“Oh, yes,” she said. “I don’t want him to want me. I already know I don’t want him.” She tapped her fingers, nervously. “You’ve…had a woman before, Oszin, haven’t you?”
My skin heated. “Well…not exactly.”
“What?” She drew her hand back quickly. “I—I shouldn’t have asked. I assumed all men do things like that.”
“I was seventeen when I became your guard,” I said, leaving the implication unspoken. She knew just what I meant by it.
“I see.” Her hands twisted more. “You should find a wife at some point. You shouldn’t miss your chance at happiness.”
“I don’t want any wife.”
She turned crimson. Her eyes cut right into my soul. And her lips were more kissable than ever. Gods, I thought I would die for wanting her if this feeling didn’t go away.
I brushed my thumb across her lower lip. “Moth, you look ragged. I have some beeswax balm for the dry air. Wait there, it’s in my pack.”
She seemed frozen. I glanced back and saw her waiting. She was so still, so small in her furs.
The sight tore at my heart. I ducked into my saddlebag, glancing around as always to make sure the dragons all seemed occupied at the evening fire. Some of the dragon girls were dancing with fans. The rest of them were clapping out a beat and singing, creating a spontaneous song. They were roasting several deer. I didn’t see Seron, but he often retired early to his tent. I returned to Himika and our own private fire.
I opened the jar and scooped some balm out onto my finger, carefully tracing her chapped lips with a thin film of balm. Her lips parted for me.
“Try not to lick it off.”
She caught my hand between hers before I pulled it away.
“Mm…what a nuisance. It’s warmer in Gaermon,” she said.
“Not as warm as Kamiri Isles. My blood was never meant for snow. But we’ll be crossing the river soon, and it should start getting more temperate.”
Her little fingers were right around my wrist and the pad of my thumb. “You’ve still never actually been to the Kamiri Isles, have you?”
I shook my head.
“Moth,” I said. “If he hurts you, I swear to you, I’ll find some way to take you away from him. Just know that I can’t give you much of anything. Just myself, that’s it.”
“That’s all of you I want,” she whispered.
I suddenly had to reach for her face. I had to feel her in my hands, look into her eyes, and know that in this moment, she was mine.
“If I lay with him once, he’ll heal me…”
“I know,” I said.
There were tears in her eyes. “I don’t want him even once.”
“I don’t want him to have you.”
Night had fallen. Firelight glowed on our faces, but we were set apart from the others. My entire body was rigid with wanting. If I was caught, they would send me away from her.
“Oszin…”
I traced her mouth with my finger again. I touched her face. I tried to resist. I tried to be sensible. She wouldn’t let my hand go.
We drew together. I don’t know if she kissed me or I kissed her. All I knew was that suddenly we were merged, our fingers entwined, our breath panting warm together in the cold air, our lips together. “Oszin, please…”
She pulled back all too soon, her eyes shining. “I’m sorry,” she said. “That was very irresponsible.”
“It was, but I wanted it as much as you did.”
“Mmm…” She pressed two fingers to her lips. “If only you could have all my firsts.”
“I think I have the one that counts.” I brushed my hand across her clothes, above her heart.
She smiled. “I should go to bed. I would hate myself if I got you in any trouble.”
I saw her to her tent, which was outfitted with a soft bed and lanterns already burning. She smiled at me again before securing the door. The evening guard, sipping strong tea, took over outside so I could sleep for a shift. I went back to our fire to put it out. My heart was still pounding, my lips tingling. I could hardly believe that had actually happened. I shouldn’t have done it, but…gods, it was splendid. It was over all too fast.
I started walking back to the main camp, where the fires would be tended all night. Too bad it was so cold at night that I couldn’t just take my bedroll off by myself. Hopefully I wouldn’t have any vivid dreams about Himika tonight. It wouldn’t be the first time.
Before I made it back to the camp, strong hands grabbed my arms and twisted them behind my back. I tried to struggle. Seron’s face pressed close to mine. He was too strong as he shoved me against a tree, bark scraping my cheek. “You are her guard since child,” he said. He might not always know the right words, but he snapped them out with authority nevertheless. “That right?”
“Lord Seron, I—“ Shit. If he’d seen the kiss, I was ruined.
“That right? Speak now.” Seron’s grip was rough. “Urha.”
“Not a child, exactly. She was fifteen. I was seventeen.”
“Hrrm, well. I understand.”
I couldn’t tell what he meant by that. He didn’t let go of me, though.
“You were spying on me,” I said, astonished that such a giant of a man had been so quiet.
“I spy on everyone,” Seron said. “You love her.”
“No, I—“ I shut my eyes. “Damnit. I mean, I would never overstep my bounds.”
“Overstep…” Seron paused. “You kiss her.”
“I thought she should have one kiss from someone she loved. I think she kissed me, anyway. It won’t happen again, I swear.”
You shouldn’t swear things you don’t mean, Osz, you big idiot.
“It’s okay,” Seron said.
“It is?”
“It’s okay you kiss her once, boy. I understand this. But…you never speak about my lord. The princess thinks he is blind and weak. You do make a mock of our great king, za korrin na?”
