He moved so fast she couldn’t breathe and his moan when he came had her shouting his name when she should not have. It was Jack finishing just as she started and he relished every pulse till she faded.
And afterwards he looked down at her, looked right into her eyes, that smile on his face that said I told you so and the crush she’d had on him since first they’d met was at dangerous levels now.
Nina didn’t really trust anyone and only a fool would trust Jack Carter with their heart and Nina certainly wasn’t a fool—she’d seen and experienced far too much of life.
He was dizzy when he climbed off and lay there for a minute. It was Nina who had a very clear head.
She was not going to let him know how she felt about him; she looked over to where he lay with his eyes closed and decided that she’d save that piece for herself, because he was going to hurt her.
She knew it.
In two days or two weeks he would be out of here, and the only way she could carry on working alongside him was if he didn’t know he had her heart. There was a very small part of her that pondered, that allowed herself to think, what if? Except it wasn’t just about the two of them—Nina came with rather more baggage than most.
‘Thank you for a lovely break.’ She smiled at him and kissed him. ‘And now I really do have to work …’
She really did.
But Nina stopped for a cry a little bit later, because more than anything in the world she wanted her brother and sister, but she’d have also liked a little time to herself, to have said yes to Jack and be going away for a weekend, to just warm herself in the full spotlight of being Jack Carter’s lover.
For however long it might last.
CHAPTER NINE
NINA HATED GOING to court.
No, Nina hated going to court.
She dressed in her one court outfit and took more care than usual with her hair. Not that it mattered, because it got flattened by her hat as she battled the freezing rain, and when she arrived there and changed from her boots into her shoes, she was reminded again why she hated it so.
There was a ton of work to do back in her office; there were clients she really needed to see, but instead she spent most of the day hanging around court and drinking way too much coffee. When her computer battery died Nina gave up trying to work and read out-of-date magazines, and joy of joys, there was that Christmas one with the Carters on the cover.
She read the article with new eyes now.
Tried not to compare her life to his.
They were lovely people and so was their home.
Anna Carter was a gracious host, she read, who happily showed the reporter around.
Was she jealous as she glimpsed the sumptuous home Jack had grown up in? Or was she just bitter when she read about this close-knit family? How Jack Senior loved nothing more than a round of golf with his sons and that, yes, Anna couldn’t wait until one of her sons gave her grandchildren, which was, she confided, the only thing missing in her very blessed life.
She shouldn’t be jealous, Nina reasoned. That wasn’t what she was about. She didn’t want those sorts of things and, after all, the Carters more than gave back, they were as well known for their charity work as they were for their jet-set lifestyle.
She didn’t know how she felt, didn’t know why looking at these photos angered her so much. Maybe it was just that she knew she wasn’t good enough? Nina had been told that plenty of times in her life, so why would should it be different now?
She felt her phone buzz in her coat, knew it was Jack.
How’s court?
Nina didn’t answer—after all, she could be in the courtroom now, she reasoned.
How are you?
Nina didn’t answer that question either—she simply didn’t know.
She’d gone into this thing with him completely aware it was temporary, had shielded herself with that—she just hadn’t expected to like him so much. Lust, yes, fancy, yes, but she actually liked him, and maybe she was just fooling herself, maybe it was how Jack played things, but she was actually starting to think that he really liked her, which would be nice and everything, except …
Her phone buzzed again, but it wasn’t Jack this time but Blake, reminding her that she was picking him up at five.
Yes, when she’d far rather be busy, Nina was forced to sit and examine her feelings, because even if Jack might have no intention of ending things any time soon, in just a little while there would be no question of her sleeping over at his place, or long conversations in nice restaurants. There wouldn’t even be late nights staying back at the office to catch up on the backlog of work. Instead it would be homework and netball and babysitters …
And as much as she wanted her brother and sister, Nina was honest enough to admit that it was going to hurt to give her freedom up, and that was while knowing how much she loved them.
Why on earth would Jack, who didn’t?
The fact-finding hearing finally commenced at two p.m. Nina was actually glad at the effort she had put into the addendum and a judge who listened, because a dispositional hearing was scheduled and Nina breathed a sigh of relief as she stepped out and rang the office with the news.
‘Are you coming back in?’ Lorianna asked.
‘I’ve got Blake this weekend,’ Nina said, ‘so it will all just have to wait till Monday.’
‘I don’t think Jack Carter can wait till then …’ Nina rolled her eyes as Lorianna teased, ‘He’s stopped by here twice, looking for you.’
‘To discuss Tommy.’ Nina was so not going to fan the gossip. ‘He starts his chemotherapy next week and I’m trying to arrange some accommodation nearby for the father.’
She wished Blake’s social worker had taken distance into consideration when they had placed Blake. He lived miles from her and, given that she didn’t have a car, the trip during peak hour on a Friday night took for ever, as it would when she took him back on Sunday.
She was being ungrateful, Nina thought as she trudged up the Deans’ garden path. They were lovely people and had been caring for Blake for the last four years and adored him.
Or had.
