by Lynn Cahoon
Hunter sat in the living room, lights off for a long time that night. Thinking about a future without worrying about a past.
• • •
“Why don’t you come back to Shawnee with us?” Lizzie folded clothes into her bag from the closet of the small hospital room. “You look like you could use some sleep. You can have one of the cabins, and you may not even hear the boys cry at night.”
Barb smiled, looking down at one of the twins she cradled in her arms. Robbie. She was kind of sure the baby she held was Robbie, but how Lizzie told the two boys apart, Barb still didn’t know. Alex slept, already in the car seat. “As tempting as that sounds, I think I’m going to stay in town for a while. I’m heading out with the boys on Friday and I’d like to spend as much time with Mom as possible.”
Lizzie sank on the bed. “He’s not going to change his mind and come running to your side, apologizing for his bad behavior.”
“Who?” Barb didn’t even look up.
Lizzie sat on the bed and stared. “You know Kevin wasn’t your fault. Nothing that man says is true even when you ask him the time.”
Barb stroked Robbie’s cheek, trying to keep tears from filling her eyes. “I let myself get in that situation. I trusted him.”
“And you’re not the first woman to trust what a man says. Kevin planned the whole thing from the beginning — get you as his manager by hook or crook, and his no talent butt would start being thrown from better bulls in better rodeos.” Lizzie patted her friend’s shoulder. “The only thing you did wrong was trust him. And maybe fall for a jerk.”
“Mom always said I could pick the bad boy out of the church choir. I guess Kevin proved her true.”
“Your mama’s one to talk. Look, I know we don’t speak ill of the ill, so to speak, but that woman put you through some hell growing up.” Lizzie gazed at her son in Barb’s arms. “I hope if James dies young I don’t go off the deep end like Lorraine did. My boys will just have to shoot me.”
Barb smiled. “She wasn’t that bad.”
Lizzie shot her a look.
“Okay, she was that bad, but I had your parents to use as role models.” Barb smiled at the memories of growing up with Lizzie as her best friend. That’s when she learned how to pretend, how to make her life seem normal, just like Lizzie’s. And up until Kevin, she’d been good at playing pretend, in her career and love life. She was the ultimate manager. She kept all the plates spinning for her clients. And it was that fantasy woman that Kevin had latched onto and why he had been determined to have her. Not the first time she’d been chased. Just the first time she’d been drugged.
Hell, she knew the marriage to Kevin had been a farce. She’d even seen the tapes of that woman standing in for her. A striking redhead with boobs three times her size. No one, or at least no woman, would mistake her for the bride on the tape. So when Kevin had blackmailed her, she’d sent him on his merry way with a new manager and ten percent of what he’d asked for. As long as he’d signed the annulment papers and never darkened her door again.
Well, he’d blown both of those opportunities. His new manager had fired him after one season and with Kevin showing up at the reception, Barb was pretty sure she should get a refund on the door darkening promise.
“Face it, not everything is your fault or under your control,” Lizzie said.
“You’re messing with my inner vision. Super bitch.” Barb smiled.
“The cradling of a new infant kind of already killed that image. Sorry.” Lizzie put her arm around Barb. “Things will work out. If Hunter’s the one, he’ll realize he’s an idiot and come crawling back.”
And that’s exactly what I’m worried about. Instead of responding, she gently rocked the baby, trying to get him to sleep. Finally she looked up at her friend. “Why would I want that?”
“Sure, play dumb. Are you sure staying here’s a good idea? You’re not going to go all stalker on his butt, are you?” Lizzie reached for Robbie. “Let me bundle this guy up and get him settled.”
“When have I ever gone crazy about a guy?” Barb handed the baby over to his mother.
Lizzie shook her head. “Do we have to talk about Larry again?”
“I was fourteen. And besides, you helped me follow him around that summer.” Barb grabbed her purse. “I’ve got to get home. I told Kati I’d make her cupcakes for school tomorrow.”
Lizzie just looked at her.
Barb lifted her hand. “I swear this is the last time. I promised her and I’m not going to back out of a promise.”
Lizzie hugged her hard. “All I can say is the boys couldn’t have a better godmother.”
