“I want to believe that.” Alyssa chewed on her lower lip, her thoughts a jumbled mess these past few days. The medication bore some responsibility but mostly she was confused. “I know you and Seth don’t have a very high opinion of me after everything I put Hank through, and I understand that. I really do. But I want you to know that I love him very much. I want him to be happy, Presley.”
Presley sat up straight almost dropping her cupcake on the floor. “Now wait a minute. I’ll admit we were frustrated with you two. But anyone could see that you loved each other. Hell, still love each other. Everyone comes with baggage. God knows I did. You had to learn to deal with your family. I had to deal with my past. So did Seth for that matter.”
“And Hank?”
“Your handsome husband didn’t know how to help you manage your parents. The fact is it was really something you had to do by yourself in your own time. And you did from what I’ve seen. Sometimes the past is best left where it is.”
Presley would know. She’d given up her whole life in Tampa for Seth and the town of Harper.
“I can’t blame my mother and father for everything. I have to own the fact that I didn’t put Hank first.”
“And you have. Are you planning to punish yourself forever?” Presley asked. “When is it enough?”
“Hank hasn’t forgiven me.” Alyssa shook her head sadly. “He can’t put it behind us.”
Presley leaned forward in her chair and set her glass on the coffee table. “Then tell him to get the hell over it. Life’s too short, trust me on this one. I’ve been dead and I’ve been alive, and let me tell you, alive is better by far.”
Alyssa chuckled at Presley’s balls to the wall attitude. Seth must be exhausted all the time. She was a complete whirlwind, but in a really good way.
“I actually tried to do just that. The morning of the accident I kind of gave him an ultimatum. I told him he loved me and I wanted him to say it back. He wasn’t amused,” Alyssa said wryly.
Presley’s brow furrowed and she tapped her chin. “Men aren’t much for words. Hell, I had a killer, the Marshal service, and the FBI on our tail before Seth said he loved me. I should have known long before then though. Every single thing he did told me so. You have to look at Hank’s actions, and his actions say he worships you.”
“Funny, I don’t feel worshipped.” Alyssa laughed and then winced, holding her sore ribs. “Shit, that hurts. This sucks not being able to do anything for myself. It hurts to move. At least breathing is easier now.”
“I wish the other driver was going to get more than a ticket. He walked away with barely a scratch from what Seth said.”
Alyssa lifted her left arm wrapped in plaster. “Next car is going to have side air bags. Seriously, I’m not angry at the guy. He sent flowers and a card when I was in the hospital. He’s really sorry. He made a mistake and ran a red light. Any one of us could do that.”
“I’m just glad neither one of you were going very fast. It could have been much worse.” Presley stood and picked up both glasses. “I’m going to get us more tea. Another cupcake?”
“Hell, yes. If I have to lie here and be bored then I’m going to enjoy the one vice I have left. Chocolate.”
Presley giggled as she pulled a pitcher from the refrigerator. “You should have seen Bennett when we gave him one last night. I set him in his highchair and let him go to town. He had it everywhere – hair, ears, hands. It was hilarious and so cute.”
Alyssa could hear the motherly love in Presley’s voice. “You could have brought him with you today.”
Presley handed Alyssa the refilled glass. “Are you kidding? I would be chasing him everywhere. He can crawl like nobody’s business and he’s pulling himself up on the furniture too. He’ll be walking before we know it. He’s having a great day with his grandma and being thoroughly spoiled, and I’m having a nice day with a girlfriend. Win-win.”
“I remember when Luke was that age,” she said wistfully, already missing her son who had only been gone a few hours. “I’d love to have another one. Maybe a girl this time.”
Presley’s eyes twinkled. “If you want to have another baby, you’re going to need Hank’s cooperation.”
That was something Alyssa was determined to get. She could only hope Presley was right and that Hank did indeed love her despite not saying the words.
“I feel confused sometimes,” Alyssa confessed. “Some moments I feel like he loves me, and some moments he feels so far away.”
Presley leaned forward, a smile playing on her lips. “Then pull him toward you. In everything. Make sure he’s a part of all the things you do.”
Good advice. Alyssa was recharged after talking to Presley.
“I will,” Alyssa vowed. “I’ll never give up on Hank.”
She would do whatever it took to put her family back together.
Chapter Ten
Alyssa looked beautiful tonight. Fully recovered, she had been anxious to get out of the house and Hank had given in to her pleas to attend one of Harper’s summer barn dances. Still wearing her cast and a huge smile, she was currently whirling around the floor with his co-deputy Tom. As Hank gnashed his teeth together, Tom held Alyssa way too close and let his hands wander too low on her back.
Her skin had regained its golden color and there were some blonde highlights in her burnished red hair. She was showing off that tan with a white sundress that accentuated every line and curve that God had given her, making every man in the room drool.
“Alyssa seems much better than the last time I saw her.” Seth slapped Hank on the back and grinned. “You must be relieved.”
“She still has to wear the cast for a few more weeks, but other than her arm itching she’s doing okay.”
