by Nina Manning
10
Saxby House, Dorset, August 1988
Cars had been arriving since I left Caitlin at about six, when she went inside to get ready for her dinner. Families spilled out of huge black Range Rovers and tiny convertibles and into the arms of Ava, Maxwell and Josephine. Mum told me I had to come inside and let the family be. I had been interested to meet this Chuck fella that Caitlin hadn’t stopped talking about, but it seemed I would now have to wait until tomorrow. I would have hung around outside the main house all day waiting for people to arrive, but Mum said, in no uncertain terms, that I was to come back to the cottage after Caitlin went inside. Mum was better at knowing when to step away. But then again, she didn’t know how lucky she was that she got to see and hear so much of what went on in the main house, knowing when to hide until a disagreement in the next room had ended or how to glide through a hallway unnoticed. I had yet to hone my skills in that department, but I was determined to get better at it.
I wished I was in the house now, hiding in a wardrobe or in the eaves, listening to the conversations of the family with their friends, which was like another language to me sometimes, but one I loved being able to witness first-hand. Despite the obvious differences that Mum was always harping on about, I always felt special in their company. I wasn’t sure if they thought I was anything but the girl who lived in the cottage at the end of the drive – in fact, I was sure that was all I was to them – but that didn’t stop the excitement and fascination I felt when I was with them. For example, I liked the way they said jersey instead of jumper, or the way one of them would come inside just as it had begun to rain and say something like, ‘I was having a perfectly lovely walk when it began raining cats and dogs – it was really rather alarming!’ I could sit amongst them for hours, just listening and not saying anything. I had been sat at the lounge window for over two hours watching more and more people arrive. The women were wearing cropped trousers, short-sleeved shirts and flat shoes, the men always had a button-down shirt on. Mum had popped into the lounge a couple of times, tutted the first time, and said, ‘Well, I suppose it’s better than watching telly,’ the second. And it was. It was like watching a real-life soap opera.
The sun was just starting to set in the sky now, a beautiful red canvas across the wildflower meadow, but I was distracted by another arrival in the driveway.
I knew it was Chuck the second he got out of the car. He had strawberry blonde hair, a tall and gangly figure and was wearing khaki shorts and a white short-sleeved shirt. He looked every inch of what a fourteen-year-old boy from a public school should look like. I saw Ava rushing out to greet him and his parents, followed by Caitlin, who ran at him as though she were trying to rugby tackle him. I felt my gut tighten at the way she threw her arms around him. I began to compare that one hug to all the times I had been at the receiving end of one of Caitlin’s embraces, trying to work out if she was as keen with her affection towards me. Although I couldn’t hear her words, I saw Ava immediately tell her daughter off for the outburst of affection. Chuck must have got his hair and height from his father, whilst his mother was petite with blonde bobbed hair. I hadn’t ever seen Ava quite as animated as she was in that moment, rushing to greet her friends. Despite remonstrating her daughter, she even pulled Chuck in for a hug, then pushed him back at arm’s length as if to get a good look at him.
Eventually, after more handshakes and backslapping between Maxwell and Chuck’s dad, the Andertons helped their guests take their bags out of the boot and began walking towards the house. I thought about what delights would greet them, the delicious foods Judith had been preparing all day that I had smelt earlier. I knew she was making a Queen of Puddings for their dessert. I had never heard of it before, but custard-soaked bread, jam and meringue layers sounded too good to be true. I hoped that she would leave me a tiny bit to try tomorrow.
As I watched their backs disappearing into the house, I saw something moving out of the corner of my eye. Initially, I thought it could be a deer or a fox, as I had seen many of them since we had moved here. But this figure was taller and came from the shadows of the outbuilding where lawn mowers and other heavy gardening tools were stored. I cast my eyes to the right and watched as Hackett emerged from the shadows into the last dregs of daylight in the driveway. He edged his way towards the main gate, where I could still hear the echoes of laughter and chatter coming from the assembled guests. I watched with intrigue as Hackett, too, followed those echoes until he found himself at the foot of the open gates, where he stopped, as though there was an invisible wall he couldn’t pass. Then he turned away from the gates and stood looking towards the red sky as I had been doing. His hands in his pockets, the light fading rapidly behind him.
