Trusting Cade (Custos Securities Series Book 1)

by Luna, David

  At the end of the night, they held hands up the short flight of steps to the front of Braden and Maya’s house. Braden was reaching into his hip pocket to draw out his keys when Cade turned Braden to face him. Cade leaned down, looked intently into Braden’s eyes and then looked at his lips before he leaned in and kissed him. That kiss…. Oh god, that kiss was like none he’d ever experienced. Cade nipped lightly, pulled back a bit, looked searchingly into Braden’s eyes again and then devoured him with his lips. There was no other way to describe it. It was an all-consuming, sensual onslaught that had Braden swaying in Cade’s arms, which banded tightly around him, molding them together.

  Braden moaned softly and opened his mouth to let Cade inside. Cade’s tongue delved in slowly, as if asking permission, and his head tilted to the side to gain better access. Cade swept his tongue in and then retreated; he sucked lightly on Braden’s bottom lip and nipped at it with his teeth. He changed the angle again and when Braden shyly slid his tongue along Cade’s, he groaned loudly and yanked himself away from Braden. He placed his forehead to Braden’s temple, whispering in his ear. “You’re killing me, baby. Give me your keys so we can get inside.”

  Breathing deeply, trying to gain some amount of composure, he dug into his pocket again and found his keys. Cade unlocked the front door and then proceeded to unlock Braden’s side of the house and was just ushering Braden inside when he glanced up above Braden’s head.

  Braden watched as an immediate change came over Cade. It was as if a mask slid over Cade’s face and Braden could no longer read him. It was the only way to describe the change in Cade’s demeanor. One minute he was burning up in Cade’s arms and the next, it was like a bucket of ice water was tossed on him. He continued to watch Cade for what seemed like several minutes, but was probably only several seconds. He was a completely different person, nothing like the man he’d been with all day, and that chilled Braden to the bone, as he’d never seen Cade like this.

  Cade finally glanced down at Braden and his demeanor changed completely, like he was an actor who just took the stage. All of a sudden he smiled at Braden and it was like the last eerie seconds had never happened, though Braden knew they had and was immediately very worried that most of the day was just an act. Jesus, the thought made him sick. Was he so easily duped? Was Cade playing a part, acting out a scene, making Braden into what Cade said he’d never be, bait for Eric in some kind of twisted game he wanted to win?

  All of a sudden Braden wondered, truly wondered, if that kiss along with all of Cade’s other romantic gestures, had been for the stalker’s benefit. He’d begun to take Cade’s behavior at face value early in the day, when Cade started showing him a softer romantic side that he’d only seen glimpses of prior to today. God, he was so stupid, Cade had even warned Braden several days ago that he was going to be touching him in public, and maybe the reasoning truly was to try to make Eric jealous so that he’d make a move. Yet, as soon as Cade had started touching him and holding his hand, he’d been a sucker and fallen for it all. Braden toed off his shoes by the front door while Cade woke up the security panel display and adjusted it to reflect their return status.

  Braden turned to Cade, his voice shaky. “It’s been a long day. I’m going to go to bed.”

  Cade was bewildered and speechless. Hadn’t they just shared the best kiss he’d ever had? After which, he’d looked outside and saw Cooper’s car pass slowly in front of the house, and he’d literally been shocked that he’d completely forgotten Cooper had been following them all day. In fact, he couldn’t even remember when he’d last thought of him, much less seen him. He berated himself for forgetting so completely that he needed to be on guard, even though the reason Cooper and the others followed them was so that he didn’t have to feel that way all day. He just hadn’t expected it to seriously slip his mind.

  He’d mentally shrugged it off, because he knew Cooper would talk to him about his findings tomorrow. He’d turned to find Braden looking at him intently, almost backing away from him with a look he couldn’t begin to fathom on his face. He slipped in after him to see him taking his shoes off by the door, Braden’s back facing him. He’d placed his finger and thumb prints on the security screen and reached up to caress Braden’s shoulder, but he’d stepped away and said he was going to bed.

