by Lois Richer
She’s so small, so delicate. That baby is all she has. Please, please don’t let—
He couldn’t bear to even let the thought develop as fear like he’d known only twice before burgeoned and clutched at his heart. The only time it had loosened its hold in the past half hour was when he’d had Susannah in his arms.
Where she belonged.
In that instant David made up his mind. He was going to tell Susannah that he loved her, just as Wade and Jared had advised. More than that, he was going to ask her to marry him.
“David?” Connie rushed up, laid a hand on his arm, her face worried. “Have you heard anything?”
“Not yet—” The words died on his lips as Susannah’s doctor emerged from the room they’d taken her into. “Doctor?”
“You’re David?” Dr. Grace Karrang smiled at him. “Susannah said you’d be hovering out here, waiting.”
So she knew he wouldn’t just leave her. Good.
“How is she?” Connie asked.
“Everything seems okay. I’ll keep her overnight, just to make sure. But as far as I can tell now, Susannah and her baby are fine.”
“Can I see her?” he asked.
“Yes. They’ll move her to a room shortly, but you can all talk to her for a while. One at a time, though.”
“You go first, Davy.” Darla slid her hand into Connie’s. “We’ll wait.”
“Thanks, sis. I’ll hurry,” he promised.
“It’s okay, Davy.” She touched his cheek, her eyes clear. “I prayed. Susannah and her baby are going to be all right.”
“Yes.” He kissed her forehead.
Susannah looked so petite on the bed, her skin ashen against the pristine sheet. Her hair had been pushed back off her face. Her eyes were closed.
David picked up her hand and threaded his fingers in hers.
“Susannah?”
She blinked a couple of times before those incredible lashes lifted and she smiled. His Sleeping Beauty.
“Hello, David. I guess I drifted off.” Her soft, sweet voice sounded like music to him. “You’re pale. Are you all right?”
“Me? I’m fine. It’s you I’m worried about.” He couldn’t stop brushing his thumb against her skin, reassuring himself that she was alive and well. “How are you?”
“A little tired. The doctor said I have to stay here overnight.” She frowned. “That’s going to be expensive.”
“It’s taken care of. Don’t worry.” When she licked her lips, David poured a little water from the carafe and held it to her mouth. “Sip slowly.”
“Thank you.” She leaned back, smoothed the cover over her stomach. “I’m sorry if I worried you.”
“Of course I was worried.”
“Because I let this happen.” She squeezed her eyes closed. “You think I’ll let something happen with Darla, too. You want me to quit.” She stared at him. “Is that it?”
“No!” He frowned. “I care about what happens to you, Susannah. I care a lot.”
“You do?” She stared at him in disbelief, emerald eyes wide in her pale face.
“Susannah, I’m in love with you. I have been for some time.” David waited to see how she’d react.
“In love—with me.” She peeked at him through her lashes, then hid her eyes.
What if she still loved the baby’s father? The idea hadn’t occurred to him before. He couldn’t think about that now—he just needed to show her.
“I’ve known how I felt for a while.” He loved the way she let him finish his stumbling admission. “I just wasn’t sure what to do about it. Until today.”
“W-what have you decided?” she whispered, worry filling her face.
“Why do you always expect the worst?” he asked with tender mirth.
“I don’t. Not always,” she argued, her feistiness back.
“Susannah.” He smiled, cupping her face in his palms. “I want to marry you, Susannah. I want you to stay with Darla and me forever. I want a future with you.”
“And the baby?” she asked, fear in the shadows of her eyes. “What about my baby?”
“You’ll have to learn to share because it will be our baby. Every bit as much mine and Darla’s as yours,” he said firmly, holding her gaze. “We’ll raise him or her together. With love and laughter and faith in God.”
“My faith in God isn’t very strong right now,” she whispered, tears welling in her eyes.
“It’ll grow. We’ll both work on trusting God.”
Susannah studied him without speaking. David could see she was thinking deep and hard and he could only pray that she would at least think about his proposal.
“Susannah, you’re not the only one who has made mistakes,” he admitted, loving the feel of her skin as he caressed her face. “I let failed relationships from the past influence me into thinking God didn’t want me to love again. I knew I was beginning to care for you, but I assumed I was supposed to remain single, for Darla.”
“David, I—” she started, then faltered.
“You’ve shown me that Darla and I both need you in our lives.” He slid his arms around her, drawing her close. Then he leaned forward and touched her lips with his. To his surprise, she returned his kiss with a sweetness he’d only dared dream about.
David felt relief wash over him. Maybe, just maybe, somewhere deep inside, she had at least some feelings for him. He felt joy welling up inside him.
“I love you, Susannah. And so does Darla. She would love to have a sister.”
“She was like a mother bear today, protecting her cub.” She smiled reflectively and reached up to smooth his hair. “Darla is amazing. You’re pretty amazing, too,” Susannah whispered shyly, brushing her fingers against his cheek. “Thank you for getting me here so quickly.”
“I love you. How could I do anything else?” he asked, content to savor the pure bliss of holding her in his arms. “Anyway, I was scared stupid. You were so pale. Still are.”
