Trixie was trying to slow down her giggles whilst she fanned her face with her hand.
“Okay, Jack. Listen to me good will ya? Bein’ in love ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. My mama taught me that early on. You get what you want when you want it, and don’t worry ’bout no one else. It’s a burden. Especially when you’s tryin’ to get a studio contract.”
Jack was tired of listening to her talk about his relationship with Nick. It was obvious she’d never known what real love was between two people. When one would gladly sacrifice anything to make sure their partner was safe and taken care of. Nick had proven that over and over, and now Jack was trying to repay him for all the years when Jack had been Nick’s burden. There was nothing Trixie or anyone else could say to make him ever turn away from Nick. So if that meant he couldn’t have a studio contract, then that was fine. He’d rather have Nick.
“I don’t wanna talk about that no more, Trixie.”
Her lips were pursed, and Jack could tell she wasn’t happy that he wasn’t taking her advice. As much as he cared about Trixie, he’d known Nick for years and was completely dedicated to him.
“Sure, honey. Don’t worry about it.”
She stood up and twirled in her costume.
“Am I the bee’s knees?”
“Hmmm. I think you’re more the cat’s pyjamas.”
She punched him in the arm. “And you’re still a silly goose.”
A rush of concern swept over him. It was as if his feet weren’t quite connecting to the ground, and he might be forever taken away from everything that was sacred to him. He didn’t feel like he belonged in his own skin anymore.
I need to spend more time with Nick. The next big studio thing that happens, I’ll make him go with me.
That thought alone calmed his inner turmoil. A sensation of being lighter filled him, and he believed that everything would all work out for the best. He wouldn’t talk to Trixie anymore about Nick. If she brought him up, he’d change the subject. What they did with their lives was meant to only be between the two of them.
“Wish me luck!”
Trixie was on her way out the dressing room door after checking her reflection one final time. Jack smiled and waved as she left.
He looked in the mirror.
I’m still me. I don’t look any different.
Except today he had an acting part to play, so he had to put any discomfiting thoughts away until he could get to them later. He tried out various expressions, and marvelled at the person looking back at him from the silvered glass. This was the true beginning of Jack Stone—up-and-coming movie star.
* * * *
It was going on eleven o’clock at night, and Nick was tired of staring out of the window. He’d been doing that for days now, always waiting. Waiting for Jack. He hadn’t bothered with the lights, so every time he took a drag on his cig, the glowing ember would light up a tiny bit of the darkness like a firefly.
He’d considered going out for a burger earlier, and maybe grabbing a paper or something to occupy his time, but he’d waited so long that everything had closed. He just hadn’t been able to move. It was like some invisible glue had kept him stuck to that chair until he’d smoked his entire pack of cigarettes. The ones Jack had bought him the day before—the precious Lucky Strikes.
There were a couple of times that going to one of the gin joints had sounded good, but the idea of showing up there alone didn’t sit well. He wanted the gin, but not the joint. He decided he’d go to bed early, and not wait up any more for Jack. Tomorrow he would get up early and go out looking for a job. Jack kept insisting that he take it easy, that he’d had to do all the heavy work for so long. He reminded Nick that they still had plenty of money from the jobs they’d done with Trixie.
Yet nothing seemed better. It all seemed much worse. Having the money had been great at first. They weren’t terrified of ending up in the streets with nowhere to go. They could buy decent food. They’d put some money aside so that they could get out of the cockroach-infested motel, and get an apartment of their own—maybe something as nice as Trixie’s. But other than groping, sucking and fucking each other with a stranger watching, there hadn’t been any real interaction between them
He didn’t even care about the sex right then. He just wanted to feel Jack’s heart beating against his as they fell asleep in each other’s arms. The way Jack’s eyes would light up when he smiled. How Jack would look at him as if he were the most wondrous thing alive.
None of that was there anymore.
Maybe I really do love him too much.
Nick didn’t know about any of that type of romantic stuff. He never had. All he knew was that Jack was the only person he truly cared about and would ever want around. But it looked more and more as if Jack didn’t feel the same way.
