by Risa Green
She took out her phone and composed another text to Ariel. Despite the threat that Ariel had made in her last text, Gretchen didn’t believe for one second that she would really call the police on her.
I know u h8 the Oculus Society. But enough to commit murder?
She hit the send button. Almost immediately, a text came back to her.
That’s it. U r going to be sorry that u ever started with me. Consider yourself warned.
Gretchen’s hands trembled just the slightest bit as she tossed the phone onto her desk.
The teepee was smaller than Gretchen had remembered. In her mind, it was big enough for them to stand in, but in reality, it was barely even tall enough for her to sit inside of it without having to hunch over. Gretchen looked up; there was a small opening at the top of the teepee where the plastic folded over itself, just like how there’s a space at the bottom of a piece of paper when you roll it into a cone. Through the circle she could see a sliver of a constellation in the clear, night sky.
Jessica was late. It was already well past nine o’clock, and the last vestiges of daylight had been replaced with a deep, lush blackness that enveloped Gretchen like one of her mother’s cashmere sweaters. If it hadn’t been for the full moon, she wouldn’t have been able to see a thing.
Finally, she heard footsteps crunching in the wood chips beneath the play area. Jessica ducked inside the teepee, frowning.
“I remembered this being bigger,” she said, glancing around as she took a seat on the ground next to Gretchen.
“It’s definitely cozy in here,” Gretchen agreed. “But you’re right, I don’t think anyone will find us.” She sat on her hands so that Jessica wouldn’t see them shaking. She still couldn’t believe that her first kiss was going to be with Jessica and not with Nick Ford. If only she had seized upon the opportunity when it had presented itself that night at her party, instead of going inside to look for Ariel. She didn’t know why that would have changed anything, but somehow, she felt that if she’d only stayed outside, if things had been just the slightest bit different, her mother would still be alive.
“Are you ready for this?” Jessica asked. Her tone had become serious.
“I think so. Do you even know what we’re supposed to do?”
Jessica grinned. “Yup. Tina told me everything.”
Gretchen raised her eyebrows. “How? How did you get her to talk?”
“I just told her the truth,” Jessica said with a shrug. “I mean, the job was meant for you. I was plan B. So I was like, hey, I want to know what I’m getting into here if I’m taking on a responsibility that was supposed to be someone else’s. And I want to know exactly what I’m supposed to do, or I’m not doing it.”
“And she bought that?”
“Hell, yeah, she bought it. I made it sound like I was doing them a favor by agreeing to take your place. I think she really thought that I might turn them down. But do you want to hear something crazy?”
“What?”
“Tina’s never even done it. None of them have. Not your mom or anyone.”
Gretchen wasn’t exactly surprised to hear this, but still, she felt relief roll over her, like an extra layer of clothes on a cold day. She couldn’t believe that she even thought for a second that this might actually be real. Of course none of them had done it. And now she knew for sure that her mom didn’t really believe it could work. She was just pretending so that she wouldn’t upset everyone else. They probably all thought it was a big crock—her mom, Tina, Joan—but none of them wanted to admit it. The whole thing reminded Gretchen of when she and her friends used to play with a Ouija board at sleepovers. They all pushed it with their fingers, and they knew that everyone else did, too. But still, they pretended to believe that it was moving all by itself. It was just more fun that way.
Jessica continued. “Apparently, projection is only meant to be used when doing so will help right a wrong that’s been done to another woman. Something about a tool for keeping justice in the balance. I don’t know. Tina said they’ve only been guarding the secret, they’ve never actually had to use it.”
“Well, it seems like now would be a pretty good time for them to start,” Gretchen said indignantly. “I mean, I think my mom qualifies as a woman who’s been wronged, don’t you?”
Jessica flashed a sad smile. “Yes. And that’s exactly why I want to do this. We can’t wait for them to find the anklet. We need to get started now.”