David waited but Susannah didn’t respond with the words he wanted to hear. He told himself to be patient. She needed time, he reasoned. He’d sprung it on her. He kissed her quickly, then rose.
“Darla’s champing at the bit to get in here. And Connie. I’ll give them a turn.”
“Okay.” She let him go, her arms dropping to the bed.
“Susannah?”
“Yes?”
“Will you think about my proposal?” he asked, his heart jammed into his throat.
“I have to think it over. Marriage isn’t something to be rushed into.” Her green eyes held shadows. “I did that before and I made some huge mistakes. I’m not going to make them again.”
She hadn’t said yes.
But neither had she said no.
“Take all the time you need,” he said as a giant geyser of hope flowed inside his heart. “I’ll be waiting.”
“Thank you.” He turned to leave but she stopped him by catching his hand. “David?”
“Yes?”
“Will you do me a favor?” Her eyes grew huge in her small face.
He wanted to say yes, but he had a hunch he wasn’t going to like it. So he quirked an eyebrow upward and waited.
“Can we not tell the others?” Her eyes were turbulent like the sea during a tempestuous storm. “Not yet anyway.”
The geyser of hope inside sputtered. “Because?”
“Because I need this to be between us for now,” she whispered. “There’s another life at stake. I have to make the right decision.”
He wasted several moments studying her then nodded, squeezed her hand and left. “Your turn,” he said to an eager Darla.
Wade stood in the hallway.
“Connie went to get some coffee,” he explained. “So?”
“I asked her to marry me. She wants to think about it.” David studied his friend. “She also wants to keep my proposal quiet. For now.”
“So we’ll pray. Hard.”
“Thanks.” David had laid his heart out there. What mor
e could he do but trust that God would see him through?
While he walked on tenterhooks.
David loved her?
Susannah couldn’t quite assimilate that knowledge and there wasn’t time anyway. Darla burst through the doorway and came bounding over to the bed.
“Is the baby all right?” she whispered. “Are you?”
“We’re both just fine. Thanks to you.” Susannah hugged her. “I don’t know what I would have done without you there, Darla.”
“But I wasn’t good,” Darla countered, her face glum. “I got mad and yelled at those guys.”
“You know, sometimes anger is a good thing,” Susannah told her, patting the side of her bed so Darla would sit near. “Sometimes we have to get angry against injustice or when somebody does something wrong so that the wrong gets corrected. You did very well and I’m proud of you.”
“Really?” Darla’s huge smile lit up the room.
“Really. Thank you for protecting me. It’s just the kind of thing one sister would do for another,” she said quietly. “That’s how I think of you, you know. As my little sister.”
“I love you, Susannah.” Darla hugged her enthusiastically. “And I love the baby, too.” She patted her rounded stomach. “Hello, Baby.”
Susannah listened to her talking to the child in her body and marveled at the love she felt for this wonderful girl. How was it possible to feel such a bond with Darla? What strange coincidence was it that Darla had slipped into her heart and nestled right next to her unborn child?
She said as much to Connie after Darla left. Her old friend simply smiled.
“It’s not coincidence, Susannah,” Connie assured her. “It’s God.”
Susannah wasn’t sure about that. God didn’t seem quite so personal to her, though she’d been trying to breach the gap between them by reading the Bible Connie had left in her room and taking time each night to pray.
“See, that’s the thing about God,” Connie said. “His love doesn’t hiccup when we make mistakes or turn away from him. His love isn’t like human love, Susannah. And He never, ever turns us away.”
Rick Green had said the same thing, Susannah remembered.
“God’s love never changes, no matter what.” Connie shook her head. “There’s a verse in the Bible that says nothing can separate us from the love of God. The verse goes on to list a whole bunch of things and then repeats that none of them, nothing can come between us and the love God has for His precious children.”
“I hear that” she admitted, “but then it sounds like there’s a but.”
“The but is us, Suze.” Connie shook her head. “We forget how great the love of God is, or we think we’re too bad, or that we’ve done something too terrible.” A serious note lowered her voice. “But the Bible says nothing can stop God’s love.”
It sounded nice, Susannah thought. Comforting, if only she could believe it. But Connie had no idea about her past, about the things she’d done since she’d left the foster home. And Susannah had no intention of telling her.
“We need to move Ms. Wells to a room now. You can see her later.”
Susannah was glad for the nurse’s intrusion. She wished her friend goodbye.
As they moved her to her room, she couldn’t shut out that inner voice that kept offering hope. Connie’s words made her wish for the impossible. But in her heart of hearts Susannah couldn’t quite believe that God’s love extended to her.
David claimed to love her, too. His words pinged into her brain. Was it real love he felt? How could he love someone like her?
You’re pregnant with another man’s child. You are so dependent on Connie and Wade you don’t even have your own place. What is there to love? But David had said he loved her.
And she loved him. Why deny it any longer? He’d snuck into her heart, a bit each day. She’d simply refused to let herself believe that such love could ever be returned.
For a moment, Susannah let herself bask in the knowledge of what David’s love could mean. Happiness. Peace at last. Contentment. A home for her and her baby, a husband who cared about her, loved her and would help her make the right decisions for the future. A sister to share with—something Susannah had missed for so long. She wouldn’t have to be alone.