When their daughter had emigrated, the Deans had looked into fostering and for three years things had run smoothly. But since their daughter’s return from overseas and two new grandchildren to get to know, Blake seemed to be being pushed out more and more. When Nina arrived, Blake was in his room.
‘Hi, there, Nina!’ Dianne opened the door and invited her in. ‘I’ll call Blake, he’s up in his room.’
Nina stood a little awkwardly in the hallway as Dianne called up to Blake, and though she chatted and was friendly, Nina could hear the laughter and chat coming from the lounge room and knew that Dianne was itching to get back to her family.
‘It’s my grandson’s second birthday.’ Dianne smiled. ‘We’re just having a little party for him.’
‘That’s lovely.’ Nina also smiled.
And it was lovely and completely normal, but she ached for Blake as he came down the stairs. Of course Nina had her doubts at times, of course she questioned taking on so much responsibility, but the second she saw his face any doubts faded.
‘Hey, Nina …’ He was so pleased to see her and he asked Dianne if he could show Nina a new poster that he had in his room.
‘Why don’t you show me when I bring you back?’ Nina suggested, because she had that uncomfortable feeling that she and Blake were in the way.
She ached for him.
Ached because for the Wilson siblings love never quite made the distance. Instead, they were always having to make do with someone else’s crumbs.
Well, not for much longer.
‘Are you looking forward to seeing the new apartment?’ Nina asked as they trudged through the slush towards their new home. ‘I’ve got to set up your bed and furniture when we get in. Maybe you can help?’
‘I want to watch the game …’ Blake was ice-hockey mad, and tonight Nina was actually glad of it as she’
d get his room set up much more quickly on her own. ‘Can we get take-away?’ he asked for maybe the tenth time in as many minutes, refusing to let it drop when Nina said no. And as much as she enjoyed her access times, they were incredibly exhausting too. Nina wanted to be firm with him, but she didn’t want to spend the weekend arguing either, and of course she wanted to spoil him. It was conflicting and exhausting and she just wanted Blake properly in her life, not these alternate weekend vacations he expected.
She climbed the stairs to her apartment, Blake still moaning about dinner. She was already peeling off her hat and scarf when she saw Jack standing at her door, holding a bottle of wine.
‘What are you doing here?’
‘I came to talk to you.’
‘I told you I had Blake this weekend.’ She looked down at her brother, who was grinning up at Jack, and she was not going to discuss things in front of Blake.
‘Go inside, Blake.’ She turned the key and pushed open the door. ‘I’ll be inside in a moment.’ And then she remembered that Blake hadn’t been there before so she could hardly show him his new home by shoving him inside. Suddenly Nina knew how to sort this right here, right now, knew how to get Jack to leave. ‘Come in if you want to …’
She was incredibly annoyed that he did.
Blake raced around the apartment as Jack stood a little awkwardly. ‘This is your room,’ Nina said. ‘I’ll make up the furniture later. You go and have a wander around and get used to the place.’
She headed back to Jack.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said when they were alone. ‘I shouldn’t have just crashed in like that. I honestly thought when you said weekends that you meant Saturday.’
‘Nope,’ she said. ‘I have Blake two nights a fortnight and soon I’m hoping to make it fourteen.’
She was also incredibly annoyed about what his eyes suggested when she took off her coat and she stood in her court outfit, though it was a little less elegant as she’d changed into boots for the journey home.
‘How was court?’
‘Good,’ Nina said. ‘Well, there was a lot of hanging around. I read about you in a magazine, actually …’
‘Every word must be true, then.’
‘This one was devoid of scandal.’ She gave him a smile. ‘Your mum can’t wait to have grandchildren …’
‘Well, she can keep right on waiting.’
She heard the dismissal in his voice and again she was reminded about what she was dealing with.
‘Are you close to anyone?’
He just gave her a smile that spoke of the other night at the office.
‘I’m serious, Jack.’
‘As I’ve said before, there’s no such thing as a perfect family.’
‘What about your brother?’ Nina asked, but Jack shrugged.
‘There’s a six-year age difference.’
‘Same as there is with Janey and Blake,’ Nina said. ‘There’s an even bigger one between Janey and I.’
‘Which meant we didn’t see each other at school.’
‘What about at home?’
‘We went to boarding school.’ Jack knew his words didn’t quite wash, given how she fought so hard to unite her family. ‘They’re difficult people,’ Jack said.
‘Families are.’
Blake appeared then, asking again if they could get take-away.
‘I’ve already said no.’
‘I don’t mind going out to get something …’ Jack offered, and had no idea why it incensed her so much, had no idea Blake had been begging for it all the way home.
‘I’m making dinner,’ she said.
‘Is that an invitation to join you?”
‘It’s just pasta.’
‘Great.’
Nina slammed around her small kitchen as Jack sat on the sofa, chatting to Blake. She could hear them both laughing and it annoyed her further. ‘Jack!’ she called over her shoulder as she filled a large saucepan with water. ‘Can you come here for a moment?’
‘Sure.’
He came to the door.
‘Go easy on him.’
‘Sorry?’
‘Blake’s really needy …’ She was so angry that he’d turned up like this, because two minutes in it was clear Blake was already a huge Jack Carter fan. ‘Just don’t make any promises you can’t keep.’