• • •
Two hours later, Barb had the first batch of marble devil’s food cupcakes in the oven at her mom’s house. She’d bake them tonight, then frost them first thing in the morning. She could drop them off at the school by ten and still have some left to take to her mother for her daily visit. Barb hadn’t done this much baking since the summer before she’d left Shawnee for college. No matter what big dreams she’d told Lizzie, inside, she’d been scared to death that summer. Scared to move from the little town where she’d always lived to a big city where she’d be stuck in a dorm room with three other girls she’d never even met.
Lorraine, on the other hand, had seen going to college as a big adventure. And she’d wanted to follow Barb on the adventure. More than once that summer, her mom had laid down a not-so-subtle plan to move with Barb. They could rent a house near the college. Go to football games together. Barb could even invite her friends over. It would be like their own sorority. The woman had been crushed when Barb had told her no, she was staying in a dorm. Now, she wondered if she’d done the right thing. If she’d known her mother would leave so soon, maybe she would have made a different choice.
But Barb hadn’t known. And after college, she’d bought the condo in San Francisco, started her new business with the money her grandmother had left her and sent cards and flowers to her mother for holidays. Dutiful daughter duties through a good florist and the U.S. Postal Service.
Barb glanced around the kitchen, suddenly worn out. The clock on the stove read ten P.M. It would be close to eleven by the time she got both batches baked. She wished she were baking in Hunter’s kitchen. A glass of wine on the table, and Hunter there, making her laugh. Maybe licking the beaters from the blender.
Barb shook her head. No use crying over spilt milk or vodka, as Lorraine used to say. At least Barb had had a family for a week. A week she’d always remember.
She started cleaning up the mess she’d made. By the time the last of the cupcakes were out of the oven, Mom’s kitchen was clean and shiny. Barb turned off the lights and headed to the guest room. Two days more, then she could return to her real life. The life on the road chasing after bull riders who liked to pretend they were more child than man. Smiling pretty for the sponsors like Adam, hoping for the big score. And forgetting she even knew how to bake.
And Kati.
And Hunter.
Chapter 15
The schoolyard was quiet when Hunter pulled his truck into the last long parking spot way at the end of the lot. He’d had to go to five different bakeries to find thirty cupcakes in chocolate with chocolate frosting. Most of the clerks just stared when he asked. Or given him the standard, “Large orders like that need a minimum of forty-eight hours prior notice.”
So sorry, he wanted to scream. My niece didn’t tell me until this morning that my fake wife had promised to bring cupcakes for morning treat. Finally, he’d found a bakery that had had a no-show on an order, and they’d cobbled together twenty-eight chocolate and two vanilla cupcakes with chocolate frosting. Maybe, he’d be lucky and no one would point out that small discrepancy to Kati.
The kid had been withdrawn and quiet since Sunday. This morning, she’d seemed almost giddy to get to school. When Hunter had finally gotten her to tell him why, his heart had seized. What if Barb didn’t remember her promise to Kati? What if she di
d remember and just decided not to keep it? Hunter hadn’t tried to call her, hadn’t tried to get her side of the Kevin story, hadn’t even tried to keep her from leaving with Jesse Sullivan. He’d been stupid. And he hadn’t told her that, either.
Now he was carrying five boxes of cupcakes into school so Kati wouldn’t be disappointed. Again.
He fumbled for the door handle, his fingertips just reaching the metal when he felt it open against him. “Thanks,” he muttered to the unseen assistant. He made his way down the hall to the office window where he put the stacked boxes down and looked up at the clerk. “I’m here to visit Kati Martin, she’s in second grade.”
“Mrs. Hannon’s class. Yes, I know.” The clerk nodded to her left. “This woman was just about to go that way, do you want to follow her?”
He turned. Barb stood next to him, a box of cupcakes in her hand.
“Bakery? Hunter, I’m shocked. Kati specifically said she wanted homemade cupcakes.” Barb laughed, the sound tinny in his ears.
“Why are you here? I thought, well, I thought you’d be back in Shawnee.” With Jesse, he wanted to add. Instead, he added, “With Lizzie and the boys.”
