by Len Webster
“Umm, separating our food?”
“Why?”
“Because I love Lucky Charms and you love Coco Pops?” Savannah grabbed a box of AJ’s favorite cereal and added it to their shopping.
“So?”
AJ reached into the cart, picked up the Lucky Charms, and set it on top of the box of sprinkled donuts. “Sav, I’m paying. Relax.”
“Alex, I’m not letting you pay for my food.”
“I’m not even paying for my food.”
“Well, your parents can’t pay for my food.”
Shaking her head, AJ rounded the cart and took over, pushing it out of the cereal aisle and toward the freezers for frozen pizza. “Sav, my parents would insist. Do I need to tip you at the coffee shop to lighten your conscience?”
“Don’t you dare! I will ban you. Alex, I mean it, I can pay for my own food.”
“Sav, I know you only made five dollars’ in tips today.”
“It was a slow day.”
“Let me help you. You can repay my parents back by continuing to tolerate me and drive me around.”
Savannah sighed. “Deal. I will do that. But please don’t tip me more than normal. The groceries are more than enough.”
AJ brought the cart to a halt when they reached the frozen pizza. “Can you grab some pizza?”
“You know there’s decent pizza on campus. This stuff is nasty in comparison.”
Laughing, AJ felt her phone vibrate in her back jeans pocket. She pulled it out and said, “Wouldn’t stop you from eating it.” She noticed Kyle’s name, and she swiped her thumb across the screen. “I’ll meet you in the noodles section in a second. I’ve gotta take this.”
“Is it Connecticut?” Savannah teased.
AJ covered her phone’s speaker and waved Savannah away. Her roommate giggled as she took over and pushed the cart down the store aisle. AJ took a deep breath and pressed the phone to her ear.
“Hey, Kyle,” she greeted.
“Hey, Alexi. You free to talk?”
She took a few steps, taking in the frozen vegetables as she said, “I’m just at the store with Sav. What’s up?”
“Just wanted to see if you were still coming to Boston for playoffs? I was gonna plan dinner for us and wanted to make a reservation.”
AJ came to a stop. Her fingers tightened their hold on her phone as she felt her heart race in anxiety. She knew she was about to let Kyle down, but she couldn’t go home. Not yet. Not when she wanted to go out to dinner with Landon and get to really know him. “Umm … No. I’m sorry, Kyle. I won’t be coming back to Boston. I have so much going on right now that I can’t leave Duke.”
Kyle fell silent.
And AJ stood there, staring at frozen peas like a coward as she waited.
“So you’re missing the playoffs?”
Her eyes fell closed, hearing the disappointment in his voice. “I’m sorry.”
“You’ve never missed playoffs. Not at Fenway.”
“I’m sorry, Kyle. I can’t come home. Fall break is my chance to catch up on everything I’m behind on and get started on my next assignments.”
“I’ve never been more disappointed in you, Alexi.”
She winced. It hurt her to hear him say that he was. “Kyle, I’m in college now. They aren’t high school assignments—”
“The old Alexi wouldn’t do this to me.”
“Kyle,” she pleaded, hoping he’d understand that she just couldn’t make it.
He let out a bothered exhale. “I know you, Alexi. You would never miss a Red Sox playoff game at Fenway for the world. It’s obviously clear that it’s a person in North Carolina who has you turning your back on the Red Sox and all of Boston.”
Air whooshed out of AJ’s lungs.
He stunned her with his accusation.
No.
He made her breathless with the truth.
Little Miss Red Sox had turned her back on the Red Sox and Boston for freedom.
For a chance for her heart to heal.
For a chance to discover who Landon could be to her.
And that was the choice she had made earlier today.
A choice she couldn’t walk away from.
The truth needed to be expressed and understood.
AJ turned away from the frozen peas and pressed her back against the cool glass freezer door. She needed relief from her heated skin as she told him the truth. “You’re right, Kyle. I need to move on with my life. The Red Sox and Boston will always be this big part of me, but I need to know who I am without all these major identifiers looming over me. I never realized how much I loathed being called ‘Little Miss Red Sox’ until I was away from Fenway. I’m Alex here. Not AJ or Alexi. I’m Alex, and I like who I am here. I told you he’s nice, and I mean it. He’s nice, Kyle.”
“And what was I?”
AJ stepped aside the moment an elderly shopper asked if he could grab some frozen vegetables from the freezer AJ blocked. He thanked her and left AJ alone in the aisle. “Kyle, I love you, but I’m not in love with you. I’m sorry, but I will never be in love with you. You know that. I’ve never once given you the prospect of a future together because I wanted to be fair to you. But I can’t give you what you want. Even if I tried, no one would understand, Kyle. I’m too young. You’re too famous. We’d never work. And I can’t do that to him even if he hates me. I can’t hurt Evan because I love him too much to do that to him.”
“Why couldn’t you love me instead of my brother, Alexi?”
To her horror, tears slowly slid down her face. “Because no one else loved him. Because I saw what you all ignored. I tried so hard to be the best friend he needed, but I couldn’t, and I had to do it. I want to be happy, Kyle. And being in love with your brother, pining for him, wasn’t making me happy anymore. I couldn’t be the best friend he needed in his life. And I could never be who you believe I am. I’m sorry.”