But what if she failed him? What if she did something stupid, something that embarrassed him? What if he became ashamed of her? The thought made her physically sick. She admired David so much, but could she live up to what he’d expect? Did she dare risk loving again?
The pros and cons circled her brain as Susannah struggled to envision exactly how her life would change if she said yes to David. The images were dazzling, alluring and so far beyond anything Susannah knew that she could hardly believe in a life like that. He would come this evening, however. And by then she had to have her answer ready.
Connie had said God loved her. Susannah wasn’t sure that was possible. But surely He could help her.
God? Don’t let me make another mistake. Please?
Susannah curled up in the armchair behind the curtain and inhaled the heady fragrance from the lush bouquet of crimson roses David had sent. Her fingers trailed over the words on the enclosed note. For Susannah. With love, David.
To be loved just for yourself—how wonderful that would be. As she fingered the velvet petals, for a moment she let herself dream that she could actually live the happily ever after of Darla’s beloved fairy tales.
Dare she dream?
“What does that hunky lawyer see in our white-trash girl?”
Susannah froze at the voices coming from the other bed in her room. She huddled tighter into the curtain and prayed they wouldn’t see her.
“Watch it.” A nurse’s aide checked Susannah’s bed. “She’s not there. Be careful what you say, will you? She might overhear us.”
“She’s having a shower. Primping, no doubt,” the other nurse’s scathing voice condemned. “A man like him, from a wealthy family—he could have his pick of women. Why send her roses? She’s nothing. Nobody. What’s she got to offer him—an illegitimate kid?”
They left moments later but the damage was done. Even Susannah’s gorgeous roses couldn’t erase those harsh words from her brain. Over and over they replayed, driving the shaft of pain deeper into her heart.
Why did they have to ruin it?
Because they were right. Susannah Wells wasn’t worthy of David Foster’s love.
The harsh truth smacked her with reality. It was an illusion, a fantasy to think she could marry him. And she couldn’t afford to deal in daydreams when her baby’s future depended on her making rational, sensible choices.
Susannah shook off the fairy tale, rose from her dream world and prepared for her meeting with David. Her heart cried out to God, begging Him to help her say the hardest thing she’d ever had to say.
“You’re a wonderful man, David.” Susannah’s voice was quiet yet he heard every word. “You’re gentle, caring, kind. You’d make a wonderful husband.”
“But not for you.” He sat down, amazed by the decimation that rushed to swamp him. Was it possible for love to root so deeply in such a short time? Yes, his heart thumped. “Is it because you think I won’t love your baby?”
“No.”
He felt relief that she knew him that well, at least.
Susannah shook her golden head, her green eyes darkening. “That’s the last thing I’d worry about. You would be the best father any child could have.”
“You don’t love me?” He noted the way her glance veered from his.
“I’m sorry, David. I can’t accept your proposal.”
“Why?” he demanded, ashamed of his desperate need to know.
“I can’t use you like that,” she whispered, her face sad.
“Use me?” He didn’t get it.
“David, I’d ruin your life—embarrass you and Darla. Eventually you’d be ashamed when you realized I’m not someone worthy of being your wife.” She put her hand over her mouth a
nd looked down.
“Ashamed of you?” he scoffed. “That’s ridiculous. I’ve always been very proud of you.”
“Thank you for saying that.” Susannah hesitated, then shook her head. “But I can’t marry you, David. I’m sorry. I think the best thing is for me to give my baby a chance with someone who won’t mess up as I have, someone who will make sure he or she grows up happy. That way I won’t risk making another mistake.”
“Won’t you?” He studied her. “Or will you be making the biggest mistake of all?”
She met his gaze but said nothing.
So that was it? He’d gambled, taken a chance on telling her his true feelings, and lost. Now he was supposed to just give up?
“You haven’t said anything about love, Susannah.”
“I—uh—”
David tilted her chin so she had to look at him. “Do you love me?”
She didn’t speak but her green eyes flashed a warning not to push.
“So you won’t risk even saying the words, let alone allow yourself to feel love.” He shook his head. “How sad that is—because I know you care for me. I think you love me almost as much as I love you.”
“David—”
“Don’t you see, Susannah? Your fear has taken over.” He had to make her understand. “It controls you so much you won’t let yourself believe that you can be more than the past. You won’t stretch your mind and imagine yourself living with love, being the mother your child needs, being the wife I believe you can be.”
“Don’t waste your feelings on me—”
“Waste?” he scoffed. “It’s not a waste for me to love you, Susannah. It’s a joy and a privilege. You enrich my life, you make it worth living. I finish work as fast as I can so I can come home and see you, talk to you and listen to your laugh.”
She looked at him, eyes welling with tears. “I’m not worth loving.”
“Then you don’t know Susannah as I do because I find you eminently lovable,” he insisted. “I can hardly wait to hear how you’re feeling and learn what you did each day. I ache to be included in your life, to be part of it all, to help you plan for that child.”
She was shaking her head but David couldn’t stop. He was desperate to make her understand the place she’d carved out for herself in his heart.