The song ended and Alyssa and Tom headed toward the punch bowl, Hank’s gut tightening with jealousy. Alyssa wasn’t interested in Tom, he knew that, but it didn’t help. Things were tense in their home and there was only one way to make it better.
Talk about it. That was the last thing Hank wanted to do.
“I’m glad things are better.” Seth looked at Hank closely, his eyes narrowed. “Things are better, right? You’re still not planning to offer her a divorce, are you?”
Hank rubbed the back of his neck. This was a subject he’d been trying to avoid for weeks but it looked like its time had come.
“I do, actually. I have to be fair to her, Seth. I doubt she’d ever ask for herself. She’s always putting Luke before her own happiness. But, hell, she deserves to be happy.”
“And you don’t?” Seth took a drink from his longneck.
“I forfeited that right. If she hadn’t been out that day, she wouldn’t have been in that accident. And she wouldn’t have been out if I hadn’t acted like a total asshole. It’s simple cause and effect.”
“I wouldn’t call it simple.” Seth shook his head, his lips twisted in a grimace. “I’ve never seen two people more at odds with one another for so long.”
“I don’t know about that.” Hank nodded toward the refreshment area where Eliza the town librarian was chatting with Presley. “Eliza and Alex crashed and burned. I thought they were a good couple too.”
“They are a good couple,” Seth retorted. “They’ve let a simple misunderstanding get between them. I’ve tried talking to her myself but she won’t listen. Stubborn as hell.”
“Alex isn’t much better. He’s letting his pride get in the way if you ask me. All he has to do is explain and I’m sure she’d understand.”
“Funny thing about pride…” Seth pointed to Hank. “It can be a man’s downfall.”
“I’m going to offer her the divorce. It’s the right thing to do.”
“Ahem.”
Hank swung around and looked into the incredibly pissed off gaze of his wife. How much had she actually heard? She gave him a look that promised trouble and then turned and smiled at the sheriff.
“Hi, Seth, how are you?”
“I’m good, thanks. Y
ou’re looking better. All healed up, I guess.”
Seth’s gaze darted back and forth between Hank and Alyssa as if trying to size up the situation. Apparently he felt discretion was the better part of valor as he tipped his hat.
“Well, I better be getting back to my wife. She’s probably wondering what happened to me. Have a good evening.”
Alyssa didn’t even bother to watch Seth walk away. Instead she stared at Hank, her arms crossed over her chest, or as close as she could with the cast, and her toe was tapping on the wooden floor. Her cheeks were pink and her green eyes were shooting sparks. Yep, his wife in high temper was a gorgeous sight to behold.
“Listen, Lis–” he began.
“Don’t start with me, Hank Dixon.” Alyssa held up her hand. “Living with you lately has been like walking on eggshells. I think we need to finally have this out once and for all.”
He didn’t like the sound of that. It sounded, well, final. Just because he was planning on offering a divorce didn’t mean he wanted her to take him up on it. He hoped desperately she still had some love for him deep down.
She didn’t give him any time to ponder it though, turning on her heel and marching out into the hot summer night. He trailed after her until she halted under a cluster of trees. The barn was far away and he could barely hear the music from this distance. If they were going to fight, she’d picked a private out of the way spot for it.
“You’ve been acting like a jerk.” Her chin was lifted as if in challenge.
Hank swallowed hard, his heart pounding so loudly it drowned out any other sound. It was time to confess his sins and offer her the out she deserved.
“I know.” Hank nodded in agreement. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you and was waiting for the right moment.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Let’s talk.” Alyssa leaned back against a tree like they had all night.
“That morning,” he began, not sure how to put it all into words. “I should have given you the words. I didn’t because I wanted to punish you.”
“And?” she prompted, her eyebrows raised. “That wasn’t the only reason, I don’t think.”
She really wanted her pound of flesh.
“I was afraid,” he admitted. “I was afraid it would all be taken from me again and I would end up hurt.”
Amazingly her expression softened. “I figured that out after you left. It was hard to be mad at you after that.”
“Then the accident.” Hank’s voice was choked as he remembered her pale still figure with blood running down her face. He still had nightmares about that day. “It was all my fault, Lis. I’ll understand if you can’t forgive me. I’ll understand if you don’t want me anymore. I decided that day to offer you a divorce if you wanted one. I won’t fight you.”
He stood up straight and braced himself for the blow. Inside he was shaking, terrified she might leave him but he had to do this. As a man, he had to know if she was staying because she loved him or some other misguided attempt to have the family she never had.
“So I did hear the word divorce out of your mouth when you were talking to Seth.” Alyssa pushed off from the tree and began to pace back and forth. “I can’t believe you said it out loud, Hank. You can’t throw the word around like that. Once you say it, you can’t take it back.”
She whirled around, her chest rising and falling rapidly. “Do you want one or do you think I want one?”
“It was my fault you got in the accident,” he said. Offering her freedom might be the right thing to do, but it was painful as hell. His heart felt like it was about to be ripped out of his chest.
“How is the accident your fault?” she asked, her frustration clear in the tense line of her shoulders. “By its very definition, it was an accident.”
“You wouldn’t have been out if it weren’t for me.” Hank scraped his hand through his hair trying to push away the images of her hurt. “You have every right to hate me.”