  “Wait, what just happened here, Braden? We just shared the best kiss I’ve ever had in my life; after the best date I’ve ever had. I had to force myself to stop so I could get us inside where we could feel more comfortable and not be on display for the world to see. Did I do something wrong?”

  Braden turned around, and Cade saw tears in his eyes that nearly killed him. “Baby, what is it? Don’t cry, talk to me.” Cade stepped quickly into Braden’s space, placed both hands on either side of his face and brushed away the tears that had just fallen with his thumbs. “Please come talk to me, Braden. Let me fix it, whatever I did.”

  Shaking his head, Braden pulled out of Cade’s grasp. “It’s nothing. Forget it. I just want to go to bed.”

  Cade was having none of that. He grabbed Braden’s hand in his and tugged him to the couch. He sat down and patted his lap. “Sit down, please. Let me talk to you, let’s figure this out. Please, don’t go to bed before we have a chance to talk.”

  Braden met Cade’s eyes and blushed. Something he recognized as yearning unfurled warm in his belly. “You want me to sit on your lap? You know I’m a grown man, right?”

  Cade reached out to clasp his hand and tugged. “Believe me, I know you’re a grown man; but right now this grown man needs to feel you. I need to be grounded by the weight of you, Braden. Something happened just now, and I’m at a complete loss. I have no idea what I did, but I’m going to fix it, and I need you to give me that chance. Please, sit. I need you near me.”

  Sighing in resignation and feeling rather silly, though strangely pleased, Braden straddled Cade’s lap, but sat slumped and as far away on Cade’s knees as he could, with his hands in his own lap, not knowing what else to do with them. Cade apparently wasn’t having that because he slipped his hands under Braden’s thighs, just behind his knees and pulled him closer so that their zippers were touching and Cade, in his relaxed and very slouched pose was actually looking up into Braden’s eyes, seemingly as puzzled as Braden felt.

  It was actually a rather strange sensation, looking down at Cade, rather than looking up at him. For some reason it made him feel calm and a bit more in control. He had a sneaking suspicion that Cade knew that’s how he would feel and had done it deliberately to make him feel at ease; just one more reason he’d lost his heart to this man, but was scared to death, now, that he was alone in those feelings.

  In a nervous gesture, Braden turned his sweaty palms over onto his jeans and rubbed them up and down his thighs. Cade placed his hands on top of Braden’s, stilling them and waited patiently for Braden to talk, not pushing him in the least.

  Cade always seemed so refreshingly honest, which was what had Braden so freaked out right now. Interestingly, Braden felt like he could do nothing but be completely honest in return, so he took a deep breath and talked directly to Cade’s chest. He might tell Cade the truth, but he was having an extremely hard time looking him in the eyes.

  Braden’s voice was low and tentative. “I forgot about your warning the other day. You said you’d be touching me in public, holding hands with me, maybe kissing me, in order to convince people that we are together. I forgot, until you ushered us inside after that kiss.”

  “Fuck, Braden, no, that’s not...” Cade cut himself off and groaned, his anguished voice soothed something in Braden. “So you thought that was why I’d done everything I did today?”

  Braden shrugged his shoulders and nodded, determined to get everything out in the open. “I looked up at you and it was like a mask came down over your face, and you changed or maybe you became yourself and today was just an act? I don’t know. I just kept watching you, and you looked angry and then resigned, and then I don’t eve
n know, like you had to gather yourself again to put on your act with me. That’s when I remembered your warning. I’m sorry, I think today confused me, made me feel things that you aren’t feeling, and I feel so stupid now.”

  “Baby, please don’t apologize. And don’t, for one fucking second, think that you’re feeling things that I’m not. I looked outside because I saw our rental SUV drive by, and it was then that I remembered that I’d asked Coop and the guys to follow us all day.”

  “What?!” Braden moved back on Cade’s knees again. He was shocked and embarrassed that they’d been watched all day by Maya’s brother, not to mention Sawyer and Jackson. Fucking hell.