“You’re saying goodbye,” he said in a small, frightened voice.
AJ shook her head even though she knew he couldn’t see. “No. I’m not. I promise, I’m not. I just need to be away from everything Gilmore for a while. I need to know what it’s like to have someone who isn’t you look at me like I’m worth something. I know you love me, Kyle, but it’s not the love you think it is or really want. You love me like a sister. I know you do. I need someone to love me like I’m their life. That’s not you. That’s not your brother—”
“It could be him?”
“I don’t know. He could be. He might be. I won’t know unless I let you and Evan go.”
“No, Alexi. You don’t have to.”
“Promise me something,” she said, diverting their conversation away from the possibility of her and Landon.
“Anything, Alexi. For you, anything.”
Her heart clenched at his longing, and she knew he would try for her. Because she heard the promise in his voice. “I’ve known all along, Kyle.”
“Known what?”
She took a deep breath and exhaled it soon after. “That I’m the reason you and Evan have such a turbulent relationship. You’re brothers. I would kill to have a brother or sister I could go to. Maybe that’s why I drifted toward Evan so young. Because we were the same age, and we were able to grow up together. Sometimes, I think Evan is my soul mate. But being soul mates doesn’t mean love of their life. I’ve accepted that. I’ve known for a long time that I got in the way of Evan having a brother in you. I need you to promise me that while I’m gone, you’re going to try to make up for everything you’ve done to him. I need you to forget me and be Evan’s big brother. The big brother he’s been too proud to ask for. I need you to do this for me and give Evan the happiness he deserves.”
“Alexi,” Kyle said in a small voice.
“Please, Kyle. It’s the one thing I have never been ab
le to give him. And I know you’ve always wanted to have a more civil relationship with your brother. Now’s your chance.”
“Alex! There’s a dog with shoes on inside this store!” Savannah yelled out.
AJ wiped the evidence of her tears away and took a shaky breath. “I’m sorry, Kyle, I have to go—”
“Wait!”
“Yeah?”
“This guy in North Carolina …?”
“Yes?”
“Are you going to date him?”
AJ had pressed her lips into a tight line and reminded herself that she would not lie when it came Landon. He was filled with honesty, and she would not taint that. “It’s just dinner.”
In a small voice, Kyle said, “If he’s a smart guy, Alexi, he’ll realize that it’s the start of his life with you,” before he hung up, leaving AJ to stand in the freezer aisle alone, confused, and undeniably heartbroken once again.
20 Ca
calcium
AJ
Senior year of high school
“I might not be able to get you inside for a tour, but we can see the campus,” Evan announced once he turned off his car’s ignition.
AJ glanced out of the windshield in awe.
There it was.
Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
Right in front of her.
Evan had driven away from Fenway Park and had brought her to MIT.
“Evan,” she breathed, taking in the various buildings she had seen in pamphlets and during her research on Professor Church.
“I’m so sorry about Mia and missing your tour. It’s the worst thing I have ever done to you, and I deserved the way you looked at me. I can’t make that tour happen since the professor told you he was busy, but you wanted this place to inspire you, right? Let’s go and get you inspired.”
AJ shifted her focus from the campus to her best friend in the driver’s seat. The apology that swirled in his brown eyes had her heart clenching. She was sure. Sure of how her body reacted because of him.
“Evan, this is the most touching thing you’ve ever done for me. You didn’t need to drive to Cambridge for me.”
He nodded. “And you didn’t have to lie to keep the peace between my brother and me. You don’t have to fight my battles, AJ. You shouldn’t have done that for me. Come on, let’s go check out the campus.”
“Are we allowed to do that?” she asked, scared they might get in trouble.
Her best friend grinned at her as he unclicked his seat belt. “We won’t know until we get busted. Come on.”
Laughing, AJ removed her belt and got out of the car. She closed the door and took in MIT. Standing on Vassar Street, she could just see the Great Dome. It was grand and large, spotlighted by the bright moon and stars. It was even more beautiful in person than in all the pictures she had ever seen and all the times she had driven past. For so long, Stanford was the dream. She had been so focused on California that she didn’t once think about visiting MIT, which was only twenty minutes from her house.
Evan walked around his car to the passenger side and grasped her hand in his. “Nervous?”
“A little.”
“Because we’re sneaking into a college where we’re not students?”
She bit back a smile and shook her head. “No. I’m a little nervous to know that I’m standing in the very campus whose physics faculty has won dozens of Nobel Prizes, Dirac Medals, and Wolf Prizes. Richard Feynman received the Nobel Prize for his contribution to the development of quantum electrodynamics in the sixties and studied here. And then there’s all the Nobel Prizes awarded for biology, chemistry, and economics. This place has so much history and merit. It’s actually quite intimidating to know that many of my heroes once studied here.”