Gretchen shivered in the night air. She wrapped her arms around herself as Jessica went on to explain what Tina had told her. That the Plotinus Ability was really just a form of intense meditation. That you had to clear your mind of everything until you had no thoughts, no feelings, no sensations in your body. The goal was to feel that you’d become one with everything around you, and once you achieved that, all you had to do was breathe yourself into where you wanted to go.
“And,” Jessica added, “you have to say something.”
“What, like a spell?”
“I guess it’s like a spell. Tina said that Plotinus thought of it more as ‘words that help to release the soul.’ But either way, it’s in Greek, and it’s a bitch to say. It took me forever to get it right.”
“And what about the anklet?” Gretchen asked.
“She seems to think it’s a necessary part of the equation,” Jessica admitted. “She said something about how the anklet has a calming, grounding effect on the body, and when combined with the words, it allows the soul to become free.” She shrugged. “I think it’s just a placebo effect. But I guess we’ll find out.”
It’s not going to work. It’s not going to work. Gretchen repeated this to herself half a dozen times. But still, her heart was pounding, and she could feel herself starting to sweat despite the desert chill that always set in after the sun went down.
Jessica seemed so sure it was all for real; Gretchen wondered if she really believed it or if Jessica, too, was just bluffing.
“So what’s the plan?” Gretchen asked.
“I think the plan is just to observe and to gather as much information as possible. It’ll be like looking at our worlds with a whole new set of eyes. Things that seem normal to me might seem totally weird to you, and things that you would never think twice about might seem really suspicious to me. But I think we should both try to lay low. Try not to go out a lot, don’t talk too much to anyone if you can help it. Remember, everyone is going to think that you’re me and I’m you, so if we act different than normal, we’re going to draw attention to ourselves. And the last thing we want is for people to be saying that either of us has been acting strange.”
Gretchen nodded that she understood. “Assuming that this really works”—it’s not going to work—“I think we should only do it for twenty-four hours.”
“Agreed. We meet back here tomorrow night at ten P.M.”
“Okay,” Gretchen said with a long, nervous sigh. “Let’s do this.”
At first, Gretchen couldn’t clear her head of anything. Her mind was racing in a million different directions—kissing Jessica, the anklet, Nick Ford, her mom, her dad, Ariel Miller, Michelle. She thought about starting high school, about the night of the party, about drinking the apple martini, and about how she left that part out when the police questioned her. She thought about how Jessica had appeared in the hallway and then quietly taken her aside, asking her not to say anything about Rob getting them drinks, or about Rob at all, actually. He didn’t want Michelle to find out, and even in the state of shock Gretchen had been in, she’d understood. Michelle was terrifying.
“Clear your mind,” Jessica said in a soft, low voice. “Clear your mind. Picture the anklet shining in the sun, and imagine that you are the warm amber. Nothing but warm. Nothing at all.”
Gretchen could see the anklet on her mother’s ankle, the sunlight glinting off of it. She relaxed into the image of it, letting all of her thoughts fall away as Jessica’s voice trailed off. She was the amber. She was warm. It’s not go
ing to work. It’s not going to work. It’s not going to work. Her breathing slowed, her mind repeating the mantra with each exhale. It’s not going to work. It’s not going to work. She felt like nothing, like she was asleep and awake all at the same time.
She heard Jessica whispering in Greek. “Écho exorísei aíma egó dió xei ostó n, proválloun ti n psychí mou se állo spíti.” And then she felt Jessica’s mouth on hers, and as she inhaled, a warmth like nothing she’d ever experienced was filling her up. It felt as if she’d swallowed the sun itself. And then she opened her eyes, and she felt cold again.
“Holy shit,” Jessica said. Except it wasn’t Jessica’s mouth that formed the words, and it wasn’t Jessica’s voice that spoke them. It was hers. But yet, it wasn’t hers, exactly. Her voice sounded different, coming out of Jessica’s throat. It sounded just like the way it did whenever she heard herself on video.