“I was just trying—“
“She will marry him,” Seron said. “Fate does say. You do not know King Aurekdel Arzor ro Galliar. He is a true warrior, a true king, and I am furying to hear you say these words. If he could fight, he would be here and fight better than all other warriors. But he cannot because fate is to be cruel. He does not know princess or if she ever come, but he does wait for her all his life!” He shouted at me. I had never seen the reserved warrior shout before.
“I’m sorry. I would do anything to make Himika happy, that’s all. I wanted her to feel better. She’s scared.”
“She said bad things,” Seron said. “I cannot punish her. However, you do not say these words. You know you can never have her. You know you cannot run away with her. So—so zheni—small thing, that you do help her to fall in love with my lord. If you are to say cruel words about my lord, I take you away.”
I was completely taken aback by this response. “You want me to…tell her why she should fall in love with another man?”
Seron narrowed his strange eyes. “Is this hard to understand? She is his now. If you want to make her happy, you help her become his.”
I grit my teeth. There was some logic in his words. He was letting me off the hook for the kiss, but in exchange he wanted me to encourage Himika to embrace her marriage. This guy’s never been in love, I thought.
The fact was, I was just a Kamiri. I had nothing except this position. And once we entered the dragon’s world, I knew I probably couldn’t even escape with her; I wouldn’t know the terrain. All I could ever offer her was simply to be permitted to stay at her side, watching her life unfold, offering her a comforting word now and then. If I angered the king’s champion, I was likely to face the same exile her father would have given me if I kissed her at home. He knew this, and I knew this. We all knew the score.
Fate is fucking cruel, indeed.
I was so tired of it, though. My ancestors had been slaves, with everything taken from them. I’d made it this far and yet my life wouldn’t be that
different than that of my grandfathers and great-grandfathers. This blind king who couldn’t even fight would have my lady and I would have to watch.
I was so tired of it. All of us Kamiri were tired of being ground under the heels of lesser men. I read all the papers that passed around the Kamiri districts in secret, the paper crumpled from the secretive distribution. They spoke of the equal rights of all men, of revolutions.
“All right, Lord Seron… I understand,” I said, and I ducked into my tent.
Chapter Three
Seron
Before I left, Aurek told me I should be ‘good’ to his future bride. After all, Seron, she will be yours as well…
The very thought made me nervous around her, and I knew I must sound stupid when I tried to speak her language, so I had barely said ten words to her since she was introduced to me.
I had been among the humans for a couple of months as we made our preparations to return to the dragon kingdom, and it had become abundantly clear to me that they had no tradition of the king’s champion. So Princess Himika had no idea of the arrangement in store for her, and I certainly had no idea how to broach the subject.
The dragon king’s champion was the most powerful man in the realm after the king himself. In giving me the position, it demonstrated to everyone that the king considered me an extension of his own self. Aurek and I had been inseparable since childhood, close as brothers, both of us nursed by my mother, so it was no surprise to anyone. He called me his champion even when we were children and I was too young for the appointment.
The champion takes a vow of “chastity outside of His Majesty’s chamber”. Some champions became the lovers of the kings themselves, other times they ended up covering up for a king’s infidelities by keeping his queen company. Whatever the case, it meant that the only lovers I was allowed to have were the king and queen. The question of whether a champion was attracted to men or women was considered moot. He was attracted to whatever the occasion demanded.
I took the vow without hesitation.
I was doubtful Princess Himika would understand our relationship. They seemed to have no word for it, for the sort of love I had for Aurek; usually forged on the battlefield between a warrior and his or her pupil or right hand, although in our case it was between an embattled king and his protector. Aurek was very much enamored with the ladies, and they were certainly enamored of him. I also preferred women. Aurekdel would have allowed me leeway to have a lover if wanted one. But I clammed up in their presence, letting Aurek take the lead. But I was drawn to him whenever he walked in a room. He was magnetic, unusually striking even for a crystal dragon. He held the throne by force of charisma. Himika had no idea what she was in for.
Aurek had already told me that he wanted me to share in his marriage. “You can be my eyes, Seron…in this, too. We’ll make her very happy, won’t we?”
I was somewhat skeptical of that now. Himika was clearly besotted with her human guard, and a young woman in love might not notice even the greatest prize if it was put before her.
And she was so small and so un-dragonlike. We would have to be so careful with her. I wondered if Aurek would ever like her. Her personality had many sharp edges. I felt like she’d already decided she didn’t like me. She was certainly beautiful and carried herself well, so she would look the part, but that wouldn’t satisfy Aurek.
Aurek wasn’t going to be happy if Himika barely even knew my name when we arrived at the fortress, either. This incident with Oszin had hammered home to me that I had let too much slide.
The next morning, I intercepted her at her tent in the morning before she could sneak off anywhere to be with him. “Princess Himika.” I bowed. “I wish to give you a breakfast at my fire. I make good sweet for a princess.”
“Oh…” Her eyes said, why? “I’m not very hungry.”
My damned inability to speak her language well made nuance difficult. Aurek was right; I should have studied the human language, but at the time, who knew we would ever meet a human in our lives? “We must learn each other,” I said, earning me an arched eyebrow. “You will be queen. I am king’s champion.”