Barb searched his face, but he wasn’t sure what she was looking for. Finally, she broke eye contact. “Kati asked me for cupcakes. I don’t break my word.”
Hunter wanted to say, since when? But he knew he was just poking the bear. And, as his mama had always said, a wounded bear was dangerous. Instead he held up the white bakery boxes. “What am I going to do with thirty cupcakes?”
Barb laughed again, this time the laugh more solid, more Barb sounding. “You’re at a school full of kids. I’m sure some class would like a morning treat.”
The office clerk glanced at the boxes on the counter. “Actually, we can’t just give food out to the students, they all have special instructions, but I could put them in the teachers’ lounge. I’m sure they’ll get eaten. We don’t usually have many leftovers around here.”
“Happy Teachers’ day then.” Hunter pushed the boxes toward the woman. Looking at Barb, he nodded. “Can I help you deliver? Or do you want to do this by yourself?”
Barb seemed to consider the offer, then her shoulder’s sagged. “Sure, why not.”
Not exactly the response he’d hoped for, but he’d take it. “Look, we need to talk.”
“Not here. And definitely not now.” Barb didn’t even turn to look at him.
A few minutes later when they got to the classroom door, he saw her paste on a smile. This was hard for her, he could tell.
Kati was out of her chair as soon as they walked in. Hugging Barb around the legs, she whispered loud enough for Hunter to hear, “I knew you’d come.”
Hunter felt like a hand was squeezing his heart. He’d put Kati in this position, counting on a woman who after tomorrow wouldn’t be in her life. He couldn’t make the same mistake again. Kati deserved better.
He cleared his throat. “Don’t I even rate a hello?”
Kati smiled at him, erasing all his doubt. The girl was happy and, by God, he’d do anything to keep her that way. “Hello, Uncle Hunter.”
The teacher came to stand next to Kati. “I’m Mrs. Hannon. We’re so glad to have you visit our class today.”
Barb seemed to freeze so Hunter stepped in. “Kati asked Barb to bring cupcakes, I hope this is a good time.”
The teacher smoothed down Kati’s blond hair. Kati had pulled off the ponytail Hunter had put in her hair that morning. So much for his grooming tips for the second grader. “This is an excellent time. Kati, why don’t you hand out the cupcakes with a napkin while I talk to your aunt and uncle in the hallway?”
This can’t be good, Hunter thought. But he followed the two women out into the hall.
“What’s wrong, is Kati all right?” Barb’s words rushed at the teacher as soon as the door closed.
“Kati’s fine. Well, at least she’s better than I’ve seen her since the accident. Up until this last week, but she’d been quiet, withdrawn, like she was in some kind of shell. I was going to call you soon and see if you had her in counseling.” She nodded to Hunter. “Her teacher from last year and I are friends. She tells me Kati was a completely different girl before the accident.”
Hunter ran his fingers through his hair. “I know it’s been rough on her. I have her going once a week to a counselor. Do you think it should be more?”
“No, definitely not. Not now. She’s so different since she came back from being sick. Her eyes are bright, she’s talking and reading, and I’ve even seen her eat. I don’t think she’s ever eaten anything in class or at lunch that I’ve seen. Yesterday, I saw her finish her tray.” Mrs. Hannon smiled. “Of course it was pizza day, so that helps our picky eaters.”
“I’m glad to hear she’s adjusting.” Barb’s voice was almost a whisper.
“Whatever the two of you are doing, keep it up.” The teacher held the door open. “Do you want to stay for story time? We’re reading Alice in Wonderland.”
Barb shook her head. “I’m due over at the assisted living.”
“I’ve got to get to work,” Hunter said at the same time. He looked at Barb and smiled, then directed his comment to the teacher. “Tell Kati I’ll see her tonight.”
“Okay.” The teacher paused at the door and frowned. “Is there something I should know?”
“Kati’s custody hearing is tomorrow. I’m sure she’ll stay with me, but a maternal aunt is trying to change that.” Hunter put his hand on Barb’s arm. “We’re confident that the hearing is just a formality.”
The teacher looked at Hunter and Barb. Waiting for the next shoe to drop, Hunter thought. Then she sighed. “For Kati’s sake, I hope you’re right.”