Mum came into the lounge and gave me that look that said it was time for me to come and have my bath, so I climbed down from the windowsill, but not before taking one final glance at Hackett, who was still stood staring at the fading red light.
The next morning, I rushed to finish my breakfast so I could get out and meet with Caitlin. Mum had prepared me for the fact that she might be acting a little different today, showing off her friend to me, or maybe not wanting me to get too close to him. I had no interest in getting close to Chuck. In fact, I hoped he would have something more important to do than hang around with two twelve-year-old girls.
It was another hot day, and I wandered into the empty courtyard – neither my dad nor Hackett worked at the weekend. I looked and noticed that the hens were still in their coop; normally Josephine was up at the crack of dawn and would let them out before walking Pippy and Purdy. I could hear the hens scratching and making a bit of a hullabaloo, so I walked over to the coop and pulled the latch up. There were thirteen hens altogether and one cockerel, all different colours and sizes. They were all perched along the pole in the top section of the coop where they slept. I hadn’t known anything about hens before, but now I was learning so much, most importantly, how intelligent they were. And it was true what Josephine had said; I had made quite a connection with the one black hen. I had secretly named her Ivy.
I put my hand out and Ivy instantly jumped on it. I pulled her towards my chest and smoothed her sleek shiny feathers down. She settled into the crook of my arm as I watched all the other hens take off from the perch and land rather ungraciously around my feet. I knew I could give them a little morning treat before they went off scavenging for insects and clover.
‘Come on then, Ivy, shall we go and get you and your girls some mealworms, hey? That will be nice, won’t it?’ I walked up the steps, pushed open the boot-room door on my right and saw the tub of mealworms on the floor in the corner. I picked it up and trundled back into the porch, yanking the door shut with my foot.
I walked back down the steps with Ivy under one arm and the mealworms in my other hand. I popped Ivy down on the floor and opened the tub. Immediately, all the hens came scurrying over. I scooped out some mealworms and tossed them on the ground, then I picked some out and held my hand out to feed Ivy. She pecked at the grubs and I enjoyed the sensation of her hard little beak on the softness of my palm.
‘There we go. That’s a tasty morning treat, isn’t it, Ivy?’
‘Who’s Ivy?’ came a male voice behind me. I looked up the steps and saw the boy from last night that I knew had to be Chuck standing in the back doorway. His strawberry blonde hair was damp from a shower and he was wearing a crisp white T-shirt, blue shorts and blue boat shoes with no socks.
I looked away and back towards Ivy again. ‘She’s this black hen.’ I felt a surge of heat rise up my neck at the impromptu meeting with Caitlin’s friend that I’d heard so much about.
I heard Chuck walk down the steps and then he was at my side.
‘And did you name her?’
I could feel the words I wanted to say getting all jumbled in my mouth, so I just mumbled, ‘Yes.’
‘Cool,’ came Chuck’s response. I was surprised to see he was already crouching down next to me. ‘Can
I feed her?’ he asked.
I turned my head towards him. I could smell Timotei shampoo, which was what I used on my hair, and somehow, this small insignificant similarity cemented some kind of connection between us. I had built up an idea of Caitlin’s family and friends in my head, and it had been so far removed from my own way of life, but now that had been punctured slightly as I considered Chuck showering with the same brand of shampoo as me. Then I felt my face flush red as I realised that I had just thought about Chuck naked. Suddenly my thoughts felt so loud I was sure he could hear them.
I blew out a breath. My legs were aching from where I was crouching, but I was too nervous to fall to my knees or sit down, so I bore the pain. Chuck looked at me curiously.
‘Are you okay? You look a bit flushed.’
‘I’m just hot,’ I snapped back.