I can’t believe it worked! But before she could verbalize the thought, before she could examine her own face staring at her, before she could even pinch herself to make sure this was all real, she noticed a bright light coming from the door of the teepee. On instinct she turned toward it.
“Smile,” said Ariel Miller’s voice from behind the light. “You’re on candid camera!” She let out a gleefully wicked laugh, and then the light disappeared, leaving nothing but the black cashmere darkness and the fast crunching of wood chips as she ran away.
“Oh, no,” Gretchen said slowly. The realization of what had just happened sank in. Her own face, suddenly drained of color, stared back at her, eyes blinking. It felt different to speak with Jessica’s mouth. She pushed her tongue against the unfamiliar front teeth, noting that they were further away than her own.
“We are so screwed,” she said, trying it out again. “Do you understand what just happened? Ariel Miller just saw us trade souls!” She watched, fascinated, as Jessica shook Gretchen’s own head from side to side. She realized that she, like everyone, had only ever seen herself reflected in a mirror. What a cool thing, she thought, to be able to see myself the way everyone else does.
“No,” said her mouth, which, she’d never noticed before, was slightly lopsided. “She didn’t see us trade souls. She has no idea about all of that. All she saw was us kissing for a split second. Big deal.”
“But what if she does?” Gretchen asked, trying not to focus on the fact that she was actually Jessica. That she was inhabiting Jessica. “What if she knows about the Plotinus Ability?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. How could she know? Nobody even talks to her, let alone shares secrets with her.”
Gretchen revealed her theory about Ariel murdering her mom in order to steal the anklet and start a society of her own. Jessica just stared back at her with Gretchen’s big, blue eyes, the long, dark lashes framing them like tiny spider legs.
“That doesn’t even make sense, Gretchen. How could she possibly know about it? Who would ever have told her? She’s not friends with anyone in the Oculus Society. Come on, think about it. There’s no way she knows.”
Gretchen crumbled a stray, brittle leaf between her fingers. She supposed that Jessica was right. There really was no way that Ariel could know about the Plotinus Ability—or the anklet, for that matter. She realized that maybe she’d indulged in a little wishful thinking of her own.
“All right, I see your point.” She lifted her chin. “I still think she did it, though. I texted her tonight before we came here. I asked her if she hated the Oculus Society enough to commit murder.”
“No, you did not. Please tell me you didn’t do that,” Jessica pleaded. But Gretchen just looked at her hands. At Jessica’s hands. Ew. The skin around her fingers was red and raw, and the nails were jagged, gibbous moons in their nail beds. Jessica let out a long sigh at Gretchen’s failure to respond.
“What did she say?” she finally asked.
Gretchen looked up. It startled her all over again to see her own face looking back at her. “She said that I would be sorry that I ever started with her. She said that I should consider myself warned.”
Jessica shook her head. “Well, congratulations, then. You just unleashed the wrath of Ariel Miller.” She sighed again. “When we switch back, you’d better go and apologize to her.”
“Why?” Gretchen demanded.
“Because she may not know that we projected, but if she shows that video to anyone, our high school social lives will be over before they even start.” She shook her head. “And if we end up like Ariel—us, the future leaders of the Oculus Society and the entire town of Delphi—we’ll bring the whole Oculus Society down with us. Nobody will ever take them seriously again.”
CHAPTER NINE
Jessica’s room was a mess. Piles of clothes, damp towels, out-of-date magazines, and empty shopping bags covered the carpet like moss on a forest floor. As she dangled her foot in the air, looking for an empty spot to place it in, Gretchen was reminded of when she used to walk across tide pools at the beach, searching out rocks sturdy enough to step on.
It was strange enough being Jessica, but it wasn’t until she walked into Jessica’s room that she began to consider she might be in over her head. For starters, she had never been in Jessica’s room alone. She felt like an intruder. As she caught sight of a dirty bra lying on the floor, she thought of how Jessica was alone in her room right now. She cursed herself for not taking a few minutes to tidy up and to make sure that nothing embarrassing was lying around. Not that she had anything to be embarrassed about. Compared to Jessica’s, her room was spotless enough to be in a catalog.