  Cade shook his head. “I’d done exactly what you had done. I was so wrapped up in you that I’d forgotten that I’d asked Coop to tail us. Don’t you see? That’s exactly why I did it. Your safety is my number one priority. I asked you out on a date because I needed to spend some one on one time with you, to see you happy, and smiling and laughing. I needed to get your mind completely off of him, not to mention off work, off running, off of everything that puts stress on you.”

  Cade rubbed his hands softly up and down Braden’s arms. “I knew that I would never be able to focus on your safety 100 percent if I was with you like that, so I asked Coop and the others to follow us, to protect you. And I did warn you about the touching a couple days ago, but only so you wouldn’t pull away, if someone was watching. That warning didn’t even enter into my mind today; I had forgotten that I’d even given it to you.”

  Braden took a deep breath and tried to get his emotions under control. “Zavier, when I saw you looking out at the street, and your face morphed into an expression I had never seen before, I felt like it had all been a bunch of lies. I started feeling like bait again, like you’d done this whole day to piss him off and I was just a worm on a hook, to catch the big fish.”

  Cade’s face looked pained as he shook his head. “Baby, no. I would never in a million years use you as bait. You mean too much to me to use you like that, with no regard for you and your safety. Braden, look at me. I have never treated anyone like I treat you. You need me to be the way I am with you, and Braden, I need to be the way I am when I’m with you, but understand, that’s only for you.”

  Cade looked down at their laps and sighed. He tugged the back of Braden’s knees toward him again, as if the few inches Braden had moved back didn’t sit right with him. “In my work life and past military life, I’m nothing like the person you see. Being with you, it’s separate, and it’s wonderful and it’s what I didn’t even know I needed. What you saw wasn’t an act; it was me switching gears. In my line of work, I have to compartmentalize. I can’t be anything but the operator I was trained to be; which means that I’m emotionless, self-contained, and stoic. That’s what you saw, and I’m sorry it scared you or caused doubt.”

  Cade sat up, eyes level and intense on Braden’s. He slid his hand to Braden’s nape and gripped his hair. “And let’s go back to what you just said. How can you even, for one fucking second, think that I’m not attracted to you? I’m so attracted to you that I can barely function when I’m near you.” Cade took Braden’s hand with his free one, and pressed it to his protruding fly. “This is what you do to me, whenever I’m near you. This is real.”

  Braden’s emotions made his body tremble and his voice shaky. “Are you sure? Oh god, please be sure. Because I’m falling for you Zavier, and if you’re not being serious, it will kill me.”

  Cade looked at Braden beseechingly, clasped his head softly in his hands and brought their foreheads together. “Yes, I’m sure, baby. I’m positive. I’ve already fallen for you. I can’t breathe for wanting you. I’m sure that I want to spend the rest of tonight making love to you. Will you do that with me? Will you allow me some measure of control over you and your pleasure tonight? Will you let me in? Let your walls down enough to give in to your pleasure, with me?”

  Something about the way Cade asked him that; something about the way he asked if he could take control, had him panicking, just when he thought everything was going to be fine. He knew what it was like, being controlled by someone. He knew that it started small and then became all consuming. He pulled his head back, stiffened on Cade’s lap and began to shake his head. He tried to pull away and became panicked when Cade held him on his lap, unwilling to let him go. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t….

  “Breathe, Braden. Dammit, breathe! You’re having another panic attack, Braden. Look at me.” Cade shook Braden lightly, enough to jar him back into the here and now. “That’s it. No, don’t struggle. I’m not hurting you, I’d never hurt you. I want you to stay where you are. I’m going to remove my hands from your shoulders so you aren’t feeling so trapped, but I need for you to take a deep breath and stay where you are. Breathe with me, Braden, deep breath in, that’s it; now out. In again, now out. Good. Please, don’t allow him to come between us. You know damn well I would never hurt you like that bastard hurt you. It would kill me to see you harmed in any way, don’t you know that by now?”