“Will we be close?” she asked.
I’m sure my ears flushed. “We are close to king, you and me.”
“All right…let me get my shoes on.” She ducked back inside, and a moment later she came out, bundled up in furs. She must get cold easily. At least Hemara Fortress was warm. I had to walk very slowly to match her pace.
“I’m sorry,” she said, clearly embarrassed.
“I’m sorry. I should have bringed the food to you.”
“Brought the food,” she corrected.
“When you come to Hemara, we will learn you our language,” I said, frustrated.
“Oh, you’re doing very well at learning ours,” she said. “I thought you would want me to correct you.”
“Yes, yes, I suppose. My lord does know your language since child,” I added, wanting her to know that while I might have lost faith that the prophecy would ever come true, Aurek had held to it, and as a result he had studied her language with the expectation that his bride would arrive. I still could hardly believe he was right.
“That’s good…”
We had reached my campfire. I had already set up a blanket and a pile of pillows where she could relax. She took the seat I offered her and then she looked up at me. Her face was a little bemused, but trusting and sweet. She didn’t seem afraid of me. Despite all she had been through, I don’t think she was quick to fear. A warrior’s quality, I thought, and I had a good sense of these things. Aurek would be pleased with that.
I wasn’t sure what to say to her. Just to find words in her language was tiring. I knew I made many mistakes. Nor was I any good at small talk.
I turned to the fire. “You like apple?” I was not very familiar with human foods. Some of the human soldiers had shown me how to make good meals from the provisions. Food was a language anyone could speak.
“Of course! What are you making me?”
“Apple oats.” I showed her that I had a pot of oats and water already cooking slowly and a crock with apples, spices and butter.
“Oh, that looks very good!” She looked surprised.
“Special food for you,” I said.
“Okay…” Now she seemed uncertain. “Are the foods very different underground?”
“Yes. Different. For breakfast, fish soup with arka grass, or maybe you like sweet? You have fruit jelly.”
“Well, then…”
“Dragon food have good taste,” I assured her.
“Do you have a wife or children?” she asked, as I stirred the food.
I stiffened. Did she suspect? I really didn’t want her to know the truth until Aurek could break it to her himself. After all, he was the one who invited me to the wedding night.
No, I think it was an innocent question.
“I did make an oath to serve my king,” I said.
“Ah, and it is your custom not to marry, then? I see… What age do you make this vow?”
“Sixteen for vow, but I serve him since child.”
“Since childhood,” she whispered, like she was compelled to correct me but didn’t actually want to be heard. “That’s a young age to swear off marriage, though.”
I didn’t know the words ‘swear off’ but I thought I understood. “No matter. My bond is to the king.”
“Do you like King Aurekdel?”
“Of course I like him! I love him. I would die for him. Why make bond if not?”
“I didn’t know if you were forced into it by a father or something…”
“My father is…not with us.”
“Ohhh. Well…as you know, neither is mine.” She shivered. “But he still managed to force me into things. No one can help a prophecy, I guess.” Her nose scrunched in some vague disapproval. “You believe in that stuff, Seron? Do all dragons believe in prophecies?”
“Aurek does. He did waited…wait for you. Me, no
t too much, but you did come, so…maybe prophecy is true.”
She sighed in a deeply aggravated way. “Is your king happy to marry a human girl?”
“Yes, Princess.” I spooned out the bowl of food. “He knows you must wait for him. He did not make curse, but he does honor your suffering. He is honored to heal you.”
She looked at me like she wasn’t sure what to think, slowly taking the bowl from my hand. “I know this curse was created by the king’s ancestor, but is the most messed up thing I’ve ever heard, just so you know. But maybe you don’t even get it. You’re probably happy to suffer for the king, eh?”
“It is not to suffer, to serve well,” I said.
She shrugged. Her eyes had a gleam that was fetching but somewhat insolent. “You have great duty, Princess! To unite two kingdoms. You are to be first human queen of dragons in memory’s time. The prophecy does say you bring peace to all dragons and humans in the realm.”
“Okay. Great. That’s great. I’m glad you like fighting for King Aurekdel. Maybe he’s a better man than his ancestor. But I’m just a girl whose entire life was taken from her all to assure that your king would have a virgin bride. Right? Isn’t that the point? Which means your ancestors didn’t trust their human brides one bit, or really care if they had a good life before marriage, even as little girls. Your women get to fight. But I couldn’t even run. Which makes you no better than the emperor I just escaped from! Oh yes, he thought he was going to heal me too, but he still had one of his little minions crush my foot so I would never really be strong again. He made it out like it wasn’t his fault, but oh! He was going to make me so grateful to him for healing me, and for one second I almost bought it, too. I was so naive, so stupid. But I’m going into this eyes wide open. I can’t get out of it. But I don’t have to like it.”
She said so much in such a short time that I hardly understood anything, except that she was upset.
Damnit, and how was I supposed to handle that?
“I’m sorry,” I stammered. “We speak when we learn you language.”
“Never mind.” She hunched over her bowl, shoveling the food into her mouth quickly before it got cold.
The Kingdoms of Sky and Shadow Box Set Page 3