At the foot of the bed, she caught sight of Mr. Pants. She almost smiled. For the past few years, Jessica always made sure to put the worn little bear away when Gretchen came over. So clearly she wasn’t worried about any secrets Gretchen might discover.
She picked up a few of the wet towels and hung them up in the bathroom, then searched through Jessica’s drawers for something to sleep in. The thought of having to wear Jessica’s underwear creeped her out a little, but she reminded herself that it was Jessica’s body, not hers. All she wanted to do was hide out in Jessica’s room and have as little human contact as possible.
Gretchen slipped into a pair of sweatpants and an old looking T-shirt, feeling that same sense of creepiness again when she reached for Jessica’s toothbrush. There is nothing gross about this, she told herself as she brushed Jessica’s teeth. When she was ready for bed, she perused Jessica’s book shelf. It was mostly filled with books that had been required reading for school over the last few year: To Kill a Mockingbird, Flowers for Algernon, Lord of the Flies, Animal Farm. But Gretchen managed to find a paperback with some relatively attractive, undead looking teenagers on the cover, and finally slipped into Jessica’s bed.
She’d read about three chapters when her stomach—no, Jessica’s stomach—began to growl. Suddenly, she was starving. She had no idea when, or if, Jessica had eaten dinner that night. Jessica’s stomach gurgled again, loudly. She had to eat something. There was no way she was going to chance going to the kitchen for a snack, but she knew Jessica always kept a stash of candy in her bottom desk drawer, so Gretchen got out of bed and opened it up.
Ick. Just a bag full of fun-sized Butterfingers. They were Jessica’s favorite, but Gretchen hated them. She couldn’t stand the taste of peanut butter, and besides, she liked chocolate bars that were smooth and creamy, like Milky Way or Three Musketeers. The crunchy, flaky consistency of Butterfingers was nauseating to her.
Another grumble came, as if Jessica’s stomach sensed the presence of food. Oh, what the hell, Gretchen thought. She reached for a piece of candy and peeled off the wrapper. It was better than going hungry all night. She popped it in her mouth and began to chew quickly, hoping it would go down fast so she could get it over with and satisfy Jessica’s noisy, complaining gut. But as the crunchy inside of the chocolate bar hit her taste buds, she slowed down and began to savor it.
This is delicious, she thought. Why do I never ea
t these? She opened up another one and took a cautious bite. Still delicious. For a second, she was confused—why did she suddenly like this?—but then she realized that she didn’t. They weren’t her taste buds reacting this way to the Butterfingers. They were Jessica’s.
This is so freaking weird.
By the sixth piece of candy, Gretchen was feeling full again, if not slightly ill. She crawled back into bed and picked up the vampire book again. Four chapters later, there was a knock at the door. Gretchen’s heart sped up, and she felt panicky. Jessica had told her that Michelle and Rob were out that night; the house had been empty when she’d gotten there earlier. Crap. She needed more time to get used to the idea of being Jessica before she had to actually talk to anyone. But now she had no choice.
“Come in,” she said, trying to control the shakiness in her voice. The door pushed open. It was Rob.
“Hey,” he said. His eyes narrowed as he took her in. “Are you reading?” He said the word with a mix of disdain and disbelief, as if he’d asked if she was plunging toilets. Of course: Jessica didn’t read books. She tossed the book aside.
“Oh, yeah, it’s just some book Gretchen told me to read. It’s really boring.”
Rob approached the bed and picked up the book, studying the back cover. He began to read from it an amused voice.
“After a summer romance, Emma and Kyle fall madly in love. But Emma doesn’t know the ugly truth about Kyle’s past or his real identity. Can you have a relationship when one person is hiding the most important part of himself?”