Nick was sure Jack loved him, but sometimes that wasn’t enough. He was finally figuring that part out. Jack loved other things too, and it seemed as though being in love with Nick got in the way of his other plans.
Nick stubbed out the very last bit of the cigarette in the tray, and forced himself to stand up. The only light in their place was from the bathroom, and it was just a sliver from the slightly open door. He stepped in, squinting against the brightness as he adjusted to the glow. He lazily took a piss, then splashed some water over his face with his hands. He patted himself dry, and was pulling his tank-style undershirt over his head, when Jack arrived home.
“Hey, Jacky boy.” Nick greeted him in a monotonous voice. It was all he had the strength to muster.
Jack wrapped his arms around Nick’s torso, holding him close. Nothing was said, and they stayed that way for at least a few minutes. Jack broke away gently.
“Hi Nick,” he said, just above a whisper, his head tilted back to look into Nick’s eyes. “I missed you.”
Nick was uncomfortable all of a sudden. A genuine tenderness filled Jack’s voice, but Nick couldn’t feel it in return. His body—his whole self—was numb. It was terrifying.
“Did ya have a nice day?”
Nick winced a little. He saw the way Jack’s hurt radiated through his eyes. Jack lowered his head.
“Sure Nick. It was nice.”
They both sort of looked around the room, the pause becoming more awkward as it continued. Nick wanted to say something that would magically cure the malaise that flowed between them, but he had no idea what that might be.
Jack inhaled sharply enough that Nick turned his way.
“I was thinkin’. There’s a big party comin’ up this weekend. It’s one o’ those studio things. I was invited to go, and I really want you to come with me.”
The rock that had seemed to be settling in Nick’s stomach for many days now got heavier. He went to the bed and sat down heavily on it. He clasped his hands in front of him and rested his elbows on his knees.
“That’s thoughtful of you, Jack, but I don’t think so. It’s not really my crowd.”
Jack seated himself close up to Nick, and put his arm around Nick’s shoulders.
“But I’m your crowd, ain’t I? Remember when we was gonna come out here, and I said I didn’t want to come cuz I didn’t know nobody? And you said…”
“You know me, don’t ya? Yeah, Jacky boy, I remember sayin’ that.” Nick tried to smile, but his sadness was too strong. “This ain’t the same thing.”
Jack squeezed Nick’s shoulder. “Of course it is, Nick. You and I—we’re each other’s crowd. It don’t matter about no one else. I want you there Nick. Please? I really do.”
Something stirred in Nick’s heart. Like a small dying ember being brought back to life.
”I don’t know…”
Jack brought his other arm over Nick’s chest, and intertwined his fingers around Nick’s neck.
“I do. You’re comin’ with me to this fuckin’ party. Let’s go buy some glad rags for it tomorrow.”
“What about your picture? Ain’t you workin’ on that?”
“They don�
��t need me back till Friday. We should go look for a new place too. I’m tired’a this dump.”
Nick chuckled. They had been so grateful for ‘this dump’ when they’d first arrived.
Nick shut his eyes and allowed Jack to cling to him. Nick raised his left hand up, and placed it on Jack’s arm. They stayed that way for a while until a portion of the detachment that enveloped Nick was chipped away.
* * * *
The week had been so much better with Nick. He was still somewhat melancholy, but they’d made love the night before, and it had been fulfilling. There hadn’t been any of the typical roughness and lusty passion—it had been more soothing and loving. Now it was time to get ready for the party, and Jack could sense that Nick was actually getting excited for it. They hadn’t done anything fun together for a while.
He’d told Trixie about his plan to bring Nick to the party that night, and she’d strongly advised against it. She’d gone through all of the same arguments from the other day, and Jack had finally needed to tell her he didn’t want to hear any more about it. She’d shrugged her shoulders and said, “Suit yourself.”
But none of that mattered now. They were putting on their fine new threads, and they would make a great couple—even if most of the people knew nothing of their relationship. Nick and Jack would know.