‘Do you think I’m stupid?’
‘No,’ Nina answered tartly, ‘but we’re just friends if he asks.’
‘Really!’ Jack raised his eyebrows. ‘I told Blake I worked with you and had a patient that we needed to discuss, but I can upgrade us to friends if you like …’
‘Colleagues is fine.’
Trust Jack to have been one step ahead.
Except she didn’t trust Jack, because he was terribly easy to like, and from his past reputation terribly quick to leave.
So she made Blake’s favourite dinner, herb and breadcrumb pasta.
Quick, tasty, cheap and nothing at all like Jack was used to.
She melted the butter in a pan and added a couple of cups of breadcrumbs and then threw in a load of herbs and tried not to listen to the laughter from the lounge as she put the crumbs into the oven and added the pasta to the water.
He walked into the kitchen and searched for a corkscrew then handed her a glass of wine from the bottle he had brought.
She waited for him to kiss her, to be inappropriate, to cross the line, so she could ask him to leave, but he didn’t act inappropriately at all.
‘Can I help with anything?’
‘Hey, Jack …’ Blake called out from the lounge room. ‘They’re live from The Garden …’
‘No TV with dinner,’ Nina called.
‘Spoilsport.’
Yes, she was a spoilsport, she had to be. She drained the pasta and grated the cheese as Blake set up the table, and she added the herbed breadcrumbs and a load of Parmesan and then took the bowl out to the table.
‘Jack goes for the Islanders.’ Blake was delighted to have a rival right here in the room and Nina was furious with the schedulers too as she sliced garlic bread. Did tonight have to be the night that Blake’s team the New York Rangers clashed with the Islanders?
Of course she would have let Blake watch it. They would have been on the sofa, not at the table, if Jack hadn’t arrived.
‘Please …’ Blake begged.
‘Fine,’ Nina snapped, and on went the television again and off went the dinner from the table, Blake heaping his bowl and Jack too before heading for the sofa. A reluctant Nina joined them.
‘Garlic bread …’ She put the steaming plate onto the coffee table.
‘Not for me.’ Jack smiled. ‘I don’t want garlic breath.’
Very deliberately she took a piece. And another. She wanted her breath to stink for him and he knew it because he held his fingers in a cross and laughed at her efforts.
It was a brilliant game—possibly the best of the year.
It had sold out weeks ago. Nina knew that because she had been hoping to get tickets and take Blake, but not seeing it live was more than made up for that night.
At times Nina struggled with Blake’s needy, demanding ways and she wondered how long it would take Jack to tire of the constant questions, but tonight if anyone was noisy and excessive it was Jack, standing and shouting at the television at times, making Blake laugh at others. She stood in the kitchen, the popcorn popping in the microwave, feeling a lot like the chips she was spitting as a roar went up from the lounge.
‘Bite your lip!’ Jack shouted as a roar went up from the lounge and she heard Jack explaining illegal hits to Blake in a way Nina never had known how to—that if a player made another bleed, then it meant a longer penalty for the opposing team.
Blake was delighted!
In fact, every word Jack said seemed to have Blake fall in love with him just a little bit more.
‘I’m going to set up your room,’ Nina said, because she could not stand the adoration on Blake’s face. She had ho
nestly thought Jack wouldn’t come inside, or if he did that he’d clear off pretty quickly. Now, though, he’d won over another Wilson heart.
‘I can do that after the game.’ Jack stood in the doorway at the mid-game break and watched her angrily setting up the furniture.
‘He’ll need to go bed when the game’s finished,’ Nina said.
‘It will take me five minutes.’
‘You do a lot of DIY, do you?’
‘Fine,’ Jack said, ‘be a martyr.’
‘I’m not being a martyr. I’m just trying to set up his room.’
He didn’t get her problem. Jack was having a great evening and just didn’t know why it angered her so much, but he gave in then. ‘Look, sorry I invaded your time with Blake. I honestly had no idea that he’d be here tonight. My mistake. I can go if you want …’
‘You’re not invading my time with Blake, Jack. I don’t think you understand how messed up their lives have been, with people tripping in and out, each one promising that this time things will be different. I don’t want that for them here. I don’t want my personal life invaded.’
‘So you’re not going to have friends over or date or …?’ He shook his head, went to say something, but Blake called out from the lounge that the game was back on. When Jack headed out, Nina sat back on her heels because, no, she didn’t want to make up the bed and, no, she didn’t want to be a martyr to her brother and sister, but the last thing she wanted was to hurt them, and losing Jack would hurt.
Perhaps he truly didn’t see it.
Didn’t fully realise the effect he had on her, the effect he was having on Blake—that if he appeared too long in their lives, it would hurt when he left.
But right now the best she could do was enjoy tonight, so she headed out, sat on the couch next to him and tried to simply live in the here and now, which was actually a very nice place to be, because even when Blake’s team lost, he told her he’d still had the best night.
‘I’d better go,’ Jack said, after he’d finished setting up Blake’s room.
‘No!’ said Blake.
Yes, thought Nina as she walked Jack to the door, but of course Blake didn’t want him to leave.
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