Chuck didn’t seem to hear or care about the tone in my voice. ‘Can I have some of those brown things then.’
‘They’re mealworms,’ I said, moving the tub towards him.
‘Meal-worms?’ he said, as if was trying out the words for the first time.
‘Yes. The hens love them, they’re full of protein.’
‘Right, okay, let’s give it a go then.’ He shoved his hand in the tub. ‘Eww, they’re all crunchy and cold.’
I found myself laughing, and my body relaxed. I let my legs fall to a side seated position.
‘Do you think she’ll let me feed her, your Ivy?’ Chuck said, and I felt a swell of happiness as he referred to her as mine. I knew Caitlin didn’t really care for the hens and so why couldn’t I claim this one feathered creature as my own? No one would have to know.
‘I’m sure she would, she’s very friendly. More so than the others.’
Chuck pulled out a handful of the mealworms and held his hand flat. Ivy trotted over and began pecking, and Chuck let out a small giggle.
‘Golly, what a most peculiar sensation,’ he said, letting out the most wholesome laugh I had heard since I had arrived here. And it was so infectious that I too started laughing. Because I had thought the same thoughts when I had fed the hens for the first time.
‘What on earth is so funny?’
I swung round at the sound of Caitlin’s voice. Chuck barely flinched.
‘Hi,’ I said, smiling up at her. She was wearing a white tennis skirt, T-shirt and headband. My eyes hurt a little to look at her in the bright light.
‘Caity, these hens are lovely. Why didn’t you tell me about the delightful little creatures?’ Chuck asked.
‘Because they’re boring.’ Caitlin crossed her arms tightly across her chest, her tennis racket stuck out at an awkward angle.
‘Not at all, I think I’ve found my new favourite pastime.’ Chuck stroked one of the hens.
‘Oh, do come on, Chuck – we’ll be late for tennis.’ Caitlin mooched over to the other side of the courtyard, swinging her racket.
‘Caitlin, haven’t you forgotten something?’ Chuck called over to Caitlin.
‘What?’ Caitlin turned around and looked our way.
‘Aren’t you supposed to introduce me to your friend?’
‘You both look perfectly well acquainted to me,’ she said and turned her head again.
‘Oh, Caity, come on, you sound a little jealous now,’ Chuck said, laughing at her. I was amazed by the audacity; I had never once dared to laugh at Caitlin.
Chuck looked at me. ‘I presume you are Sasha?’ He held out his hand, the one he had been feeding the hens with. I looked at it and laughed.
He looked down at it and snorted out a laugh. ‘Oh, sorry, mealworm remnants.’ He wiped his hand on his shorts. I laughed again, then panicked that I sounded like a silly giggly girl. I held my hand out too. He gave my hand a quick, light squeeze and let it go. The cool softness of his skin surprised me. I felt my cheeks redden again at our intimate moment.
‘Right, I’d better go and get to this tennis lesson, even though I’m poorly dressed for the occasion.’ Chuck ran his hand across his still damp hair. ‘Someone didn’t think to remind me to bring something sporty.’ He shouted the last sentence across the courtyard at Caitlin. He turned back to me. ‘It was nice to meet you, Sasha. Hopefully I’ll see you later.’
‘Yes, bye.’ I waved, and to my surprise, I found myself hoping that I would indeed see him again later.
I watched as Chuck trotted over to Caitlin and began saying something quietly to her, which made her raise her voice again to say, ‘I have to take this damn lesson, Chuck, Mama and Papa pay for it.’
Chuck said something else quietly again, and then Caitlin hollered over.
‘Come for a swim with us later, won’t you, Sasha?’
There was a strain in her voice, and I knew that Chuck had encouraged her to say it. But still, I felt that familiar swell of joy bubble up inside me, and I smiled and said, ‘Absolutely!’