There was a tap-tap-tap on their door. Jack frowned. It was too early for it to be Trixie. He opened it a little, and peered out. It was the motel clerk.
“You’re Jack?”
“Yeah, who wants to know?”
“There’s a fine-lookin’ dame downstairs wantin’ you.”
The clerk tried to look past Jack into the room.
“And?” Jack asked, irritated.
“Oh. Well she said it was an emergency and to come downstairs right now.”
“Why didn’t she just come up here and tell me?”
“Jesus. How the hell should I know? She gave me a five spot to come up here, so who am I to refuse a lady?”
“Fine. I’ll be right down.”
Jack shut the door, and pushed into the bathroom where Nick was shaving. He had a towel wrapped around his waist, and put his blade on the edge of the sink to vainly wipe at the steam on the mirror.
“Who was that?”
“I think Trixie’s here or somethin’, that guy wasn’t makin’ much sense.”
“You want me to go?”
He was sounding like the good ol’ Nick, always ready to step in and help Jack out.
“No, that’s okay. Besides, I’m dressed a little better than you right now.”
Nick looked down at himself.
“You are right, Jacky boy. This would never do.”
Jack left their room, and trotted down the stairs. He couldn’t imagine what this was all about.
Trixie paced the front lobby, a worried expression on her face. She was dressed to the nines, so she was obviously still going to the party. He hoped none of those toughs she still saw at the Garden of Allah were giving her a hard time. Didn’t they know she was a big movie star now?
“Oh, Jack, I’m so glad I caught you alone.” She grabbed Jack’s elbow, and pulled him over to the corner, away from the curious motel clerk.
“My God, Trixie, are you okay?”
“I am, but I’m worried about you.”
Jack swallowed. “Why? What’s goin’ on?”
“As I was leaving to come here tonight, the studio chief called. He said he was gonna have some photographers at the party tonight. He told me to come and get ya, cuz he wants people to think that you and I are stuck on each other.”
“What?”
“I wanted to tell yous alone first, so it wasn’t no surprise to Nick.”
Oh fuck.
Jack wanted to run his hands through his hair, but stopped himself in time. All he needed was to get hair grease all over his clothes. “Okay. This can still work. You and I can be on one another’s arms, and he can be…”
“Our man-servant? Cousin from Philly?”
“Oh God. This can’t be happening.”
“Jack, get a holda yourself. I wanted to get to you so’s you could let him down easy. But it ain’t no big deal. Just take him somewhere else another night. But be discreet like we’s talked about.”
Except Nick will think it’s a big deal.
They had done so well becoming closer again in the past few days, and now this.
All sorts of emotions and thoughts competed with one another in his mind. Nick was going to be crushed, angry even. The studio chief expected Jack to do what he demanded. It could be the difference between getting a movie contract or he and Nick selling their bodies until no one wanted to pay them anymore.
“Come on, Jack. We gotta get goin’. The studio car is waitin’ outside.”
“Yeah, okay. Fuck. Go wait in the car, and I’ll be right there.”
“Don’t take too long.”
Jack took the stairs two at a time, still trying to come up with the perfect thing to say to Nick in mere seconds.
I know I begged you to come to this party, but now you can’t go.
He had to make him understand.
Jack practically burst through the door, as Nick was finishing up with his bowtie.
“Slow down there, Jack. You’re gonna hurt yourself before we ever even get to the party. And how would that look at such a fancy gatherin’?”
Nick had some of his old humour back.
Not for long.
“Nick…”
“Yeah, Jacky boy?”
Nick straightened his tie, as he checked his hair in the small mirror that hung above the dresser.
“That was a message from the studio.”
He was afraid Nick would really go nuts if he knew Trixie had delivered the message. Nick froze, his fingers at the corners of his necktie as if sensing danger. He slowly lowered his hands and turned to face Jack.
“Yeah?” His tone was dark. “What kinda message?”