  Braden grimaced and looked away. “But, you want to control me. You said it yourself. I can never let that happen again. It nearly killed me. I’m sorry Zavier, I can’t do it. I didn’t know that’s what you wanted. I didn’t know you wanted to exert control over me. I know how that feels and I know I won’t ever allow myself to be in that type of relationship again.”

  Cade placed his hands lightly on Braden’s thighs and drew nearer. “You know how it feels to be controlled in what way, Braden? Tell me how it feels. Tell me what it was like on a daily basis. I know some of what that asshole did, physically, because you had to tell me about all of your relationships in the past five years, but you haven’t mentioned the other stuff until now. Sometimes the little stuff is as bad as the big stuff and can damage you just the same.”

  Cade needed Braden to explain all of it; he’d needed it for a while, but hadn’t wanted to push. He needed him to explain how it really was between him and Eric. He knew quite a bit from their previous discussions, but he’d known then that Braden had been holding a lot of the story back. He needed Braden to see how different it would be with him. What Cade meant by control was more like responsibility, but he needed Braden’s explanation, in order to be able to clarify what he meant, and how seriously he took it.

  When it seemed Braden wasn’t going to say anything at all, Cade asked him, “In this moment, right now, do you trust me not to hurt you?”

  “I…” Braden glanced down at his hands, which were gathered in his lap. “Yes, I do.”

  Cade gently swept his hand over Braden’s hair, holding it away from his face. “Will you do me a favor?”

  Still unable to meet Cade’s eyes, Braden took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah, OK.”

  Cade clasped one of Braden’s hands in his, the other hand still holding Braden’s hair back. “Will you go get ready for bed, and I’ll do the same? I want to continue this conversation. I also want to hold you when we do that, and I want to do it in your bed. We won’t have sex tonight. We’re not ready for that, so please don’t stress. I just want to feel you next to me. After we talk, if you want me to leave, I will. But if you want me to stay, I’ll stay and hold you all night.”

  Braden finally looked into Cade’s eyes and saw the raw emotion there. He was feeling so defeated. He had been so happy just a few minutes ago, prior to Cade talking about controlling him. Now he was exhausted all of a sudden, but he also wanted to tell Cade everything. Seeing Cade’s emotions reflected back at him gave him courage. He’d never felt like he had anyone to talk about it with, except Maya, and he didn’t want her to know about all the little things that he still felt burdened with.

  Cade sat under him, patiently waiting for his response and all of a sudden he wanted nothing more than to be in Cade’s arms, telling him everything, unloading that burden. He nodded his head and made to get off of Cade’s lap.

  Cade stilled him when he put his big hand over Braden�
�s heart. “I’ll take care of this. Always. You just have to give it to me.”

  Braden’s breath hitched and his heart melted at Cade’s words and the emotion reflected in his eyes. He leaned forward and kissed Cade’s lips softly. He pressed his forehead lightly to Cade’s and then got up to head to his room to get ready for bed.

  Braden tested his blood and brushed his teeth. He pulled on a pair of pajama pants and a fresh t-shirt and was just climbing into bed when Cade walked in wearing a tight, ribbed tank top that was so thin it was almost see-through and a pair of loose fitting basketball shorts that highlighted the muscled V cut abs arrowing down into his shorts. God, he was a work of art. His muscular arms bulged under all of that gorgeous ink and Braden discovered, seeing the outlines through the tank, that the ink made its way across parts of his chest and abs as well. Braden was entranced and his eyes traveled slowly up Cade’s six, oh good lord, was that an eight pack and pierced nipples? Does it ever end?

  Braden huffed out an incredulous breath. “Seriously? What is with that body? It can’t… How can it be real? Not to mention, how can that body be even remotely attracted to this one?”

  Cade sat in front of Braden, who was even now trying to cover his body with the blanket. Cade grabbed it and gently pulled it off of Braden. “First of all, we dressed in front of each other a couple times today. Didn’t you see me naked, or nearly so, when we changed or went to shower in the locker room stalls?”