Evan squeezed her hand. “Years from now, some seventeen-year-old is going to tell her best friend about how Alexandra Parker won the Nobel Prize for her discovery in something brilliant in quantum physics. As I watch the excitement on your face and in your voice, I know you’re going to inspire the future generation of physicists, too, someday.”
Her heart squeezed in her chest as she fought back the tears at his belief in her.
And before she could really assess her heart’s performance in his presence, he dragged her across the road and led her across Killian Court and toward the Great Dome. AJ glanced down at the perfect green grass underneath her feet. Everything about MIT was perfect. When she lifted her chin, she saw the Great Dome in all its beauty before her. AJ stopped, pulling on Evan’s hand to get him to as well.
She felt so small.
So many intelligent men and women gazed upon this piece of architecture every day. And AJ wanted it. She wanted to go to MIT and take time out of her day just to pause in front of the Great Dome and stare at it before her next class.
She wanted MIT academically.
She wanted Stanford to be with Evan.
But right now, she didn’t have to choose.
Because right now, she had both in one single moment.
So she took it in and appreciated this one moment for what it was.
AJ let go of Evan’s hand and turned to face him. Tonight, he had tried hard to make her happy. She knew he conceded defeat to keep the peace between him and Kyle. For once, he hadn’t argued with Kyle when he instructed Evan to take her home. And in that silent plea his eyes made, she knew he had protected her from being exposed to the smell of hospitals.
“Evan,” she whispered.
Her best friend turned away from the Great Dome and stared at her. “Yeah, Alexandra?”
The moonlight was just enough for her to see him.
All of him.
In his white V-neck shirt and black jeans.
His brown hair that had been tussled by the wind.
The sweet, gentle smile he directed at her.
She saw all of him.
She loved all of him.
She had known that for some time now.
AJ reached up and cupped his solid jaw in the palm of her hands. “When you tell me not to stay mad at you for too long, it has an effect on me that has me forgiving you. I’m not mad at you, Evan. I promise. Soon, high school will be over, and we’ll be in college, and I’ll remember this moment. The moment you tried to give me everything, and you did. And for that, thank you, Evan.”
Then she lowered Evan’s chin, got on her tippy toes, and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
Because the moment was right.
Even though she was in her Red Sox jersey with his brother’s name and number on her back, this moment was theirs.
Just AJ and Evan.
No one else but them.
It was Christmas break, and this year had been the heaviest snowfall in almost ten years. In the months since AJ and Evan had visited MIT, they spent their time between school, Evan’s baseball games, AJ’s job at the bakery, Red Sox games at Fenway Park, preparing for their SATs, and writing their essays for their college application. AJ had already taken her SATs for early college applications and had scored at the top percentile in all the topics. Whereas Evan had taken his early in December.
He had scored high in subjects like world history, literature, and United States history. When it came to math, physics, and chemistry, he had scored the average. But in biology, he had scored above average, surprising himself. AJ had tried to tutor him in math and physics, but he had refused, stating that he’d rather ace the subjects he knew he was good at. Besides the stress of their upcoming SATs, everything else in their lives seemed to go back to normal. Except when Kyle had returned to the starting Red Sox lineup to play against the Yankees after missing the game against Toronto. They had gone undefeated and won the World Series. It was as if Massachusetts did not stop celebrating the Red Sox World Series win for weeks. Everywhere AJ and Evan went, people hugged them and thank
ed them. AJ didn’t mind, but she could see Evan’s discomfort after the first few days. But he had swallowed his pride and allowed Kyle to have the limelight.
But as the months passed them, and Thanksgiving came and went, she felt her feelings toward Evan strengthen. That love she felt for him stepped over the line of their friendship. The more she felt, the more she saw friendship in his eyes, and it was hard to live with. So she spent her days in denial. It was the only way to cope when she saw him with other girls. Girls who never felt threatened by her because AJ was just his best friend.
And she knew that was all she could be.
It was all she had to be if it meant she could keep Evan in her life.
Even if it meant she had to watch him date and fall for other girls when she was right there.
But he didn’t see her for who she could be to him other than his best friend, and AJ had to live with it.
“Alexandra,” her father said as he entered the kitchen.
AJ glanced up from the Christmas cookies she was cutting out of the dough to find her father’s hair and shoulders dotted with snowflakes and a plastic bag in his hand. Her father had been working longer hours during the past few weeks before Christmas. Now that he was officially on vacation, they could finally get into the Christmas spirit. Yesterday, they had picked out their pine tree and searched for this year’s Christmas ornament. Every year, AJ, her mother, and her father went into the city to find that year’s special ornament. It was one of the many holiday traditions they had. This year’s ornament was a crystal snowflake. Her father placed the plastic bag on the marble counter and began to unwrap his navy blue scarf from around his neck. AJ’s mother set the hot tray on the stove and assisted her father by brushing the snowflakes out of his hair and from his shoulders.
She watched as her father grasped AJ’s mother’s cheeks and kissed her. Normally, AJ would roll her eyes, but every once in a while, she appreciated her parents’ love. It was honest and true. Though they had fought hard for it, AJ believed that they were truly meant to be. Evident in the way her father kissed her mother as if it was the first time he ever kissed her.