“Nick. Please listen. There’s gonna be photographers from the studio, and they want me and Trixie…”
“Trixie! Oh God, I shoulda guessed. I am so sick a that broad! It’s like she’s your wife now, naggin’ at ya, and telling you what to do. And the way she always has to shove her high and mighty opinions down everyone’s throats. Like we should all take the advice of a pro-skirt like her.”
Jack was stunned speechless. He’d known Nick would be upset, but things were really deteriorating. “Nick please…I don’t have a choice.”
“Like hell you don’t.”
The ashtray from the dresser smashed against the wall, the result of Nick’s rage as he yelled at Jack.
“Nick… I need to go. I can’t be late. We’ll talk about it when I get back, we’ll have our own night out. Just us. We can go to Musso & Frank’s, or The Pacific Dining Car. I hear they have those great Angus cut steaks you love. We’ll go there. We can go when I get home if you want. They’re open all night…”
Jack was rambling and he knew it. It was like trying to repair a crumbling dam with a stick of gum.
Nick’s shoulders quaked and Jack thought he might be crying. But Nick looked up at him and shook his head, laughing as if he were mocking himself.
“Just go, Jack,” he said in an eerily calm voice.
“Nick, I…”
“Go.”
* * * *
All Jack could do as they sped past the lights was to take deep breaths to calm himself. The usually chatty Trixie wisely kept her mouth shut—no doubt sensing the anguish Jack was in.
I have to be at this party. Doesn’t he understand that?
“Honey,” said Trixie, gently laying a gloved hand on his arm. “I know you’re upset, but we’re almost there. They’ll probably charge us with their silly cameras the minute we arrive. Put your best face on, sweetie. We’ll figure this out.”
Jack smiled weakly. He could see how worried about him she was. That was a tiny bit of comfort. All he could think of wa
s getting through the horrible party, and rushing back to Nick. If it meant he had to give up his movie star dreams, that was fine. He didn’t care anymore. The suffering wasn’t worth it. If he wanted to act that bad, he could always do it on a stage somewhere. As long as Nick was by his side, he would be happy.
Jack hadn’t been paying much attention to where they’d been going, but he’d noted that it was a longer drive than was typical when they went to a party. It was a hilly neighbourhood, but he knew they weren’t near the Hollywood Hills. There were crowds of elegantly dressed people everywhere winding between the Rolls Royces and Aston Martins. Furs, jewels, tuxedos and velvet gowns adorned the chosen few allowed into the hallowed location of the studio party. Their driver searched in vain for a place to park their Cadillac, until a valet waved them over to the long driveway area that already seemed to be jammed by too many vehicles.
The driver rolled down his window and the valet leaned in. “Trixie Fox and Jack Stone?”
Trixie preened, her movie star persona firmly in place. “Why yes. That would be us.” She batted her eyelashes.
She really loves this circus act.
“The studio boss wants you to park over there, on the lawn.”
Jack looked and saw a small place right next to a large marble fountain. He wasn’t sure if the behemoth of a car they were in would be able to squeeze in there, but he would soon find out.
“What town is this?” asked Jack.
“Silver Lake. There’s lotsa big deals up here. They even do alotta filmin’ down the way. Keystone Cops and such.”
“Oh yeah? So is this one of the studio chief’s place?”
It was even more opulent than any of the other places they’d been. It also had a Spanish theme to it, with fanciful wrought-iron detailing, arched windows and doorways, and a red tile roof. It was too dark to see much more detail, but once they reached the large fountain, Jack was able to make out cobalt-blue tiles inlaid in intricate designs lining the inside pool. Spotlights shone at the expansive hacienda-style home, creating ghostly shadows where the light couldn’t reach.
Trixie was busy looking at herself in a mirrored compact, and patting more cosmetic powder on her nose.
“Oh no, I am such a Dumb Dora. Didn’t I tell ya? This is Roman Pasquale’s digs. I know yas like him. I just got distracted by all the other drama goin’ on, I forgot! Lighten up, honey, we’re gonna have us some fun. Remember, I’m your squeeze tonight.”
Hollywood Bound Page 21
