I managed to drag my tired body out of bed, and over to the window to check what was going on.
A few yards up the road from my house was a scene of devastation. The trains belonging to Mr Hosey and Mr Kilbride had collided, and both engines were lying on their sides, blocking half of the road. A number of neighbours were already out on the street, trying to make sense of what they were seeing. It was obvious that neither of the train drivers had been badly hurt in the collision because they were standing in the middle of the road, exchanging insults with one another.
Jack had already gone to work, but had left a note for me on the bedside table:
Have a safe day, sleeping beauty. See you tonight. Love Jack xxx
After I’d showered and dressed, I went downstairs for breakfast.
That’s when I saw it!
What the—? The sandpit was huge! It had been dark when I’d got in the previous evening, so this was the first time I’d actually seen the finished article. There was barely any lawn left.
I went outside, bowl of cornflakes in hand, to take a closer look. I couldn’t fault the construction, but it was large enough to accommodate a class full of kids. What had I been thinking? I hadn’t—that was the problem. Winky had been right as usual, I’d started digging myself into a hole, and ended up with a ginormous sandpit. Kathy and the kids had better appreciate it.
When I turned back to the house, I almost jumped out of my skin, as I came face to face with two man-sized frogs. Instinctively, I went into self-defence mode, and was about to shrink them when I remembered what had happened with the giant ants.
“Tony? Clare?”
“Morning, Jill.” Tony’s voice came from the taller of the two frogs.
“What do you think of these?” said Clare, the smaller frog.
“They’re—err—very good. I take it you have another cosplay event?”
“Yes, this Saturday.”
“Let me guess. FrogCon?”
“Frog?” Clare said. “No. Why would there be a Con for frogs?”
“That would be a bit weird.” Tony laughed.
“So, what are the costumes for?”
“ToadCon, of course.”
“Obviously. Silly me.”
“We have spare tickets if you and Jack would like to join us.”
“We’d love to, but we’ve already arranged to go paintballing with my sister and her husband.”
“Paintballing?” Tony shook his toad head. “Oh dear.”
“Oh dear.” Clare echoed.
“What’s wrong with paintball?”
“Nothing. I’m sure it will be fine.” Tony sounded less than convincing. “It’s just that we went once, and our friend, Frank, ended up with a broken nose and two black eyes.”
“I thought it was safe.”
“It is usually, but Frank is very fussy about his hair. He refused to wear the helmet and goggles.”
“Was he okay?”
“His hair was fine, but it took a couple of weeks for the bruising to disappear.”
“We’ll be sure to wear all of the safety equipment.” I assured them. “I suppose I’d better get going. I’m already running late.”
“Be careful when you pull off your driveway, Jill. I assume you’ve seen the carnage on the road.”
“I certainly have.”
“We saw the collision, didn’t we, Clare? Both trains were trying to move to the opposite side of the road, and neither would give way to the other. Then ‘smash’. They were both on their sides. With a bit of luck, it will put both trains out of action for a while. It’s positively dangerous setting foot onto the pavement these days.”
When I left for work, the trains were still on their sides, and Hosey and Kilbride were still going at it hammer and tongs. I was determined not to get involved, so I kept my head down until I was in the car, and then I managed to slip slowly past the wreckage by mounting the pavement.
***
Mrs V did not look impressed.
“I’m not impressed, Jill.”
See? What did I tell you?
“Mo
rning, Mrs V.”
“What kind of cowboy outfit did you get to do the decorating?”
“I was going to talk to you about that.”
“Look at these desks, and the floor. They’re covered in paint.”
“Yeah, like I said, I—”
“And what colour do you call this? It isn’t sky blue, that’s for sure. It looks more like midnight blue to me.”
“It’s actually Navy, but—”
“And look at all these streaks. Is your office any better?”
“Not really, but don’t worry. I’m going to get someone in to put all of this right.”
“When?”
“Soon. Very soon. I promise.”
“I would hope so, dear. I’m just glad I hadn’t left my knitting out on the desk.”
My office didn’t look any better than it had the night before. In fact, it looked much worse. The culprit was nowhere to be seen.
“Where are you, Winky?”
“I’m not here.” The voice came from under the sofa.
“Come out here, now.”
He crept out, but didn’t make (one-eyed) eye contact. “It doesn’t look so bad in the daylight, does it?”
“You are joking, I assume? Look at the state of this place. There are paint splashes everywhere. And what colour do you call this?”
“Magnolia. Ish.”
“There’s no ‘ish’ about it. This is brown. And look at all these streaks. What were you thinking, Winky?”
“I was trying to do you a favour. I was trying to save you money.”
“Oh, I get it. This was all done out of the goodness of your heart?”
“Exactly.” He looked up for the first time. “That’s the kind of guy I am.”
“What was your cut?”
“What do you mean?”
“How much of the payment were you getting?”
“Not much.”
“How much?”
“Fifty per cent.”
“I want my money back, and I expect it to be on my desk by the end of the day, or you’d better start looking for somewhere else to live.”
“I’m as much a victim in all this as you,” he pleaded.
“And how do you work that out?”