I whiled away an hour or two back at the cottage, reading a few magazines and helping Mum ice a spiced honey cake for our afternoon snack. I didn’t want to admit to Mum that I had been dumped by Caitlin for Chuck, but her silence was entrenched with everything she wanted to say. A whole load of I-told-you-so’s, no doubt, if I had allowed her. But I also kept my mouth firmly shut. If the words weren’t spoken, then surely it wasn’t happening.
It was just before eleven when I wandered back across the driveway to the courtyard and saw Josephine a few feet in front of me, pulling out a few weeds from the flowerpots by the steps that led up to the back porch. Ava arrived at the bottom of the steps and something about the tone of her voice made me stop in my tracks. I was still close enough to the gate, so I sunk against the side of the metal, hoping I hadn’t been spotted. It took me a moment to realise that the tone of voice was coming from Josephine and not from Ava as I had suspected.
I watched as Ava, who was usually the one I avoided for fear of receiving a dressing down, physically shrank in front of Josephine. Josephine was holding a pair of secateurs and she raised them in front of her as she spoke. It was an action that looked threatening, and Ava stepped back, then turned to walk back up the steps, but not before she managed to clock me lurking at the gates. Josephine must have followed her gaze, because she turned, saw me, and dropped the secateurs back by her side. Her face erupted into a broad smile.
‘Ah, Sasha, come and tell me what you think of this verbena,’ she called over to me and then turned back to the pot, which was overflowing with pink and purple flowers. ‘I thought some for the dinner table might be nice. Do you agree?’
I walked over to Josephine, unsure of what to make of what I had just witnessed. A mother–daughter rift, perhaps? It had left an uncomfortable feeling in my tummy.
‘Very beautiful,’ I said as I approached, and Josephine seemed to look at me out of the corner of her eye.
‘I must thank you for letting the old girls out this morning.’ Josephine snipped a few sprigs of the verbena.
‘Yes. I saw they were still in their coop, so I let them out and fed them some mealworms.’
‘Yes, yes, you’re very good with them. A real natural. I’m afraid I slept in a while this morning, as I was a little worse for wear. Is that terrible of me?’ She stood up straight, perhaps too fast and stumbled slightly. I reached out and grabbed her arm, a reflex action. She looked at me with those kind eyes.
‘Oh dear, I’m quite delirious this morning. A good nap this afternoon will set me right. What a kind girl you are.’ The unsavoury feelings from moments ago were gone, as the Josephine I knew was back.
‘My dad sometimes feels like that after he’s been to the pub of an evening,’ I said, not knowing what else to say under the circumstances. It was rare that I would see an adult act out of sorts, and I had only seen Josephine together and competent.
Josephine laughed. ‘Yes, I don’t know why us adults do it to ourselves. I’ll maybe see you for afternoon tea, dear? You’ve met Chuck, haven’t you? There are a few cousins around too, I’m sure they’d like to meet you
.’ And with that, Josephine headed up the steps to the porch and in through the back door. She crossed paths with Ava who was once more coming down the other way. I felt my gut tighten and the niceness of the conversation with Josephine began to wilt away.
‘The house is rather busy today, Sasha. I do hope you’ll join in with the festivities – I know Caitlin would love to see you in the pool.’
I felt my mouth open, but no words came out. I had braced myself for Ava speaking to me in another way, a way that I didn’t have words to describe but which made my tummy feel funny and jiggly. Ava had a broad smile on her face that stretched from ear to ear. I wondered if she had been drinking sherry with her breakfast.
‘Run along and get your costume then. They’ll all be waiting for you.’ Ava gave two small claps with her hands, and I turned on my heel and rushed back to the cottage where I squeezed into my costume, which was getting a little tight for me now.
I put my goggles on my forehead and wrapped my towel around me, under my arms. I slipped my feet into my flip-flops and trundled back off to the main house. When I got to the courtyard, I carried on past the back door, along the small path that led to a gate, which would take me into the main garden and then round to the pool. I could already hear whoops of laughter and shouting as I emerged through the gate, and I felt a fizzing in my stomach, a mixture of nerves and excitement.