Alyssa shook her head and took a step toward him. “Hank, listen to me very closely. It. Was. An. Accident. It was nothing you did or didn’t do. For all we know, I would have found another reason to go to the grocery store that day. It didn’t have anything to do with our argument that morning. I was done being mad before you even got to the station. I realized you were afraid that I would hurt you again. I knew I needed to be more patient. I don’t hate you.”
His shoulders sagged in relief—weeks of hating himself and not knowing had taken their toll. Funny how things could turn on a dime. Not long ago, he couldn’t imagine ever saying these words again. Now he couldn’t hold them back.
“I love you, Lis.”
Her slow smile gave him an ache in his chest. “Thank you. I love you too, by the way. I haven’t said it for awhile. Not because I didn’t feel it but because I wasn’t sure you wanted to hear it.”
“I wanted to hear it more than you could possibly imagine. Seth’s right. We’ve been at cross-purposes for too long. It stops now.”
Hank took a few steps closer to her. He could smell her perfume and feel the heat from her skin.
“A few times I lost faith that you still loved me, and then you would do something that made me believe again. Presley reminded me that men communicate with actions, not words.”
He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her into his body. “Clever Presley.” He buried his face in her neck. “Thank God you didn’t want a divorce. I don’t know what I would have done, Lis. I felt it was the honorable thing to offer it to you, but if you had taken me up on it, I think I would have gone crazy.”
Her hand slid around him and her head tipped back so she was looking up at him. Even in the moonlight he could clearly see her happy and serene expression. “Not going to happen. You’re stuck with me. I suppose you’ve been torturing yourself since the accident with this instead of just talking to me about it.”
“I can laugh about it now but yes, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.” Hank chuckled and nipped at the soft skin of her shoulder. Lifting his head, he looked down into her eyes. “From now on we talk. About everything. Your family, my job, Luke, the dog, the price of eggs. Whatever it is we don’t hide it anymore. Deal?”
“Deal. I love you so much. I’m sorry but I can’t stop saying it. The time we were apart was so lonely and dark. I missed you but I knew I couldn’t come back until I could stand on my own two feet. I couldn’t ask you to deal with my parents and our issues any longer. Do you understand, Hank?”
Seeing the difference in her now from before, he did. She hadn’t been selfish as he’d thought, but had actually been self-sacrificing. She’d put him and their family first in the only way she knew how.
“I love you too. I needed to grow up as well, I think. I wanted everything my way too and you were just supposed to fall in line. Marriage doesn’t work like that. I guess I fooled myself into thinking that when I married you, I married only you, not your family.”
Alyssa giggled and his heart flipped in his chest. She was everything and her happiness was paramount. “I don’t think Mom and Dad will be coming around much, although Caroline might. I got a call from her a few days ago and she’s starting to see how our parents are manipulating her and Mark.”
“I look forward to seeing her again.” It was a trifle surreal saying it but it was really true. Caroline and Mark were good people in a tough situation.
Alyssa played with the snaps on his Western shirt. “I’ve been thinking about that baby. We need to get to it if we want another one.”
Just the thought of Alyssa carrying his child made him hot and hard in a split second. He reached for the keys in his pocket.
“I can have us home and naked in twenty minutes.”
Her gaze dropped to his crotch and then back up. She was licking her lips and his cock twitched in his pants, swelling even larger.
“I don’t think we have time,” she breathed. “I think I need you now.”
How did he get so lucky? His wife was not onl
y beautiful and sexy, but she had a little danger in her soul. They were far enough from the dance that no one would know as long as they were quiet and stayed behind these trees. Being married to Alyssa was never going to be boring.
Pulling at the material of his shirt, the snaps easily gave way. “Slip off those panties, honey. You’re right, we’ll never make it all the way home.”
Everything was going to be okay between them. They’d finally put to rest the ghosts that kept them apart and now they could forge a new beginning.
Hank didn’t allow Alyssa time to savor their victory over the past however. His rough hands were sliding under the skirt of her sundress sending delicious tingles to some very private places. Her breath caught as his thumb slid inside her already soaked panties and brushed her swollen clit.
“You don’t listen worth a damn do you?” Hank’s voice was amused, not annoyed. “This scrap of lace is just in my way.”
His fingers hooked on the sides of her panties and they glided down her legs. He balled them up and shoved them in his pocket before backing her up against the tree.
“Are you sure you’re up for this, Lis? I don’t want to hurt you.” His voice was rough and his hand shook as he pushed a lock of hair out of her eyes. Her big manly husband wanted her as much as she wanted him but he was holding himself in check.
For her.
Because he loved her.
Her heart seemed to expand in her chest and butterflies danced in her tummy. Hank loved her. She felt a little silly now that she’d made such a big deal about the words. She knew men that said it without feeling it, and that would have been worse.
All those long lonely months they’d been apart seemed to drift away from her memory and only the present and future existed. They would build a strong marriage and family, teaching their children about honesty and love. But first they were going to make love.
“I’m completely healed. I can take whatever you’ve got to give, Hank.”
The Deputies: 3 Novella Box Set Page 8