When the door closed, Hunter turned to Barb. “That went well.”
“Look, maybe after the hearing I could keep in touch with Kati. Take her out after school a day or so.” Barb looked like she was going to cry.
“That’s not part of the bargain.”
“I don’t want her hurt in this.” Barb looked down at Hunter’s hand still resting on her arm. He’d forgotten it too, and quickly pulled away.
“Barb, we need to talk. I don’t want Kati hurt, either, but … ”
Barb didn’t let him finish. “I’ll be at the courthouse tomorrow at eight.”
Hunter watched as the woman he loved, his wife for the moment, sprinted down the hallway and out the door. She couldn’t get away from him fast enough.
• • •
“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” Barb muttered as she pulled her car away from the school. How could she have been so stupid? All she wanted to do was drop off the cupcakes, say goodbye to Kati, and after tomorrow, she’d have no ties to Kati or Hunter. Now, she was offering to pick Kati up a couple nights a week? Thank God she hadn’t offered in front of the girl.
She could call Hunter tonight and rescind the offer. Or better yet, tell him after the hearing tomorrow. He would be so happy about gaining custody, he wouldn’t care that she was bailing on him. On Kati.
Back and forth, she played out the best way to cut the strings. Finally as she parked in front of the assisted living home, she’d come up with one surefire way to not get sucked in again. She’d send him a letter. Clean, yet personal. And the best part? He couldn’t watch her with those eyes and make her want to commit more.
Dropping off a plate of cupcakes at the nurses’ desk, she took a few and headed to her mom’s room.
“Mom?” She knocked quietly and peeked her head in the room.
Her mother was sitting on the couch, going through the photo album again. When she heard Barb’s voice she looked toward the door. “Barbara?”
Barb swept into the room, her plastic smile already at full power. Her mom looked confused, tentative. “I brought you a treat.”
Lorraine smiled, and patted the couch. “Come sit down. Where’s that granddaughter of mine?”
Barbara let her smile drop for just a second as she sat next
to her mother, placing the small tower of cupcakes on the coffee table. She took her mother’s hand. “You know she’s not really your granddaughter, right?”
“You’re married to her uncle. That child has no one but the two of you. So no matter what, she’s my granddaughter. Just the way it needs to be.” Lorraine pointed to the coffee carafe siting on the table. “You want coffee? There are some extra cups over on the bookcase.”
Barb winced but stood and grabbed a cup. Pouring the coffee, the smell of dark roasted beans filled the small room. She topped off her mother’s cup, then slipped back on the couch. “What if I wasn’t married to her uncle anymore?”
Her mother gave her a sharp look. “Barb, I may be confused most of the time, but right now, I’m in my right mind. I wonder if you are.”
“If I am what?”
“In your right mind? I’ve never seen you so happy as when that young man walked in here the other day.”
Barb started to say her mom was wrong, but Lorraine made a shushing noise.
“Let me finish. I haven’t been the best role model for the way a woman should get by in this world. After your dad died, I didn’t want to commit again, to anyone. I didn’t want to lose someone I cared about again. So I kept it casual. And that was my loss. Mine and yours. I should have married again, lived a full life. If I’d known my brain would betray me, that I would be the one leaving, I might have made a different decision.” Lorraine paused, tears filling her eyes.
“You did what you had to do.” Barb patted her hand. “I don’t blame you for anything. Besides, you’re getting better. Stronger.”
“Calm before the storm, we both know it.” Lorraine swallowed. “Don’t regret your life, Barb. And if you run away from this man and his little girl, you’ll regret it. I can see it in your eyes. You’re in love.”
Barb winced. Her mom was right. She was in love. With both Hunter and Kati. With what could be their life. But what her mom didn’t know was that the life was just a shell. A storefront window display of what a marriage should be. She might have bought the fantasy, but as soon as the hearing was over tomorrow, Hunter would be handing her the annulment papers and a pen. She handed her mom a cupcake and then took one for herself. “Even if you’re right, I can’t change what’s happening. Contracts have been made, and now I just have to live up to my part of the deal.”
